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The Tattlesnake – Dick Cheney Doesn’t Have a Pulse Edition
Rachel Maddow reported July 14th that five-heart-attacks-since-he-was-37 Dick Cheney is hanging on by a thread following complete heart failure, kept alive only by a machine called a LVAD resting externally on his belly that keeps his blood moving. Ironically, because an external machine is circulating his blood rather than his damaged heart, Cheney apparently has no pulse, not that I would have sworn he had one before. Although I wouldn’t wish death on any human being (leave that to the kill-crazy wingnuts; I’d rather see him in jail), and Deadeye Dick marginally qualifies in that category, this would seem to be close to the end of the line for the Torture Boy – the doctors can do no more except a full heart transplant and he’s physically in such bad shape he likely couldn’t survive the operation. (Although the sci-fi plot possibilities of Cheney receiving the heart of, say, a peaceful Buddhist monk and publicly renouncing his past self is nearly irresistible. “I’ve done wrong and now I must pay the price! President Obama, put me in prison for war crimes – waterboard me, I insist! And I’m donating all of my millions in wealth to Green Peace! Liz, stop crying like that!”)
If he goes, are we going to be subjected to the full-pomp, days-long state funeral, or will every news outlet but Fox let him pass with just a brief mention and obit? I also wonder if, in his final moments in this realm, a fearful-of-judgment Cheney will pull a Lee Atwater and ask forgiveness for his past crimes and deceptions?
© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
The Tattlesnake – Palin’s Muddle Tongue Edition
So Sen. Crash Pilot’s erstwhile 2008 VP candidate and half-baked Alaska Governor has decided to invent her own words like ‘refudiate’ – just like that Limey fella Shakespeare, by golly!
Well, since Mama Grizzly Palin wasn’t doing too swell with the dialect most Americans speak, perhaps she had no choice but to become the ‘Mutter Curage’ of the English language.
Back here at the Tattlesnake hovel, I’ve decided to conjure up a few words the newly self-anointed wordsmith can add to what Stephanie Miller aptly described as her ‘Fictionary.’ You’re welcome, Sarah.
Historectumy: 1. Pulling inaccurate historical ‘facts’ from your rear end to make your erroneous opinion seem less idiotic. (See also: ‘Fox News’ and ‘Beck University.’)
Stuperior: 1. Superiority in your utter stupidity. 2. The backassward side of something so stupendously dumb that when viewed at multiple angles, every side is backassward. (See also: ‘Willful Ignorance,’ ‘Religious Insanity’ and ‘Unwarranted Arrogance.’)
Taxicology: 1. The uniquely Republican economic psychosis, a colossal failure since its inception, that you can cut taxes and maintain the same level of revenue that you had before you cut taxes by way of the magic fairy dust of the ‘free market,’ which no one has ever actually witnessed in action. 2. Ignoring the rotten condition of the schools, roads, bridges, parks and other public projects that serve the common good in order to avoid making the wealthy unhappy by having to pay taxes. (See also: ‘The Big Rock Candy Mountain’ and ‘This is Your Brain on Milton Friedman.’)
Teabaggy: 1. The feeling of exhaustion from living in a perpetual state of ignorant outrage and bilious hatred. (See also: ‘Damp Dittoheads’ and ‘Michael the Savage Weiner’)
Teabuggery: 1. Having your organization sodomized by Republican money, operatives and influence. (See also: ‘Dick Armey, Lobbyist’ and ‘FreedomWorks.’)
Wasillingus: 1. Using one’s mouth to spread the pernicious political virus of far-right Christopublicanism. 2. A perky rural Alaskan’s foot-in-mouth syndrome. (See also: ‘Diseases of the Crack Pipe’ and ‘Polar Meth Lab Sickness.’)
That was fun; I may add some more in the future.
© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.