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February 24, 2011

The Tattlesnake – Jon Stewart Interviews Hermann Goering Edition

STEWART: My guest tonight served as Adolf Hitler’s air force chief and one of his closest advisors — let’s welcome to the program former German Reichsmarshall Hermann Goering! (They shake hands and sit down while the audience applauds.) Let me just say, sir, thanks for being here, and you look pretty damn good for a man over one hundred years old who supposedly died in 1946! What is that – Oil of Olay or Botox or something?!

GOERING: Ha, ha! Goodness gracious, no! I never died, I just moved to Argentina! I also lied about my age to get in the military and have taken good care of myself in my old age! And it’s amazing what modern medicine can do! Ha, ha!

STEWART: Goodness gracious?!? What – is this a 4-H Club convention?!

GOERING: Ha, ha! Millions of good solid Americans from the heartland of the country talk like that, Jon!

STEWART: Oh, yeah, and out on the coasts all we do is yell ‘m**her-f**ker’ and ‘go for the gay’!

GOERING: (Grinning) You said it, I didn’t!

STEWART: In your book, you say the Nazis were misunderstood. You say they had doubts about everything they did. You were one of the Nazis close to Hitler – it sure didn’t seem you guys had any doubts when you started World War II!

GOERING: Wait, let me address this Nazi thing – in Germany back then, everybody was a Nazi – you had to be one to do business, it was just a fact of life. Besides, the Nazis were just the name of a political party, like the Republicans today. I mean, we had good Nazis and bad Nazis. It’s wrong to condemn all Nazis for the extreme fanaticism of a few. You know, we really weren’t all fascists!

STEWART: But you were one of the head Nazis, convicted of war crimes like condoning torture!

GOERING: Tut, tut. I had documents in my desk at the time that show how much doubt I had about the decisions we were making and listed all of the things that could go wrong. We were just trying to protect the nation and acted on bad intelligence! Everything we did, we did for our country! Our top military staff believed that intelligence, incidentally.

STEWART: So you invaded Poland based on lousy intelligence reports?

GOERING: There was all kinds of paper flying around back then, pro and con. But we couldn’t take a chance with the nation’s security that Poland or another potential enemy like France might attack us, so we invaded first. The respected Gen. Jodl made the case to the public at the time.

STEWART: But you established a special office to provide you with the intelligence you wanted!

GOERING: I had no special intelligence office – somebody else set that up. There were three million men in the German military back then – any one of them could have done it.

STEWART: What about the torture? Are you saying you didn’t order torture?

GOERING: Not torture like you saw at your Abu Ghraib prison. That kind of thing was done by bad apples – you know, low-level noncoms acting without orders. We ordered enhanced-interrogation techniques that our best legal minds said were acceptable in order to defend the country from terrorists. This was after the Reichstag fire remember, where Communists and other undesirables conspired to undermine the government and attack the public violently. We couldn’t afford to let any technique for getting information out of the bad guys go unused.

STEWART: What about the concentration camps? Are you going to deny the Nazi concentration camps that killed millions of innocent people?

GOERING: Look, we had socialists, Communists, unionists, liberals, gays and other malcontents all bent on destroying our way of life. This was during the worldwide economic depression and we were trying to get people back to work, and those groups were fighting us on balancing the budget and creating more jobs. We only put people in camps who refused to work and would rather laze around collecting welfare from the taxpayers, like freeloading teachers and bottom-feeder nurses! Those were just work camps for unionists and commies who wanted to suck off the taxpayer and collect a paycheck for doing nothing!

STEWART: Ha, ha! ‘Suck off the taxpayer,’ huh? Now I know why you liked those camps! (Laughter.)

GOERING: Ha, ha! I didn’t mean it quite like that!

STEWART: But, seriously, what about the Jews — why did you target them for annihilation?

GOERING: We never targeted the Jews, Jon. That’s all revisionist history written by the liberals. We were just trying to protect the Jews from angry Germans who were blaming them for all the nation’s problems by putting them in camps, but things got out of hand when some rogue elements took it upon themselves to start executing people. I mean, you go to war with the army you have, and we had some kooks in the Wehrmacht at the time. Certainly if I had been aware of what was going on in those camps I would have put a stop to it, and so would have Hitler, but we were busy defending our country against several powerful aggressors, fighting in a two-front war.

STEWART: What about Adolf Hitler? He’s now acknowledged by the world as one of the biggest monsters in history, yet you loyally served him. Are you telling me you don’t think he was a monster?

GOERING: Oh, fiddle-dee-dee! The man was a vegetarian who loved animals and didn’t drink, and he only had one testicle – does that sound like a monster to you? (Laughter.)

STEWART: Did you guys, like, call him ‘One Ball’ behind his back? (Laughter.)

GOERING: Ha, ha! No, he would have had us shot! Ha, ha – just kidding! (Laughter and applause.)

STEWART: Well, our time is up. Okay, folks, the book is ‘Soaring with Eagles’ by former Luftwaffe chief Hermann Goering. Thank you for coming in, sir! (They stand and shake hands.)

GOERING: Thank you, Jon, for helping me sell my book and rehabilitate my image by portraying me as a feisty old grandpa instead of a vicious war criminal responsible for the death, dismemberment and torture of millions!

(Applause. Cut to commercial for Burger King’s new Super Lethal DOA Beef ‘n’ Bacon Triple-Stack Axis of Evil Whopper with Cheese.)

Watch Jon Stewart’s Feb. 23, 2011, interview with Don Rumsfeld here.

© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

February 17, 2011

The Tattlesnake – Post-It Notes From the Underground Part One Edition

Watch out, he’s petting his peeves again!

Messages scribbled on Post-It Notes that were giving me a brain-ache until I wrote them down.

Note to Abraham Lincoln, wherever he is now:

It’s just as well you’re not around today. The idea that Haley “Yazoo City” Barbour and Rick “Secesh” Perry are Republicans would no doubt give you severe apoplexy followed by a fatal stroke anyway.

Note to George Washington, wherever he is now:

Good thing you’re not around, either, to see this 21st century bobblehead-doll America where a good portion of the politicians and electorate, abetted by the dumbed-down corporate media, have forgotten how to read, especially where the Constitution and the Bible are concerned.

Note to Arianna Huffington:

A quote from Balzac seems appropriate: “Behind every great fortune there is a great crime.” Take a couple of million from the $315 mil you got from AOL and throw a few bucks at all the people who worked for free to make your website worth selling. BTW, I can’t find even one person who thinks your AOL merger is a good idea or cares to read your website again. Prediction: the AOL-Huff Post is toast.

Note to Clarence Thomas:

What would you think is a conflict of interest for a judge — a defendant handing you an envelope stuffed with cash right before you voted on his case? (Or has that already happened?) Don’t ask Scalia what your opinion should be on this one — he doesn’t know what a conflict of interest is, either.

Note to Rupert Murdoch:

I guess we should thank you for hiring the mentally-challenged to work in your media empire. I mean, where else would certifiable meatheads like Steve Doocy and Glenn Beck find jobs?

Note to Allstate Insurance:

Stop abusing the English language by claiming you ‘protect’ your customers from mayhem. All of the things depicted in your TV ads would still happen, even with Allstate insurance. The only thing you can do is promptly pay to repair the damage after the ‘mayhem,’ but you can’t ‘protect’ against it occurring in the first place.

Note to Glenn Beck’s Goldline Coins:

If gold is such a great investment, far superior to paper money, why are you selling your gold in exchange for cash money that will, according to your pitchmen, inevitably go down in value? Why not just keep the gold?

Note to the Republican Party:

Okay, the more realistic among you know very well you are a minority party beholden to talk show hosts and a fringe nutcase base, and you can’t win national elections with that 20-25 percent of the American electorate. If this were a parliamentary system, you’d be three separate parties: the Corporate Libertarians; the Christian Theocrats, and the Dixie Racists, none of whom would be able to dominate the nation’s politics. You also have no credible candidates that could beat Obama. If I were a Republican (and thank Jebas I’m not), I’d be shaking in my tasseled loafers.

Note to the Teabaggers:

Although I have great fun lampooning you, I was gratified that some of you in Congress voted against your party and tried to kill that unconstitutional PATRIOT Act. Good for you!

Note to Tea Party Volunteers:

Sophisticated grifters at the national level are scamming you local tea party volunteers. According to this report, the Washington-based national leaders of Tea Party Patriots, for example, are paying themselves fat salaries and none of the money they collect is going back to the local groups. Isn’t this the kind of corruption you said you were against?

Note to Herman Cain (founder of Godfather Pizza and CPAC speaker):

Your political views are as unappetizing as your tasteless cardboard-crust pizza. Stop being a selfish cyclops only thinking about your tax cuts now that you’ve made some money and consider the impact of your lowered taxes on the poor bastards who buy your lousy food.

© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

February 16, 2011

Did GWB predict the Middle East uprisings?

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 1:32 pm

Photographers who always have a small digital camera in there pocket might fully appreciate more fully the convenience of the digital camera if they had used a 4X5 Speed Graphic camera in college to get “grab shots.” These days the term “grab shot” will probably conjure up a hypothetical image of some boisterous conduct that gets posted on Facebook, but back in the day it symbolized a concept that was part of the Advertising vs. Photojournalism debate.

Henri Cartier-Bresson was famous for taking “candid” shots that were as dramatically different from the ones in the ads as were the stogy Hollywood films that used rear screen projection shots for car ride sequences and the same chintzy sets over and over again versus the “Johnny on the spot” newsreels that capture history in the making.

Photographer Bert Stern revolutionized photography by taking one photo of a Martini. He went to Egypt to take a photo of a Martini with one of the iconic pyramids in the background, for Smirnoff.

Back then, boys and girls, there were only a small number of darkroom wizards who could manipulate an image well enough to make it look completely natural. Today, through the magic of Photoshop, a college level student can whip together a photographic image that is both realistic and notable because it defies logic. The thought of paying a name photographer to take an all expenses paid trip to the Cairo area just to come back with an image of a glass full of booze and one of those “how did they do that” upside down stone cone buildings in one frame would be über-laughable. (Will the Internets make umlauts obsolete?)

About a year ago this columnist bought a Nikon Coolpix and has carried it everywhere. The fact that it is getting pretty beat-up brings to mind an opportunity to inject this bit of arcane and esoteric photographic nostalgia: Among photojournalists who had the black finish Nikon F cameras there was a bit of macho competition to see which photographer had worn through the black and was showing the most brass.

In the intervening year, we have taken approximately 7,000 pictures. In the old day, a roll of color slide film (We mourn the passing of Kodachrome) and developing would run a fellow about $10. Using the old rounding off dodge, that would mean (at three rolls per 100 images) 3 X 70 X $10 = $2,100. Whew! Did we save some major bread or what?

We could get a chance to maybe get a newsphoto in San Francisco on the night of Wednesday, February 16, 2011, but why bother?

In a perverse bit of logic, we would rather spend the funds necessary to get some images at this year’s installment of the 24 hour race for sports cars at Le Mans. At first glance that don’t make sense, but since the Internets is changing things (and messing with proper English?) it may hold up under closer scrutiny.

If a fellow was a newspaper photographer and his roommate was the sports editor, maybe he could go take photos of the Saturday night high school basketball game (the editor didn’t have to go because he could “call the coach Sunday night” for a story in Monday’s paper) in return for doing less of the household chores. It doesn’t mean earning any overtime but it does make sense, n’est-ce pas?

If a news photo isn’t salable and if the only criterion is personal satisfaction, Le Mans, here we come!

Here’s an added bit of rationalization: A photo of the local sports scene doesn’t have much appeal for use on a website specializing in national and international issues, but pictures of (hypothetical example) newspapers featuring a picture of an American politician on the front page of newspapers being sold in a Paris news kiosk, might.

(We did take some shots of a particularly promising pitcher at Santa Monica High, some time ago. Where did we file those old negatives of the Baseball’s Hall of Fame guy named Tim Leary?)

In the old days a “stringer” might spend the entire day trying to get a good B&W (Does Kodak still make Panotomic X?) photo and getting it to a wireservice and selling it outright for $25. These days if a photographer gets a photo of local interest [say a shot of the Mog truck from Oregon] he apparently can’t offer the same picture to two local competing Internets web sites. It seems that you can let one or the other use it for free, but not both.

Speaking of “things have changed,” does any young blogger know how to do a “hed count”? Why do newspaper headline writers prefer words with “l’s” and “i’s” over words with “w’s” and “m’s”?

According to a reliable source, the major league pitcher “Dizzy” Dean used to pause, while he was at work, and watch planes fly over the stadium. Idiosyncratic personalities with “a unique voice” were thought to be the promise of Internets democracy. As the corporatization of the web continues, the homogenization of the voices becomes more prevalent.

If a rogue blogger asks: “Did the turmoil in Egypt validate George W. Bush’s claim that invading Iraq would create a demand for democracy in the Middle East” will it call to mind the tree falling in a forest with no humans around? Even Conservative pundits may want to ignore that idea and hold it as a trump card to be played later in the game. Such as when it may be a part of the JEB strategy to promote the idea that Obama fumbled the ball and that the George W. Bush strategy for the Middle East was “spot-on.”

Heck, if the Egyptian military seizes power and props up a new dictator, JEB might assert that all that was Obama’s fault. That will come later, not now. It’s too early to bring that up.

Whoops! This is supposed to be a column about photography in the digital age. Pardonez moi, eh?

We did get a picture of a very intense conversation for the college yearbook using the aforementioned 4 X 5 Speed Graphic and we thought: “Who needs a Leica? (Isn’t it curious that the 35mm brand name is challenged by Word spell-check?) Henri Cartier-Bresson, eat your heart out!”

After college folks used to comment that the Nikon FTn was too heavy. Not after using a camera that used film holders, it wasn’t. However, it is rather convenient to have what amounts to a portable Sixties photo studio fit comfortably into the pocket of your jeans.

Someday, we may learn the html mumbo jumbo incantation necessary to make a photo appear in a column, but for now the best we can do is link to our photo blog.

Now, the disk jockey will play the song “Kodachrome,” the “Grand Canyon Suite” and “the Stripper.” (Will anyone realize that offset printing required stripping negatives?) Now, we have to take the Coolpix and go wander around aimlessly looking for some digital photo ops. Have a “regional split” type day.

February 12, 2011

The Tattlesnake – “Finally We Are Free!” Edition

Title quote via MSNBC from a pro-democracy demonstrator celebrating in Cairo’s Tahrir (Liberation) Square following the resignation of Egyptian dictator Hosni Mubarak, Feb. 11, 2011.

The US media reported yesterday that Hosni Mubarak had finally resigned, the message conveyed to the world by his Vice President and Torturer-in-Chief, Omar Suleiman. Of course, the pro-democracy demonstrators wildly celebrated Mubarak’s resignation – think of it: in 18 days they had toppled a tyrant without resorting to violence, even in the face of provocation from Mubarak’s street thugs and vicious secret police — but I also thought it was interesting that Hosni is now ensconced in his estate on the Red Sea, surrounded by razor wire and heavily guarded. Some may interpret this arrangement as protecting Mubarak’s corrupt hide, but it could also be seen as a prison from which he could be quickly transferred to a jet bound out of the country, forced into exile by the praetorian guard now ‘protecting’ him from his own people. Then again, perhaps they are merely holding the deposed dictator for trial – the people have demanded Hosni be held responsible for his brutal reign, and they want to know where all the money went. In the wake of the news that Swiss banks have frozen Mubarak’s bank accounts purportedly containing billions in purloined US dollars, they just might find out.

While we celebrate with the Egyptian people emerging from 30 years of darkness under Mubarak, it must be said that, now that Mubarak’s gone, only a part of Egypt’s journey to a free democracy is complete; next, the pro-democracy forces will have the hard work of purging the government of Mubarak’s corrupt cronies, if they won’t leave willingly, and pressuring the military, which has dissolved parliament and taken control, to allow a democratically-elected civilian government to flourish. On the latter score, it’s heartening to note that while the top officers are Mubarak appointees, the rank-and-file in the military are conscripts closer to the demonstrators than the generals, and the scenes of peaceful protestors happily riding on the tanks US foreign aid purchased should have brought that point home to the brass hats. Without the lower ranks solidly behind them, there can be no military coup d’etat.

Meanwhile, public crackpot Glenn Beck has been regurgitating bizarre conspiracy theories alleging that the overthrow of the vile Mubarak is part of some kind of dingbat Marxist-Muslim ‘New World Order’ plot with US progressives to bring about an Islamic Caliphate that will rule the Middle East and Europe. Fox News’ squirrel-bait embarrassment apparently believes freedom and democracy are fine for white Americans, but should be off-limits to darker-skinned Egyptians. (Perhaps this is why his TV audience has dropped by half in the past year – most of us, whatever our political leanings, think democracy, individual rights and liberty are good things for the world.) However, Beck is almost right – there does seem to be a New World Order brewing, but not the evil Commie Caliphate he imagines. Instead, all across Africa and the Middle East, from Tunisia to Iran, the citizenry is yearning for secular government of, by and for the people, dedicated to equality and justice, with the same rights and freedoms Americans are supposed to enjoy. Of course, to corporate scambots like Rupert Murdoch’s rodeo clown, the idea of self-rule and freedom from foreign exploitation is anathema, and the events in Tunisia and Egypt should be sending a chill up spines in the other corporate suites of the world; these non-violent revolutions were also about economic justice as well as getting rid of tyranny, an economic justice the corporate autocrats despise and fear. Whatever meaningless label the Becksters want to hang on it, it is not religious in nature and neither is it some silly strain of Islamic Communism – it is the same thing Americans fought for over two centuries ago: freedom from distant powers and homegrown despots taking your money and deciding your fate without your consent.

© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

February 9, 2011

The Tattlesnake – Political Short Cuts Edition

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion — Tags: , , , , , , — RS Janes @ 5:19 pm

Brief sour snipes at some prominent political and media figures of our bloated Blutocracy, in no particular order.

Michele Bachmann – When scary met rally.

Arianna Huffington – A mythological Greek goddess who prospers greatly on the free labor of others.

Tim Pawlenty – A polite little Minnesota fart desperately trying to become a big Republican shit.

Sarah Palin – America’s trademarked Tweetheart, soon to be our ‘Dear Tweeter’ right after the Republicans in Congress succeed in outlawing rational thought entirely.

Jon Stewart - If Jon noticed two brown-shirted men wearing swastika armbands beating up another man laying on the ground, he would immediately condemn onlookers who pointed out any similarities to the Nazis, and go on to make the case that the actions of the attackers and the man trying to defend himself are equally deplorable. Then he’d giggle and cut to a commercial for Verizon Wireless.

The Tea Partiers – Their hearts are in the Right place — next to a pile of cash in a bank vault owned by the Koch brothers.

Comcast/MSNBC - ‘Lean Forward’ so it’ll be easier to kick your ass out the door if you displease the parent company.

Bill O’Reilly – Joe McCarthy after the first bottle, combined with all the charm of a proctologist with a fire hose.

Glenn Beck – Joe McCarthy after the second bottle, combined with Howard Stern following a full lobotomy.

Rush Limbaugh — An ounce of syphilitic brain tissue trampled in the stands of the football stadium at Ole Miss, circa 1964.

Megyn Kelly – 1. Find valve in back of skull. 2. Insert hose and inflate with helium until head is filled. 3. Check hair and makeup. 4. Insert ‘GOP Talking Points’ memory card. 5. Turn crank in back until words come out.

Michael Savage – When being a self-hating Weiner just isn’t enough.

Mitt Romney – Elmer Corpo-Fudd goes hunting for small vermin, only to keep finding himself.

Jeb Bush – A Republican presidential prospect who wishes he had been born with a different last name, maybe something like ‘Nixon.’

Mitch McConnell – Where wealthy wrinkles go to retire and old lies to revive themselves.

Roger Ailes – When he dines on his daily cherub, he wipes his mouth on the closest thing available, which happens to be the seat of his pants.

Antonin Scalia - Judge Dreadful.

Clarence Thomas“Just because I have a big bet on the team doesn’t mean I would necessarily rule in its favor.”

© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

January 24, 2011

Ye Olde Scribe Presents Signs That Say More Than They Intend

Filed under: Commentary — Ye Olde Scribe @ 9:53 pm

“Because you can never underestimate humans ability to screw up.”

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January 3, 2011

The Tattlesnake – Clueless Wall Street Indulges in the Self-Delusion of the Wealthy Edition

… and it’s nothing new.

As 2011 settles in, some things haven’t changed, such as the investment bank aristocracy of Wall Street, already wallowing in obscenely large salaries, apparently believing they deserve bonuses for continuing to peddle worthless paper and hoodwinking their own customers. This addled belief, however, is nothing new.

Having misspent a part of my youth as an advertising director for a publishing company, I once had an opportunity to encounter some wealthy people at business lunches and dinners, and noticed a few habits of hypocritical thinking they had in common:

– To a man — and they were all men — they believed, even the silver-spoon-born trust fund scions and coddled bosses sons, that they were ‘self-made’ and everything they had was attained by their own hard work, even if their wealth was derived mostly from dividend income, the result of a long-dead relative picking the right investments or starting a successful business.

– Speaking of hard work, when these VIPs came in at 10:am to check the mail and sign a few letters, left for a two-hour lunch at 12:30, and then went golfing for the rest of the afternoon, leaving their overworked and underpaid secretaries to run the place, they would still insist that they had ‘worked hard’ that day.

– Whatever their educational institution, Yale or Harvard or a state university, they all thought they graduated because they ‘studied hard’ and ‘put their noses to the grindstone’ even though some would laughingly brag, after a few too many martinis, about how they had hired poor ‘scholarship brainiacs’ or ‘eggheads’ to teach them how to cheat on their tests.

– While every one of them abhorred any publicly-funded program that enabled poor kids to get a higher education, and especially affirmative action, they were blind to their own advantages, beyond just being born white. If Uncle Joe picked up the phone to make sure they got into the ‘right’ college, or Daddy was once a student and fast-tracked their ‘legacy’ acceptance into a university, that was fine — just the way the world worked. Of course, left unsaid was how they would have been able to make their way through college if such financially-strapped ‘scholarship brainiacs’ were not there to help them cheat, just one of many mental cul-de-sacs that these sons of privilege passed by quickly, lest they get hung on their own conundrum.

– Although all of them supported the war in Vietnam, none of them came close to serving in it. They either received school draft deferments like Dick Cheney; or, like Rush Limbaugh, had a note from the family doctor describing some dread condition that made them militarily unfit, but somehow didn’t interfere with their golf game; or had a family-friend Congressman intervene to keep them out; or, like Junior Bush, had Daddy pull a few strings to get them easy ‘Weekend Warrior’ duty in the National Guard. Privately, they had little regard or compassion for the troops in the field; in fact, they believed them stupid and that the grunts should show gratitude for the opportunity that military service provided to raise their lowly selves out of the ghetto or trailer park. Should they die or be maimed for life during this process of elevation – well, that’s just the price they pay for not having the foresight to be born in better circumstances.

– They all hated paying taxes, the hatred much more intense than that of those lower on the income ladder. Like Leona Helmsley, they thought taxes were fine — for the ‘little people.’ A couple of them were said to spend more money on lawyers and accountants to avoid paying taxes than the amount they owed in taxes. But they didn’t mind one bit freeloading off poorer folks by using roads, highways, airports, parks, and other public facilities paid for by the taxes of the non-rich; and they took it for granted their class would receive preferential treatment from cops and firefighters they didn’t want to pay taxes to support. I won’t even get into the courts, prosecutors, and military all arrayed to protect their precious property that they also didn’t want to pay for — suffice it to say that they didn’t believe in any taxes for themselves, even for those things that benefited them greatly. It would be a mistake to take this as any sort of reasonable consideration on the subject of taxes; it is not – it’s a nearly-hysterical emotional reaction born of mindless greed.

That’s all I can recall at the moment, but the one thread running through all of it is the massive degree of self-delusion practiced by those with wealth. It’s scary enough when they know they’re lying to make a buck; it’s pathologically dangerous when they buy into their own fantasies about themselves as have, it seems, the current crop of Wall Street scoundrels. In this particular case, it won’t end until Richie Rich, ensconced in an office at Goldman Sachs, dreaming up the next fraudulent financial instrument for his firm to foist on the gullible public, hits bottom – an inevitability since they refuse to learn from their mistakes — and seeks another ‘loan’ from the contemptible ‘little people’ taxpayers via the federal Big Daddy and, to mix metaphors, the cupboard is bare.

Then these Masters of the Universe will learn the tough lesson the cosseted Junior Bush as president had to endure: there are times when even Big Daddy can’t save you from the hard consequences of acting like a spoiled brat.

© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

December 29, 2010

The Tattlesnake – East Coast Blizzard Buries Snow-Job Political Futures Edition

Your Tattler remembers well the Chicago blizzard of 1979 that buried the city under several feet of the stuff, along with the political future of Chicago Mayor Michael Bilandic. Days after the snow stopped, the side streets were still not plowed, main arteries were narrow two-lane ruts in the snow, and parking was a matter of driving into a snow bank and digging your car out the next day. If that was not aggravating enough, Bilandic had the chutzpah to go on TV and assure Chicagoans all was well and that things had been plowed – including designated public parking areas – that were not. The anger of city-dwellers reached the boiling point over those jaw-dropping pronouncements and, in one of those incredible political miracles, Daley Machine inheritor Bilandic lost his sure-thing nomination to Jane Byrne in the Democratic primary, and Byrne went on to become Chicago’s first woman mayor.

New York City’s independent ‘No Labels’ Mayor Michael Bloomberg apparently forgot the lesson of Bilandic, if he ever learned it. Yes, voters often have short memories, but not when it comes to the tangible physical and mental stress engendered by a massive snowstorm. Seeing your expensively-attired billionaire mayor, appearing dry and comfortable on TV, braying that everything is fine, all that can be done is being done, and to stop complaining, is not the message snow-besieged proles want to hear. I think this stunt finishes Bloomberg’s future in politics, just as NYC Mayor John V. Lindsay’s presidential ambitions were plowed under by his failure to adequately respond to a Big Apple blizzard 41 years ago.

Next door, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, the GOP’s emerging Golden Boy already declining in popularity back home from his managerial incompetence – he lost $400 million in federal aid for state public education due to bumbled paperwork, for one – and obsessive Republican addiction to cutting any program, including state pensions, that benefits the ‘little guy’ while protecting his wealthy benefactors from economic pain, will likewise see his political future melting like a Newark snowball in June, as the clueless Guv has remained on vacation in warm and sunny Disney World in the aftermath of the crippling storm. Christie has, as yet, made no public announcement or curtailed his vacation in order to deal with his state’s weather crisis – perhaps an acknowledgement that his blustery Tony Soprano style of governing may intimidate some, but not Mother Nature.

Massive blizzards demonstrate the need for full-capacity city and state services during a time of crisis, the very things manic cost-cutters like Bloomberg and Christie have put on the chopping block; and the need for leadership that understands what’s happening on the ground, even when that ground is covered with snow; something these conservative budget-balancers forget, to their political peril.

President Bloomberg? President Christie? Fuhgedabouit!

© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

December 25, 2010

The Tattlesnake – I Read the News Today, Oh, Boy! Edition

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion — Tags: , , , — RS Janes @ 6:13 am

A Christmas retread from the past.

For once, the old curmudgeon will climb down off his sarcastic perch and scribble about a story I read in a local newspaper years ago.

I don’t remember the family’s name right now, but I recall the gist: A middle-class father and his two pre-teen boys were driving around Lower Wacker Drive in Chicago, handing out free sandwiches and coffee to the men and women living in cardboard boxes down there.

They got up early several days a week and made the sandwiches and brewed a large urn of coffee; the man paying for all the ingredients himself.

They did this on a regular basis year-round, and they were not part of any religious or charitable organization; the father had just seen these people living in terrible conditions and wanted to do whatever he could think of to help. This is what he thought of. He also wanted to teach his sons to appreciate how lucky they were and a lesson in person-to-person generosity. (I hope they learned it.)

(more…)

November 30, 2010

Why Is the Kroger Supermarket Chain Promoting Sarah Palin’s New Book?

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion — Tags: , , — RS Janes @ 8:02 am

Kroger is a mostly Midwestern supermarket chain that is, for reasons unknown, promoting Sarah Palin’s new book, as well as giving her an opportunity to sign books in-store. To me, it is completely inappropriate for a grocery store chain to advocate for any potential political candidate, but especially one as controversial and extreme as Sarah Palin.

A good friend of mine in Ohio has forwarded the following message to me, and I’ve included Kroger contact info after the message, as well as my email to Kroger CEO/Chairman David Dillon.

If you feel as strongly as I do about this, please contact Kroger and let them know it, and then pass this on.

Dear friend, relative or countryman/woman,

Ginny and I heard a rumor on Sunday that a Sarah Palin book promotion was being planned at the Harpers Point Kroger (Cincinnati) store. Today we stopped by to see for ourselves and, sure enough, Sarah will appear for a book-signing on Dec. 3 at that store. A sign was posted on the door and a huge display of books was near the front entrance that you almost had to walk around to get in. We spoke to the store manager with our complaint. She was quite gracious and said that she had no part in it but that it came from “high up”. She understood that this was being done at a number of Kroger stores around the country, like Kansas, etc. She took our name, address and phone no.

To our knowledge, Kroger has never promoted any author before and now Sarah Palin. It is not a book store even though they do sell books. We believe that Kroger is not the place for this activity especially someone as controversial as Sarah Palin but also for any candidate or issue. There are certain things you do not mix with your core business. It is totally inappropriate. I estimate that we spend $900-1,000 per month on groceries, prescriptions and gasoline AND I like shopping at Kroger, but if this continues I will not spend another dime there.

Please join me in expressing your displeasure and applying economic pressure to the Kroger Co. if you are a customer. I welcome any ideas, assistance, or organizational help to mount a campaign to let Kroger know what its losses will be if they continue on this program of promoting Sarah Palin. It is urgent that we move quickly since Dec. 3rd is not far away.

Yours for fairness and peace,
Pete and Ginny

From the Kroger Book of the Month site:

Book of the Month

Save 40% off Sarah Palin’s “America by Heart”

On Sale November 23, 2010

Only $15.99!

Framed by her strong belief in the importance of family, faith, and patriotism, the book ranges widely over American history, culture, and current affairs, and reflects on the key values—both national and spiritual—that have been such a profound part of Governor Palin’s life and continue to inform her vision of America’s future.

If you’d like to object to Kroger promoting the book of a divisive figure such as Sarah Palin, write, email or call below:

Write to:

Mr. David Dillon
CEO/Chairman
Kroger Corporate Offices
1014 Vine Street
Cincinnati, OH 45202

Email (customer comments form):
https://customer.kroger.com/comments/comments.aspx
and address it to Mr. David Dillon, CEO/Chairman

Call: 866-221-4141

My email to Kroger:

(more…)

Premature Concession Syndrome

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion — Peregrin @ 6:54 am

Premature Concession Syndrome — A Remedial Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Obama, it’s Law 101
That in deal making don’t jump the gun:
Never give stuff away
With the hope that one day
You might get something back — this ain’t done.

Your opponent will simply want more.
He will threaten to walk out the door
Unless you accede
To his limitless greed.
Learn this rule or you never will score.

You claim that you earned a JD.
I’ve got one of my own, so you see
Why I don’t understand
How you fail to demand
Quid pro quo from the damn GOP.

Premature Concession Syndrome — A Remedial Limerick « Mad Kane’s Political Madness.

November 28, 2010

The Tattlesnake – Things That You’re Liable to Read in the Bible, Part Huh? Edition

“And thou shalt eat it [as] barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight.”
– Ezekiel 4:12

Drop another log on the fire, so to speak.

“If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel.”
– Deuteronomy 22:22

And yet those pious C Street gentlemen John Ensign and Mark Sanford still walk among us. (I forgot; Old Testament rules only apply to gays.)

“These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: a proud look, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, a false witness that speaks lies, and he that sows discord among brethren.”
– Proverbs 6:16-19

Has anyone told Fox News?

“Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?”
– Matthew 6:25

Has anyone told Sarah Palin?

“But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.”
– Matthew 5:36-37

Has anyone told Bush – or his ghostwriter?

(more…)

November 26, 2010

The Tattlesnake – Thank God They’re a Small Minority Edition

“It’s plain hokum. If you can’t convince ‘em, confuse ‘em. It’s an old political trick.”
– Harry S Truman

Your Tattlesnake has had running arguments with various Teabaggers and Tea Party sympathizers for many months now and they all share the same tactic: Should you ask a question they can’t answer or make a point they can’t refute, they start screaming at you or rudely talking over you, as if the volume of their voice can eradicate reality and reason. This leads not to debate, but confrontation, and that seems to be what they want.

Beyond that, exactly how do you ‘debate’ people who insist:

– There are no racists in the Tea Party movement;

– It’s Obama and not George W. Bush who started the TARP bailouts of the banks and Wall Street;

– The terrible economy is exclusively the fault of Obama and his liberal social programs;

– All of Franklin D. Roosevelt’s social programs were complete failures;

– Social Security, Medicare, the VA and the GI Bill were/are not liberal social programs;

– Obama has raised taxes for the poor and middle-class;

– Obama is a Muslim/socialist/communist (take your pick) plotting the downfall of the US backed by George Soros’ money (and Soros was a teenage Nazi, too, incidentally);

– Rupert Murdoch is completely different from Soros, since he’s a loyal, patriotic American (Murdoch is, of course, from Australia);

– Obama was not born in this country and the ‘liberal media’ is hiding the truth;

– Sarah Palin has been shunned by the ‘lamestream’ media, despite the millions she’s made from doting MSM coverage of her;

– God has personally chosen the Tea Party candidates and opposition candidates are all the pawns of Satan;

– The only economic system God approves of is free market capitalism (you can look it up — it’s in the Bible somewhere);

– Jesus endorsed the death penalty; it’s obvious because he – duh – allowed himself to die on the cross;

– Liberals, not big corporations, are sending American jobs overseas to Communist countries like China in a conspiracy to position China to take over the U.S.;

(more…)

November 25, 2010

Lotsa ‘Splainin’ 2 Do: Trying to kick the schadenfreude habit, but backsliding from time to time.

Filed under: Commentary — Peregrin @ 4:07 am

Schadenfreude is the pleasure one feels at the misfortune of others. I consider it a trait for a poorly evolved person, so let me say this about Tom DeLay being found guilty.

OOOK OOOK OOK AAH AHH AAAAHHH!

Lotsa ‘Splainin’ 2 Do: Trying to kick the schadenfreude habit, but backsliding from time to time..

November 24, 2010

The Tattlesnake — Thanksgiving Prattle: Tortured Rhymes For Tortured Times Edition

Filed under: Commentary,Quote — Tags: , , , — RS Janes @ 5:54 pm

Tortured Rhymes For Tortured Times

The horrible thing
That is spring
Gives way to summer -
Bummer!
And fall -
The word says it all -
And then the wonderful
Cold kick of winter
Which is like
Finding your stocking stuffed
With a burned-out cinder.
On Thanksgiving we
Give thanks to a
Thing unknown for
All we’ve been given -
Life, health, some wealth,
And a broadminded cynicism.
But when Bird Day arrives
We’re still murky about
Who’s the real turkey,
Readying for the season of
Cheery humbug bah,
Thee, he, she, them, it,
Or – ahem — moi?

(End)

© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

November 21, 2010

The Tattlesnake – Debunking Five Current Media Myths Edition

“Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.”
– George Bernard Shaw

1. The Republicans are going to end earmarks. Ha, ha! Both parties, but especially the GOP, thrive on earmarks – not only does it bring home the bacon, but it’s a nice covert way to reward their corporate sponsors. The typically devious Republicans, with the help of some Blue Dog Dems in the Senate, are just going to change the name to something like ‘help American families add-ons’ or ‘freedom appropriation inserts’ and continue to happily earmark away.

2. The Republican Party is now strong. Another laugher. The GOP had to rebrand as the ‘new Tea Party GOP’ in 2010 and none of their candidates dared campaign with Junior Bush. In TV ads, many GOP candidates did not even mention they were Republicans. Rand Paul, the only true Teabagger in the Senate, is now making noises like a “go along to get along” guy, and various naïve Teabaggers in the House, like the anti-government-paid health care dimwit who demanded his government-paid health care ahead of schedule, have begun showing their strong streak of stupid, even before January’s official swearing in. Most of us have noticed it’s not the mid-90s anymore, with the booming economy of the Clinton years, except for Republicans like Rep. Darrell Issa. Tying the House up in endless attempts to impeach Obama is not going to endear the GOP to a crumbling nation dealing with what is really the second Great Depression. And some of the Teabaggers may be gravely offended to discover that the GOP has been lying to them. It’s going to be a fractious two years in Congress that won’t come out well for the GOP in 2012.

3. The Republicans have a plan to restore jobs. Related to the item above, and every bit as hilarious, the GOP has nothing except ‘tax cuts’ (spin and repeat, ad nauseum), and that isn’t going to create any jobs except at corporate PR firms trying to peddle the fraud that tax cuts are working to create jobs, and that’s not nearly enough to refloat the fast-sinking economy. As the fading middle-class notices its nails are ripping off trying to hang on to what they have left, brand ‘Tea Party Republican’ will become a political curse as loaded with negative connotations as ‘Communist’ or ‘Cheney’ is today.

4. The Republicans can balance the budget. The GOP hasn’t been able to balance the federal budget since Reagan took office, and without Clinton-inspired tax hikes and a few turns by Big Bill, there wouldn’t have been a surplus in 2000. Since the GOP doesn’t want to end two over-priced wars from which their corporate supporters are getting wealthier, truly reform our wastefully expensive health care system, remove corporate tax loopholes, separate commercial and investment banks, and cut the defense budget drastically, that leaves social spending like Social Security and Medicare on the block. The unvarnished truth: Even if the GOP junked all federal social programs, which they won’t be able to do, they still wouldn’t be able to balance the budget. In fact, with their tax cuts for the wealthy of prime importance, along with preserving corporate tax loopholes, they’ll be adding another trillion dollars to the debt. They’ll remain the ‘put it on the credit card and blame the Democrats’ party they’ve been for 30 years.

5. The Democrats lost because they went too far left. Au contraire, mon frere, as George Carlin used to say. Think of it: In spite of the corporate millions that poured into the Senate race in Nevada, the GOP couldn’t score what should have been an easy victory. In California, progressive and GOP target Barbara Boxer prevailed, and the Tea Party proved its basic worthlessness in the “I’m not a witch” fiasco that was Christine O’Donnell in Delaware. Only in those areas of the country dominated by Fox News and AM radio right-wing talkers, and not much counter-balancing local media, where the Teabaggers could work without serious scrutiny, did they score wins, mostly against Blue Dog Dems. The reason a lot of Dems stayed home in 2010 is that they were tired of voting for progressive Democrats and getting Republican Lite. Obama and the Dems should listen to the wisdom of Harry Truman, a Democrat who prevailed during a bad time for Dems in the late 1940s, “Given the choice between a Republican and a Democrat who acts like a Republican, people will vote for the real Republican every time.”

Obama and the Dems might also heed this advice from Give ‘Em Hell Harry: “Carry the battle to them. Don’t let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive and don’t ever apologize for anything.”

But let’s not expect too much.

© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

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