Sarah Palin « BartBlog

May 5, 2009

While GOP Lite Dithers, the Queen, Like an Asp, Lays in Wait

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion,Toon — Tags: Eric Cantor, GOP Lite, Jeb Bush, Mitt Romney, National Council for a New America, photo-op, Republicans, RS Janes, Sarah Palin, town hall — RS Janes @ 6:35 am

News item from CNN, “Republicans Kick Off Campaign to Shine Party Image,” Rebecca Sinderbrand, May 2, 2009:

“Three prominent GOP leaders [Jeb "Not Another" Bush, Eric "The Turd Polisher" Cantor and Mitt "Yawn on Steroids" Romney] kicked off a campaign Saturday to reshape their party’s image ["Message: we're new and we care!"], gathering at a restaurant [the Pie-Tanza, a strip-mall pizza place] in northern Virginia for the first of a series of town hall meetings.

“The goal of the initiative, called the National Council for a New America [a Wonder-bread yuppie version of PNAC], is to connect Republican leaders with voters across the country to help get the party’s electoral fortunes back on track [by imitating Hillary Clinton's listening tours and Barack Obama's town hall meetings].”

cartoon-palin-tut

“Is this just an event put together to look soft-focus and smiley for the national media? After all, they are holding it just right outside of DC and not in the heartland of America where they SAY these meetings will be focused.

“All signs are currently pointing to just another photo op in place of actual policy initiative and new ideas.”
– From “NCNA Meets, Will It Learn Anything?” WheresEricCantor.com.

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February 6, 2009

The Tattlesnake – The Dying of the Right Part Deux Edition

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion — Tags: Bill Kristol, Bush, Chao, Democrats, Dirk Kempthorne, Joe the Plumber, Junior, Labor Department, McConnell, Obama, Republicans, RS Janes, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Tattlesnake — RS Janes @ 8:09 am

“You can fool some of the people all of the time, and those are the ones you concentrate on.”
– George W. Bush

“It is the tragedy of the world that no one knows what he doesn’t know — and the less a man knows, the more sure he is that he knows everything.”
– Joyce Cary

Larry (not his real name) pretty much confirms what many of us already suspected about the “I hope he fails” crowd. After years of taking public surveys, Lar developed this scientific rule of thumb, which can be stated thusly: “Twenty percent of the American people are utter freaking morons.” To put it another way, about two out of ten knew such tidbits as all or most of the rights guaranteed in the First Amendment, the names of their two senators, in what century the Second World War was fought, who LBJ was and what his initials stood for, and how old the United States is; six of ten knew at least one senator, and managed to get more than half of the American history/political questions correct; two out of ten, meanwhile, barely knew what century they were living in and were hard put to name the kind of skin used to make a bear skin rug. Guess what political party and ideology was embraced by 90 percent of the bottom-feeding twenty percent, and who their favorite radio talk show host was?

Speaking of Rush Limbaugh, I heard the other day that the three most well-known Republicans in the nation were Maj. Anal Cyst, Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber’s Helper, a regular triumvirate of Jim Crow snark, Wasillabilly fark and dee-do-diddley dumb fronting for the wealthy old firm of Dewey, Cheatum and Howe. The GOP is in the process of desperately trying to shore up its dwindling ‘base’ of Jaywalk All-Stars, and the Democrats, borrowing their gumption from single-cell amoeba, continue to flinch at the shadow of the embalmed corpse of Ronald Reagan, the threatened filibusters of King Wanker Mitch McConnell, and the fading influence of the soon-to-be perp walked Karl Rove. I’ve given up seeking the goose juice to make the Dems act like winners for a change. We can only hope Sheriff Obama will be able to corral these shaky steers long enough to pass legislation to end Bush’s National Nightmare. Out of ideas, out of favor, out of power, and sinking ignominiously into the Hee Haw-rerun party, this is all the GOP has left.

Former Dan Quayle Chief of Staff and Original Neocon Bill Kristol, lately bounced from the NY Times op-ed page as even Andy Rosenthal could no longer cover for his nitwittery with a straight face, has laid out the reason for the strident and baffling GOP opposition to the badly-needed stimulus package: this is just the warm-up to the big fight coming over health care reform, of which the Republicans want none, contrary to the wishes of the vast majority of the public. Why does the right-wing hate America?

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February 2, 2009

The Tattlesnake – The Hilarity Begins at Home Edition

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion — Tags: AP, Bill Hicks, Bush, Cheney, David Letterman, Democrats, GOP, Harvey Pekar, Karl Rove, President Obama, Republicans, Ron Fournier, RS Janes, Rumsfeld, Sarah Palin, Tattlesnake — RS Janes @ 8:39 am

Short Cuts on the Collapse of Bush’s Republi-conism and Letterman’s Resurrection of Bill Hicks

Here’s the Future of the GOP:

“One thing that Americans do at this time, also, though, is let’s commit ourselves, just everyday American people, Joe Six Pack, hockey moms across the nation, I think we need to band together and say never again.”
— Sarah Palin, Vice Presidential debate, Oct. 2, 2008.

Yes, never again elect another Booby-Hatch Neocon like Junior the First as president, and I won’t mention any particular governor from Alaska who does Fargoesque photo-ops with a working turkey chipper in the background. What do you think – Obama wins 49 states in 2012 against the Mad WASP Caribou Mangler of the Great White North?

Oh, Brothern and Sistern: A “Full Armor of God Playset Kids Costume” is up for sale at EBay from the ‘God4me Ministries,’ which looks amazingly similar to a Roman legionnaire’s battle rattle. Does God4Me Ministries recall who it was that put the spikes into Big J and let him die on a cross? Hey, but for only $8.99, it’s relatively cheap to turn your bambino into one of Pontius Pilate’s boys.

How shoddy can your reporting get? One anonymous “Republican official” makes false claims about President Obama’s stimulus package and there is no attempt to fact-check the charges or get a response from Democrats or the White House? I would have gotten a dressing down for this kind of sloppy nonsense even in my pathetic journalism course at a no-name school. This is what happens when the guy in charge of your Washington Bureau crawls under the covers with the Demonic Forces of the Republican Party, as has Ron Fournier. In 2004, then-AP reporter Fournier had an email exchange with Karl Rove and ended one message with the line, “Keep up the fight” and has been stroking the GOP since. (He’s almost as bad as King Sucker Mark Halperin or one of those Tiny Tots at Politico.com.) Tell me about the liberal media, Elton, ’cause it makes me wanna puke. Media Matters has more details at “The AP’s Thursday Train Wreck.”

Speaking of Mrs. Rove’s Evil Spawn: If Karl Rove doesn’t show up in Congress soon to answer questions from John Conyers and the House Judiciary Committee, it’s inevitable that Eric Holder’s DoJ will instruct the FBI to compel Rove to appear, arresting and jailing him if necessary.

Crazy Karl is bizarrely claiming permanent executive privilege on an issue he supposedly never discussed with the president — Don Siegelman’s corrupt prosecution and imprisonment in Alabama and Rove’s involvement in ‘changing’ the Alabama election results late at night — after Siegelman had won — to put Republican Bob Riley in as governor.

Executive privilege only extends to actual communications with the president and Rove has stated he never discussed these matters with Bush, so it doesn’t apply. Besides that, no court has ruled that the privilege is eternal.

Unfortunately, if it comes down to it, Rove might pull a Scooter Libby and fall on his dagger to protect Dick and Dumbo, taking the heat for the political corruption of the Bush Regime while Rummy is nailed for approving torture. As pleasing as it would be to see Karlo and The Don in orange jumpsuits, the idea that Cheney and his Puppet would skate free is outrageous.

Finally, David Letterman has apologized to comic genius Bill Hicks’ mother Mary for censoring him in 1993 and banning him from his show. Hicks, who died shortly thereafter from pancreatic cancer, was, along with George Carlin, one of the few ‘no sell-out’ social satirists of the ’80s and ’90s, giants in the tradition of Lenny Bruce and Mark Twain. (Incidentally, Letterman didn’t know Bill had cancer when he barred him.) Good on Dave for coming to his senses, even if it took 16 years. No word on why CBS’ late night talk show host chose this time to make amends, but better late than never. When will we see equal treatment for Harvey Pekar? He’s still alive so the apology could be face-to-face. Click here for videos of the on-air apology and short clips of Bill’s brilliant routines. (H/T to Quinn Esq. at TPM Cafe.)

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January 23, 2009

The Tattlesnake – Random Notes on Bush’s Exit, Obama’s Entrance, and the Dying of the Right Edition

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: Big Media, Bush, Cheney, Chris Wallace, CNN, Fox News, Gitmo, GOP, Joe Scarborough, Junior, MSNBC, Obama, Pardons, politics, Predictions, Republicans, RS Janes, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Tattlesnake, The Presidency — RS Janes @ 7:43 am

Part the One

– Wow. Obama’s been president for three days and already he’s signed Executive Orders closing Gitmo; banning torture; suspending those odious ‘military tribunal’ trials; ending revolving-door lobbying; preventing lobbyists from occupying senior positions in agencies they once lobbied; requiring ethics courses for all of his staff (and he took the course himself); limiting the use of secrecy classification, even imposing Justice Department oversight on his ability to classify documents secret; and expanded government transparency, directing his administration to err on the side of Freedom of Information Act requests rather than the other way around. He also froze the pay of senior White House staff and informed them that as long as he’s president, none of them will quit and then turn around and lobby their friends still in his government, reversing years of Bush/Cheney corruption, sleaze, secrecy and illegality.

What’s more, he did all of this while acting like a grown-up, speaking in full, clear, grammatical sentences, and taking his job seriously. It will be difficult, but pleasant, to adjust to a president who doesn’t have a smirk perpetually playing about his mouth, doesn’t need someone else to run his brain, and can think on his feet. We’ve gone from Barney Fife to Denzel Washington, and the change is striking. I’ll be criticizing Obama in the future I’m sure, but for now all I can say is: Wow. I think he’s one of those rare politicians who really meant what he said when he was campaigning.

– The Dying of the Right 1: While the vast majority of America is celebrating our new competent president, the peevish drones over at Fox News, led by Chris “My Dad’s the Journalist!” Wallace, have been foaming at the mouth over whether Obama’s really president, since Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts bumbled the reading of the oath on January 20th and Obama followed him. This is the largest load of unprocessed fertilizer since the questioning of Obama’s birth certificate. (Hint to all the ‘reporters’ at Fox: As well as the certificate itself, long available online and sanctioned as genuine by fact-checking organizations, there was also a birth announcement in the Honolulu Advertiser newspaper welcoming Barack H. Obama Jr. into the world in 1961.) In fact, the law says that, as the victor in the last election, Obama was officially president at Noon last Tuesday, whether he was sworn in or not, and documents were signed after the inaugural ceremony signifying that official transfer of power. Just to head off frivolous lawsuits from tinfoil-hat pinheads, Obama had Roberts drop by the White House the next day and redo the swearing in. Incredibly, some of the bloviating scoundrels claimed this was a – oooohhhh — ‘secret ceremony’! Horse pucky. The press was invited in, still photos were taken and an audio track was recorded – it was as secret as an American Idol audition. Only the TV cameras weren’t involved, and that was likely because Obama wanted this formality completed quickly and didn’t want to get bogged down with silly questions from the Usual Media Meatheads like Fox News. (“Mr. President, will you now come clean about your place of birth? Weren’t you really born in Kenya or Cuba or Mexico? Isn’t it true that Patrice Lumumba is your real father and Squeaky Fromme is your real mother?” )

– The Dying of the Right 2: Rush “Rhymes with Limbo” Limbaugh, who once went apoplectic criticizing liberals as ‘unpatriotic America-haters’ because he had convinced himself they wanted the Little King to fail in Iraq, has now joined the ranks of unpatriotic America-haters, according to his lights. On his radio show the other day, he confessed openly, “I hope Obama fails.” Aside from the fact that about 83 percent of the public doesn’t agree with him, even some the brain-dead rubes who still give any credence to the great blubbery gasbag, suffering under the GOP economy and dying in the senseless Republican wars Rushbo helped peddle, had to be appalled by this statement. He wants the country to go down the drain to what – make the era of conservative Republicans look good? That’s some patriot; George Washington would be proud. Prediction: This is the sort of nasty, psychotic hypocrisy that is losing ratings for the neocon hustlers of the broadcast media and it’s going to result in Limbo being dropped from the airwaves across the country. In eight years, Rush will have lost his syndication deal and will end his miserable existence shouting through a tin can at a little 1000-watt daytimer in North Peckerwood, Alabama. (“Hey, Limbaugh, y’all forgot to take out the trash from the studio last night!” “I’ll get it, boss, I’ll get it!” “Yeah, and don’t forget to mop them washrooms extra good while you’re at it.” )

– Laugh-A-Bullroar: If you were watching the inaugural ceremonies on CNN or MSNBC, did you notice they cut the mics picking up the crowd sounds when Bush, Cheney and the Republicans were introduced? And the band was cranked up extra loud to try and drown out the tidal wave of booing. Earlier in the day, even addle-pated ‘Morning’ Joe Scarborough remarked on the two to three million Obama fans flooding into Washington that the GOP had better pay attention to this political shift or risk being the minority party far into the future. Forget Dimmy and Dick, they’re gone, but I wonder if those Congressional Republicans got the point? (Some of them nearly lost their safe seats last election.)

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January 1, 2009

The Tattlesnake – The Good, The Bad and The Ugly of 2008 Edition

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion,Uncategorized — Tags: 2008, Abramoff, Annoyances, Bartcop, Big Media, Bristol Palin, Christopublicans, Corruption, David Gregory, Democrats, Fox News, Gulden's mustard, Humor, JIF peanut butter, Keith Olbermann, Meet the Press, MSNBC, NBC, Neocons, Obama, Packaging, politics, Republicans, Rod Blagojevich, Roland Burris, ROVE, RS Janes, Rupert Murdoch, Sarah Palin, Tattlesnake — RS Janes @ 2:12 pm

Coverage of the Big Stuff of 2008, in the form of cheesy top ten lists and lofty-worded think pieces, will be churned out endlessly by Our Corporately-Owned Media over the next few weeks, so here are some of the lesser-reported annoyances, intrusions on sanity, and other head-smackers of the year past.

The Good: It’s a new year and Obama takes office in less than 20 days! (Happy 2009, BTW.)
The Bad: Bush and Cheney can still stir up trouble in their ‘Final Days.’
The Ugly: What if they decide not to leave?

The Good: The already-weakened Republican Party is splitting apart in a war between the ‘Jesus Camp’ Christopublicans and the Neocon Corporate Pragmatists. (The true principled conservatives having ditched the GOP years ago.) The latter are willing to bend rather than break; the former can’t, since they arrogantly believe, apparently without the assistance of hard drugs, that their Invisible Omnipotent God of the Infinite Universe Who Hates Liberals and Homos has nothing better to do than whisper in their ears what kind of retail politics and holy wars against his other creations will set them straight with Heaven.
The Bad: There’s a good chance the NCP will dump the Republicans entirely and put all their money into the Dems, which will have the result of making the Dems as debased and corrupt as the GOP.
The Ugly: Even though the Theocrats-for-a-Better-Armageddon are a small minority, the GOP in their hairy paws will become a rural party of ranting rubes, bedeviled boobs, slick hicks, hypocritical hucksters, predatory politicians, snake-handling simpletons, and mumbling morons (not that it mostly isn’t already) and, thanks to our unique system of apportioning two senators to each state no matter what the population (another nasty legacy of the era of slavery), the Christopublicans will continue to wield enough influence to block legislation and stir up other governmental mischief to the detriment of us all. The future of the Republican Party might very well be an army of pious Puritan dunderheads marching in righteous lockstep, infecting the US body politic like a bad case of psoriasis – it won’t kill you, but it can be damned aggravating.

The Good: Speaking of Sarah Palin, her 18-year-old daughter Bristol had a healthy baby recently.
The Bad: As Bart of Bartcop fame wrote, “[Sarah] Palin promised her daughter ‘and the young man’ would get married but that was during the campaign so she can’t be held to it.” So, now that Bristol’s bun is out of the oven, where is the fuming outrage of the Big Media and the Christopublicans that she’s officially an unwed mother and, since Ma holds down a gub’mint job, she’s being supported by taxpayer money?
The Ugly: The kid’s father, Levi Johnston, remains a proudly ignorant redneck oaf, and he just went to work for a ‘let’s-rape-the-wilderness’ energy company.

The Good: A Democrat has finally vowed to fight back against Republican smears and refuses to cave in to their demands.
The Bad: That Democrat is the convicted-by-the-media-without-a-trial Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich.
The Ugly: Here is the dumb-bunny guilt-by-location smear the RNC and every right-wing website will be repeating ad nauseum as long as Obama is president, even if Blago is cleared of all charges: “Obama and Blagojevich are both from Chicago, Illinois, which is, like, the most corrupt city and state in the union – the FBI guy said so! – and, hey, common sense says they must both then be completely corrupt, right? This is another one of those unanswered questions about Obama that the public deserves to hear the full truth about!” 2010 BM pundit’s comment: “Let’s say ‘hello’ to Illinois’ newly-elected Republican Governor Patrick Fitzgerald! At least he’s ethical, even if he couldn’t convict Blagojevich of anything!”

The Good: Illinois finally has a US Senator to replace Obama, a man with a clean and honorable record, former IL Attorney General Roland Burris.
The Bad: He is being morphed into Blago’s Rev. Wright by the scandal-happy ‘Whitewaterized’ Big Media, eager to toss him into the same ‘guilty-even-if-he-hasn’t-been-convicted-of-anything’ pot with Blagojevich. Burris is now ‘tainted’ just because he accepted the appointment. Note to the Big Media: What about all of those prominent Washington Senators of the Republican persuasion – Mitch McConnell, John Ensign, Saxby Chambliss, Richard Shelby, Orrin Hatch, et al — who openly dined and danced with the likes of Jack Abramoff and Karl Rove? Oh, right – Rove hasn’t been convicted of any crime – but when has that stopped you? (Hey, the Clintons weren’t convicted of any crime in the Whitewater land deal; and no crime was even committed in the ‘Travelgate’ fiasco, but that didn’t matter – they were still media-created ‘scandals’ that filled up newspaper columns and media airtime for years.) Lack of conviction, so to speak, certainly hasn’t been any bar to gleefully drubbing Blagojevich and Burris with the corruption stick. Abramoff is in prison and Rove is being subpoenaed and investigated all over the place for bribery, fraud and other assorted dishonesty, yet their close connections to prominent Republicans, not to mention the White House, somehow doesn’t carry the same ‘taint’ of corruption? Is the BM afraid of the GOP High and Mighty, or is it just your ingrained conservative bias showing?
The Ugly: Congressional and Illinois state Democrats are incredibly doing the Republicans’ job for them, sticking the blade in deep and twisting it not only with Blago, but now Burris, too. Hey, dingbat Dems, a simple ‘innocent until proven guilty, it’s the American way’ would be the way to go.

There’s more below the fold…

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November 23, 2008

The Tattlesnake – The Senate’s Teddy Bear Picnic and Other Maddening Madness Edition

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion — Tags: Big Media, Bush, Federalist Society, Galileo, Humor, John Lennon, Mukasey, politics, RS Janes, Sarah Palin, satire, Tattlesnake, Ted Stevens, US Senate — RS Janes @ 2:01 pm

“I don’t have a rearview mirror. I look only forward. And I still see the day when I can remove the cloud that currently surrounds me.”
– Disgraced and defeated Sen. Ted Stevens (R-VECO), on the Senate floor, Nov. 20, 2008. (Perhaps he can bribe it to go away.)

Even in politics, a business known for honking weirdoes and depraved lowlifes, outgoing Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens is Weird with a strut and horns and as crooked as a pig’s tail. Yet there were his Senate colleagues standing and applauding the convicted-on-seven-counts-of-corruption felon last Thursday, proving, I guess, that there is some honor among thieves — or, at least, praise. No wonder the Senate Ethics Office is a toothless farce – what do you have to do to engender the disrespect of these ‘public servants’? (Oh, right, tell the truth.) Utah’s ‘Mr. Republican’ Orrin Hatch, another blazing nutball with a hard nougat center of Petrified Kook, publicly ejaculated without shame that Ted was “one of the greatest men I ever met,” while his colleague from the Planet Strange, Sen. Jim Bunning, GOP marital aid of the KY-Jelly state, spread it on less grammatically: “If only you knew the Ted Stevens like I knew.” Democrat-turned-Wolfman Norm Coleman, verging on a well-deserved term limitation up in Minnesota, bayed to Ted’s moon-that-don’t-shine, “Those of us who know him also see the love that’s in his heart, reflected in love of country, love of family…” unnatural love of sheep. Even I-da-ho Spud Stud Larry Craig felt moved to knock three times on Stevens’ pipe with his own spit polish, so to speak.

Jebas, what if Uncle Ted had shot a man in Memphis just to watch him die? Would the Senate just rise as one to elect him King – or maybe Pope?

It’s too bad that AG Michael Mukasey collapsed suddenly during a speech Thursday night, but what the Big Media didn’t remark on was who Mukasey was speechifying to – the frickin’ Federalist Society, home base for the Unitary Executive malarkey that the departing Little King has used to justify dodging the Constitution. Sure, BushCo is on its way out the door, but you might think that the BM would be a little discomfited at the idea that the Attorney General, dressed up in a tux, was addressing a meeting of a group that basically believes in an American monarchy, much like democracy-distrusting icon Alexander Hamilton, who once encouraged George Washington to declare himself King of the United States. [Take a gander at FedSoc’s founders and current members: Ed ‘The Grand Inquisitor’ Meese, Robert ‘Nixonite’ Bork, Ted ‘Florida Recount’ Olson, John ‘Bob’s Dad’ Roberts, Tony ‘Bush v. Gore’ Scalia and Sam ‘The Sham’ Alito.) For a rough political equivalent, imagine the hew and cry if Obama’s new AG Eric Holder passed out while speaking to the Socialist Worker’s Party — think the venue would go unnoticed by the still-unjailed Press Gang at Newsweek and Time?

She Stoops to (be) Flounder: Remember those stories about a young Danny Quayle seeing the Robert Redford film, “The Candidate” and thinking it was a primer for a career in politics? Now it seems the Alaska Hockey Momster has aimed even lower; she’s apparently using Tim Robbins’ satirical flick, “Bob Roberts” as a roadmap for political success. For more cinematic inspiration to further Sarah’s future in government service, may ‘oui’ suggest “Amazon Women on the Moon,” “Idiocracy,” “The Aristocrats,” “Weird Science,” “Ernest Goes to Jail,” and “Linda Lovelace for President”?

And finally, the Vatican has forgiven John Lennon – imagine that? (Hint: it has to do with something he said in 1966.) I wonder if they’ve caught up with the news that he was murdered in 1980? (Lennon’s lucky; it took the Pope about 400 years to forgive Galileo for finding out the earth is round and circles the sun.)

(Quotes re Stevens from “We Salute You, Ted Stevens!” by Benjamin Sarlin, The Daily Beast, Nov. 20, 2008.)

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November 18, 2008

The Tattlesnake – Big Media Hillary Silly Season in Full Swing Edition

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion — Tags: Andrea Mitchell, Big Media, Bush, Hillary Clinton, NBC, Obama, Punditrocracy, Pundits, RS Janes, Sarah Palin, Secretary of State, Tattlesnake — RS Janes @ 7:39 am

Secretary of State Clinton? Much A Doo-Doo About Nothing

If it hasn’t been foreclosed on yet, don’t bet the family ranch that Hillary Clinton will be the next Secretary of State, nor even have a cabinet post in the Obama Administration.

With the long, slow political-junkie orgasm of the presidential campaign fading in the rearview mirror, the ‘Pundints’ now have little to talk about; certainly they don’t find the baffling Bush Boy’s latest incoherence on the economy – “I continue to support the neocon free market policies that caused this horrible financial meltdown!” – worth examining – to do so might remind the audience of how much the Big Media Cognoscenti had to do with leading the lemmings off the cliff; the Palin Reality TV show – “Who Wants to Be a President!” also has its limits – how long before even avid dupes of Little Debbie Shortcake begin wondering why she hauls that baby around to every public appearance and detect that her political ideas are mostly an ungrammatical noun, an opportunistic verb, ‘Nothing’s my fault,’ ‘You betcha!’ and ‘God’s gonna show me the door’?

Even the three undetermined US Senate races don’t hold the BM Short Attention Span long – the vituperation back and forth is good for a brief goose, but those complicated state voting laws! The crashing economy was respectable breathless stand-up fodder for a while – “Melanie Blandstick, reporting from Wall Street, Ground Zero of our money crisis!” – but the pampered Lads and Lasses of the Golden Corporate Microphone are not employed for their intimate knowledge of the financial markets, nor much else, and there are only so many interviews you can do with ill-kempt and boring hustlers from the Heritage Foundation or the American Enterprise Institute, still pushing Milt Friedman’s Cap’n Capitalist Crunch cereal after the product has poisoned the country, and who’s Ayn Rand anyhow – wasn’t she the wife in “Father Knows Best”? Iraq? Afghanistan? Iran? Whoa, dude, you’re bumming my trip!

So, of course, with little they consider ‘real news’ going on, they retreat into their favorite past time – endless speculation based on sketchy evidence, as shouted through a megaphone in the Grand Canyon to insure every Big Media Mouthpiece is regurgitating the same dull incantations.

The latest prime example of this is NBC’s Andrea “Mrs. Greenspan” Mitchell floating an anonymously-sourced story last week that Obama would offer the position of Secretary of State to Hillary Clinton, when the only thing that has thus far been confirmed was that Hillary flew to Chicago for a meeting with the President-Elect. For days since, the Punditrocracy has been foaming at the mouth, leaving no entrails unturned in their white-hot desire to tiresomely discuss to death the possibility of Hillary as the top national diplomat.

Using the same superior detective skills that in the past led them to deduce that the 2008 election would be about national security; that Republicans just loved Rudy Giuliani, that McCain would inevitably pick either Mitt Romney or Tim Pawlenty as his running mate; that Obama had to choose Hillary Clinton as his Veep or lose the election; that American women would mindlessly flock to the GOP after Sarah Palin’s unveiling; that Obama would have a tough time attracting working class voters in Rust Belt states; and that the Dem presidential ticket would, maybe, possibly, eke out a tiny victory in the Electoral College in a very tight race because, after all, this was basically a conservative nation – in spite of this dismal record of comic prognostication, they forge ahead, this time with the latest vapid gasper of Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State.

Lost in most of their circuitous gossip is any sort of common-sense analysis: Why would Hillary give up her powerful senate seat, and an excellent chance to be Senate Majority Leader, to serve as a peripatetic foreign service factotum in Obama’s government? The appointment would also proscribe her from criticizing him should things go sour, thereby tainting her bid for the 2012 nomination. Quick, name the last five Secretaries of State before Condi and look at what has happened to them. I think it’s fair to say the energetic Sen. Clinton doesn’t desire to live out her days lounging in academia, playing golf, or filling space on the board of some think tank or corporation, publishing occasional knotted-brow op-ed pieces in The New York Times.

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November 15, 2008

The Tattlesnake – Miller Shills for the Wasilla Chinchilla on Billo and Other Atrocities Edition

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion — Tags: 2008 election, Alaska Independence Party, Big Media, Bill Ayers, bill o'reilly, Bush, Chickenhawks, CNN, Dennis Miller, Executive Orders, Fox News, Frank Murkowski, John King, Media Matters, North American Free Trade Agreement, Pardons, President Obama, Republicans, RS Janes, Sarah Palin, Tattlesnake, Ted Stevens, wingnuts — RS Janes @ 8:39 am

Plus a Weird Election 2008 Factoid and a Plea to the GOP

“In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.”
– H.L. Mencken

Gov. Snowjob said on Larry King Nov. 12th that there is nothing wrong with “calling people out” on their past associations, defending her lame McCarthyite attempts to link Obama to Bill Ayers and the Weather Underground. She added that she expected she would be called out on hers as well. Good. Let’s see, she’s openly palled around with and supported for reelection convicted felon Sen. Ted Stevens, corrupt ex-Governor of Alaska Frank Murkowski, and she’s married to a former member of the Alaska Independence Party, a group that despises and wants to secede from the United States. Imagine if Obama had strongly supported two crooks and his wife once belonged to an organization that hated America? C’mon, Big Media, time to apply some fairness here, and Sarah asked for it.

Speaking of Sarah the Terror: Miller and Palin, Sittin’ in a Tree:

“Listen, she’s a great dame. People are fascinated by her because the left hate her. I think the left hate her — mostly women on the left hate her, because to me, from outside in, it appears that she has a great sex life. All right? I think she has non-neurotic sex with that Todd Palin guy. I think most of the women on the Upper East Side, their husbands haven’t been aroused since Mailer signed copy [sic] of The Executioner’s Song at Rizzoli’s back in the early ’70s.
“So they look at her, and they hate her. I think that snowmobile looks like mechanized foreplay to me, and that’s why people are fascinated by it.”
– Dennis Miller on “The O’Reilly Factor,” Fox News, Nov. 12, 2008.

I remember when Dennis had a functioning frontal lobe and was even occasionally clever, but years of drinking, drugs, chickenhawk fear, raging ego and his wiseguy notion that he’d just jump on the money train of what he thought would be generations of Republican rule softened his gray matter to the point where he’s defending a vacuous Alaska opportunist he once would have gleefully impaled with humor. BTW, I wonder what ‘non-neurotic sex’ is — the Moose Mama ‘Missionary Position’ (that would be a ‘rear mount’) or the opposite of whatever you call it when Miller picks up his paycheck these days?

My sympathies to the frustrated Mrs. Miller, if she’s still around – married to a goofball who thinks snowmobiles equate with foreplay can’t be a pleasant existence.

It’s was so bad even Billo took note of what had surfaced in his ‘No Spin Zone’ punchbowl:

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November 13, 2008

Sarah Palin = frontrunner

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: Frontrunner, Pundits, Sarah Palin — Bob Patterson @ 6:52 pm

Now that the 2008 Presidential election is over, it’s time for two new topics. Who will be the first pundit to officially declare who is the Republican frontrunner and second: who should be the recipient of that accolade.

Since Kurt Godel of the Institute for Advanced Studies has passed away, someone else will have to step up to the plate and volunteer.

With that in mind, and knowing that the members of the Washington Press Corp don’t like to do any work, the World’s Laziest Journalist will volunteer to offer his services to actually do the necessary work.

The World’s Laziest Journalist will copyright these phrases:

Sarah Palin is the Republican frontrunner for 2012.ã

Sarah Palin, the 2012 frontrunner.ã

The Republican frontrunner for 2012 is Sarah Palin.ã

. . . Sarah Palin, the 2012, Republican frontrunner . . .ã

Now, two years hence when the 2010 elections are history and the “one task at a time” national pundits turn their attention to the 2012 Presidential election they will discover that the work necessary to officially consecrate the frontrunner will have already been done for them and (tah-dah) they will also have to pay royalties for using those copyrighted phrases.

Sure there will be some market for stories and columns about what Bush might do in the next few weeks and some speculation about will Obama really embrace change or will he validate the French philosophy: “The more things change, the more they remain the same,” but those two topics seem trite and hackneyed. Why waste time.

When it is time, the Republicans will embrace Sarah Palin as the front runner because she will give them hope of returning to the winning conservative brand of Republican philosophy as personified by Ronald Reagan, and the Democrats will relish the thought of a battle with her because they consider her extremely vulnerable and susceptible to a resounding loss.

If the Republicans and the Democrats agree, then it will be up to the national pundits to manufacture a synthetic battle for the nomination in an effort to convince their budget minded editors that they are really worth the money they collect for relaying the information they find on blogs to their audience.

Copyrighting the most common phrases describing the anointing of Sarah Palin as the next Republican candidate for President will mean that they have to pay royalties, but they can just put that on their expense accounts and thus bypass the need to do any actual work to evaluate and select the most likely choice for the Republicans in 2012.

Now is the time to beat the others and start marketing T-shirts that embrace the official selection of the Alaskan Governor! The national pundits can put their news organizations’ summer interns on that particular task and return to their favourite gin mill to continue their efforts to emulate the work ethics of William Boot (in the Evelyn Waugh novel “Scoop”).

Sarah Palin has said: “They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan.”

Now, the disk jockey will play the Jefferson Airplane’s song “Sarah” and we’ll float off on pleasant memories of the Sixties. Have a “surrealistic pillow” type week.

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November 6, 2008

The Tattlesnake – Tying Up Loose Ends Edition

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion — Tags: 2008 election, Alaska Politics, Betty Bowers, Christopublicans, GOP, Humor, Joe the Plumber, John McCain, Junior Bush, Media, Pundits, Republican Party, RS Janes, Sarah Palin, Tattlesnake, Ted Stevens, Trivia, Wasilla Hillbillies — RS Janes @ 9:46 am

As your Tattler tries to absorb and process through his thickened skull the startling and emotional events of Election Day, and the elevation of an intelligent, articulate and capable man to the presidency by a landslide – something he hoped for but can still barely believe occurred in Junior Bush’s America For Dummies – it seems prudent to turn to lesser trivia while the brain pan simmers.

Laugh-a-Bull Uno: The ambitious yet intellectually deprived Sarah Palin thinks she has a political future. Note to the Pundits mulling this fast melting ice cube: Alaskans are taking a second, more skeptical, look at their Gov, and she is in for several investigations and probable indictments Way Up North for padding her state expense accounts and Troopergate. (No, that hasn’t gone away.) Until recently, she was attached-at-the-hip to convicted felon Sen. Ted Stevens as well, and that connection may soon sprout legs as she was a strong supporter of the Corrupt Old Codpiece and nobody believes she paid for construction work on her own house. (Plus she’s made plenty of enemies from both parties in her home state.) Also, McCain’s campaign staff, blaming her for Mac’s massive drubbing, are about to begin talking on the record; already we’ve read that this Consignment Shop Maverick spent tens of thousands more than initially reported on fancy new duds for her and her family of grasping ‘Wasilla Hillbillies,’ and that Governor Whack Job was something of a pain-in-the-patoot to handle – bringing up Bill Ayers without the official McCain go-ahead and such. The raw reality is the GOP is going to have to change stripes in this new age or be ‘left behind’ to ponder the Rapture as a permanent minority party. Keener classic-conservative intellects among the Republicos realize this, and Palin’s winky-dink Christopublican ‘You betcha’ hokum is not part of their plans. The secular Goldwaterites were willing to tolerate the risible Jesus-of-Betty-Bowers freaks as long as the party was winning, but now it’s been humiliatingly buried under a pile of blue votes, and they’re pinning the tail on Moose-Huntin’ Mom and her extremist ilk for scaring off centrist voters. Milder theocrats such as Mike Huckabee will carry on, if they tone down the creepy ecumenical hellfire, but the Armageddon-minded Palinolithics will be purged, even if the GOP has to lose a couple of elections. Sarah will likely run for reelection as governor of the National Ice Box again, get tromped, and retire to dictate her memoirs that will have a hard time finding a publisher. Either that or she’ll get her own reality show on Bravo – “Life with the Palins” – a mixture of “Hee Haw,” “Queen For a Day” and “The Osbournes” that will go off the air after 13 episodes. (It’s also been rumored that, what with her photogenic face and advanced skill at reading teleprompters, Palin would be a good fit as a game show host – how about something like “Here’s Your Boot and Pour” as a vehicle for her talents?) In two years, the answer to “Remember Sarah Palin?” will be “Who?”

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October 15, 2008

PALIN PALLIN’ WITH RADICAL EXTREMISTS SUCCESSIONISTS!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: Alaska Independence Party, Palin Alaska Independence Party, Palin successionist, Palin successionist video, Palin successionists, Palin successionists video, Palin Traitor, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin Alaska successionist, Sarah Palin Alaska successionists — kerry @ 11:25 pm

Palin accused Obama of seeing America as so imperfect, that he was pallin around with a terrorist. Funny enough Palin for years was pallin around with a group of Alaskan radicals that saw America as imperfect enough that they wanted to secede from the union.
http://newsone.blackplanet.com/elections/akip-interview-on-palin/

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October 14, 2008

The Tattlesnake – The Old Man and the She Edition

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion — Tags: 2008 election, Charlie Crist, Christian Fundamentalists, Hockey Moms, Idiocracy, Joe Liebermann, Joe Sixpack, John McCain, Liberals, McCainiacs, McPalin, Obama, racism, Redneck, Republican Party, RS Janes, Sarah Palin, Tattlesnake, Tom Ridge, Tommy Thompson — RS Janes @ 5:26 am

Sarah the Terror is a Sideshow Attraction Pushing the Wretched McCain to the Background of His Own Campaign

“You’re starting to feel real frustration because we are running out of time. Our message, the campaign’s message, isn’t connecting.”
– Saul Anuzis, Michigan Republican Party Chairman, as quoted by the NY Times, Oct. 11, 2008.

Who is McPalin appealing to these days? Not Joe Sixpack, nor Hockey Moms and Dads – they roundly booed the Alaska Governor at the Philadelphia Flyers opener last Saturday; not ‘Lunch Bucket’ Workers; not ‘Reagan Democrats’ (the last two categories joining the liberal Rockefeller Republican in extinction long ago). Nope, all of the voters who fit those media-hyped pigeon holes have been suffering the pain and remorse of living in King Junior’s Politics for Profit United States of Katrina for the last couple of years.

These days, aside from the Party Hacks – that random collection of reliable bobbleheads: GOP office-seekers, low-level local staff, other small fry and their kin — it seems the only faction of American humanity — and I use that term advisedly — showing up in large numbers to see Gov. Snow Job and her doddering Grandpa running mate are a type not much discussed but well-known by the Punditrocracy and the Big Media — let’s call them Mr. and Mrs. Screwloose. These are not just Low Information Voters — they are that, to be sure — but the Lowest Common Denominator loonies and Hate-for-Jesus Christians who spend their lives forwarding brainless emails assuring the reader that prayer is what the troops in Iraq really desire more than anything else; who want the Ten Commandments hanging off every government building; who believe we were founded as a Christian theocracy regardless of the evidence to the contrary; who violently oppose the idea of someone they don’t know marrying someone else they don’t know of the same sex because it’s written in the Bible, yet still chow down on pork and shellfish; who equate ‘liberal’ with ‘traitor’ because comic geniuses like Ann Coulter told them so; who perpetually mistake actors who play cowboys for real cowboys; who go to check when someone calls asking if their refrigerator is running; who want more war with those they perceive as terrorists, even after being told to turn the other cheek by the founder of their faith; who know nothing about Islam, yet believe it is an ‘evil’ religion; who resist scientific proof of anything unless it comports with their bizarre, pre-fabulated religious beliefs; who focus on abortion as state-sanctioned murder while they applaud the death penalty and celebrate the carnage of war; who wallow with Rebel Yell pride in their ignorance and let themselves be suckered by slick Republican hucksters to vote against their own interests; who viscerally believe in an End Times scenario and subsequent Rapture that never appeared in the Bible; who think Serial Liar Sarah Palin is ready to be president since she’s just like them: a card-carrying member of the rusty-truck-up-on-blocks, fuckin’ redneck, hootin’-and-hollerin’ Kallikaks ‘ignorati’; a goofball fundamentalist Christian yahoo who shares their demented white-trash-wet-dream ‘values’ which include a spiteful racism that would make Joseph Goebbels grin and a preposterous gullibility that has made a creepy Messiah pimp like Pat Robertson rich.

Palin’s singular talent is that she can deliver her pre-scripted message competently: It’s acceptable for you to vent your hateful bigotry on McCain’s black opponent since he’s conveniently a friend of terrorists.

That said, it appears the McCainiacs running the Palin traveling carnival have misunderstood why so many people turn up at her events — she’s now a cultural phenomenon, a Britney Spears freak of nature slathered over by the supermarket tabloids, as well their big brothers in the MSM. Many Gawkers of the American Idiocracy show up not because they endorse her message, but just to get a look at the Two-Headed Geek in person. She’s a sideshow attraction now more than a serious candidate for political office. In a campaign rally last week, a good portion of the crowd started leaving after Palin was done speaking, giving the hapless McCain a view of their departing backs. It’s Palin and McCain these days, from the same lineage as Barnum and Bailey.

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October 6, 2008

The Tattlesnake – Quiz: Find the Real Palin Quotes Edition

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion — Tags: 2008 election, Beauty Pageant Contestants, CBS News, Celebrities, Dan Quayle, Fashion Models, Humor, Joe Biden, Joe Queenan, Katie Couric, politics, Quiz, RS Janes, Sarah Palin, satire, Tattlesnake, VP Debate — RS Janes @ 6:43 am

“He who cannot remember the past is condemned to remember the past. Or something.”
– Joe Queenan, channeling a Quayleism in “The Vice-Presidency Is a Terrible Thing to Waste.”

Grab a pen or pencil and some paper and take the quiz, and no cheating with The Google. Which are actual quotes from Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin and which are from a beauty pageant contestant, fashion model or airhead celebrity? (Answers below the fold.)

1. “I say, too, with education, America needs to be putting a lot more focus on that and our schools have got to be really ramped up in terms of the funding that they are deserving. Teachers needed to be paid more.”