BartBlog

September 17, 2007

Where Eagles Dare

Filed under: Guest Comment,Uncategorized — Twisted_Colour @ 6:24 am

Once again our valiant, spartanesque friends from the “Gathering of Eagles” have descended upon the capital to stage a Rourke’s Drift like defence of the memorials to the noble fallen of noble wars like Vietnam or the Philippines (circa Spanish-American war). Their single-minded defence of these sites from the dirty, islamocommie nogoodniks who wish to embolden the enemy by reducing America’s need to build more memorials, serves as a sign to the world that there are some things in America that will never change; America will always have those patriotic souls who are willing to sacrifice themselves by stepping to the fore and hurling abuse at peace activists during a time of war.

James Wolcott on FREDERICK of HOLLYWOOD®

Filed under: Guest Comment,Uncategorized — JosephEBacon @ 6:18 am

http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/blogs/wolcott/2007/09/future-presiden.html

Future President of Petticoat Junction Seeks Florida Fun

Sopping up gravy wherever he goes, Republican hopeful Fred Thompson pays his respects to the good people gathered around the filling station.

“It’s good to be back among neighbors,” he said. “You know, in Tennessee, every time I had a day or two I always would try and find an excuse to get down to Florida. Well, it looks like I found a pretty doggone good one. I’m going to be down here a whole lot.”

One wonders why the former Senator from Tennessee was always itching so bad to get down to Florida. It’s not as if Tennessee and Florida are right next door to each other; it’s not a brief commute. Given my extensive reading of John D. MacDonald’s Travis McGee novels, where rich women with coral toenails hide their inscrutable pasts and bitter sorrows behind tinted sunglasses as their nymphomaniac stepdaughters go missing, I have a fair idea of what might have been enticing the Fredmobile southward on the flimiest of excuses, but it would be imprudent to speculate further. I do think it’s fair to speculate how long someone with Thompson’s history as a politician, lobbyist, and film-TV actor can get by with this Goober-Gomer “doggone” shtick. It’s true that Reagan had his folksy side, complete with cheeks that blushed like painted roses, but he also delivered fully-rounded speeches with rhetorical bridges and perorations; he didn’t just show up as if to shuck corn. I will say this, though: Thompson’s somewhat lackadaisacal lope is a smart counterfoil to Mitt Romney’s executive-vampire zeal and glinty opportunism–maybe it takes a real fake to show up a fake fake. Thompson at least seems to be composed of organic material; Romney is pure vinyl exterior down to the empty core.

September 13, 2007

Arnold ready to veto California Health Care Reform

Filed under: Guest Comment — JosephEBacon @ 5:58 pm

Well, Ah-Nold is getting ready to screw California voters once again. Just as he vetoed single-payer last year, Arnold is showing his true colors again as he prepares to veto the latest comprehensive health care reform passed by the California legislature

Here’s some detailed information from the AFL-CIO blog:

The bill addresses several parts of California’s struggling health care system—including expanding coverage to millions of residents and requiring employers and the government to join workers in paying for care.

(more…)

March 2, 2007

Ye Olde Scribe Presents: Potluck!

Filed under: Guest Comment — Ye Olde Scribe @ 7:54 am

In churches across the country, the faithful, and those who pretend to be, often gather with Aunt Zelda’s “gag me with a HUGE spork” coffee cake and Uncle Buck’s Venison Stew (Always quite crunchy: now with extra buckshot) for a potluck. That’s what we will do this week… Scribe potluck, a little bit this, a little bit of that, and extra something no one dares mention. For our new readers, at Bartcop.com, be aware… this is not your usual Scribe column; although his columns are mostly humor-based. Scribe just decided to give you a little taste of a few of his entrees. Don’t forget to wipe the tears of laughter, or disgust, when you’re done: unless you’re like the little spoiled brat, dictator wannabe: King Junior, who HAS TO wear a bib when he eats….

Open wide, Junior! Here come the Saudi flown airplanes!

-First Murderous Laura

First up on our plate, served up hot and spicy…

Real, Yet Unbelievable, News

“Almost as unbelievable as all the %$#@ Anna Nicole Smith coverage.”

Authorities in the Nigerian village of Isseluku arrested a man for killing his brother in September, but the man insisted he had only tried to move a goat from his farm, but… when it wouldn’t move he hit it with an ax, at which point it turned into his brother.

From Chuck Sheperd’s News of the Weird

(Yos- If he were one of Junior’s kin the media would be making up excuses, or blaming the axe. If he were Biggus Dickus his brother would have to apologize from the grave… and, amazingly, he would: but sound a hell of a lot like Rabid Rove.)

Next, another…

Incredibly Short, Short, VEEEEEEEEEERRRRRY Short Story
“Using fiction and farce for fun and frivolity.”

When they had whipped around Earth faster than a hungry 5 year old sucks up ice cream, they beamed down into the year 2007. They had found out, through a recently discovered archive, that Enterprise had had a part in stopping the Third World War, the one that started with King Junior pretending to attack Afghanistan…

…in reaction to 9/11, and ended when the president whom folks in Kirk’s time referred to as “El STUPIDO” was about to get his orders from the evil, malfunctioning, inhuman contraption that was about to order him to drop “the big one,” several times, on Iran.Now it’s a fact, except in really bad SF stories, NO ONE ever says, “Take me to your leader.” It’s tacky. It’s a cliche’. Besides, they KNEW that America was actually being led by something else… something cold… impersonal… and they knew exactly where it was on this day, this time. They had no problem finding the device that moved around… occasionally for “security reasons,” but was once again was hunkered down deep in that bunker where it was often kept.

They phasered their way into the bunker, and past all guards, and then came face to face with the monstrosity. Knowing how he had solved this conundrum before through the creative use of paradox, he had already decided to keep throwing somewhat obvious, yet true, paradoxes at the malfunctioning thing; believing it would eventually destroy the nasty, cruel device.

His last paradox was…

“If you follow logic, then you know that the British leaving is a sign of failure.”

The heartless thing spoke, as always, in a hideous monotone…

“Sign of success.”

“Success? If that were true, and you really want to win and not ‘embolden’ the enemy, you would have these successful soldiers help you with the rest of the country.”

“That would be… sign of failure.”

“But it would lead to success….”

Then to Spock he said, “Stand back. All the paradoxes it has created by its very existence will make it implode now.”

Nothing happened.

“Damn it Spock; it has always worked before…”

“Captain, that’s because you’re talking to Dick Cheney, better known in our time as ‘Biggus Dickus.’ We’ll have to short circuit the heart of the thing instead. It was called a ‘pacemaker.’ Please be careful, Captain. Stand back and avoid the appendage holding the archaic weapon they called a ’shotgun’ while I do this…”

And, finally, another edition of…

Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam
“Those grand times when Monty Python-ish humor and the net meet.”

From one of Scribe’s readers in NY, NY…

SUPERTELEVANGELISTIC SEX-AND-DRUGS PSYCHOSIS

Parody of “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” (Sherman/Sherman)

Lyrics by M. Spaff Sumsion

PERFORMED BY ROBERT LUND

I used to be a master of the anti-gay crusade
Until a butch disaster blew my pastor masquerade
But if it’s true I’m pounding more than pulpits, don’t blame me
It’s ’cause I caught my hooker-tweaker-stud’s infirmity

It’s
Supertelevangelistic sex-and-drugs psychosis
Worse than plague and bird flu crossed with osteoporosis
We were playing doctor and he gave this diagnosis:
Supertelevangelistic sex-and-drugs psychosis

Umm Haggard Bakker Swaggart umm Tammy Faye
Umm Haggard Bakker Swaggart umm Tammy Faye

I found the perfect therapist – the kind that gives massage
I like to drive my Escort and I park in his garage
I swear he only serves me crank when all his Coke is gone
And then he helps me straighten out my Peter, James, and John

Blame
Supertelevangelistic sex-and-drugs psychosis
That’s my greatest guilty pleasure next to Guns N’ Roses
Good thing there’s no ban on it in all the books of Moses
Supertelevangelistic sex-and-drugs psychosis

Umm Haggard Bakker Swaggart umm Tammy Faye
Umm Haggard Bakker Swaggart umm Tammy Faye

It seems all pious public figures bugger on the sly
But Jesus loved republicans and sinners; so must I
Say “Holy moley, Mister Foley! That boy’s underage!”
But I believe the congressman has turned another page

Oh!
Supertelevangelistic sex-and-drugs psychosis
Next time, better cut me off at handshakes and Mimosas
No more meth or men for me (at least in overdoses)!
Supertelevangelistic sex-and-drugs psychosis!

February 28, 2007

Why I don’t support Hillary, right now, almost two years away from the primaries.

Filed under: Guest Comment — PeninsulaJim @ 11:38 am

I look for three things from my presidential candidates. 1) I want a candidate to show leadership, 2) I want a candidate who understands that he/she represents PEOPLE and not dead presidents, and 3) I want a candidate who is capable of reacting to real time facts, and not constrained by imaginary precedents.

By leadership, I’m talking about a candidate who understands that politicians are not elected to command, but to serve. However, political leadership understands that the best policy is not necessarily the policy that people currently think they want. When a politician is confronted with segregated schools, and Jim Crow laws, said politician must understand what it will take to turn the public perceptions around. I don’t want a politician who will accept those evil standards because doing otherwise will risk re-election and financial contributions.

Hillary has failed the leadership test by voting to authorize Bush’s reckless adventurism in the face of a legitimate enterprise to scrub Afghanistan of Al Qeada killers. Whether or not she believed the basics of Bush’s false intelligence, she risked the failure of measures required to extinguish the more immediate threat. Even if Saddam had WMD, he did not have the capability, espoused by Condi Rice, to send us all up in a mushroom cloud in 15 minutes. As the head of a nation (albeit a despotic head), Saddam was constrained by his own place in the world. An attack on the US would have meant Saddam’s immediate and unquestioned destruction (not “mutually assured destruction” which was the Cold War standard). Osama was not, is not, so constrained by geography. Between Saddam and Osama, Osama always was the greater threat, and the waste of lives, money and manpower in Iraq severely curtails our ability to meet that threat.

Both John Kerry and John Edwards acknowledged this after their failed bid for the White House. I don’t want an apology from Hillary Clinton. I want an acknowledgement that she miscalculated and will not do so again. Whether or not Saddam had WMD, Hillary made the wrong and deadly choice. She cannot blame 9/11 for her vote. It was not Saddam who attacked her New York constituents, it was Osama.

While Hillary argues that her conclusion was the only one possible if what was being presented was true (and certainly the majority of the congress acted in order to appear patriotic at the expense of reason), there are others who ignored the chance to look patriotic, preferring to protect America and Americans. One such person was Al Gore (recipient, as former Vice President, of the same intelligence that Hillary was getting), who wisely had this to say at the time. (see link – http://www.commonwealthclub.org/archive/02/02-09gore-speech.html)So, again, I don’t want an apology from Hillary. I want an acknowledgement that she made a political calculation which was not in the best interests of the American people. I just want to know that she understands that, and that she won’t make that calculation again. If she won’t do that, then I won’t vote for her in the primaries. I’ll vote for someone who sees that folly for what it was. Should she fail to do so, it doesn’t mean that I won’t vote for here should she win the nomination, because the alternative will likely be someone who helped create the political climate in which unreasonable decisions are proclaimed reasonable.

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