BartBlog

Ye Olde Scribe’s Incredible, Inedible Links to Oblivion
“Inedible ‘Links?‘ Oh, damn, Mrs. Scribe thought this was the panty store!”

May SEEM like a sexist comment about a inconsistent woman with one breast, but look at that hypocritical MELLON!

What, You’re CAN’T Be Surprised, CAN You?
“Posting absolutely obvious quotes since… right now.”

OR

“If it wasn’t so damn infuriating that NOTHING’S being done about it, it would be SO obvious it would be &^%$#@ boring”

Perhaps the worst problems are in Florida, where a Gannett News Service analysis found more than 14,000 people whose voter registrations were disputed by the state because they didn’t match other databases; about 75% are minorities. A federal district court ruled last month that the state couldn’t deny registrations based on database matching.

AND…

History is clear: Over and over again, the U.S. government places fascists in powerful positions. Once in office, they exploit wars and national tragedies to roll back hard-won freedoms.

And now, for your amusement, or displeasure, YOS Political Satire Productions… Also infamous for being purveyors of electrical shorts in both O’Lielly-brand vibrators; and Biggus Dickuses…es..es.es.s.s.ssssssss’s always dirty anal tampons, presents… (Tad da dah dah tah da!)

The Rooster, the Barnyard and the Bully

“A NOT so fictional fairy tale.”(”When fairies get laid; is that known as ‘fairy tail???’”)

Once upon a very overly politicized time, in The Kingdom of FOXRULESDAMEDIAANIA, there was a rooster whose head looked a hell of a lot like the Pres. on the $20 bill. We shall simply call him Rooster… no relation to Cogburn; except his skills as a rooster had gotten SO bad it was obvious, except to him, that his days of ruling any part of the barnyard were starting to… WAYNE.

     Cough. Cough. Please excuse Scribe. Just came back from the “The Duke,” Scribe’s name for what might be better known as the… JOHN.

      How did this horrible thing happen: the thing that had NOTHING to do with the fact that you just had to slog your way though several bad puns just to get this far into the story?

     Well, it all started when he and a short little jackass bully got into it over who was going to rule the roost and the whole damn barnyard that Scribe will call, “the Wicket.” Of course they both strutted about spewing testosterone laden words at each other. Thank GOD it was just words or we’d have a REAL sticky wicket, wouldn’t we? WicketS?

The Bully made hideous noises that were supposed to sound like a rooster would crow, but instead simply made no sense at all… the usual fare for this Bully-boy-chickenhawk. Then, referring to a previous war the rooster had fought in, Bully Boy and his barnyyard surrogates all declared, “Brave? No, ‘brave.’ What? He was CHICKEN.”

Rooster immediately threw down his Purple Heart… oops, nope: did that many years ago… and then said…

      “You can’t say that about ME.” 

       “I won’t let you say that about me.”

        Then the rooster turned around and strutted away.

By now Scribe’s readers may be wondering, “A chicken challenging a rooster?” You’re right. Rare. But this was a rare breed of chicken: the chickenhawk. The chickenhawk thinks he’s a rooster, acts like he’s a rooster, but if someone even suggests he act as brave as a rooster: the chickenhawk runs like hell.

Of course this strutting away nonsense only encouraged the Bully-boy chickenhawk. Each time the Rooster would claim, “I won’t let you say that about me… you can’t say that about me,” and then walk away. And, though he had promised to fight to the bitter end… and promised to make sure all the “votes” were counted… when the end came he, once again, walked away. He even left another rooster who had backed him up : a potential “second in command,” with nothing but the feeling of having been abandoned and betrayed.

Through the next few years the Rooster would come out of hiding and make a few comments about the Chickenhawk and his minions, but he was so bad at commenting he probably should have just shut the hell up. In fact he was so bad at what he did, one must wonder… he and the Bully Boy Chickenhawk belonged to the same secret rooster/chicken society, had he taken a dive intentionally? Instead of just chickening out, did he intentioally… DUCK?

The Bully-Boy Chickenhawk got old. He got even more arrogant and more stupid… if one can imagine that. Hey, he’s the stupidest, most arrogant, yet dangerous form of chicken ever created by the Mighty Horned One: a Chickenhawk. What did you expect? He couldn’t rule anymore. Eventually other roosters decided they would challenge those he had chosen to succeed him. Things started looking up.

In the Barnyard there was a talented black rooster who was known by his crow, “Barack!” He won some scuffles, and lost others, but he was definitely still in the game. Then, one day, the Rooster came out of hiding and said, “I support the black rooster!”

The more intelligent creatures in the barn simply said, in unison, “GASP!”

Why? Well because of the moral of our story, gentle reader.

The moral is…

When you’re supported by a brave talking rooster who acts more chicken than a chickenhawk, you’d better watch your… BARACK