Photo from a BART cop protest last week
Back in the Sixties, the New York Times had a daily box listing the books that were officially being published on that particular day. When the Internets were younger, this columnist made some feeble efforts to contact Amazon and see if he could interest them in paying him to provide an online version of the newspaper’s daily listing. One of the joys of a bookstore is the serendipity factor when a buyer stumbles across an item that makes a strong case for indulging in an impulse purchase. Since Amazon seems to lack a method of making a direct approach to impulse buys, we thought a listing of new books could be a strong unique, drawing feature for the online firm. Our efforts to be the Internets pioneer who started such a daily draw for the book selling firm were for naught. They didn’t hire this columnist and they still don’t offer such a listing.
Since everyone loves the idea of winning free stuff in a contest, we also assessed the potential for doing the work necessary for starting a web site where contest fans could find a daily resource for news and information about exciting (isn’t there a law that requires that adjective to be attached to all contest announcements?) new contests.
One of the negative aspects for both these ventures was the large potential for ultimate boredom. If we had undertaken (pun alert here?) either of these monumental tasks, it seems likely that we would have eventually used up our initial adrenaline burst of enthusiasm and energy and then be froced to rely on the all American motivation of greed to carry the task to completion. Only large gobs of money can cure boredom and inertia, eh?
When we got a gig being a columnist errant for Delusions of Adequacy online magazine, we envisioned it as a chance to help that magazine duplicate the Rolling Stone magazine success story by becoming the digital version of an ersatz Hunter S. Thompson. The web site’s management (AKA el jefe) decided to concentrate their editorial content exclusively on music and we had to move our Don Quixote efforts elsewhere.
In the process of providing book and film reviews, photos, and political punditry to the management at Just Above Sunset online magazine, we were able to scratch two items off our bucket list: a ride in the Goodyear blimp and a ride on a B-17 G bomber. Soon, we were cross-posting our political punditry efforts on both Just Above Sunset and Smirking Chimp. Later we added cross posting on Op Ed News and Bartcop to our online “to do” list.
It seemed to the World’s Laziest Journalist that, in an era of specialization, an effort to imitate online what columnist Herb Caen had done for San Francisco for almost six decades by providing a string of rather short snarky tidbits about one particular city could be expanded to appeal to a more geographically diverse audience, and that it would work well in the digital era because skimming has become ubiquitous.
Last week, this columnist took some photos and did an item on a group of protesters in People’s Park who were conducting their efforts while living up in one of the park’s trees. The day after Labor Day their efforts had vanished. We learned that one of the protester’s had fallen out of the tree during the night (Monday to Tuesday morning). The Cal Berkeley student newspaper reported that other park residents had said that the girl broke her back in the fall. We should do a Google news search for a more authoritative update.
We also ran an item about the past weekend plans for the Northern California group that wants to bring out the truth about what happened on 9/11. Their promotional literature mentioned a Toronto Hearing. We should do a Google news search for information on that unexplained aspect of the 9/11 topic. As this column is being written, we have skipped an opportunity to take a photo of their Sunday parade down Market Street in San Francisco and have chosen, instead, to do the first draft of this column.
As the overwhelming aspect of doing all that simultaneous work became more and more apparent, we considered doing an entire column asking if the overworked writers for liberal web sites were facing a situation that could be compared to the task of the reporter who was with General Custer when he was surrounded at the Little Big Horn river by attacking Indians.
(Would it be worth the effort to do some fact checking on the idea that the American soldiers only had old obsolete muzzle loader weapons and that the attackers had repeater rifles supplied by an unethical gun dealer or is that something on display in the Amalgamated Conspiracy Theory Factory’s “Hall of Fame” display area?)
On Monday September 12, 2011, we knew that there was going to be another protest at the BART Civic Center station, but we decided to skip the chance to take new news photos that would probably be very similar to the images we had recorded at several other recent similar protests.
Is there a potential column topic in the possibility that Karl Rove and Rupert Murdoch are conspiring to work liberal writers to death (like the dog in “Cool Hand Luke”?) by inundating them with bullshit that needs to be refuted with extensive fact finding and careful logical analysis?
Could we do an issues oriented roundup column under with a headline reading: “Has American Democracy been scuttled by the Republicans?” It seems that Democrats must now simultaneously mount efforts to revive interest and enthusiasm for: the unions, the social security program, verifiable election results, voter registration, fair taxation rates, ending extraneous wars, providing social welfare programs for the homeless, and maintaining affordable quality education while the Republicans flash their “Just vote No!” bumper stickers and head for the golf course with campaign donors?
With all the pandemonium surrounding the P. T. Barnum approach to selecting next year’s Republican Presidential nominee, shouldn’t it soon be time for Barbara Bush to hold a press conference and admonish all Americans to come to their senses, get serious, and nominate her son JEB? Hypothetically wouldn’t even Edward R. Morrow himself have to utter a subservient response to such a clarion call? “Yes, mom, we’ll get to work on that right away.” (Wasn’t last weekend’s terrorist alert a delightful bit of Bush era nostalgia?)
Recently we learned online that Herb Caen’s typewriter is on display in the San Francisco Chronicle’s newsroom. Unfortunately the public can’t drop in to see it. William Randolph Hearst made an exception to his own iron clad rule for a columnist named Bob Patterson. Is it worth all the effort it would take for the World’s Laziest Journalist to get a photo of Caen’s Royal to use with one of his own columns?
In a world where solipsism rules and where Sisyphus is the citizen journalists’ team mascot, it seems to this columnist that it might be worth the effort to shoehorn an appointment with a typewriter into a schedule that is already an insurmountable challenge to efficient time management.
After we do our next installment of volunteer work for the Marina (del Rey) Tenants Association, check out the statue of an alligator in the El Paso town plaza (or is it a crocodile? They look alike in the dark.), we will start holding a schizophrenic style debate with ourself about assigning ourself to doing some columns about the earthquake recovery efforts in New Zeland.
If it seems that such a gig doesn’t have any connection to American political punditry, perhaps we can ask some of the relief workers the Goldwin style question: “How much do you love America’s latest war crimes?”
Writing about the same topic, over and over, such as what books are new or what contests are new, might earn a columnist an opportunity to be cross posted on one particularly big aggregate web site, but, to this columnist, that seems too much like a job and we prefer to continue our efforts to build a collection of readers who ask: “What did he write about this time?”
Recently a fellow blogger in the Berkeley area noted with trepidation that the three dot (it’s called an ellipse) style of column writing often triggers skeptical responses from readers. If some fiddle head conservative troll, who tries to evoke the old high school bit of humor about the world’s smallest violin playing “My Heart Cries for You” or accusations such as “You are crazy!”, can do better aren’t they free to submit such efforts? It seems that those who can, do; and those who can’t, post troll comments.
When the manager of a hotel informed the music group “The Who” that there had been complaints from other guests about noise in the rock stars’ room, legendary drummer John Bonham (allegedly) threw the TV out the window and said “That was noise; this is music.”
Now the disk jockey will play Patsy Cline’s “Crazy,” Igor Stravinsky’s “The Rite of Spring,” and a bootleg recording of the Rolling Stones project sometimes called “The Contractual Obligation” album. We have to go post bail (again?) for a friend. Have a “OR’ed” type week.
Dereliction of duty, incompetence, and Republican nihilism
Aren’t the audiences for live TV events usually expected to react on cue? Aren’t they supposed to applaud only when the “Applause” light is lit? Did the debate audience flash the inverted hitchhikers sign (which very closely resembles the movie reviewer’s hand signal trademarked by Roger Ebert?) to indicate their suggestion to the “Give me Liberty or give me death” binary choice while they uttered their verbal bit of Gladiator nostalgia? “Could the studio audience’s shouting of ‘Let him die!’ have been a scripted moment?”
Isn’t it deadly serious and not the least bit funny when the right to life segment of the Republican Party sits in silence while a man of Pan African heritage is executed for a murder for which there is reasonable doubt about the defendant’s guilt? Did uncle Rushbo play the “Let him die!” sound byte on the day of the Troy Davis execution? Are the “Right to Life” advocates just playing “dead dog” on command or are they a dying breed? Will the Republicans keep the “Let him die!” philosophy in mind when it comes time to apply some stringent budget cuts to the Veterans Hospitals programs? (Do Republicans laugh when they hear Elvis sing “Old Shep”?)
Isn’t it logical to conclude that either the “Right to Life” or “Let him die!” is a false flag operation for the Republican’ts? Or have they mastered the concept that George Orwell dubbed “double think”?
Will any bleeding-heart liberal pundit ask: “Is it really surprising to find Gestapo values in a war crimes nation?”
Read John Powers book “Sore Winners” and then try to make the point that a scripted spontaneous moment couldn’t have been the case. Aren’t all the famous Republican moments well scripted? (Such as: “We hear you!”?)
Could it be that pundits for mainstream media are no longer expected to do anything but act as part of a bucket brigade for conservative talking points?
If the paid pundits have morphed into subservient propagandists, then they won’t risk their weekly paychecks to ask impertinent questions about the piss-poor job performance of the Republicans in Congress. Why should they?
If America has become an “Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves” nation, why should a media personality risk his job just to bring up the possibility that voters negotiating to save their homes from foreclosure are dealing with the same kind of hardhearted desperados as were featured in the famous example of Arab folklore.
There is an old bit of American folk wisdom warning that the one sure way of avoiding a divorce is to never get married. Using that logic, if people don’t want to deal with a bank foreclosing on their homes, then they shouldn’t buy one.
If the wife does get sick, new wisdom says: “have a divorce lawyer deliver the adios papers!” Was Newt afraid to do that?
Isn’t it selfish (and a fine example of sewing the seeds for class warfare) for foreclosure victims to begrudge bankers their generous Christmas bonuses? Do they want the foreclosure henchmen to be paid salaries just to sit and ignore past-due mortgage payments?
Didn’t a John Steinbeck novel prove that you can’t move to California and take the family farm in Oklahoma with you?
Aren’t über-cynical pundits saying that it is very poignant to realize that the author of “Generation of Swine” died long before the spectacle of this year’s P. T. Barnum style Presidential race began to unfold?
Is it true (who doesn’t love the Jim Healy sound bites on the Norman Goldman radio show?) that the JEB Bush campaign staff is giving away free copies of Agatha Christie’s classic “Ten Little Indians”?
JEB has not been littering the debates with embarrassing sound bytes. JEB has not been participating in kindergarten level squabbles. JEB will look absolutely statesman-like in comparison, when the Vermont primary is held.
Isn’t the underlying reason for the pitiful Republican field the same clever bit of game-playing that causes manager of the headline acts at a rock concert to take extreme measures to make sure that the opening acts don’t eclipse his guys? If an opening act gets boo-ed off the stage, isn’t the contrast much greater then when the headliners do take the stage?
Sure it would be fun to open for the Rolling Stones during their next tour. What band could turn down such an invitation? What critic really cares who opens for the Stones? Isn’t it mind-boggling to realize that the greatest rock and roll band in the world will soon be celebrating their 50th year in business? Will they play a gig at the Marquise Club just to draw attention to the milestone? How much money could such a hypothetical gig raise for charity?
Did Tony Bennett just get some adverse publicity for calling for a new investigation into 9-11?
A soldier who doesn’t fight on the battle field is subject to a court-martial for dereliction of duty. (Wasn’t there some talk in Washington this week about reinstituting the draft?) A worker who lacks diligence can be fired for incompetence. A nihilist who lacks energy can express his philosophy of life by goofing-off. Can the Republicans who were elected to work in the legislative branch of government be impeached for their sit-down strike tactics?
Voters in America are free to use the electronic voting machines that leave no verifiable results to (try) to vote the rascals out of office. Cynics are still free (for how much longer?) to ask if that isn’t like the concept in a David Bowie song of putting out a fire by dousing it with gasoline.
Didn’t the Nazis use a minority party to control a majority of citizens who didn’t approve of their political program? In many Arab countries isn’t it often the case that a Shiite minority rules over a Sunni majority of citizens (or is it the other way around?)? What Republican would object on moral or political philosophical grounds to the suggestion that they use the electronic voting machines to permit a minority party to rule over a much bigger number of citizens in a majority party?
Doesn’t the Vince Lombardi philosophy apply to the use of electronic voting machines with unverifiable results? “Winning isn’t everything; it’s the only thing.”
The term “false flag operation” has been bandied about frequently recently and it makes this columnist wonder if perhaps somehow people in a smoke filled room were inspired by that concept to engineer a way to get a Republican mole into the White House cleverly disguised as a precedence setting Democrat.
Will some of Pan Am’s airplanes turn into time machines? Is it true that Leonardo DiCaprio will make an uncredited cameo appearance on the new TV show? We are going to try to catch that if we can.
Closing quote: Kurt Weill said: “Wherever I found decency and humanity in the world it reminded me of America.”
Now the disk jockey will get a little esoteric by playing: “Somehow I Never Could Believe” (from “Street Scene”), Marlene Dietrich’s “See What the Boys in the Back Room Will Have” (from “Destry Rides Again”), and Bobby Darin’s “Mack the Knife.” We have to cut out. Have a Weimar Republic type week and keep the “Applause” light lit while the credits roll.