December 27, 2009
December 26, 2009
December 25, 2009
Quotes with a Holiday Punch
“How many observe Christ’s birthday! How few his precepts!
O! ’tis easier to keep holidays than commandments.”
– Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard’s Almanack, 1757.
“Jesus wasn’t a Christian, and he never preached in a church. He was also a drinker, and liked to hang out with sinners. We think of him very highly in the Church of Stop Shopping. We put him right up there with Lenny Bruce.”
– Reverend Billy
“Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.”
– Lenny Bruce
“To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals.”
– Don Schrader
“Christian fundamentalism: The doctrine that there is an absolutely powerful, infinitely knowledgeable, universe-spanning entity that is deeply and personally concerned about my sex life.”
– Andrew Lias
“The problem with fundamentalists insisting on a literal interpretation of the Bible is that the meaning of words change. A prime example is ‘Spare the rod, spoil the child.’ A rod was a stick used by shepherds to guide their sheep to go in the desired direction. Shepherds did not use it to beat their sheep. The proper translation of the saying is ‘Give your child guidance, or they will go astray.’ It does not mean ‘Beat the sh*t out of your child or he will become rotten’ as many fundamentalist parents seem to believe.”
– Author Unknown
“I read about an Eskimo hunter who asked the local missionary priest, ‘If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?’ ‘No,’ said the priest, ‘not if you did not know.’ ‘Then why,’ asked the Eskimo earnestly, ‘did you tell me?’”
– Annie Dillard
“Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he’ll starve to death while praying for a fish.”
– Author Unknown
“Christianity is not a religion; it’s an industry.”
– Author Unknown
“You can safely assume that you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.”
– Anne Lamott
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December 24, 2009
Texas ‘Bizarre Claims’ Couple Deported
‘Bizarre Claims’ Couple Deported
By Walt N. Ponde
The Corpus Christi Sun-Journal
December 24, 2009
SPECIAL TO THE SUN-JOURNAL — The strange tale of illegal immigrants Jose and Maria Natividad has finally come to an end after a federal judge yesterday ordered the couple deported to Mexico.
They were arrested on the streets of Corpus Christi last Tuesday while seeking a place they could stay for free. Because they had no money and were unemployed, police initially charged them with vagrancy and loitering until a Spanish translator – the Natividads speak no English – discovered they were illegally in this country. The case was then turned over to U.S. immigration authorities.
INS agents told federal prosecutors that due to their age difference – Jose is 60 and Maria is 15 – they wanted Jose charged with statutory rape and transporting a minor across national borders for immoral purposes, but federal immigration Judge Ben Dayeau found that their marriage was legal under Mexican law, and ordered the deportation without additional charges filed. The local vagrancy and loitering charges were also dropped.
But that was after Texas Department of Family and Protective Services (DFPS) investigators uncovered what Judge Dayeau called, “the most bizarre claims that have ever been heard in my courtroom.”
Nine-months pregnant Maria Natividad told DFPS social workers that she had never consummated the marriage with her husband, that she was a virgin, and that her pregnancy was the result of divine intervention. As the DFPS report put it, “Mrs. Natividad claims she was impregnated by God and that her unborn son is the Messiah or second coming of Jesus Christ as promised in the New Testament of the Bible.” Interviewed separately, Jose Natividad concurred with his wife’s story.
DFPS spokesman Rod N. Staph told the Sun-Journal that under ordinary circumstances it would have ordered a complete physiological and psychological examination of Mrs. Natividad, but that recent state immigration restrictions prevented that. “She’d be in a hospital right now,” Staph said, “except a new state law prohibits hospitals from treating undocumented immigrants.” Instead, DFPS recommended the couple be deported as quickly as possible.
In Austin, Gov. Rick Perry reacted to the judge’s ruling, telling reporters, “The people of Texas don’t want to pay for another illegal Mexican mother to have her baby here, no matter what kind of crazy tale this woman is telling. If born here, their child will then be an American citizen, and it will make it more likely this couple, who have no useful skills, no money and can’t speak our language, will stay here and We the People will have to pay for them. The tough new immigration laws I signed protect Texas and America from these illegal bloodsucking deadbeats and their welfare babies.”
Texas religious leaders contacted for comment all agreed that Mrs. Natividad’s assertions were improbable at best, with Good Samaritan Baptist Church of Dallas pastor Ballman Gilead summing up their feelings: “This is, frankly, nuts. We know the second coming will happen in the Middle East and it won’t be a child of poor Mexican parents, you can be sure. This Natividad couple are just using this wild story to try and get a free ride from the U.S. taxpayer.”
Mindy Putts, a translator for DFPS, said that as she was helping the Natividads on an INS bus bound for Mexico early Thursday morning, Mrs. Natividad turned to her and said in Spanish, “I would ask God to curse this state of Texas for its lack of Christian decency and hospitality, but I see that He has anticipated my request.”
On her Facebook page, former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin responded to the Natividad controversy by writing, “Controlling our borders is controlling our great American national destiny, and nothing is too important for that goal.”
© 2009 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
December 22, 2009
December 21, 2009
December 20, 2009
Lieberman the Great Compromiser
U.S. Sen. Lieberman Says He Would Have Compromised on Slavery
Cites economic costs of American Civil War
By Woody Nichols
Staff Writer
The London Daily Advocate
December 19, 2009
In an interview with the Hartford Courant newspaper to be published Monday, Sen. Joseph I. Lieberman, the controversial independent from Connecticut who has been criticized by some Americans for delaying health care reform in that country, said that if he had been a member of the U.S. Congress during the era before the American Civil War, he would have voted to compromise with the southern states rather than risk conflict over the issue of slavery.
After stressing his “long record of accomplishment” on civil rights legislation, Sen. Lieberman said, “I know this may be an unpopular opinion, but I believe that the Civil War had a terrible impact on the economy of that time, increasing the national debt and unfairly imposing the government on our profitable textile businesses, and so it was not morally justifiable on that basis. I would have sought a compromise rather than subject our nation to that war.”
The 2000 Democratic Party vice presidential candidate added, “But I would have imposed some regulations on the slaveholders, such as insuring that the slaves were fed and clothed adequately by local standards and that slave families were kept intact when possible. I would have also guaranteed each working slave a half-hour daily lunch break.”
Sen. Lieberman concluded the interview by saying that he thought slavery would have passed away eventually “by natural processes,” although he admitted it might have taken another 50 or 60 years. “But look at the money that would have been saved if there had not been a Civil War,” he summarized.
Asked about U.S. health care reform, Sen. Lieberman offered, “I don’t believe our economy can afford health care for everyone right now without unfairly impacting our profitable insurance companies in a negative way, but someday I’m sure we’ll have a better system, perhaps by 2060 or 2070.”
© 2009 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
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December 19, 2009
The Tattlesnake – The Political Good, Bad and Ugly Edition
Good: Your husband has decided to get more involved in
local politics.
Bad: He’s running for congress as a conservative Republican.
Ugly: He’s Karl Rove.
Good: Your wife just got a great-paying job.
Bad: She’s on Fox News.
Ugly: After fifteen years of marriage, you never knew she was a wingnut.
Good: Your 22-year-old daughter just announced she’s marrying the man of her dreams.
Bad: He’s old enough to be her grandfather.
Ugly: He’s Mitch McConnell.
Good: Your 21-year-old son’s new book is about to be published.
Bad: It’s a biography of George W. Bush.
Ugly: He’s started talking like him.
Good: Your wife buys a new hat for her birthday.
Bad: It has teabags hanging off the brim.
Ugly: They’ve all been used.
Good: The recently discovered Bush emails prove conclusively that Bush, Cheney, Rove, et al, committed high crimes while in office.
Bad: Holder’s Justice Department refuses to prosecute them.
Ugly: Obama excuses them by saying, “Anyone could make a mistake.”
Good: You laugh at an Andy Borowitz satire about Glenn Beck ‘editing’ and releasing an ‘abridged’ version of “1984″ wherein Big Brother’s name is replaced by Obama’s.
Bad: Turns out it’s not an Andy Borowitz satire.
Ugly: The MSM quote from the book as if it were George Orwell’s original version.
Good: Your daughter just got a new job.
Bad: She’s working for Bill O’Reilly.
Ugly: She just bought a case of loofahs.
Good: Your son just got a new job.
Bad: He’s working for FreedomWorks.
Ugly: He’s Dick Armey’s ‘butt boy.’
Good: You just got a tenured job at a university.
Bad: You’re teaching ‘Creation Science.’
Ugly: At Messiah College.
Good: The ideas of Tom Paine are being discussed on TV.
Bad: By Glenn Beck on Fox News.
Ugly: Beck has made liberal agnostic Paine into a far-right Christian fanatic just like himself.
Good: Your son has been signed to star in a major motion picture.
Bad: It’s “The Life of Rush Limbaugh.”
Ugly: He was hired due to his strong resemblance to the subject.
Good: You’ve accepted a $50,000 speaking gig.
Bad: At the next CPAC convention.
Ugly: Your topic is “The Incredible Genius of Sarah Palin.”
Good: You’re not feeling well and your friend says he will find you a good doctor.
Bad: You’re flat broke.
Ugly: Your friend is Joe Lieberman.
© 2009 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
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December 18, 2009
December 17, 2009
December 15, 2009
A Tale Told By More Than One Idiot
“Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.”
– William Shakespeare, “Macbeth,” Act 5, Scene 5.
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December 14, 2009
The Tattlesnake – A Stake Deep in the Heart of GOP Texas Edition
Judging by this, Lone Star state Republicans may have much to fear in the future.
I’ve made plenty of fun of Texas and that breed of Texan that keeps electing crooks and nitwits like Tom DeLay and Junior-clone Rick Perry against their own best interests, but it seems things have gotten bad enough down there that even Houston, the nexus of Bush Oil Country, has elected a lesbian Democrat, former City Controller Annise Parker, as Mayor rather than face a corrupt and/or dumb Republican. (Albeit that Houston has been trending Dem for some years and the last mayor was a Democrat.) Although Parker has some past ties to the energy industry, her most recent non-political gig was running a bookstore and she is regarded as fairly liberal, at least by Texas standards.
It’s no secret the GOP has raped the state from one end to the other, giving massive tax breaks to the wealthy and corporations while cutting social safety-net programs to the bone, eviscerating the educational system, and putting workers at the mercy of employers – it was the neocon corporatist blueprint for what King Junior tried to do in Washington, but didn’t quite succeed at entirely. Now that the economy has gone all to hell, fed-up Texans are worse off than most of the nation, and they have no one to blame but the laissez-faire policies of the Republican Party.
Sure, the voting machines have been rigged and districts redrawn to keep the GOP in perpetual power, but even that may not be enough to underwrite the Republican Party’s future in Texas.
The Tattler’s prediction: Within ten years all the major state offices will be held by Democrats, as well as the two US Senate seats. Texas was, at one time, a populist state; I think it will be returning to those roots – who knows, maybe the great Jim Hightower will end up in office again, if he can stomach campaigning one more time.
Houston biggest US city to elect openly gay mayor
Monica Rhor, AP Writer
December 13, 2009HOUSTON – Houston became the largest U.S. city to elect an openly gay mayor, with voters handing a solid victory to City Controller Annise Parker after a hotly contested runoff. [...]
Parker, 53, has never made a secret or an issue of her sexual orientation. But it became the focus of the race after anti-gay activists and conservative religious groups endorsed Locke and sent out mailers condemning Parker’s “homosexual behavior.”
Read the rest here.
“Anti-gay activists and conservative religious groups” couldn’t defeat an openly gay woman in TEXAS?! Oh, yes, the doom come soon for the GOP.
© 2009 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org
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