June 20, 2010

What a Screaming A-Hole is Rush

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion — Tags: , , , , , — RS Janes @ 5:44 pm

Just as an unrequested addendum to Bob Patterson’s fine article below, here’s what spoiled rich boy Rush posted on his website along with his diatribe mocking poor kids.


Somehow ‘screaming a-hole’ just isn’t strong enough for this arrogant lowlife bastard. I wonder if his working-class and barely white-collar listeners, most of them one paycheck away from abject poverty themselves, really think crap like this is funny -– making fun of poor people’s kids? Some of their kids are no doubt taking advantage of free school lunch programs, too — I wonder if they make the connection?

Not that many Dittoheads ever heard of Anatole France, but they might recognize Rush’s demented philosophy in this quote:

“The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.”

France also wrote this line that applies to Rush’s audience:

“It is better to understand little than to misunderstand a lot.”

Didn’t Jean Valjean know about dumpster diving?

Filed under: Guest Comment — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 4:35 pm

Connoisseurs of symbolism were delighted to see that Rush Limbaugh’s suggestion that hungry kids should resort to dumpster diving came at the same time as when progressive websites were struggling with fund raising efforts. Starving for food or money? Rush will laugh at either predicament and urge his listeners to chortle along with him.

On the one hand millionaires make sure that their puppet spokesman has a lavish lifestyle in return for convincing the voters that more tax cuts for the rich are the humane thing to do, while on the other hand, people who want the public to be informed about home foreclosures, reduced social services, and oil spills are foraging for funds to sustain their efforts to suggest that maybe corporations (since they are now considered “persons”) should pay taxes just like their workers do.

(Has the Billionaires for Bush organization changed their name to Billionaires for Obama, yet? A bit of fact checking reveals that their website has not been updated since the 2008 Presidential election was held.)

Would it be overdoing sarcasm to call the hawkish corpulent conservative Christian spokesman by the code name used to designate one of the atomic bombs dropped on Japan?

The fact that what the fat man said was the antithesis of what Christ taught but that Rush’s holds a great appeal for Christians might baffle some folks attempting to analyze Limbaugh’s popularity. It’s as if dittowers and the dittowettes were enthusiastic members of the Unquestioning Dimwits’ Club.

When this columnist was in parochial grade school, one of the nuns told about a group of people who would torment the Christians being led to the Coliseum. According to her, there were some of the tormentors who got so involved in the vitriol that they didn’t notice that the Roman soldiers had let the harassers enter the “green room” with the condemned. The soldiers considered that a bit of rowdy and raucous humor. The folks, who were the targets for the joke, apparently didn’t leave posterity any reaction quotes.

If any tea bagger has a home that goes into foreclosure, they might get an inkling of how the duped Roman hecklers felt.

Anyone who joins in Rush’s ridicule of the hungry should keep the anecdote about duped Romans in mind because if they ever fall on hard times, they would be well advised to not expect any sympathy or help from the Excellence in Broadcasting staff and management.

In the book “Seven Pillars of Wisdom,” T. E. Lawrence notes that in a desert caravan, if someone falls behind the pack or got lost, the leader won’t stop or turn around or make any attempt to find the stray. Same rules apply when you throw your lot in with El Rushbo.

For Rush aren’t yachts like food? If you have to ask “How much is it?;” you can’t afford it!

Has any of America’s most prominent clergy chastised the man, who has just taken the “until death do we part” vow for the forth time, for his attitude which would fall short of the old “whatever you do to the least of my brethren” frame of mind urged by Christ? Of course not! They would no more criticize the patron saint of gluttony than they would give teabaggers the “don’t take your gun to town” advice.

Didn’t Ernest Hemingway say something about the pigeons of Paris sustaining him and his wife during the “starving artist” phase of his writing career?

In the book “Paris-Underground,” an American, Etta Shiber, describes life in Paris before and after the USA entered WWII. Ms. Shiber was given passage back to the United States as part of a prisoner exchange in 1943.

At one point, after Ms. Shiber gets out of prison, she asks her landlord about her dogs. On page 382 (Charles Scribner’s Sons hardback), she is told: “I don’t know if you noticed, Madame. There isn’t a dog in Paris any more. When there isn’t even enough to eat for human beings, what can you do about dogs?”

Mrs. Shiber then asks about the possibility her dogs were used as food and is given a vehement denial. The landlady does add: “I tell you, there are people who ate their dogs.” Wouldn’t that passage send Rush into hysterical laughter?

That opens up a whole new aspect for Uncle Rushbo’s brand of sick humor. Will America’s favorite “news man” soon be reminding the Democrats, after their unemployment checks run out, of the oriental wisdom: “Black dog tastes best!”?

(Would Lenny Bruce be proud of Rush Limbaugh’s efforts to revive and carry on the tradition of “sick humor”?)

Does Rush’s Florida seaside mansion have a vomitorium or would that be too decadent even for him? Will Rush hold a “tar balls arrive” fundraiser at his place for the good Republican candidates who apologize to BP? He will laugh off the arrival at his pad of the oil slick, won’t he? Shouldn’t the oil slick’s arrival make him laugh just as much as Jean Valjean’s prison sentence did?

How long will it be before Uncle Rushbo plays the “pile of little arms” speech from “Apocalypse Now” and adds his own laugh track?

Can a Christian minister preach the principles advocated by the Prince of Peace and still expect to get an invitation to the White House at Christmas time? If they are aware of the folk wisdom: “Ya gotta go along to get along!;” they’ll keep their mouths shut.

Speaking of misguided religious principles, this writer expects to do a column about the new book “God and His Demons” and a public appearance in Berkeley later this week by the author of that book.

Somewhere this columnist ran across a quote wherein a rich lady was reminded of the plight of the hungry to which she replied: “Well, why don’t they ring the bell?” She was referring to the servant’s bell which would summon a butler who would be assigned the task of fetching a meal from the kitchen. It’s that easy for the rich. We couldn’t find the source of that quote online. Shouldn’t that quote and the source be available on Jon Winokur’s twitter page?

A boy who is rumored to be the grandson of Eisenhower’s ambassador to India and who, according to unsubstantiated internet scuttlebutt, got his first gig as a disk jockey soon after his family bought a radio station, would just naturally assume that a well stocked refrigerator is as ubiquitous in American homes as is indoor plumbing. Such a lad might sound a bit disingenuous if he touted the philosophy of self reliance. Roger that, dittoheads?

We’ll use an ending quote that has an easier to identify source. In “Oliver Twist,” Charles Dickens wrote the line: “Please, sir, I want some more.” Will Uncle Rushbo add T-shirts with that quote to the page on his website that offers online huckstering? Did he or did he not realize that his line about dumpster diving would inevitably lead to comparisons to the “beat ‘em and starve ‘em” philosophy in “Oliver Twist”?

Now the disk jockey will play “Big Rock Candy Mountain,” Roger Miller’s “Dang Me,” and “Delicious” done by Jim Backus and friend. We gotta go work off a few excess calories. Have an “all you can eat” type week and, if you can, donate some money to web sites that are trying to refute the millionaire misanthrope. Maybe the next time it’s your turn to buy a round of drinks at the country club, you can get a laugh by telling your buddies what you did with the money in lieu of taking your turn.

May 20, 2010

Right-Wingers: Make Money With Your Mouth – The I.B.A. Way!


April 3, 2010

Young Rush: Talent On Loan From Space?



March 27, 2010

The Tattlesnake – What Would They Have to Say? Edition

What would the right-wing bloviators have to babble before their core audiences said, “that’s over the line”?

Would Rush Limbaugh have to say: “Why should some poor working stiff nobody cares about have the same vote as me? I’m an important, influential multi-millionaire who owns a $44 million estate in Florida with 5 swimming pools and a $14 million apartment in New York City and yet I only get a single vote. That’s wrong. I’m rich, so naturally I’m better than you, so I should get something like 100,000 votes to the single vote of some dumb middle-class slob, like the idiots who listen to my show! That’s only fair! For that matter, why should some dope who makes below a million per even get a vote?”

Would Glenn Beck have to say: “We have to get rid of these evil progressive programs like Social Security and Medicare. If grandma and grandpa are poor or sick and dying, well, they’ve had a good life – let them die or kill themselves and get out of the way to make room for the future! Why should my tax money go to keep your grandparents alive? That’s communist socialism, folks, and we can’t have it here in the free-market capitalist Christian America I love! Hey, it’s a fact: Jesus hated the poor and loved the rich – just like me! If you aren’t rich then your proper place is to be a slave and do what you’re told by those who are – it says so in the Bible and the Constitution if you read them right!”

Would Bill O’Reilly have to say: “I don’t care, frankly, if I’m completely wrong about some historical event, if it helps me make my point. As long as I believe it and you believe it, who cares? I’m not some wimpy historian and I’m not in the business of telling you the truth. I mold opinions, even if they are usually based on pure crap I make up or something my employers tell me to say for political reasons. Facts are vastly overrated; it’s faith and ratings that count!”

Would Sean Hannity have to say: “Sure, I lied about where those donations to my college fund for the kids of dead veterans were going; it’s true, only about ten percent actually went to the families of military personnel killed overseas. So? I have a high-overhead life, folks, and I’m sure if those dead peasants – uh – vets were alive to say it, they’d tell you that they’d want your donations to go to keeping me and my family traveling in style. C’mon, I’m a TV star – these guys were little nobody’s! What, am I supposed to fly Business Class or even – ack! – Coach for this friggin’ charity? What are you, nuts?!? I’m a Republican – I’m in it for the money, people!”

Would Michael Savage have to say: “You know why I’m doing this, my friends? Because I failed at being a hippy-dippy herbal medicine and homeopathic healing book author. That’s right, I was as liberal as they come back then and called myself ‘Dr. Michael Weiner,’ but I couldn’t rub two dimes together. Ha, ha, I swam naked with homo beat poet Allen Ginsberg – did you know that? Then I noticed all the loot Limbaugh was raking in from you ultra-conservative bozos and jumped on the gravy train. So I changed my name and thought up the most outrageous, disgusting political stuff I could and here I am – rich and almost king of the hill! I don’t believe a word I say but I get a damn good laugh that you do! Hey, and I voted for Obama! Ha, ha, ha, ha!”

Would Neal Boortz have to say: “My fellow patriots, I have a lovely family, but you know what really gets me off? Sex with animals, particularly sheep. There’s nothing like a warm sheep to keep you company at night – why, I’ve even installed a small stable on the second floor of my mansion just to be near Maizie, one of my special favorites. It’s okay, my wife understands completely – I’ve even introduced her to a very handsome horse named Oater to see if she’d like to ‘go for a ride,’ if you know what I mean.”

© 2010 RS Janes.

March 14, 2010

How Limbaugh Lives

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion,Toon — Tags: , , , , , , , , — RS Janes @ 6:43 am



March 1, 2010

Biff Backside — Climate Change Denier

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion,Toon — Tags: , , , , , — RS Janes @ 4:34 pm


February 11, 2010

Beck is Just Asking Questions?

Six Dead, Scores Injured at Manhattan Theater

Talk Show Host Glenn Beck Questioned in Wild Riot

By Wendell Swynn
The New York Post-American
February 11, 2010

NEW YORK – Police are still investigating who or what caused a panicked mêlée Wednesday night at The Public Square Theater in downtown Manhattan that killed six and sent at least twenty-five to the hospital, but senior NYPD sources close to the investigation say that Glenn Beck, a Fox News cable channel talk show host, is now a ‘person of interest’ and undergoing intensive interrogation.

Suspicion has centered on Mr. Beck as several eyewitnesses reported the controversial television host stood up and began shouting ‘fire’ midway through a showing of the Michael Moore film, “Capitalism: A Love Story.”

“I saw him, he was down front,” said Mr. Horace Nubbin, a Brooklyn cabdriver, referring to Mr. Beck, “and he jumped up suddenly and started yelling the place was on fire. I just grabbed my kids and ran, along with hundreds of other people.”

Venola Gaye, a waitress from Queens, described the ensuing fracas, “People were just trampling each other trying to get to the exits – it was horrible, the theater was packed. Me and my family were lucky – we were in the seats in back, so we got out easy. What was this guy thinking? Did he think this was some big joke or something?”

Before being taken into custody, Mr. Beck admitted to reporters that he shouted ‘fire,’ but said it was only meant as a question. “You know, it was like, ‘are you ready for a fire?’ or speculating, ‘what if we had a fire started by city inspectors for some reason’ or ‘what if the management of the theater lit the place on fire for the insurance money?’ You know, I’m just a rodeo clown and I say what’s on my mind. I can’t help it if some people don’t get the context or whatever. I was just posing possibilities and asking questions.”

But witnesses disagree. Mr. Euell Doonce from Long Island, who was sitting a row behind Mr. Beck, said, “He was mumbling something low and inaudible but when he said ‘fire’ he screamed it at the top of his lungs, several times.” His wife Umelda, also a witness, added, “There’s no doubt he started this panic. This wiseacre ought to be thrown in jail.”

At press time, authorities had not determined whether Mr. Beck would be charged, but various witnesses reported that Mr. Beck was sitting with two men who were also yelling ‘fire’ in unison with Mr. Beck. It’s been alleged that the pair were radio talker Rush Limbaugh and Fox News host Sean Hannity. Both men are being sought by police for questioning.

January 25, 2010

Rush or Rusha?


January 2, 2010

Limbaugh’s ‘Divine’ Sex Change

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion,Toon — Tags: , , , , — RS Janes @ 6:40 am


December 31, 2009

The Tattlesnake – Odd Quotes at Year’s End Edition

Random blips on the mental radar selected randomly, with commentary in brackets:

“One of the very difficult parts of the decision I made on the financial crisis was to use hardworking people’s money to help prevent there to be a crisis.”
– George W. Bush, Jan. 12, 2009. [Translation to English from Bushspeak: 'I used your money to bailout my family and wealthy friends on Wall Street and in banking because my administration didn't do its job of properly regulating them.']

“Um, you guys said that we, um, did this for the show.”
– Falcon “Balloon Boy” Heene, to his parents during a TV interview, Oct. 15, 2009. [This should be the motto of the Republican Party.]

“I think we all have a screw loose in this business.”
– Kyra Phillips, inadvertently speaking the truth on CNN, Oct. 9, 2009. [This should be the motto of the US national media.]

“Give me a waterboard, Dick Cheney, and one hour, and I’ll have him confess to the Sharon Tate murders.”
– Jesse Ventura, former MN Gov. and Navy SEAL, on CNN, May 11, 2009.
[This line should be emblazoned across the bottom of the screen every time a clip of Cheney speaking is shown.]

“I don’t know anything about cars.”
– Edward E. Whitacre, Jr., when he took over as CEO of GM, June 9, 2009. ['Gee, how could we be going bankrupt?']

“You can’t convince me that the founding fathers wouldn’t allow you to secede.”
– Glenn Beck, April 14, 2009. [They might make an exception in Beck's case.]

“So you need to get deep into why he is what he is, instead of just saying, ‘Well, he’s a homosexual so how do I handle him, and how do I be Christian?’ Well, I think you ought to tell him, ‘Listen, son, you know, here’s what the Bible says about this, and it’s called an abomination before God, so I’ve got to tell you the truth because I love you.’ That’s what I think.”
– Pat Robertson’s advice to the parents of a gay son, on CBN’s “The 700 Club” June 9, 2009. [Right after this broadcast, Pat ordered out for a BLT.]

“An Inuit hunter asked the local missionary priest: ‘If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?’ ‘No,’ said the priest, ‘not if you did not know.’ ‘Then why,’ asked the Inuit earnestly, ‘did you tell me?’”
– Annie Dillard

“Ted Kennedy’s dad, by the way, Joe Kennedy, sympathetic to Hitler, sympathetic to the Nazis.”
– Rush Limbaugh, as quoted by Simon Maloy at Media Matters’ LimbaughWire, Aug. 8, 2009. [George W. Bush's grandfather, Prescott Bush, helped finance the Nazis even after WWII began, and was forced by the US government to stop. Whatever Joe Kennedy's sympathies, he never contributed financial backing to Hitler's Third Reich.]

“The Army, the Marines do not have uniforms that fit that big an ass.”
–The always classy Limbaugh again, commenting on Hillary Clinton, Sept. 22, 2009, also via Media Matters. [This from the manly Lard Lad whose 'anal cyst' was too big to allow him to wear the uniform.]

“Nearly half of all US children, including an overwhelming majority of black children, will eat meals at some point during their childhood paid for by food stamps, an indicator of poverty, a study showed Monday.”
AFP, “Half of US kids depend on food stamps during childhood: study,” Nov. 2, 2009. The study was done by the American Medical Association’s Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine. [Out of a population of about 300 million, 66 million Americans now collect food stamps, a record high number. Nearly 50 percent of US children need food stamps to eat regularly.]

“The urgent necessity is to make a decision — whether or not it is right.”
– David Broder’s sage advice to Obama on Afghanistan, proving once again why Uncle Fudd is the dean of doomed Washington punditry, from the Washington Post, Nov. 13, 2009. [Say, Dave, if your life were on the line, would you be this cavalier about whether Obama's decision was wrong or right?]

“The white Christian heterosexual married male is the epitome of everything right with America!”
– Michael Savage, from his radio show June 17, 2009, as quoted by Media Matters. [Okay, so when does the former Michael Alan Weiner come out of the closet?]


December 19, 2009

The Tattlesnake – The Political Good, Bad and Ugly Edition

Good: Your husband has decided to get more involved in
local politics.
Bad: He’s running for congress as a conservative Republican.
Ugly: He’s Karl Rove.

Good: Your wife just got a great-paying job.
Bad: She’s on Fox News.
Ugly: After fifteen years of marriage, you never knew she was a wingnut.

Good: Your 22-year-old daughter just announced she’s marrying the man of her dreams.
Bad: He’s old enough to be her grandfather.
Ugly: He’s Mitch McConnell.

Good: Your 21-year-old son’s new book is about to be published.
Bad: It’s a biography of George W. Bush.
Ugly: He’s started talking like him.

Good: Your wife buys a new hat for her birthday.
Bad: It has teabags hanging off the brim.
Ugly: They’ve all been used.

Good: The recently discovered Bush emails prove conclusively that Bush, Cheney, Rove, et al, committed high crimes while in office.
Bad: Holder’s Justice Department refuses to prosecute them.
Ugly: Obama excuses them by saying, “Anyone could make a mistake.”

Good: You laugh at an Andy Borowitz satire about Glenn Beck ‘editing’ and releasing an ‘abridged’ version of “1984″ wherein Big Brother’s name is replaced by Obama’s.
Bad: Turns out it’s not an Andy Borowitz satire.
Ugly: The MSM quote from the book as if it were George Orwell’s original version.

Good: Your daughter just got a new job.
Bad: She’s working for Bill O’Reilly.
Ugly: She just bought a case of loofahs.

Good: Your son just got a new job.
Bad: He’s working for FreedomWorks.
Ugly: He’s Dick Armey’s ‘butt boy.’

Good: You just got a tenured job at a university.
Bad: You’re teaching ‘Creation Science.’
Ugly: At Messiah College.

Good: The ideas of Tom Paine are being discussed on TV.
Bad: By Glenn Beck on Fox News.
Ugly: Beck has made liberal agnostic Paine into a far-right Christian fanatic just like himself.

Good: Your son has been signed to star in a major motion picture.
Bad: It’s “The Life of Rush Limbaugh.”
Ugly: He was hired due to his strong resemblance to the subject.

Good: You’ve accepted a $50,000 speaking gig.
Bad: At the next CPAC convention.
Ugly: Your topic is “The Incredible Genius of Sarah Palin.”

Good: You’re not feeling well and your friend says he will find you a good doctor.
Bad: You’re flat broke.
Ugly: Your friend is Joe Lieberman.

© 2009 RS Janes.

December 15, 2009

A Tale Told By More Than One Idiot


“Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.”

– William Shakespeare, “Macbeth,” Act 5, Scene 5.

November 29, 2009

Thank You, Rush!


November 20, 2009

Chickenhawks (Not) at War


November 17, 2009

The Tattlesnake – Palin: the GOPs Political Poison Pill Edition

“Her agenda was not necessarily to show me in the best light.”
– Sarah Palin to Oprah Winfrey, complaining about Katie Couric’s 2008 interview that revealed her to be an uninformed pageant sash, as quoted at NBC’s Today Show website, Nov. 16, 2009.

As this quote shows, Sarah Palin still has no idea what the role of the news media is in a Jeffersonian democracy, apparently believing that reporters should have the ‘agenda’ of lobbing affable Wiffle balls that make her look good rather than exposing a candidate’s fitness for office. That she was so vexed by Couric’s mild inquiries – asking her what she reads, for instance, becoming in Palin’s mind a ‘gotcha’ question without parallel – and then whining to Oprah that she had just been ‘pumped up’ by walking a rope line of enthusiastic followers only to encounter the bummerooski of Katie the ‘Perky One’ with microphone and camera ready to pounce on her with school-test interrogations suited to a spiteful teacher – well, it was just too much to bear!

This, then, is the Beauty Pageant Contestant (BPC) view of the world; you memorize certain attractive-sounding answers, such as advocating world peace or groceries for the hungry, and it’s not fair of the judges to delve into what particular set of policies you would promote to achieve those goals. Isn’t it enough that you have shown yourself to be a really good caring ‘people person’ by just desiring such cures for the world’s ills?

In the same way, Palin thought it was sufficient that she merely presented herself as informed on a daily basis by newspapers and magazines without actually having to bother to learn some by name or talk knowledgeably about their contents. Isn’t it enough that she said she reads all that intellectual stuff, for Pete’s sake? Hey, Real America doesn’t care – they’re too busy shooting wolves from circling Cessnas.

She showed a similar BPC understanding of the law in the campaign of 2008 when she failed to come up with any Supreme Court decision other than Roe v. Wade that entered her memory – but, then, come on — a real leader can always call on her staff to review such inane details for her, as befits a princess with a yen for higher office, such as Ms. Vice President of America.

As for calling Couric ‘The Perky One’ – the giddy Sarah often gives irony a hernia from too much stress, but this was an entry worthy of an Olympic record.

The late Kurt Vonnegut would have heartily appreciated the alternately peevishly snippy and wholesome Hockey-Mom vacuity of Sarah Palin. The Tattler can picture him with his kindly grin, the world-weary eyes twinkling in satirical amusement, a Pall Mall with a droopy ash poised in mid-air, observing one of his more incongruous characters come to life and dominating the American political landscape – always slightly absurd, now keeled over into open farce — promulgated by a national news media that is no longer paid to tell the difference.

For incongruity is the Barracuda’s calling card – she supports the infallible efficacy of sexual abstinence for teens while her own 16-year-old daughter swells in unwed pregnancy; she bleats about clean government while papering over her own administration’s manifold corruptions; she assaults small-minded cruelty while delivering velvet-gloved blows to those who dare criticize her; she talks of lofty Christian ideals while she’s perpetually immersed in petty paybacks; she decries government bailouts while the citizens of her home state accept nearly twice as much in federal money than they pay in taxes; she insinuates darkly of the evils of socialism and nationalization while Alaska annually divides its energy wealth equally among its inhabitants; she natters on about responsibility while refusing to own up to her own mistakes; she deplores politicians abusing their power while she used her office to settle personal scores; she hails freedom while sentencing other members of her gender to do without it; she supports the troops while wanting to prolong their agony in lost wars; she respects tough people who stay in the race, and then quits halfway through her stint as Alaska’s governor when either her ambition or her malfeasance, or both, catch up with her. Most of all, she admires honesty while practicing its opposite, either the result of intentional deception or the BPC’s natural tendency to slap sweet frosting on the ugly realities of human existence, especially when those realities are embedded in one’s own character.


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