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May 19, 2011

Ye Olde Scribe Productions Presents: The Search for the Next bin Laden

Filed under: Commentary — Ye Olde Scribe @ 9:06 pm

Now that America has gotten its Junior “protect my good buddy” lead out of its arse, and Obama put it in Osama’s head (As he died did he say, “Eye Yi Yi?”) the hunt continues for…

The Next bin Laden

Keep a look out for this dangerous terrorist. Below the fold you will find a picture from a wanted poster for this example of vile puddle scum: known characteristics and activities…

(more…)

May 9, 2011

Right-Wing Sock Puppets Pretending to Be Liberals Assault Progressive Websites

Ignorant, peevish, narrow-minded, misinformed, livid, intolerant, they are an army of everything that’s wrong with America, denizens of a weird trickster God who speaks to them with words they don’t completely understand, or tints their natural interior wrath with righteous anger conferred by snake-oil preachers or haughty cable charlatans either crass or crazed, or just slyly in it for the money, or all of the above.

This minority wouldn’t matter much except they are whipped into a frenzy and ‘played’ by cynical manipulators like Frank Luntz, Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck who, in turn, wouldn’t have much impact without the billions of dollars spent to spread their fetid message from such right-wing corporatists as Fox News owner Rupert Murdoch and the Koch brothers.

But beneath the second-tier video fictions of James O’Keefe and Andrew Breitbart, and the hollow-headed bleating of the various ozone-inhabiting creatures who will never be president like Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin, and even in the shadow of the disingenuous theocratic mushpile that is David Barton’s twisted view of our history, exists a well-funded Republican netherworld of PR propagandists and marketing hucksters busy dreaming up unethical new ways to undercut Obama and the Democrats.

One of these is Doug Goetzloe, an anti-tax right-wing talk show host and former Young Republican who heads up Advantage Consultants. Here is the copy from one of his ads advising his conservative clients to ‘flood the zone’ on progressive sites:

“Are you ready for a blog attack?

“Get ahead of your opponent with Professional Blog Warriors.

“Be prepared to ‘flood the zone’ with comments from professionals who are ready to put your talking points on the blogosphere 24/7.

“Whether it’s defense or offense, Advantage Consultants has a dedicated team of experienced blog warriors ready to advance your candidate or campaign.

“Why wait for the attack? Launch your attack with a battery of blog and forum comments aimed at all media and blog sites in your district.

“Contact us today and let us show you the Advantage in professional blog warfare.”

advantage-consultants-ad

Then there’s Chip Griffin, head of the now defunct NetVocates that planted comments as Advantage Consultants does back in 2005, and is still a Republican activist and PR man who was once associated with the far-right TownHall.com. Griffin is no doubt back on the scene as a sock-puppet master for the 2012 elections — it’s what he does for a living.

A poster named TomCADem recently made these points at Democratic Underground:

“However, what is often ignored are right wing/corporate funded political operatives generating attacks on Democrats from the ‘left’ while giving Republicans a free pass. Of course, these operatives do not announce their intentions, but instead simply launch attacks on Democrats from the left while largely ignoring the far more extreme positions of Republicans or suggesting that there is no difference between Democrats and Republicans. However, occasionally, such operatives are caught engaging in these fraudulent acts.

“The question in 2012 with Republicans and corporate American intent on taking back the White House, killing unions, and privatizing Medicare, [is] how far will Republicans and corporate propaganda groups go in their efforts to organize sock puppet attacks on Democrats from the left in order to undermine support for Democrats among liberals?”
– Posted in “‘Liberal’ Sock Puppets – Right Wing/Corporate Operatives Attacking Democrats From The ‘Left’,” April 26, 2011.

How far? The GOP is desperate to enact their anti-democratic corporate agenda as quickly as possible as they know the general public is catching onto them — they will go as far as mountains of corporate money and a total lack of conscience or ethics will take them.

Some on the progressive side are already well aware that the GOP is, and has been at least since 2005, mounting a large and well-funded campaign to plant phony ‘progressives sick of the Dems’ comments on various liberal sites to split the vote. Their masters know the psychology well: a percentage of the population, no matter what their politics, is ‘suggestible,’ meaning if they read a string of comments excoriating ALL Democrats as frauds and liars, that will become their opinion, if nothing to the contrary is offered. These ‘suggestibles’ are not necessarily stupid, but they do readily conform to whatever opinion is dominant. That’s why the GOP, through their paid operatives, flood progressive sites with so-called ‘former Democrats’ and ‘angry progressives’ who do nothing but harp on how horrible the Democrats and Obama are. It’s insidious and underhanded, but look at who’s doing it — the party of Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker, Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder and Ohio Gov. John Kasich. All of them were elected on a promise of jobs and better times, only to use their office to reward the wealthy with tax cuts and lucrative contracts privatizing public services at the expense of middle-class families who work for a living.

At one time, some of the ‘tells’ of the right-wing ‘sock puppet’ troll was their use of terms such as ‘DemoRATS’ or ‘Demonrats’ for Democrats, and their repeatedly calling Obama ‘Obummer,’ ‘Obomber’ or ‘Obomba.’ But they’ve mostly changed that language as actual progressives began to notice those repeated constructions and the fetid and simpleminded opinions attached to them. Some current ‘tells’ are when they don’t mention the GOP at all, or claim both parties are just as ‘evil,’ or try to shut down the conversation with insults, or push readers to vote for any third party, or say that they’d rather vote for a Republican than a Democrat, or make statements with no factual basis, or refer you to a right-wing website to ‘confirm’ their assertions.

Incidentally, there is no comparable effort by the left: if you try to post comments opposing the GOP or corporatists at right-wing sites, in most cases you will quickly be banned from posting there and your comments removed. They aren’t about to let the other side play their game on them, even if we had the money to fund such slimy baloney and the inclination to do so.

Our only protection against such ersatz assaults is to use our heads and common sense: if someone is a little ‘too’ enraged at Obama and the Democrats, be suspicious, especially if they never talk about Republicans. Ask them a couple of polite intelligent questions on the comment thread’s topic; if they respond by condemning or insulting you for questioning them rather than engaging you, they’re likely a sock-puppet troll; it’s in their nature to consider any question or disagreement as tantamount to treason. Also, if they keep reposting basically the same idea in one comment thread, they’re probably a sock-puppet troll; they’ve been instructed by their masters that repetition works. And don’t be swayed if they accuse you of being a ‘shill’ or ‘troll’ for questioning them — they are trained to do that.

Finally, always remember: you can pretend to be a progressive, but you can’t pretend to be smart, and these paid ‘blog warriors’ decidedly aren’t.

“The key point is that ever since the Reagan years, the Republican Party has been dominated by radicals — ideologues and/or apparatchiks who, at a fundamental level, do not accept anyone else’s right to govern.”
– Paul Krugman, “The Politics of Spite,” NY Times, Oct. 5, 2009.

Copyright © 2011 RS Janes.

May 8, 2011

Ye Olde Scribe Presents: Magic Bull It Theories

Filed under: Commentary — Ye Olde Scribe @ 9:22 am

Picture courtesy jdfarms.com
3bull_rear
Pundits and politicians lining up to deliver conspiracy laden talking points.

Now that our illegitimate, darkie, leader has successfully hidden the fact his placenta was cut off out of the You S Uv Ay, probably in the country known as Fonzieland… (“Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!”), and his gang of thug supporters went back in time to photoshop his “long” form, also providing him a previous to Osama’s death unknown huge set of cojones… on to the next witless, oops, YOS meant to type “witness-less,” conspiracy…

Now the “true story” can be told.

It all started on a grassy knoll.
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May 3, 2011

Ye Olde Scribe Presents: More Birther Questions

Filed under: Commentary — Ye Olde Scribe @ 7:13 pm

“Cause nothing says racism like some Birthers when they cook up controversy. Scribe imagines a Birther cookbook. And, yes, ‘It’s a COOKBOOK! It’s a COOKBOOK!’ Because follow Birther’s instructions and the nation’s goose IS cooked.”

(Donald Trump picture courtesy gawker.com)

Ah, nothing is more satisfying than…

ROAST RUMP OF TRUMP
custom_1247691401380_trumphair
1 placenta from Obama’s birth
Any blood spilled
DNA from all involved
Gitmo-ized Hawaii officials, medium well tormented until they’ll admit to anything
Obama under the same conditions
A gun to the head of his mother
Dug up corpse of father

And you STILL wouldn’t convince some Birthers, and Donald Rump O’Trump would just find some other way to harass that “n****r” president.

Oh, and by the way, where is the report on all that “amazing” stuff your invisible investigators never found in Hawaii, Mr. Rump O’Trump?

Now, on to the main presentation….


More Birther Questions

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Bin Laden Killing Assures Obama’s Reelection in 2012

It’s a sad fact that a sizable section of the voting public, colloquially known as Low-Information Voters (LIV), doesn’t pay close attention to politics, history or much else of serious importance to their futures. If they happen to be women, they can be found glued to shopping channels, ‘reality’ TV shows or Oprah; if men, they are usually focused on sports, video games or action films.

While we progressives can endlessly debate the nuances of Obama ordering the killing of Osama bin Laden, the LIV have already made up their minds: Obama is now the ‘kick ass’ president who brought down bin Laden, outdoing even Junior Bush, a previous favorite of this crowd because he invaded Iraq and kicked Saddam Hussein’s ass, even if Iraq and Saddam had nothing to do with 9/11. (Some of them still think he did.)

Most of us know or are related to members of the LIV contingent; these are the celebrators who were deliriously waving the flag, pumping their fists in the air and chanting ‘USA, USA’ in venues around the country after the news of bin Laden’s death was reported last Sunday. I have been drinking in neighborhood bars with the LIV for decades, and know how they think. They love Dirty Harry/Rambo kick ass commanders-in-chief and Obama just joined that group. No ambiguity here: bin Laden deserved to die and Obama killed him, despite the fact that al-Qaeda will not be put out of business, any more than the Gambino crime family ceased to exist when Carlo Gambino died.

Hilariously and pathetically, some Republicans are trying to give Little Bush credit for bin Laden’s demise, refusing to mention Obama, but even the demented bloviator Rush Limbaugh, Reagan’s parsimonious mouthpiece Peggy Noonan and that troglodyte Rep. Peter King are complimenting Obama for killing Osama. And what does the GOP have in the presidential bullpen to respond — Trump’s wild hair, Romney’s scintillating personality, Huckabee’s huckster Christianity, Pawlenty’s passive-aggressive puling, Bachmann’s Tea Party overdrive?

Also worth noting is that by this action Obama gained support from many in the military, proving to them he is no academic liberal wimp unwilling to ‘pull the trigger’ on the terrorists.

Obama is now the kick ass commander-in-chief and, in America, kick ass commanders-in-chief always win reelection, except for Poppy Bush. (Even his own party hated him for not going into Baghdad and taking out Saddam Hussein during the First Gulf War — and the LIV loathed him.)

Short of a full-blown Great Depression-style economic collapse, Obama just sealed his 2012 win and the LIV and military will be his margin of victory.

Copyright 2011 RS Janes.

April 27, 2011

What Will the Birthers Do Now?

Filed under: Commentary,News — Tags: , , , , — RS Janes @ 2:29 pm

Obama has released the long-form birth certificate they’ve been demanding, but it won’t make any difference to the hard-core Birthers. After all, they don’t like Obama so they will never trust this evidence. Better to wallow in their paranoid conspiracy theory which also doubles as a nice front for their rampant racism. MSNBC reported the story this way:

Obama releases detailed U.S. birth certificate

President slams ‘silliness’ of birther issue; Trump claims credit for release

From MSNBC.com staff and news service reports
April 27, 2011

WASHINGTON — Responding to critics’ relentless claims, President Barack Obama on Wednesday produced a detailed Hawaii birth certificate in an extraordinary attempt to bury the issue of where he was born and confirm his legitimacy to hold office. He declared, “We do not have time for this kind of silliness.”

By going on national TV from the White House, Obama portrayed himself as a voice of reason amid a loud, lingering debate on his birth status. Though his personal attention to the issue elevated it as never before, Obama said to Republican detractors and the media, it is time to move on to bigger issues.

“Over the last two and a half years I have watched with bemusement, I’ve been puzzled at the degree to which this thing just kept on going,” said the president.

Read the rest here.

And here’s the long-form BC:

obama-long-form-bc

April 23, 2011

The Top Five Corporate Tax Cheats

Before pushing grandma down the stairs by ‘reforming’ her Medicare and Social Security benefits out of existence, why not go after these god-awful drains on our treasury? Here are five examples of profitable corporations that pay no or low federal income taxes, yet extract much of their profit margin from the American economy. It’s past time for them to pay, as a percentage of their income, at least as much as the average public school teacher or firefighter in Wisconsin.

Want to balance the budget? Start here:

1. General Electric has made over $26 billion in profits in the past five years, with $5 billion from the US market just last year, on which it paid zero federal income taxes. It’s also received a hefty $4.1 billion refund from the IRS. Despite this generosity on the part of the American taxpayer, over the last nine years GE has shipped one-fifth of its jobs overseas and used every trick available to avoid paying US taxes. This is bringing good things to life? (BTW, Jack Welch, former CEO of GE, is sometimes called the father of modern outsourcing.)

2. ExxonMobil. This oil giant paid no federal income taxes in 2009 on $19 billion in profit, and even received a tidy $156 million rebate from the IRS. How do you get a tax rebate when you haven’t paid any taxes? On what planet does this make any sense?

3. Goldman Sachs paid only 1.1 percent in taxes on a profit of $2.9 billion in 2008, on top of the $800 billion provided by US taxpayers to save them from extinction. Time for another bonus, boys?

4. Citigroup ‘earned’ more than $4 billion in profits last year, yet paid no federal income taxes. Incidentally, like Goldman Sachs, they’re only in business thanks to a generous bailout from the US taxpayer; for Citigroup, that came to a neat $2.5 trillion. Despite this, Citibank continues to raise its fees and specialize in providing poor service to its customers.

5. Bank of America racked up $4.4 billion in profits last year, and received a $1.9 billion refund from the IRS. Since US taxpayers saved BoA from extinction with a $1 trillion bailout, why are they getting a $1.9 billion refund? I’m tired of asking on what planet this makes any sense.

And this is only the tip of our economic Titanic’s iceberg. If we’re going to have any future that doesn’t include our citizens rooting through dumpsters for dinner, these profitable corporations, et al, and the wealthy people who run them, are going to have to pay their fair share in taxes. For some reason, Paul Ryan forgot to include this in his hilarious Republican ‘budget.’

(Figures adapted in part from Sen. Bernie Sanders’ “Guide to Corporate Freeloaders.”)

© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

April 20, 2011

The Tattlesnake — Was Donald Trump Born in Jamaica, South Africa or Mexico?

Now there seems to be some question about Donald Trump’s birthplace. (That those questions were apparently invented out of thin air, possibly for humorous reasons, is of no consequence.) As we know from the example of the right-wring media, any question involving your place of birth must be answered by a slew of legal documents which they will then reject as forgeries and demand more, just as Trump, to goose up his pathetic TV show’s ratings with a presidential bid, is demanding that Obama release his ‘long form’ birth certificate since the short form, adequate for obtaining a US passport or entering the military, just isn’t enough for the blubbery mass of ham and ego some call “The Donald.”

Consider this: Not one person at the Jamaica, New York, hospital where Trump claims to have been born remembers his birth, as far as I care to find out. Aside from that, Trump’s alleged ‘real’ birth certificate doesn’t specify it is a hospital in Jamaica ‘New York’ — it simply says “The Jamaica Hospital.” What is Trump trying to pull here, MON? Was he born in the islands and smuggled into dis country?

trump-bc-fake

And where are the contemporaneous 1946 newspaper birth announcements for the baby Donald? Obama has provided two; Trump has provided zero. And look closely at the signatures of the hospital administrator and attending physician — are we to believe Walt Disney was running Jamaica Hospital in 1946 and a ‘Dr. John E. Conqueroo M.D.’ delivered Donald Trump?

Below, Dr. Kevin Rooney, a birth certificate expert and well-respected forensic doctor simply because I want him to be one, makes a compelling argument that Trump was born in South Africa and didn’t enter the United States until he was 15. (Just ask yourself: do you know of anyone who saw Trump in this country as a child?)

Some malcontents may argue that Dr. Rooney’s South Africa theory is short on facts, but, IMO, what it lacks in factual content it more than makes up for in bold, risible audacity. Besides, how can you argue with a copy of Trump’s real South African birth certificate? Who could possibly have the expertise and desire to forge something like that?

Donald Trump’s Real Birth Certificate Reveals He Is a Foreigner

trump-birth_certificate1

by Kevin Rooney

Trump was born in South Africa. His father was there on business (buying diamonds) and conceived Trump with a woman he met there. You can see her Dutch genes in Trump, the light reddish hair and very fair skin is Low Country Dutch. Donald Trump was raised in Cape Town according to strict Dutch customs which are very socialistic. (This is where he developed his great relationship with “the blacks.”)

When Trump was fifteen he was brought to New York by his father. Trump never talked about his South African background for fear of reprisals by Americans who hated apartheid.

Two years ago, when Obama was elected, Trump decided to run for president. He spent three and a half million dollars over two years manufacturing an American birth certificate, bribed doctors and nurses to say they had been present at his birth, and even hiring for life a troupe of actors to play his childhood American friends, college classmates and professors, etc. He has a staff dedicated to manufacturing articles about his ‘life’ in America, etc. He is hoping to become President of the United States, beef up its military by cutting off all unemployment funds, and finally invade South Africa and reinstate apartheid so his elderly mother can go to the beach without a gun. …

Another eminent historian has advanced the theory that Trump was actually born in Mexico. Read it all at “Was Donald Trump Born in Mexico?”

I think it is incumbent upon Trump to withdraw from the GOP presidential derby and public life until he can prove where he was born to my satisfaction.

2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org

April 9, 2011

The Tattlesnake – Political Short Cuts Part Deux Edition

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion — Tags: , , , , , , — RS Janes @ 4:15 am

More short sour snipes at some prominent political and media figures of our bloated Blutocracy, in no particular order.

WI Supreme Court Justice David Prosser – Proudly relying on a former underling and ardent GOP activist to discover more than enough ‘accidentally uncounted’ votes two days after losing the election to miraculously make him the victor, Prosser has shown himself to be in the same league of unembarrassed conservative judicial giants as Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas. No doubt if there is ever again a Republican president haunting the White House, Prosser will be at the top of his or her list of US Supreme Court nominees, eclipsed only by the fine legal minds of Scooter Libby, Louie Gohmert and Orly Taitz.

Ann Coulter - Anorexic in appearance; emaciated in thought; bulimic in speech. In other words, she never changes.

Mike Huckabee - His Christian devotion to integrity would be breathtaking to behold at some point in the future. As it is, we just have to take his assurance that he follows the teachings of Jesus on faith, as no independent evidence exists to confirm this assertion.

President Barack Obama – Apparently content to advance through constant retreat which, if you believe the world is round, would eventually result in him sneaking up on his enemies from behind. Conversely, his political opponents believe the world is flat, which is why they’re falling off the edge like lemmings. In any race to the bottom, Obama’s antagonists have the shorter drop.

GOP ‘House Budget Czar’ Rep. Paul Ryan – A man whose idea of balancing the budget involves giving away money to the rich and then hoping they will take pity on your impoverished state and provide you with a good job. It’s part of the lethal charm of Republican reptiles to insist that this ‘perpetual motion machine’ of economic thought, which has failed repeatedly in the past, is sure to work this time around. Of course, Ryan himself will have a good job in the future, in or out of politics, inadvertently paid for by the destitute taxpayers without their knowledge.

NJ Gov. Chris Christie – In a large bowl, combine tasty tax cuts for the well-heeled with budget-cutting zeal strained through a sieve with tea infused with Bush Republican crapola. Mix with whatever Ann Coulter’s drinking heavily and add a heaping cup of Il Duce’s state corporatism. Put in the oven for four years at high heat and – voila! – you have an oven ruined by an unpalatable mess fit only for the trash that is no longer being picked up in New Jersey regularly since the governor privatized the service to break the union.

WI Gov. Scott Walker - His politics honor King Louis XVI, his speeches Newt Gingrich, his ‘toughness’ a box of rocks, while his eyes pay homage to Mad Magazine’s Alfred E. Neuman. One could easily see him in the White House, cleaning up after Bo, and it may be the only job he can get after angry Wisconsin voters recall him next year – it’s definitely the only one he’s qualified to do.

AZ Gov. Jan Brewer - What happens when a batch of mean goes sour.

Newt Gingrich – He has the fire in the belly, the snow on the roof, the fourth lady-in-waiting, millions in the bank, and the fringe-conservative hamster furiously navigating the CPAC exercise wheel to guarantee his shot at abject failure in the 2012 GOP presidential primaries. Since Newt has an incredibly large vocabulary of words to express his puny ideas and historical deviances, nothing will stop him from embarrassing himself by losing to Sarah Palin in the first few primaries.

Donald Trump - Teabaggers and other neoconservative halfwits would be well disposed to take advice from a failure who couldn’t turn a profit from an Atlantic City casino and can’t get a gambling license in Nevada due to his history of bankruptcy. In fact, the only thing that ‘The Donald’ has ever made money from is his pathetic TV show wherein he hilariously fulfills the rubber-room delusions of his marketing staff by pretending to be a smart businessman. A more perfect presidential candidate reflecting the current state of the Republican Party does not exist. Trump is their man and, if somehow elected, would doubtless spend four years concentrating on his weekly reality show, “Who Wants to Work in the White House?” while the nation further crumbles.

The Koch Brothers – Nuts ‘n’ money, honey, and a rich Republican’s joke is always funny, especially from a couple of billionaire sons of Birchers. They are incontrovertible verification of Dorothy Parker’s line: “If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to,” but even the late, great Algonquin Round Table wit never imagined the Almighty would stoop this low for a laugh.

Mitt Romney - Loose rumor claims that, during Romney family vacations, it was actually the Mittster who was tied to the roof of the car while the dog drove the station wagon, but let’s not go down that road. It’s also claimed the charismatic former governor of Massachusetts can charm a roomful of supporters into needing a nap within five minutes flat. His firm handshake is reminiscent of grabbing a dead cod, his personal history is redolent with mirthful myth and confounding flip-flops, and his political notions are agreeably GOP incoherent, plus he’s rich and he wants to be president, making him the perfect choice to be the Republican sacrificial tiger in 2012.

Sen. John Thune – Mitt Romney without the zesty personality and sense of dignity.

© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

March 31, 2011

The Dying of the Right: Republicans WILL Believe Anything

If it’s about Obama, Clinton or poor old born-again Jimmy Carter, nothing is too absurd for the gullible right-wingers, as long as it’s defamatory. Some of these dizzy neocons, in a massive exercise in psychological projection, seriously believe liberals and progressives are fascists who want to see them in camps or dead, even though no evidence of this exists outside of the empty spinning flywheels of right-wing propaganda. (And these are the same bubbleheads who enthusiastically thumbs-up such Republican reptiles as WI Gov. Scott Walker, OH Gov. John Kasich, NJ Gov. Chris Christie, and MI Gov. Rick Snyder, the latter actually trying to secure the power to nullify local elections and run towns from the governor’s office. If that’s not fascism, I don’t know what is.) They didn’t learn the lesson of the Junior Bush years: There is a steep price to pay for those who create their own reality, and disinformation and delusion inevitably lead to ruin. The current incarnation of the GOP as a minority Christopublican-Tea Party is already sliding down the slippery chute; in ten years, both of these addled factions will have been shunted to the sidelines where they belong and a true conservative secular Goldwater Republican Party will reemerge to own the brand.

“Stupid or ‘lop-eared’ marks are often played; they are too dull to see their own advantage, and must be worked up to the point again and again before a ray of light filters through their thick heads. . . . Always they merit the scorn and contempt of the con men. Elderly men are easy to play because age has slowed down their reactions.”
– Excerpt from “The Big Con: The Story of the Confidence Man” by David W. Maurer, published in 1940, (pgs.103-4). The film “The Sting” was based on Maurer’s book.

“Put together any ten Americans at random and get their honest opinions — odds are at least two of them are going to be scary dumb.”
– Mac Carroll

Will Republican Voters Believe Anything? The Right’s Hyperbolic, Dysfunctional World

To have credibility within the Republican Party is to have none outside it. They act as if all their Kool-Aid has been spiked.

By Gary Younge
Comment is Free
The Guardian (UK)
Via AlterNet
March 28, 2011

Polls suggest there are between one in three and one in four Americans who would believe anything. More than a third thought President George Bush did a good job during Hurricane Katrina; half of those thought he was excellent.

Throughout most of 2008, as the economy careered into depression, just over one in four believed Bush was handling the economy well.

As Bush prepared to leave office in January 2009, bequeathing bank bailouts, rampant unemployment, and Iraq and Afghanistan in tatters, a quarter of the country approved of his presidency.

These are national polls that span the political spectrum. So you can imagine how concentrated the distortions become when filtered through the tainted lens of the right. A poll earlier this month revealed that a quarter of Republicans believe a community rights organisation called Acorn will try to steal the election for Barack Obama next year, while 31% aren’t sure whether it will or not. It won’t. Because Acorn does not exist. It was defunded and disbanded after a successful sting operation by conservatives a couple of years ago.

Meanwhile, a poll last month showed that a majority of Republicans likely to vote in the primaries still believe Obama was not born in the United States. He was. But no number of verified birth certificates will convince them.

Read the rest here.

March 22, 2011

Pundits doing a Turnabout?

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 4:12 pm

Thorne Smith’s 1930 novel, “Turnabout,” was recommended to this columnist, before the Vietnam war began to spin out of control, as a hilarious romp for several reasons and, since the suggestion to add it to our reading list came from “a reliable source,” we commenced an effort to locate a copy of the book.

When it looked like a win in the California primary would give Bobby Kennedy a big boost in momentum and a good chance to win the Democratic Party’s Presidential Nomination, we were seized by a strong premonition while entering a used bookstore in downtown Los Angeles. We were certain that we would find a copy of the sought after novel there. As we left, we noted that our hunch had been bogus, but then we suddenly rekindled our effort by going back in and looking in the “humor” section. Success!

The book tells the story of a married couple whose spirits, due to a mysterious magical statue, exchange the host bodies. The man is in the wife’s body and she finds herself inside the man’s body. The guy is immediately paralyzed by the prospect of becoming pregnant and enduring the challenges of childbirth. The woman is plunged into the world of bonding with the other “guys” at work.

Smith had a short but productive career and many of his novels were turned into profitable films. To the best of our knowledge, “Turnabout” wasn’t filmed. The basic plot-line has been turned into a Hollywood cliché, but in all the examples of mind-exchange films, “Turnabout” has been overlooked.

Some time after reading “Turnabout,” we learned that Sir Arthur Conan Doyle had written a short story about a similar mystical event that involved a college professor and one of his students, who had a school boy crush on his teacher’s wife.

[Smith’s “The Bishop’s Jaegers” is still too far ahead of its time to be movie-ized. Perhaps some avant-garde French director will show Hollywood, how it can be done.]

What brought this to mind while we were hypnotized by a tea kettle making ominous seductive noises at Oh-dark-thirty in the morning was the recent bit of political philosophy disorientation produced when a nominal member of the Democrat Party used a page right out of the Bush Family White House Instruction manual and sent thousands of bombs and cruise missiles into Libya to protect that country’s citizens from being killed by its leader.

The Democrats are recycling all the Republican pro Invasion of Iraq arguments to answer the Republicans’ recasting of the old “Bush is a war monger” Democrat talking points from earlier in this century. Talk about bringing “Turnabout” to life on the evening news broadcast.

For example, when a fellow member of the Berkeley Brigade of Bloggers (at the Berkeley Press Club?) asked this columnist to explain why Barry Bush (AKA code name “Obama”) had authorized the use of depleted uranium ammunition in the new jingoistic military adventure, before we could take a deep breath, we had blurted out this question: “If the American goal is genocide, doesn’t it make sense to use radiation to sterilize the males that can’t be killed?”

All the confusion brings up a question with disturbing psychological implications: “Are the Republicans being hypocritical when they use old recycled anti-Bush material to disparage Obama?

If some Republicans assert that Obama should be impeached for ignoring the Constitution which specifically states that Congress should vote to authorize any new wars rather than letting the President use the military in a “king’s army” capacity, do they realize that they are opening themselves up to the allegation that Bush committed an impeachable offence when he ordered up a search for Iraq’s non-existent WMD’s?

If the Republicans are using old Democratic talking points inadvertently, then they would seem to be blissfully ignorant of the nature of Bush’s offences, but if they are fully cognizant of the fact that they are spouting old Democratic talking points then that means they could be doing so with extreme sarcastic intent.

Are Democrats that anxious to believe that the Republicans who, under the direction of Field Marshal Karl von Rove, have spent years preparing for the time when a conservative majority judicial system might come in handy, have now made an inept and impulsive error? Could it be that plans for a Democratic party dupe (knowingly or unknowingly?) who would use the Bush strategy to start a new and unauthorized (by Congress) war, were at the ready when the first day of “Shock and Awe” was presented on network Television?

Perhaps the recycling of old Democratic talking points was part of a long term strategy and it is being implemented now with an extra added amount of “rubbing salt in the wounds” enthusiasm just for spite?

At this point giving Republicans credit for being sly as a Fox (news?), while playing “dumb,” to make a subtle point might remind some fans of the comic strip “Peanuts,” of the series where Charlie Brown, on the pitcher’s mound, tries to out-think the opposing team’s batter. “If he knows that a fast ball would work well now, but he knows that I would figure out that a fast ball would work well now, and I know that he knows that I would figure that out . . .” Strategy gridlock? Isn’t war for completely humanitarian reasons a bit of an oxymoron?

On Tuesday, March 22, 2011, Uncle Rushbo was asking if any listeners could tell him why the United States is “in Libya.” If the Democrats and Conservatives run the emotional level of discussion up enough, could there be a Twilight Zone type twist ending waiting in the wings? When the Democrats start delivering fever pitch defenses of the Obama decision to defend Libyans would it be a Rod Serling ending if the Conservatives suddenly say: “We fully agree with the Democrats, we just wanted to hear them enthusiastically promoting a new war in the Middle East.”?

If America uses a private company to provide support services to the military and if a new war will produce greater gross revenue for such a private company, what (if any) are the drawbacks for a new and profitable military venture . . . especially if it can become a perpetual war providing that company with an infinite supply of profits?

Isn’t it time for some clever editor to write a “Yes, Virginia, Americans are still ‘the good guys’” editorial? Of course a conservative might want to wait until a Republican is elected President to “straighten out the Obama mess” before running such a hypothetical opinion. The Republicans have all the time it will take, if the wars become perpetual.

Isn’t a perpetual war a lot like increased radiation levels? You either learn to live with it or die in the attempt.

In “the Bishop’s Jaegers” (Pocket Books Inc. November 1954 17th printing paperback edition [25 cents for “the complete book” {“Illustrated with many wonderful drawings by Herbert Roese”}]) on page 64, Thorne Smith wrote: “It was this latter possibility that brought Peter to a full realization of his position. For the first time he saw himself as indubitably he would appear in the eyes of others. He saw himself not as an innocent man but simply as a stark naked coffee importer dazzlingly greeting his guests at the door of his ancestral home.”

Now the disk jockey will play “Lady Godiva,” “Night train,” and Janice (“It’s all the same f*****g [Remember what Col. Kurtz said about that word?] day, man”) Joplin’s “Get it while you can.” We have to go apply for press credentials for this year’s Nudestock Music Festival. Have a “let it all hang out” type week.

March 16, 2011

Nihilism for fun and profit

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 1:31 pm

As a child, this columnist found a hypnotic allure to all things nihilistic even though the thought that “it’s all an exercise in futility” was completely incomprehensible to a kid who was living in a world where all things were possible. Was my classmate Joey Biden there when one of the nuns told us that anyone of us could become President of the United States? At the end of the movie “Treasure of the Sierra Madre,” the old prospector and one of his young protégées laugh as the fruit of their year of labor blows away in the wind. Really? People can do that?

Sitting in Berkeley waiting for the authorities to say again that the events in Japan will have no impact on this California city, knowing that if they candidly admitted that the outlook was bleak there would be nothing that could be done except to begin a search for any possible “end of the world orgy” nearby, brought to mind the words of the old guy in the aforementioned movie. He advised his young partner to laugh and make the most of the situation. Now after a lifetime full of stolen elections, broken campaign promises, and endless petroleum wars, suddenly the message of “Treasure of the Sierra Madre,” has snapped into clear focus.

Why listen to news? Why not slap an old tape into the player and listen to Jerry Lee Lewis wish that he wasn’t middle age crazy but actually was 18 again. “Going places I’d never seen.”

What would you give to see a living legend sing? We’ve had the experience of seeing old Jerry Lee perform at the legendary Palomino in North Hollywood. That famous night club is long gone and we don’t know where the hell our Pal T-shirt is. Oh, well, it’s like the line in one of his songs: “If I had the time, I’d do it all again.” We all know what memories can bring; they bring diamonds and rust.

“We lost cousin Davey in the Korean War; still don’t know what for”

Liberal bloggers spent hours pounding out columns pointing out that Bush was duplicating the Nazi War Crimes. Along came Barry and he retroactively approved the Bush methodology and urged the Democrat voters to forgive and forget.

Now, we might send troops to Libya. The spirit of George Bush lives on!

We heard an news item that indicates that General Patraus will ask for more troops for the war in Afghanistan. I once was blind but now I see. You go, Barry, and remember the old John Wayne philosophy: “Sometimes a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.”

The American government spokesman says there is nothing to worry about regarding radio active fallout from Japan. Libya? Tell ‘em the Marines are coming to protect BP’s oil.

Voting to give Barry a second term seems like it will give this columnist a much greater appreciation for all those nihilist movies we’ve enjoyed so much for so long. Would Barry appreciate the nihilistic irony if we don’t actually go to a voting machine and validate his continuation of the Bush policies?

In the broadcast for Tuesday, March 15, 2011, listeners to the Mike Malloy radio show, heard about a teacher in Milwaukee who had donated $2,000 to Barry’s Presidential campaign. The fellow wished he had his money back. Do you think that Barry’s corporate donors have buyer’s regret? That teacher needs to rent “Treasure of the Sierra Madre” and memorize Howard’s speech.

The tree-huggers are rather upset that Barry isn’t ordering a reevaluation of nuclear plant safety measures, as Germany has done. Both Barry and Uncle Rushbo agree that doing that in the USA is unnecessary. Perhaps the treehuggers need to read up on Nietzsche’s thoughts on the need for a revaluation of reevaluations?

The tree-huggers are rather alarmed that some pixy dust from far away will fall on their heads, especially in the West Coast area of the USA, and cause some medical problems. Barry and Uncle Rushbo agree that such alarm is just a fairy tale story gone out of control. Eventually the treehuggers will come home wagging their tales behind them?

Some goody-two shoes types are upset that Barry hasn’t changed the Bush war policy. Well, if he sends more troops to Afghanistan, they can’t say that then, can they? If war is good, isn’t more war better?

George W. Bush was upset that the Democrats didn’t give unconditional love to him and his agenda. Barry came along and played the role of Judas goat and brought all most all the Demorcrats into the war mongers tent. Thus, retroactively, George W. Bush finally gets full approval of his record.

Mike Malloy played an old sound byte that featured Barry saying that if workers’ rights were threatened, Barry would put on some comfortable shoes and join them on the picket line. Malloy indicated that an implied verbal contract had been broken by Barry’s recent absence in Wisconsin.

Malloy, on Tuesday, repeatedly referred to Bush’s successor as “President Crazy.”

What’s the title of the song where Willie Nelson sings the words: “there’s nothing I can do about it now”?

Barry let George W. Bush walk. Are any members of the clergy urging Barry to turn Dubya over to the world court? Barry has sanctioned the continued torture of Bradley Manning. Is it any wonder that Arianna Huffington didn’t think it worth while to pay folks for material that disapproved of George W. Bush’s political agenda? Wink wink nudge nudge. You go right ahead and rant about “war crimes” all you want.

If the nuclear accident in Japan precipitates the end of the world, there’s not much use in trying to live blog the process. If it’s just a big boo-boo that will intrigue historians centuries from now, there’s no use wasting time scribbling out alarmist columns that will ring hollow in the future. What’s done is done. Like the croupier says: “No more bets!” Just watch the ball bounce around on the roulette wheel, now.

Who said: “the writing hand writes, and having writ, moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit shall lure it back to cancel half a Line, nor all your tears wash out a World of it.”?
Wasn’t that the same guy who also advised: “Ah, make the most of what we yet may spend, beforfe we too into Dust descent; Dust into Dust, and under Dust, to lie, Sans Wine, sand Song, sans Singer, and – sans End!”

It used to be that this columnist actually advocated a renunciation of George W. Bush’s war crimes. Now, we hear the voice of Judy Collins, explaining the Barry Obama philosophy: “through many days of toil and strife, we have already found that grace . . . and faith will lead us home . . . when we’ve been there 10,000 years . . . than when we first begun . . . I once was lost, but now I’m found. Once was blind but now I see.”

After all these years, it still boils down to what Howard said at the conclusion of “Treasure of the Sierra Madre:” “It’s a great joke played on us by the Lord, or fate, or nature, whatever you prefer. But whoever or whatever played it certainly had a sense of humor! Ha! The gold has gone back to where we found it!… (Curtin joins Howard in boisterous laughter.) This is worth ten months of suffering and labor – this joke is!” or as Ned Kelly once said: “Such is life.”

The disk jockey will now play:
Edith Piaf’s “No Regrets”
Little Richard’s “Bama Lama”
Patsy Cline’s “I was so wrong” and “Crazy” (written by Willie Nelson)
Joan Baez’s “Simple Twist of Fate”
Frank’s version of “Quarter to Three” (Do the young readers want to know: “Who was Frank Sinatra?”)
Doors “The End”
David Carradine’s “Cosmic Joke” song
Roy Orbison’s “Communication Breakdown”
Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon” album
Willie Nelson’s “Nothing I can do about it now” and “Living in the Promised Land.”
The Mickey Mouse Club song (why not?) and the “You’re nothing but a nothing” song which (we learned as mouseketeers) contains the lowest note ever sung by a human voice.
Last, but not least, Kris Kristofferson’s “What ever gets you through the night.”

We have to go find an “End of the World” Orgy.
Have a “rock, shock, jay-hawk” type week.

March 12, 2011

The Tattlesnake – Defending Charlie Sheen Edition

Is it crazy to stand up to corporations and media parasites that are trying to tell you how to live your life?

Charlie Sheen’s gotten a bum rap from the media lately because he refused to play the corporate and tabloid-TV game: the Shamed Celebrity is supposed to enter rehab and emerge contrite and chastened and just so gleefully grateful his corporate employer stuck by him during his time of need. Instead, Sheen called CBS and his producers on their ‘we care’ bullshit, and told the media hypocrites that parasitically cover celebrities to stuff it where the moon don’t shine. Here’s a news flash you won’t see on the MSM: When celebs enter rehab, it’s mainly for PR, career, or project-insurance purposes and there is no shortage of drugs and alcohol at any of the well-known rehab ranches that cater to the famous. What are they going to do, kick them out and lose all of that money? No, they turn a blind eye and cooperate in the fraud that the celebrity is ‘cured,’ and everybody goes home happy. Charlie Sheen just refused to indulge in this fetid game and, for that, he should be applauded.

Is he crazy? Maybe, but no more than most of us, and he’s not advising that we hurt or hate anyone. If you read his quotes below, he often makes considerable sense and he frequently lampoons himself, which the TMZ-style media are apparently too obtuse to recognize. He’s certainly more honest and lucid than the demented wolfpack of politicians and pundits that appear on Meet the Press every Sunday and are treated as sane and reasonable.

If a Hunter S. Thompson had given Charlie’s recent interviews, some of the same people pointing the ‘nutjob drug addict’ finger at Charlie Sheen and ‘tsk, tsk’ self-righteously shaking their heads over his sure demise, would be laughing with or praising him. But because he’s known as a film/TV actor, and many of them don’t want to offend Viacom/CBS for professional reasons, they toe the corporate line that Sheen is spinning out of control and needs help. Haven’t we learned by now that large corporations do not have compassionate souls that take pity on their employees, and neither do the heads of Hollywood production companies? It’s all about the money.

Aside from that, when did Charlie Sheen’s personal life become the concern of anyone but himself and those around him? How would you like your personal problems exaggerated and splashed all over the TV beast and the Internet?

As you read the poem below, pretend they are the words of a beat poet rather than a movie star. It might give you a whole different perspective; “Droopy-eyed armless children” by itself is a line worthy of a Jack Kerouac novel or Allen Ginsberg epic.

“Winning”

The words of Charlie Sheen edited into poetry

I so desperately wanted to be
Mr. Somebody.
Instead, I was the little brother…
As kids we’re not taught how to deal
with success; we’re taught how to
deal with failure.
If at first you don’t succeed,
try, try again.
If at first you succeed,
then what?
C’mon, bro, I won best picture at 20!
I wasn’t even trying.
I wasn’t even warm.

Fame is empowering.
My mistake was that I thought
I would instinctively know
how to handle it.
But there’s no manual,
no training course.
The run I was on made Sinatra,
Flynn, Jagger, Richards,
all of them look like
droopy-eyed armless children!
Sure, I did a lot of things in excess.
But if you look at the core,
the foundation of what I pursued,
what red-blooded young American
male in my position wouldn’t?
But you can’t focus on things
that matter if all you’ve been
is asleep for forty years.
Funny how sleep
rhymes with sheep.

(more…)

March 8, 2011

Boycott Koch Products

As the Koch brothers cheesy little autocrat Scott Walker sinks in the polls, taking the GOP with him, and the Koch astroturf group Americans For Prosperity shows their contempt for the average Wisconsinite, and desperation, by dragging in dimbulb Joe the Plumber to call the Madison protestors commies (who pays attention to this idiot anyway?), here’s something those of us who can’t be in Madison can do to show our support — hit the Kochs right in the wallet and don’t buy their consumer products! And, if you feel really energetic, write to your local newspaper and other media and tell them you are boycotting Koch products because of their attempts to buy our government.

Here’s a list of the Kochs consumer products to avoid, courtesy of Lauren Kelley of AlterNet.org. (Also, read her story, “How You Can Boycott the Kochs“):

Here’s the colossal list of products being boycotted:

Angel Soft toilet paper
Brawny paper towels
Dixie plates, bowls, napkins and cups
Mardi Gras napkins and towels
Quilted Northern toilet paper
Soft ‘n Gentle toilet paper
Sparkle napkins
Vanity fair napkins
Zee napkins
Georgia-Pacific paper products and envelopes

All Georgia-Pacific lumber and building products, including:

(more…)

March 2, 2011

The Tattlesnake – Top Ten Neocon Republican Hits Edition

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion — Tags: , , , , , , — RS Janes @ 6:42 pm

These top ten lists get tedious, and this one’s no different.

1. “This Land Ain’t Your Land, This Land Is MY Land”
Scotty and the Koch Brothers

2. “America The Profitable”
Moe Greenback and the Wall Streeters

3. “Take Your Job And Shove It”
The U.S. Chamber of Commerce

4. “Dead Man’s Curve”
Chris Christie and the Budget Cutters

5. “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling”
The Palin Family Choir

6. “Viva Low Wages!”
Wal Mart and the New Peasants

7. “It’s My Party And I’ll Cry If I Want To”
Long John Boehner and the Wailers

8. “Liar, Liar (Pants On Fire)”
Mike Huckabee and the Birthers

9. “He Got The Gold Mine And I Got the Shaft”
Glenn Beck’s Suckers

10. “(Here It Comes Your) 19th Nervous Breakdown”
Michele Bachmann and her Teabaggers

©2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

February 24, 2011

Looking at California’s 36th Congressional District

When this columnist read on the Internets that Jane Harman was going to resign from her job as the Congressional representative from California’s 36th Congressional District, we spent a moment wondering who would replace her and made a note to get back to that topic. Recently while looking for a column topic we spied something written by Marcy Winograd and figured that we had the answer to our question because the school teacher has been doing well as a Democratic Party candidate trying to wrestle the office away from the incumbent.

On February 7, 2011, Ms. Harman announced that she would be resigning from Congress to become the head of the Woodrow Wilson International Center for Scholars. We learned online that Jane Margaret Lakes Harman had graduated from Harvard Law School in 1969.

Since we lived in that area for several decades, we figured a closer look might yield the ingredients for a good column.

The District was created in by redistricting caused by the 1990 census and there was no incumbent in 1992. We went to a meet and greet event for the candidates hoping to win the new seat which was held at Loyola Marymont University. We saw the array of hopefuls. Ms. Harmon did a credible job of presenting her case and seeming personable.

Marcy Winograd has in two past primary seasons given the incumbent reason to campaign very hard and not take the incumbency advantage for granted. Ms. Winograd got Gore Vidal to speak at one local rally attended by this columnist. She too did a noteworthy job of sounding both sensible and dependable, but she now lives in Santa Monica which is outside the district (according to something Ms. Winograd posted online).

We then learned that Los Angeles City council representative Janice Hahn may seek to become the new congressional representative from the 36th Congressional District in California. Her brother has been the mayor of L. A. and her father was a member of the L. A. County board of supervisors. We wondered if we could do a column about the possibility that political dynasties in the USA are becoming the American version of a title in Great Britain.

Most Americans are aware of the big name dynasties such as the Kennedy family, the Gore family and the Bush family (which may try for a revival via JEB’s bid to become the next Republican Presidential Candidate.) How many other American Political Dynasties are in play but are not as well known. How many voters (for example) in Berekeley CA would know (or care) about the Hahn family history down in SoCal? How many other similar mini-dynasties are there around the USA? Since when does a family have a right to a big name factor advantage in free elections? And why?

We can see the potential for a book in using the topic of American Dynasties but we were only looking for a column’s worth of information.

Then we learned about yet a third Democrat, Secretary of State Debra Bowen, who has expressed an interest in running for that particular congressional seat. Ms. Bowen has battled against the use of electronic voting machines. It was beginning to look like there might be enough material for a book about the political maneuvering in just this one Congressional District and sadly that much material in columns aimed at a national audience would tend to bore readers outside the district.

You can just bet that some Republican political strategists are paying very close attention to many facets of this complex district with a smorgasbord of voters. The district includes portions of Venice, Marina del Rey, part of Mar Vista (it might be only a tiny sliver), Playa del Rey and (as I recall) portions of the South Bay. There are still some hippie/beatniks living in Venice. Marina del Rey seems to have gone a bit more Yuppie than it was in the “swinging singles” era in the Seventies. (We knew people who were not challenged when they said they attended the famous LSD party reported in Sports Illustrated in the late Sixties. [We never did find out why Sports Illustrated ran a trend spotting article about the fact that the baby boom generation was entering their courtship phase.])

The South Bay is a conservative enclave with folks employed by both the Defense and Aero Space Industries. Don’t know how they are dong in the Bush era but supposedly old voting habits die hard.

To even a causal observer the workers in the Defense and Aero Space industries seem to be the antithesis of the voters living in close proximity to Ocean Front Walk.

In a time when being well informed seems to mean that folks skim a large variety of web sites, it may be asking too much to suggest that there should be complex analysis of each and every Congressional District available online.

Will political junkies really read bios and synopsis of the political views of three Democratic candidates just to prepare for one local primary contest? If you think that then please explain the success of Senate candidate Alvin Greene in South Carolina. (Isn’t he running for a new office?)

What about the Republican efforts in that District? We’ll have to research their efforts to win a seat this year and maybe have the incumbent advantage in the general elections in 2012.

While we were collecting information for a nostalgic look back at that particular Congressional District where we spent a few decades, we got the “bat-signal” from the President of the Marina (del Rey) Tenants Association. He’s a long time friend and he wants some volunteer help on a local issue and so as we will answer the call and go back “on the road” to go help him.

Other than talking to local residents involved in the area’s issues, fact finding will be a challenging chore. The Santa Monica Outlook suspended publication and their “morgue” is probably in a storage room somewhere in Torrance CA. It is available on mircrofilm at the Santa Monica Public Library. The Argonaut newspaper, which did a commendable job of covering local politics still has an office in the area (and their archives are available online) but the effort necessary to get a closer look at the background for one particular Democratic Primary race is a formidable challenge if one hopes for a comprehensive roundup article. We realize that a good amount of facts may go unreported in a great many races around the state and that only tends to increase our pessimistic outlook on America’s political future. The Republicans tend to rely on sloppy voter preparation and a heavy advertising budget to win political races.

Maybe while we are helping the Marina (del Rey) Tenants Associaton we can use some spare time to pick up enough facts for a “behind the scenes” look at this one particular special election.

If we get to L. A.; isn’t there a blog entrepreneur who holds weekly literary salon parties up in Brentwood? How do we go about getting an invitation? Is there room for a visiting columnist from Berkeley at the “in crowd” events held close to the UCLA campus?

What “sells” online these days? How can an outsider get a bigger online audience? The task facing liberal web sites and citizen journalists brings to mind an old expression about using a sieve to bail the water out of a leaky old row boat. The conservatives “own” the airwaves.

That, in turn, reminds us of the “rumor” that there is a possibility that the bloggers whose work appears on a certain recently sold high profile website are going to have their salaries doubled (2 X 0 = ?) and that makes us think of the old joke about some good news and some bad news for the guys pulling the oars on the Emperor’s boat. The good news was their food ratio would be doubled. The bad news was: “This afternoon the emperor wants to go water skiing.”

Which comedian is credited with the line: “That joke is so old it was found carved on the Rosetta Stone!”? Bah-dump-bump.

Has it come to be that the only material available for use by liberal media is recycled half century old jokes? If so, the Democratic platform may start to sound like articles of surrender.

In case you are wondering why Jane Harman is stepping down, according to information found online, she will be appointed by the President to the Woodrow Wilson Foundation.
Once she “steps out of the picture,” most national web sites will not want to expend valuable time and effort to track her career at a think tank.
Getting a shipload of information into a short easy to read column that folks will skim over reminds this columnist of the long lost concept of “a blivet.” If you don’t know, go down to the local workman’s bar and offer to buy an old guy a beer in return for the definition.

Doing volunteer work for the Marina Tenants Association might present us with the chance to call Reverend Dan while he is on the air with his “Music for Nimrods” show and request Elvis’ “Old Shep.”

Should this columnist be lest flippant? The way we assess the situation for the Democrats, the unions, the decrepit remains of the New Deal (isn’t the New Deal on life support?), and women’s rights, it can best be summarized by quoting W. C Fields: “The time has come to take the bull by the tail and face the situation.”
Speaking of unions, this columnist, when he isn’t “on the road,” gets days off only when public libraries are closed because we need them to get access to the web to post our columns and photos. When they are not open, we get a day off. When we are “on the road,” it’s never a sure thing. We are well acquainted with the hours of operation for the various Libraries on L. A.’s Westside, so stay tuned.

Until then, we’ll leave you with the almost thirty five years old words of Howard Beale: “I don’t have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It’s a depression. Everybody’s out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel’s worth, banks are going bust, shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there’s nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there’s no end to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TV’s while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that’s the way it’s supposed to be. We know things are bad – worse than bad. They’re crazy. It’s like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don’t go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, ‘Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won’t say anything. Just leave us alone.’ Well, I’m not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don’t want you to protest. I don’t want you to riot – I don’t want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn’t know what to tell you to write. I don’t know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you’ve got to get mad.”
Now the disk jockey will take us back to the swinging singles era by playing Disco Tex and the Sex-o-lettes’ “Get Dancin’” Barry White’s “Can’t get enough of your love, babe,” and Johnny Cash’s 1976 comeback hit “One piece at a time.” We have to go find a copy of a 1936 Army Corps of Engineers report. Have a “Stayin’ Alive” type week.

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