The Demographics of American Newspapers
The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run
the country
The Washington Post is read by people who think they
run the country.
The New York Times is read by people who think they
should run the country and who are very good at
crossword puzzles.
USA Today is read by people who think they ought to
run the country but don’t really understand The New
York Times. They do, however, like their statistics
shown in pie charts.
The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t
mind running the country — if they could find the
time — and if they didn’t have to leave Southern
California to do it.
The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used
to run the country and did a poor job of it, thank you
very much.
The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t
too sure who’s running the country and don’t really
care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who
is running the country as long as they do something
really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
The Miami Herald is read by people who are running
another country but need the baseball scores.
The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who
aren’t sure if there is a country or that anyone is
running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand
for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders
are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who
also happen to be illegal aliens from any other
country or galaxy, provided of course, that they are
not Republicans.
The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in
line at the grocery store.
The Oregonian is read by people who have recently
caught a fish and need something in which to wrap it.