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July 25, 2014

2014 = Summer of Mandatory Fun?

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 12:35 pm

crop of Urban callage

On the morning of Thursday, July 24, 2014, it looked like the hot topic for weekend round-ups would be a reconsideration of the death penalty because an execution on Wednesday went badly awry but the drawback to addressing a topic that would draw massive amounts of weekend punditry is that to stand out from the crowd, a columnist would have to produce the most eloquent commentary on the topic or else be lost in the crowd like the voice of a member of a choir.

The alternative solution to the challenge is to use the counter-programming solution and pick a topic that everyone else is ignoring but the drawback for that option is that it could turn out to be something so arcane and esoteric that no one will read it.

For example, it seems quite likely that on the weekend when Californians flock to Gilroy for the annual Garlic Festival no reporter, pundit, or columnist in the United States will mention the fact that Kel Richards wrote a retelling of John Bunyan’s immortal story as an item titled “Aussie Pilgrim’s Progress.” Such a hypothetical column would not be bloody well likely to catch the attention of Republicans, Democrats, Yankee, Dodger, or Giant fans and so would languish in the backwaters of the Internet unread and ignored.

Book fans might be intrigued by the question: How did a copy of that particular item, in mint condition, wind up being sold used in Berkeley Ca?

If a columnist were to draw his audience’s attention to the plight of a disk jockey named Peter Choyce, who details his struggles with adversity on Facebook, other people in dire circumstances would resent the fact that they hadn’t been given the chance to be (potentially) catapulted onto the road of recovery by columnist.

Hellé Nice, whose story is told in Miranda Seymour’s book “Bugatti Queen,” was winning car races in France in the Thirties long before Danica Patrick’s parents were born.

We have always known who Nat Hentoff was but we were unaware that he had written a book titled “Free Speech for Me – But Not for Thee,” until we picked up a (n autographed?) copy of it in a bargain bin in Berkley. He examines the irony in the fact that in a country where the young men are sent to die in battle to preserve the right of free speech some words are automatically disqualified from discourse because they are prima face evidence of “thoughtcrimes.”

We had considered writing a column this week that would fit the headline: “Has Fox cried ‘Wolf!’ too often?”

A political influence peddling case in the San Francisco Bay area may cause some nationally known pundits into making some comments generated by this question: “Is political influence peddling a matter of a binary choice or can it be perceived as an illustration of the concept of a gray scale used by photographers shooting black and white style images?

Does a political campaign donation really work as a flat out gift or is it understood that they are given with an implied promise of quid pro quo lurking in the background?

One advantage of doing political punditry as an example of three dot journalism column writing is that it makes the bumper sticker response by tolls a very murky strategy because it won’t be clear which particular item is meant to be refuted by posting a “Benghazi, Benghazi, Benghazi” comment.

Could the word “Benghazi” be an intellectual’s inside joke regarding an army (Rommel) out running his supply line? If so, how could that idea be relevant to a discussion about various military actions occurring in the world this week?

As far as using an obscure WWII battle ground name to make a point with today’s rather ill-informed news audience, wouldn’t it be better to say: “Tobruk, Tobruk, Tobruk!”?

Speaking of the Vichy forces, we have been told by a source we consider well informed, that during WWII a submarine working for the Vichy government made a bold play and pulled in New London, C and asked for and received supplies and fuel under that guise of being part of the Free French forces. That SNAFU was fictionalized and became the novel and movie “The Russians Are Coming, the Russians are coming!”

Speaking of the Free French Forces, if the World’s Laziest Journalist News organization suddenly goes silent that could mean that our Ford Model T computer wore out or it could mean that we have impulsively gone down to the Going Places office and do some fact checking regarding the 70th anniversary for the liberation of Paris.

We knew a fellow who reported that he and a nurse who spoke French went AWOL from a hospital and went into Paris less than three weeks after the Liberation. In the spirit of thee dot journalism; his succinct report was that they had a good time. At one point, he says, he went into one of Paris’ finest restaurant and had the best meal of his life. The management at that restaurant refused to give him a bill. For a G. I., in Liberated Paris, making it “on the house” was a matter of honor.

There were 64 journalists killed in action covering WWII, and when Edward R. Murrow went on the “What’s My Line” TV show in 1952 (it’s on Youtube) to publicize (and raise funds for) a memorial, the man with one of the Twentieth Century’s most distinctive voices had to switch to a high pipsqueak deliver to fool the panel for a short time.

Recently at the Lox, Stock, and Bagel in Berkeley CA, we overheard a fellow doing an interview about something we consider to be on the top ten list of most intriguing topics from the Twnetieth Century. It took all the self control we could must to restrain our self from jumping into the interview which was about what it was like to deliver copies of Combat newspaper (it was a capital offense) in Occupied Paris.

Will violations of net neutrality ever become a capital offence?

The fact that some members of the German military were authorized to act as judge, jury, and executioner on the spot, brings up another question: Is it too harsh to impose a death sentence on war criminals? That, in turn, brings us to the point where the death penalty must be considered and that brings us full circle because that is the same question that this column had for a starting point.

[Note from the photo editor: An Objet trouvé collage seemed like a good way to illustrate a column featuring a pastiche of facts, history, and trivia.]

In his biography of John Steinbeck, Jay Parini wrote: “But life is plotless, a random onslaught of facts and events that often lack a discernible pattern or arc of development.” He should have added the words: “ . . . until a political pundit comes along.”

Now, the disk jockey will play Weird Al Yankovic’s new album, “Mandatory Fun,” in its entirety, the “Is Paris Burning?” soundtrack album, and “You’ll Never Know,” which was the winner of the 1943 Best Song Oscar from the film “Hello, Frisco, Hello.” We have to go see if there is any bar in the world that still has “As Time Goes By” on the juke box. Have a “such is life” type week.

July 18, 2014

Are 12 Senators better than 2?

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 12:29 pm

crop lifeguard station

An initiative that qualified to be on the ballot in California this fall will get little, if any, coverage in the national media which is operating on reduced staff status because of austerity budgets. In the era of the “smaller is better” philosophy becoming ubiquitous in the political arena conservatives will be obliged to ridicule the idea of dividing (like the loaves and fishes shtick) the California state government up into six groups. The conservatives will be quick to remind voters that mom and pop businesses will need to print new stationary if the change is approved and therefore the little guy can save a few bucks if he (and his wife since women got the vote) defeats this change which is bound t be labeled as just another nutty California idea.

California sends a large contingent of representatives to Congress along with two Senators. If the change is approved, there would be twelve Senators representing the same geographical area that now gets only two.

Isn’t California always depicted as a “stronghold” for the Democratic Party? Obviously if one of the new states included Orange County, they wouldn’t send Democrats to the Senate, but statistics for the whole of California tend to indicate that over the long haul, most of the new Senators would be Democrats thus urging small business owners to save a few bucks and staying with their old stationary would be an economically appealing way to let selfishness determine a difficult and complex issue.

On Wednesday, July 17, 2014, the San Francisco Chronicle, which was once owned by Presidential hopeful William Randolph Hearst, was featuring a story headlined “State of confusion over 6 Californias” on its front page.

Conservative media owners are not going to let the voters become convinced that California needs more Senators than Delaware or Rhode Island, so don’t waste any money betting on the measure passing.

Initially, Berkeley and Venice Beach may seem like identical twins separated at birth but don’t jump to any conclusions before you take a closer look. Political activists in the Venice Beach area are very concerned with the activities of the California Coastal Commission, the Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors, and the effect global warming will have on raising the tide line. Berkeley has other issues to concern political activists. The Coastal Commission is ignored in Berkeley as an irrelevant diversion. UCB students can vote for a politician who wants to be a Berkeley City Council representative. Decisions regarding the University have a large influence on local residents in Berkeley. Folks in the Venice Beach area let the schools (such as Pepperdine, UCLA, Santa Monica College, and USC) tend to their own business.

Sports fans in the San Francisco Bay area are very different from sports fans in Southern California.

Conservatives who believe less government is best, will want to maintain the status quo so that the huge state has only one government entity to worry about shorelines, forests, prisons, highways and the state parks.

People from outside the area (such as the ones that work on the staff at the New York Times) would do well to skim through Curt Gentry’s book, “The Late Great State of California,” and Jon Winokur’s collection of quotes about the vast and very diversified state (“The War between the State”) before they sit down to write (ex cathedra) an editorial telling California voters what to think on this complex issue.

Literature from California is as diverse as the people and geography. Many critics consider “Grapes of Wrath” to be the greatest novel written in America. Mystery novelist established a cottage industry genre based on a lone detective. Dashiell Hammett’s Sam Spade worked in San Francisco; Raymond Chandler’s Philip Marlowe worked in L. A. County.

A driver can leave San Diego head North and after a full day of driving still be in California. People who live at Lake Tahoe refer to going shopping as “go into the City.” It takes (if memory serves) about four hours to get from the casinos to the cable cars.

Music in Cali is also very diverse. The L. A. sound is best exemplified by the Doors and the San Francisco sound means “crank up the Jefferson Airplane.” What country music fan doesn’t think Bakersfield and Buck Owens are synonymous? Doesn’t Merle “Oakie from Muskogee” Haggard live somewhere in California? In Santa Monica an apartment house once owned by Lawrence Welk dominates the skyline.

Ansel Adams was born and raised in San Francisco.

Didn’t Clint Eastwood become mayor of Monterey? Didn’t Sonny Bono wind up as a Congressman from So Cal? Wasn’t Richard Nixon born and raised in Southern California? St. Ronald Reagan changed American politics starting with his manipulation of the protesters at Berkeley. They were a convenient foothold for his climb to the White House.

Innovation and growth are important when it comes to the people known as corporations, but as far as administering the services needed by the voters in California the conservatives will dust off the references to the wishes of the founding fathers and stress that a lot of expenses for new stationary can be avoided with a “No” vote in November.

If less is more, maybe political activists from California should urge the consolidation of Louisiana, Alabama, Mississippi, and Georgia into one state?

Dividing California could have dire repercussions. Are there ten local politicians in Delaware or Rhode Island who wouldn’t be glad to become a repetitive in the United States Senate?   If a state is so small that it gets only one Congressional district doesn’t it make sense to divide it into six smaller states so that the same geographical area will suddenly have six people in Congress?

The media in New York can’t completely ignore this developing political story because the conservative media owners will want to stifle innovation at the git-go and sending a top notch reporter to cover the bowl of granola aspect of the story will be as good as giving them a big cash Christmas bonus.

People in flyover country (such as Concordia Kansas) love the jokes that make fun of California such as: Why is Los Angeles like a bowl of granola? (It’s all nuts, fruits, andf flakes!)

Since California would (most likely) fit into the Southwest corner of the W. A. (AKA Western Australia), it might be best to quash this break it into smaller pieces political trend right here and now before the voters in Kalgoorlie start to get some strange ideas from America.

[Note from the photo editor: we dug into the archives to find some photos from the Venice Beach area and some tourist type pictures from Frisco to illustrate the point that both areas are far apart physically and (upon closer inspection) politically too.]

William Hjortsberg has written: “The future remains an unwritten book, its cryptic pages blank, and no crystal ball wizard, palm reader or Tarot deck manipulator can accurately provide a sneak preview of what’s coming in the next chapter.”

The disk jockey will play the Doors “L. A. Woman,” the Jefferson Airplane’s “Plastic Fantastic Lover,” and the CCR (from “near” Berkeley) song, “Run Through the Jungle.” We have to go see where the Buffalo Springfield is playing this weekend.   Have a “Point Break” type week.

crop of SF heart

 

July 11, 2014

San Francisco values proliferating

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 12:27 pm

 

crop of Hometown touristsIn mid-July of 1939, few Americans had international events on their minds. A century ago, by mid summer, the war to end all wars was inevitable. Fifty years ago, as the class of 1965 prepared to start Senior year, only worrywarts were concerned about the future of South Vietnam. To some, ignoring this summer’s tense world situation may seem foolhardy, but for the connoisseurs of nostalgia, a whimsical innocuous column about a holiday weekend in San Francisco (AKA Fog City) seems mandatory.

“Carsick (John Waters hitchhikes across America)” became available as an autographed new item at Pegasus Books in Berkeley at the same time that a high school classmate called and said he had bought that book and thought we would enjoy reading it, so we’ll read it and review it after he sends us his used copy. It will be the latest installment in a literary genre that has fascinated us since Jack Kerouac went on the Tonight show to plug his latest endeavor titled “On the Road.” (Do you remember: Marilyn Monroe was also on that episode?)

The World’s Laziest Journalist has, like Ricky Blaine (Humphrey Bogart), been to both Casablanca and to Paris France. We prefer Paris. Going on the road usually is made to sound like an impulsive lark.

Our illusions of grandeur have been taunting us with some delectable possibilities for going on the road this month or next. Bastille Day, July 14, is like the overture for the festivities that will accompany the celebration of the 70th anniversary of the liberation of Paris that will be happening there next month.

Realizing that we can’t just run out onto the center field in Yankee stadium for the opening day game, we decide to do a bit of “Spring training” by paying AC Transit the senior fare that would get us to San Francisco to see “What’s the haps” there on the Forth of July weekend in 2014. Is it just a co-inky-dink that one of this summer’s new songs is “I’ve got a lot of Travelin’ to do” by Willie Nelson? Or is it a sign? (Because of the line “I can’t forget the sh** you’ve put me through,” you’re never gonna hear that song on the radio.)

Recently the news reported the results of a survey done to find the best hamburgers in America. Sam’s Pizza in the North Beach area of Frisco serves burgers that have been proclaimed by a cable TV food critic as one of the top three in the world. Since chain burgers were the only eligible candidates for selection for the newsworthy survey. Nothing like stacking the deck in favor of the people known as corporations, eh/

Whist in the vicinity of the Beat Museum, we stopped by. Full Disclosure: our goal of becoming one of the guest lecturers there is rapidly approaching “scratch that off the bucket list” status. More Full Disclosure: Since the Beat Museum doesn’t charge admission to attend an installment of their guest speakers lecture series and since that means we shouldn’t expect a speaker’s fee, our agent is rather skeptical about being enthusiastic about this career opportunity (some time this fall?). Hangfire! If we get a good column from the experience; why not give a go?

We encountered a wide variety of tourists in the North Beach area over the Forth of July weekend. For a family from Melbourne, a trip to Fog City, where it was a cloudless day with balmy temperatures, was a chance for them to get away from the howling winds and deep snow drifts of the Australian Winter. Later we learned that FBi radio down under was going to give a listener a trip to up to Iceland in the Northern Hemisphere were it is time for a summer vacation. (Google hint: FBi radio. [Note the lower case is used for the last letter.])

On Sunday, of the July Forth weekend, we decided a return to Golden Boy tavern was a good lunchtime decision. We arrived at opening time and had a few minutes to chat with the bartender slash pizza slinger duo known as Lisa Pizza and Killah K. (Is she a Jerry Lee Lewis fan?) Then when the clock struck noon, things got too hectic to hold a conversation. (We shouldda asked what ever happened to the ubiquitous tavern pastime called “Liars’ Poker”? It seemed to be everywhere in the Sixties.)

Recently at Pegasus bookstore, we noticed copies of “Another Great Day at Sea,” by Geoff Dyer, which tells about the author’s experiences aboard the U. S. Navy aircraft carrier George H. W. Bush. It is one of the best sellers for the summer of 2014. If the Dyer book is brand new, why did it sound “old hat” to the World’s Laziest Journalist?

Ernie Pyle, who wrote a book of road adventures titled “Home Country,” became a Pulitzer Prize winning war correspondent whose name was synonymous with coverage of the soldiers and Marines who fought WWII. Pyle had included a chapter titled “Life on a Flat-Top,” in his last book, “Last Chapter.” We pulled out our copy to refresh our memories of Pyle’s version of life at sea. Pyle gives only veiled hints as to the ship’s name: “She was known in the fleet as “The Iron Woman,” because she had fought in every battle in the Pacific in 1944 and every one to date in 1945.” Subsequently, we did some fact checking online and found out that Pyle was referring to CVL 28, the Cabot.

Recently Dan Saltzstein wrote an article for the Sunday New York Times Travel section that looked at San Francisco through the eyes of a noir mystery fan. Our default viewpoint is from the eyes of a Beat writers fan. While we were gathering material for this column, we spotted some people doing the Go-car tour of Fog City. We asked them where they were from and they said they lived in San Francisco.

An ambitious writer would find plenty of material to review for inclusion in a book about the history of column writing in San Francisco. America’s (the world’s?) oldest radio station is just part of The City’s history. Much to the consternation of the World’s Laziest Journalist, Bruce Bellingham has authored a book about being a Herb Caen wannabe in the San Francisco Bay Area. (Dang!)

No one challenged the accuracy of Don Sherwood’s claim to have been the greatest disk jockey of all time. If you find world events unavoidable, then you might like to know what part Frisco played in the history of the United Nations. Did the music world have a category just for “the San Francisco sound”?

San Francisco values, which seem to cause great distress for the conservative pundits, seem to be becoming ubiquitous in the USA. “We don’t wear our hair long and shaggy like the hippies out in San Francisco do.”

In “Bellingham by the Bay,” Bruce Bellingham wrote (on page 12): “Later the White Line sent bills to the families of the musicians (on the Titanic), demanding payment for the players’ uniforms.”

Now the disk jockey will play Tony Bennett’s “I left my heart in San Francisco,” Scott McKenzie’s “San Francisco (Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair),” and the Jefferson Airplane’s “Somebody to love.” We have to go back to reading “The Dain Curse.” Have a “save water, shower with a friend” type week.

crop of 3 Dot J column

 

July 3, 2014

Mugwumps, high jumps, and speed bumps

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 12:30 pm

crop of Godfathe Goldr

When and where was it decided that the Republicans would be given sole possession of the right to be considered patriots while the Lefties would be portrayed as Commie Curmudgeons? As this year’s Forth of July weekend approached, the World’s Laziest Journalist was skimming through “Documentary Expression and Thirties America,” by William Stott and searching for a column topic. In the early thirties, writers fanned out across America to document the effects that the Great Depression was having on Americans in the middle and poor classes. Photographers, such as Walker Evans and Dorothea Lang took photos that inspired action to be taken. Later in the Thirties, many writers took President Franklin D. Roosevelt’s suggestion (page 241 – 242) to go see America and listen to what the Americans had to say. Stott describes (on page 255) a change happening in the USA: “As the war drew nearer, it was rare that a book documenting America did not have a passage, usually in the final pages, where the enumerated glories of the land aroused the author’s confidence in the nation and its destiny.” Stott sees the trend as “conservative ‘documentary’ reportage.”

Why must liberal writers sound like disgruntled commies and conservatives get subsidized extended vacations to gather material to bolster their views?

Ronald Reagan’s flippant attitude toward giant sequoia trees (“Once you’ve seen one giant redwood tree, you’ve seen them all.”) apply to Hollywood’s annual awards ceremony? Any columnist who attended both the 47th and 48th installments of the Oscar Awards knows that’s not true. When the awards for 1974 were handed out early the next year, very few of the nominated actors and actresses (two separate awards two different words) were in the audience at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion to accept the award if they were named. Fred Astaire, nominated for his supporting role in “The Towering Inferno,” and Valerie Perrine, nominated for her leading role in “Lenny,” were there but they didn’t win. Mario Puzo and Frances Ford Coppola were there and won awards for “The Godfather Part II.” For anyone who had never covered the Oscars it was quite exciting.

A year later, the Oscars for 1975 received much better news coverage because “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” swept the awards and many of the nominated the actors and actresses were there to see if their name got called. That was the year that the only member of the Carradine family ever to win an Oscar got one for writing the Best Song, “I’m Easy,” from “Nashville.” The excitement level in the press area was perceptibly higher. The two successive years were quite different events.

Fast forward to forty years later: 2014. Have things change? You bet. Now, it’s rather rare for a nominated actors in the Best Actor and Best Actress (It’s complicated; don’t ask.) categories not to be seen on TV’s around the world, waiting anxiously for the winner’s name to be called. Land-line telephones, teletype machines, and ash trays are (we expect) quaint reminders of the past missing from the press rooms in the digital era.

If Berkeley does anything to mark the fiftieth anniversary of Mario Savio’s speech on top of a police car (he took off his shoes so as not to scuff the paintjob), the World’s Laziest Journalist will probably take some photos and write a column about the symbolism of the event.

Where was it established that only conservatives can run a list of things that make the country surrounding the White House such a great destination for those seeking a better life?

In the time between taking a photo of a lone anti-war protester in the Times Square area of New York City in late1966 and taking some photos in Dorothea Lang’s home town (Berkeley CA) of some homeless kids, the World’s Laziest Journalist has been gathering a long list of items which (if we ever get around to it) can be included in a modern version of the conservative’s “I’ve seen America” genre of books that are a prose version of the song “God Bless America.”

If (big IF) we can get a press pass to go back and see how much the Oscars ceremony has changed in the last forty years, that would be a marvelous addition to the list of memories that sound rather like a typical bit of Forth of July rhetoric.

At the Sebring race, the disk brakes were glowing red hot in the dark. At a Hollywood premiere our reaction to seeing Paul McCartney arrive was: “OMG, he’s not dead!” When we heard John Carradine’s voice coming from a person within a yardstick away from us, we wished we had a cassette recorder so that we could have asked him to say something for our phone message. Seeing Jack Nicholson hold up his Oscar was more fun that seeing him portraying a drifter asking for an order of toast. If you are going to see the United States Grad Prix auto race, a press pass that gets you into the pits makes it so much more enjoyable. (Particularly if James Garner is there getting second unit shots for a Hollywood film.)   What was so special about the parties at the “A-frame” in Hollywood? The Goodyear blimp climbs at the same angle as a jet intercept, but just not as fast. Nicole Kidman is remarkably tall.

Elizabeth Taylor’s eyes made a person realize that no photographer (not even Richard Avedon) could accurately depict their effect on anyone lucky enough to see them less than a yard away.

People all across the United States (and some regular readers in the W. A. [“It’s so big you could stick the state of Texas in a corner.”]?) should be informed about the long range implications of the recent changes in the Ellis Act. Stories about that topic need to be filed in the Marina Tenant Association’s reference library and archives and probably some day soon we’ll do that.

For the July Forth weekend in 2014, we will forget about the long list of political activists urging columns about their pet cause and we will kick back, visit San Francisco, and dream some Fred C. Dobbs type dreams while trying to do some fact finding for our latest example of gonzo punditry. We want to know: What was the event that caused Democrats to concede the point that only conservatives can sound patriotic?

Listening to the radio lately, we have begun to wonder: Is all the constant criticism of the President of the United States part of a concerted Communist plot? The phrase “patriotic Liberal” is not an oxymoron. Are all these voices of doom and gloom being patriotic when they make it sound like a lynch mob rules the airwave?

Do the conservatives really believe in Democracy, elections, and the peaceful transfer of power? How would the conservatives like it if Bill Clinton was still the President who had to confer periodically with Russia’s leader Vladimir Putin?

What could be more American than a cable TV show about a journalist (with a Go-Pro camera?) driving around the USA (in a 1959 Cadillac convertible?) looking for barn finds while talking to various folks about the current state of the union?

If given a binary choice of a press pass for either: A. the Oscars or B. the final game of the World Cup; which event would a true red-blooded American patriot choose?

Mark Twain (do they still have a jumping frog contest in Calaveras County) seems to have anticipated the Fox in the journalism henhouse when he proclaimed: “A man who doesn’t read a newspaper is uninformed. One who does, is ill-informed.”

Now the disk jockey will select some of his favorite “proud to be an American” tunes. He will play Arlo Gutherie’s “City of New Orleans,” Elton John’s “Philadelphia Freedom” (wasn’t that recorded in Santa Monica?), and the entire “Best of the Mamas and Papas” album. We have to go see (we missed him in Sydney) Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds at the Warfield (Monday or Tuesday). Have a “sitting in the club car” type week.

Fred Astaire

crop of Astaire arriving

Valery Perrine

crop Perine waves

 

June 28, 2014

Ye Olde Scribe Presents: FOX “News” Through History

Filed under: Commentary — Ye Olde Scribe @ 6:48 am
Announcer for Queen and the Empire: Lush Dimbulb

Announcer for Queen and the Empire: Lush Dimbulb

What if FOX had been around since the revolution?

“Welcome to Colonial Edition of the one hour The Perpetually Piss Ewe off News Service: the official service for sheep. At PPN we put a LOT of effort behind pissing sheeple off about anything that won’t help the 1%. Or isn’t supportive off extremely hateful fundamentalist, militia member, Christians. Dare to disagree with us? PISS OFF! All for the glory of the Empire which supports job creators like The East India Tea Company.”

“More tea sailed into Boston Harbor to help make the job creators richer, however flea bitten, need to get a job, socialist, Occupy group members,led by the likes of hippies like George Washington, dumped the job creator’s tea into the harbor. They will be hanged, if found. If pepper spray had been invented yet true Patriots would plan to use that too.”

“Meanwhile Colonialist turned true patriot, Benedict Arnold, is currently informing the leaders of the Empire’s pro-corporate troops of the movements of these lazy ass no traitors.”

(more…)

June 27, 2014

Are Hemingway and Obama beatnik writers?

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 12:37 pm

Crop of LInda King

“Loving and Hating Charles Bukowski,” by Linda King, has been revised and the author was featured in a reading at the Beat Museum in San Francisco on the evening of Friday June 20, 2014. That, in turn, caused one member of the audience, who had been a North Beach resident in the late Fifties, to question the validity of the choice. Purists say that a writer had to have belonged to the coterie of novelists who drank with Jack Kerouac and Alan Ginsberg to merit the right to be described as a beatnik writer (scriba beatnikus).

Defining who exactly can accurately be described as a “beat” writer and who can not has provided the academic community with many lively discussions concerning the correct application of the “beatnik” label. The word was coined by legendary San Francisco columnist Herb Caen.

A excerpt of Charles Bukowski’s “Notes of a Dirty Old Man” is included in “The Portable Beat Reader,” edited by Ann Charters.

Hunter S. Thompson, who for a time worked with and hung out with the crew at Ken Kesey’s home near La Honda, specifically identified himself with the Sixties journalists who insisted on having their own identifying label (scriba gonzo).

According to “Memory Babe,” by Gerald Nicosia, (based on an interview with one of Kerouac’s ex-wives) Ernest Hemingway (scriba nobeli) and Kerouac met and chatted at a party in Greenwich Village in the late forties. Is that sufficient evidence for calling Hemingway a beatnik writer?

Since knowing Kerouac and Ginsberg is such a limiting qualification, perhaps someone who has all the other necessary hallmarks, such as a love of peace, brotherhood and a disdainful attitude regarding the government (such as the Republican dominated do-nothing Congress) means that the Beat Museum could extend an invitation to speak and promote a (hypothetically speaking) new book to President Obama after he terms out.

As we were writing this column, when we got to this point a lighthearted attempt to write a whimsical report on a group of writers who were pop culture icons fifty years ago seemed absurdly inappropriate during a week when it was obvious that the threat of total anarchy was being used for a high stakes game of chicken involving Maliki and Obama and the countries they lead.

The mainstream media in the USA seemed to agree that Maliki had reneged on a promise to have an inclusive government and Obama indicated that a broken promise by Maliki was the basis for withholding the crucial military support that would be needed to keep Maliki in power.

Expecting Maliki to become cordial to Sunni Iraqi citizens is about as realistic as expecting the Republicans to give President Obama an award for outstanding achievement in the realm of conciliatory bipartisan negotiations.

If the Republicans can win a majority in both the House and the Senate in the November 2014 mid term elections, how long will they wait to start an effort to impeach Obama?

What we had not seen or heard in all the superfluous coverage of the diplomatic confrontation between Maliki and Obama was any speculation about how the events might have reached irreversible trend level that means the fall of Baghdad will soon be inevitable. All the coverage we encountered hinted that a siege might occur and that volunteer Shiite warriors were being rushed to meet the Sunni rebel troops. No mention was made about “the point of no return.”

All the high paid retired officers who offer “expert” commentary skipped over any comparisons with past wars. Was the current situation analogous to the Spanish Civil War? Would the Sunnis take Baghdad as effortlessly as the Germans took Paris in 1940? Would current events in Iraq be a replay of the fall of Saigon?

News broadcasts on TV and radio told the audience of the latest cities to be captured by Isis forces, but listing towns that have been captured when Iraqi troops ran away from any potential battle is just a bit like hearing the final score of last night’s baseball game.  (It has been more than a hundred years since a Giants pitcher has thrown two no hitters.)  Was it a pitchers’ dual? Was it a slug fest. What about the time the pitcher threw a perfect game for nine innings and then lost the game in extra innings?

If the World’s Laziest Journalist offered some wild speculation about what could possibly happen and guessed correctly, he might find himself explaining the lucky guess to some very skeptical folks rather than being in Too Fat City examining job offers from various world famous news media. It would be a noir version of Evelyn Waugh’s war novel “Scoop.”

During the week, we acquired a copy of Max Hastings’ book “All Hell Let Loose (the World at War 1939 – 1945)” and learned that early in the conflict Poland was left in the lurch. France expected more help and was disappointed in the British strategy. Norway and Finland expected more help from the Allies than they received. Has Maliki read this book? Did you know that after British troops were evacuated from Dunkirk, some were sent back to France and were subsequently evacuated a second time? Speaking of broken promises how is the investigation into the care of wounded veterans going?

Did you know that after the fall of France, (for about five weeks) British troops fought Vichy French troops in Syria?

Reluctantly we turned our attention back to the beatnik philosophy and the potential for column topics that could be found on the road. We noticed that Blazing Kat Productions is doing some fundraising to sustain their effort to document the lesser known efforts of activists all around the USA. Their itinerary, which is posted on their web site and promoted on their Facebook page, includes Mendocino and Oakland and perhaps we can do an interview and full length column about their efforts later this summer.

When will the mainstream media notice that the tsunami of adolescent aliens along the southern border might become a landlocked version of the Mariel boat lift debacle? Do the Democrats want that? Are the Republicans encouraging a potential humanitarian crisis just for political gain?

Is the Beat Hotel still open in Paris? Is the Hotel Scribe still in existence? Should we subsidize the necessary expenses that would be needed to provide some gonzo punditry about the 70th anniversary of the liberation of Paris? (If so, we’ll need a copy of “Europe on $5 a day.”) Can Hemingway be considered a Beatnik prototype? We are continuing our debate with Beat Museum proprietor Jerry Cimini on this topic and may devote an entire column to this question later in the summer.

We promised a young lady, newly arrived in Berkeley from Ireland, that we would plug the Human Rights Campaign in this column. (Google hint: HRC dot org)

[Note from the photo editor: A symbolic image of the North Beach area being reflected in the lens of a pair of sunglasses augments photos take at the Beat Museum on Friday, June 20, 2014 for this week’s column.]

Due to a National Holiday, next week’s end of the week column will be posted a day early, in the usual places.

The Beatniks who endorse the legalization of marijuana will have a difficult time refuting the implications of the article that appeared in the New York Times this week under the headline: “Cool at 13; Adrift at 23.”

For doing everything that infuriated the members of the Democratic party when George W. Bush was President, President Obama is causing the Republicans to discuss impeachment proceedings and all that the network news programs can say is that America is mesmerized by the World Cup Games in Brazil. WTF? The weirdness has only just begun.

Some soccer fans think that one word of dialogue should be added to the “Treasure of the Sierra Madre”sound track: “Go-o-o-o-o-o-ld!”

Now the disk jockey will play Johnny and the Hurricanes’ “Beatnik Fly,” and the song of the summer for 2014 Iggy Azalea’s “Fancy,” and Willie Nelson’s new album, “Band of Brothers.” We have to go see if we can catch a ride to this year’s installment of the Hemingway Days festival in Key West, Fla. Have a “Bite me!” type week.

Beat Museum photo intern at work

Intern at work

June 22, 2014

Ye Olde Scribe Presents: Short Blatherings from the Bunker

Filed under: Commentary — Ye Olde Scribe @ 6:54 pm

Poor Liddle Idems

The baby cried: translated the cry means, “Wah, I pooped my diaper! It’s Obama’s fault! Clean it up!”
Or, “Wah, I sucked another tit dry, another ‘mommy’ is dead, shriveled up. I want ANOTHER war NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Gay marriage! That’s why I keep puking all over you! Stop it or I’ll puke more! You’re violating MY religious rights by even considering it.
On and on it goes, with “Baby” who is supposedly an adult. And the worst thing to do is to give baby what he wants because it will simply encourage Baby to have more tantrums. Continue to have tantrums.

leadership stinks diaper
Courtesy Politicalgates.blogspot.com

(more…)

June 20, 2014

Summer, Soccer, and Military Advisors

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 12:32 pm

Jumbled SF

Jumbled Geometry

After being acquitted of murder charges, O. J. Simpson received a rather official looking letter from the Court. As a citizen who had never been convicted of a felony, he was being ordered to report for consideration for jury duty. According to reliable anecdotal evidence, O. J. walked into the courtroom and the judge took one look at the sport celebrity and immediately dismissed him. The judge was looking for a member of the jury not a new media circus.

There were rumors in the Los Angeles area that on O. J.’s last night in custody, a jailer approached the defendant with a larger than usual supply of items the turnkey wanted autographed. According to the rumor, he explained that O. J. wouldn’t be available for autographing sports memorabilia the next night (i.e. he was going to court the next day and then walking out the front door) and so the chance to have O. J. sign more stuff was on a “now or never” priority basis.

The Santa Monica Outlook ran a squib about the jury duty dismissal and offered it to the Associated Press (which is run on a co-op basis) and the AP editor turned it down. The reasoning was that at that point the public had reached saturation level with all facts connected to the life of O. J. Simpson.

The autograph anecdote never got traction because it was just a rumor.

Twice recently we came across books that reported that Adolph Hitler was a very funny guy in cocktail party settings. We have read that der Fuhrer could mimic Goring to perfection. Admitting some humanizing aspects in the personality of a fellow who was going to be portrayed as a raving maniac just didn’t help matters, so it has always been best if journalists omitted related facts and anecdotes from their books which substantiated the view of that dictator as an affable amateur comedian.

Recently the news coverage of the 70th anniversary of the D-Day (“jour j” for those of you who speak French) Invasion used the number of members of the military who lost their lives during the longest day. Very little mention is ever made of the dress rehearsal which claimed more lives than the actual invasion did. (Google “Operation Tiger.”)

Recently, we picked up a used book titled “the Tuskegee Airmen Mutiny at Freeman Field,” by Lt. Col James C. Warren (USAF ret.). We had never heard about that incident but since it happened just about the same time as VE Day it doesn’t seem like a “cover-up.” It’s more like a news value imbalance that was due to timing. (Google hint: Freeman Field Mutany)

Has a book been written about the explosion and deaths at Port Chicago?

When does a fact turn from irrelevant extraneous information to game changer status?

The challenge that faces citizen journalist is similar to giving a jigsaw puzzle to a blind person. When the high price journalists get stonewalled, how can a citizen journalist realistically expect to report on what is going on inside top secret strategy meetings for politicians or corporations?

Recently, we heard the term “fact pattern” for the first time and realized that the concept was crucial to the nature of product development at the Amalgamated Conspiracy Theory Factory (located somewhere in the Sierra Nevada foothills near Berkeley CA). If information that doesn’t fit the fact patter must be ignored and/or disregarded by the mainstream media, it becomes the primary ingredient for the next trendy conspiracy theory.

According to one obscure news report we monitored, the latest internal poling available to Rep. Eric Cantor showed him leading by thirty points. He got blind-sided and lost the primary election. Only conspiracy theory nuts would follow the Cantor item with a reference to the fact that the results from the electronic voting machines are not verifiable.

If you love New York City, then Donald L. Miller’s new book, “Supreme City (How Jazz Age Manhattan gave birth to modern America),” will make you swoon.

Isn’t the number of troops who are being sent back to Iraq just about equal to the size of an extraction team? Did you see “Argo” before it won the Best Picture Oscar or after?

Are the peacniks in Berkeley, who didn’t approve of sending the military advisors to South Vietnam, going to let the redeployment back to Iraq slide because the President has a good voice and a nice smile?

Is it true that Iraq will be divided up? The Kurds will get a one third portion, the Isis rebels will get a second third, and BP will get the oil fields.

Our contention that Journalism in the USA is approaching flat-line status got some back-up Sunday in the New York Time’s Week in Review Section via an opinion piece written by Chelsea Manning asserting that Americans often get news that doesn’t correlate with military intelligence reports.

Remarkable but extraneous information from the pop culture beat may be “water cooler” topics of great importance, but in a democracy where the founding fathers envisioned a free press keeping voters fully informed about important issues the concept of “broccoli journalism” become relevant. According to the man that coined the term, broccoli journalism is like the vegetable it is named after, meaning that it is an important but unpopular ingredient for a well balance diet (of information).

Kids who are destined to become contrarians will love broccoli, spinach, and sauerkraut the minute they are told other kids hate those items but if you are playing the law of averages, most children will balk when served those items. Haven’t evening network newscasts started to include cute cat videos? If network executives want a hip young demographic for their network evening news broadcasts, why don’t they have attractive and young rookies manning the anchor desks? (How old was Edward R. Murrow when he made the reports from London during the Battle of Britain?)

MTV introduced the concept of V-jays to television and had a good deal of success with the innovation. Suppose the networks tried to lure young viewers with young anchors. (Could they be called N-jays [short for news jockeys]?) Isn’t the average age of the Fox viewer that of someone who collects Social Security checks? Could addiction to Fox be considered binge viewing for Conservatives?

Didn’t a mug shot of an attractive young man just go viral on the Internets? (Google hint: (Jeremy) Meeks mug shot)

Could Lincoln Pilcher be considered a journalist?

The generation that came of age during the Sixties demanded a greater voice in running the world they were inheriting; hence the success of Rolling Stone magazine. Now that hippies are old enough to be in senior management positions, their attitude seems to be “What do kids know?”

[Note from the Photo Editor: Since we don’t have access to photo ops with famous politicians, fugitives, or movie stars, we have to settle for a photo of an urban scene with a jumbled geometric pattern in San Francisco which could be a visual metaphor for the convoluted situation in Iraq.]

Who was it said: “If you keep doing what you were doing and expect to get different results, you’re crazy!”?

Now as the limited role of the advisors in Iraq is about to begin, the disk jockey will play Barry McGuire’s “Eve of Destruction,” Sgt. Barry Sadler’s “Ballad of the Green Beret,” and Jerry Lee Lewis’ “You went back on your word.” We have to go buy some suntan lotion because summer starts tomorrow. Have a “Cowabunga, dude!” type week.

 

June 13, 2014

Hemingway, Cadillacs, and college reunions

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 12:31 pm

Tight cu crop best

Back in the days when Marina del Rey was famous for being the center of the “swinging singles” phenomenon, we knocked on a neighbor’s door searching for a temporary cure for a sever bout of ennui. We asked “What up?” and learned it was Sandy’s 21st birthday. Voila! (Do bartenders still ask to see your draft card to prove that you are old enough to buy drinks?) “Put on your hat, grab your purse; let’s go!” We were off to a dive bar in Santa Monica for the auspicious occasion known as the “first legal drink” ceremony.

The years flew by and now, approximately forty years later, she is getting married and knowing that the World’s Laziest Journalist is functioning in Golden Age of Austerity Budget mode she has made a rather unique wedding gift request. Her wedding will put her into the forefront of the esoteric subject of restoring Cadillac cars and so she asked us to write a column about this new phase of her life.

She suggested we spice up the column with a list of all the great movies that have featured a Cadillac car. In addition, she wants the columnist to find a movie theater that used to be a Cadillac new car showroom.

We immediately contacted our e-buddy, British film critic Mike McCahill (Google hint: Mike McCahill’s blog) to get his suggestions, and then we set about making up our own list of the best movies featuring a Cadillac in a supporting role.

“The Solid Gold Cadillac” from 1955 has to start off the list. “Cadillac Man” and “Cadillac Ranch” were quickly added to the list. We Googled “Cadillacs in movies” and got a very long list of contenders.

Since film festivals are becoming ubiquitous, we had a light bulb moment when we started to think about the list and the need to find a movie theater that used to be a car dealer’s showroom for that particular brand of GM product.

Introducing a girl who has been a good friend for a long time to your girlfriend sounds like something that would be the basis for a question in the Playboy Advisor column. (Do they still use that feature?) Eventually all three of us saw the “No Nukes Concert” together, but we’ll save that story for another time in another column. (Can you believe that at the end of this summer, Bruce Springsteen will be old enough to cash his first Social Security check?)

Since our friend is marrying Frank Nicodemus, who is considered to be the leading expert on Cadillac car restorations and since we have been getting some calls picking our brain about how to write press releases, we began to put two and two together (getting 22?). Cadillac restorations, movie featuring Cadillacs, and a movie theater that used to be a Cadillac showroom?

We have a very strong premonition that as soon as we tell her that the AMC Van Ness 14 movie complex in San Francisco was originally built to serve as a Cadillac dealership, we are going to hear the question: “When you were a kid, did you ever dream of becoming an ‘impresario’?”

Didn’t many of Clint Eastwood’s films feature a Cadillac? Wasn’t he born in Frisco? Doesn’t he live in the Big Sur area?

If we write a column extolling the idea of something that would be “the Cadillac of Film Festivals” and if some young and energetic entrepreneur steals the idea, that might save the World’s Laziest Journalist a great deal of work.

Didn’t Sandy recently ask questions about how one would go about finding a film school student with video equipment and an interest in cars who might be susceptible to the idea of a cable TV show about running around the USA looking for barn finds? It would be a Barnfind Searching Safari, so to speak.

Hmmm. Recently there has been some excitement in the automotive world over the fact that the Chrysler once owned by writer Ernst Hemingway has been found in Cuba and is being restored. Wasn’t Hemingway a famous Cadillac owner also?

Would car aficionados like it if a cable TV show about finding barn finds drove a 1959 Cadillac convertible to Key West for Hemingway Days as a way to stir up interest in the whereabouts of Hemingway’s Cadillac?

Since a 1955 Cadillac El Dorado Biarritz convertible that her husband-to-be owns has been used by the Rolling Stones for a publicity event, we suggested that she and Frank Nicodemus get married in that same car as it rolls along on an open highway. Couldn’t the minister drive and recite the wedding ceremony words at the same time? Wouldn’t he and the bride and groom, and the two witnesses all fit into the car? Wouldn’t local news teams go wild to get footage of that event? Heck if TV can provide coverage of a freeway car chase twenty years ago, they sure as heck could cover a freeway wedding, this weekend.

While fact checking around to try to locate where Hemingway’s Cadillac might be hiding, we came across an online challenge for writers to measure the “Hemingway-ness” of their words. The New Yorker magazine is offering wannabes a Hemingway meter reading. (Google hint: “New Yorker Magazine Hemingway Test”)

Didn’t Native American leader Geronimo drive a Cadillac? What happened to that vehicle? How difficult would it be to buy up cars once owned by Elvis, Hemingway, Geronimo, and Al Capone and build a “Cadillac Hall of Fame” tourist attraction?

Is this 28 year old columnist getting too old to put together a pilot episode for a cable TV reality show titled: “On the Road, in a Cadillac, looking for barnfinds”? If so, does that mean that we are too old to do some gonzo punditry about attending our college class’ fiftieth reunion?

George Clayton Johnson, who wrote episodes for the first season of the Twilight Zone TV series (and currently is looking to expand his list of Facebook friends), could probably get a modern episode if he chronicled the trials and exacerbations of a fellow who shows up at his college class’s fiftieth reunion and he doesn’t look like he is a day over 28. What if he is accompanied by a 28 year old female companion? Didn’t Bram Stoker leave a chapter on that challenge out of his best book? Or did that happen to Dorian Gray?

Could a scribe with a great imagination write an entire column speculating about what was in “The Mexican Suitcase”?

We had been planning on banging out a quick column for this week predicting that something reminiscent of The Fall of Saigon would soon happen but we can pencile that in for next week’s column.

The Le Mans race, the start of the World Cup competition, Father’s Day, and assessing blame for the fall of Baghdad will be dominant topics on American TV this weekend so a column about a friend’s wedding will offer us a chance to stress the “Fresh Start” symbolism of a June wedding and a chance to wish our friend well in her new life.

Who knows? If we do a really great job on this column, maybe we will get a job offer and a chance to become the Castle Cadillac publicity agent.

Car buffs like the humor that says “Rolls Royce is the Cadillac of automobiles.”

Information found online indicates that there are thousands of songs with the word Cadillac in the title and ten times as many with that word in the lyrics and so the disk jockey will play Huey Lewis’ “Still the Same,” Elton John’s album “Yellow Brick Road,” and Bruce Springsteen’s “Born to Run.” We have to go share the link to this column with all of our posse on Facebook (and ask them to please do the same). Have a “Fall of Saigon 2.0” type week.

 

THEN

Square crop old photo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NOW

Showroom today crop

 

 

June 6, 2014

Reading about the Italian-American experience

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 12:37 pm

crop of MP  Best

“Waiting for Yesterday (Pages from a Street Kid’s Life),” by Michael Parenti, tells his perspective of growing up as an Italian American in New York City in the post WWII era and it came to our attention right after we purchased a copy of “Were You Always an Italian (Ancestors and Other Icons of Italian America)?” by Maria Laurino at the San Francisco Public Library’s summer used book sale that is held on the front steps of the main branch every Wednesday during the summer months (May to last week in September).

Meanwhile we were finishing up reading “Why Sinatra Matters,” by Pete Hamill, which uses the Italian-American experience as the background for the biographical details of Frank Sinatra’s life.

Why would a fellow, whose genealogy was termed “North Sea mongrel,” be interested in accumulating books that extol the heritage of the Italian-American community? Good question!

The World’s Laziest Journalist grew up in a neighborhood that had a large Italian-American presence and our experience with quality Italian cooking was gathered first hand at the homes of various schoolmates. We have always maintained that our close association with several different Italian American families gave us the right to include the phrase “honorary Italian” on our resume.

We lived for some years in a duplex where the landlord was of Italian-American heritage and he operated a small convenience store adjacent to our home. Back in the days of “Blue Laws,” chain owned markets could not open for business on Sundays and only a “mom and pop” store could, if the mom or pop was the clerk, be opened on Sundays. The one operated by Vince Zummo was a legend in the Scranton Pa. area. (It has morphed into Zummo’s Café and has a Facebook page.) On quiet summer evenings, we occasionally sat with “Uncle Vince” on the store’s front steps. He would tell us various and sundry stories about “the old country” and growing up in the USA.

He hipped us to the fact that in Northern Italy close to the border with Switzerland there were some very beautiful Italian blue-eyed blond women with very fair skin. We had a stereotyped vision of only Gina Lollobrigida and Sophia Loren dark-haired beauties in our mind.

Uncle Vince’s facts and stories were part of the process whereby we learned that there was a big, intriguing world that lay beyond the boundary line of the Scranton-Dunmore area and that it might be rewarding to find a way to select a vocation in life that would deliver a chance to travel to faraway places, meet interesting celebrities and get paid to write and take photos as a way of subsidizing further adventures.

“Waiting for Yesterday,” isn’t Parenti’s first excursion into the world of book publishing; he has written approximately 20 books on a wide variety of topics. His biographical details are available on his website (Googlel hint: michaelparenti dot org) as well as a comprehensive list of his books.

We have been burnishing our evidence proving the validity of our claim to be an “honorary Italian American,” as part of our strategy to continue our feud with former co-worker, amateur chef, journalist, award winning columnist, and now managing editor of the Columbian newspaper in Vancouver, Washington, Lou Brancaccio. That newspaper sells coffee cups that offer people a bit of advice: “Don’t Do Stupid Stuff.”

Many moons ago, when we had much less experience at being a wild and exuberant 28 years old columnist (we have accumulated decades of “go into extra innings” additional days to our effort to achieve maturity) we acquired a book by one of Popular Photography magazine’s editors about growing creativity and one of the exorcises suggested was to take an ordinary object (such as a coffee cup) and force yourself to come up with 50 different images. We envisioned that our last image would be one of those high-speed photos that would show the cup shattering.

We thought that we could finally get around to taking on that project (gratis) if Lou would send us a free example of his beloved product.

How cool would it be to show one of those cups sitting on the railing of the Golden Gate Bridge with San Francisco in the background as if the anthropomorphic cup were contemplating doing something stupid such as jumping off the bridge?   We could do a series of photos showing the cup in “the Perils of Pauline” type dangerous situations such as walking on a railroad track.

Since Lou Brancaccio has already made a United States Senator pay for her cup, he made it concomitant upon us to pay for our cup.

We, being in the midst of an era of austerity budgets and being an “honorary Italian-American” with a fierce Irish temper, balked. We’d rather spend a hundred dollars to get a free one than spend a dime to start a voluntary publicity campaign.

As we chatted with Parenti recently in Berkeley, we wondered it we got a free autographed review copy of his newest book, “Waiting for Yesterday (Pages from a Street Kid’s Life);” could we then use it and the other two books as bargaining chips in our quest for the free “Don’t Do Stupid Stuff” cup?

Unforturnately, Michael Parenti has run out of complementary copies of “Waiting for Yesterday (Pages from a Street Kid’s Life)” and that gambit has been foiled.

Parenti asked us how could a political pundit plug “Waiting for Yesterday (Pages from a Street Kid’s Life)” and we explained that the final results of the Presidential Election contest between Hillary and JEB are more than a hundred weeks away and that we can’t possibly use just that one topic every week from now until Election Day in 2016.

Republicans and any Democrats who would support an effort to impeach Obama because of the prisoner exchange fiasco should think long and hard about the long term effect such that historic move would cause. The 2016 Presidential Election would not be the epic battle of a chance for a woman to make American history vs. a restoration drama for the Bush Dynasty; it would become a rather mundane effort for the new President (Joseph Biden) to seek re-election. Would the use of the word “re-election” be valid?

If the Republicans decide to impeach the President, perhaps we can convince the Columbian to go big and give out a free cup each week to the politician who makes either the dumbest statement or does the stupidest thing. Perhaps the awarding weekly of a “Don’t Do Stupid Stuff” cup could become the modern equivalent of the old “Fickle Finger of Fate” award that was a regular feature on the TV show “Laugh-In”?

Full disclosure note: While in grade school, one teacher proclaimed that anyone in the room could grow up to become President of the United States and if that happened during our first grade or second grade year, and if our classmate Joe Biden wasn’t home sick that patriotic bit of enthusiasm for the potential for people living in the land of opportunity, could very well turn into a noteworthy bit of political forecasting.

On page 109 of “History as Mystery,” Michael Parenti wrote: “Much of political life involves the rational manipulation of irrational sentiments by ruling elites.”

The disk jockey wanted to play the biggest hit done by a long (real long) list of Italian American singers, but we succeeded in using the Republican verbal cudgel for obstreperous employees (“Do you like getting your weekly paycheck?”) and he settled for playing all16 tracks on the Capital Records “Best of Dean Martin” CD. We have to go find some quality spumoni (probably over in Frisco). Have a “Volare” type week.

May 23, 2014

Blonds, Bourbon, and Bullets

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 12:25 pm

 

very extreme crop of sticker“Hotel Florida (Truth, Love, and Death in the Spanish Civil War),” by Amanda Vaill, tells the stories of three different love affairs. For Martha Gellhorn and Ernest Hemingway, Robert Capa and Gerda Taro, and Arturo Barea and Ilsa Kulcsar, the Civil War in Spain was the setting for a love affair that occurred while they were gathering material that would make their experiences the envy of a new generation of journalists. Another new book, “Robert Capa (The Paris Years 1933 – 1954),” by Bernard Lebrun and Michel Lefebvre, provides the images that Capa took which established his reputation as the greatest combat photographer of all time.

Robert Capa stepped on a land mine in French Indo China (AKA Vietnam) sixty years ago on May 25, 1954 and these two new books will help remind older readers of why Hemingway and Capa earned places in the War Correspondents Hall of Fame and explains to younger readers why the two are held is such high esteem by a new generation of wannabes.

The two new books work better in tandem much like Rudolph Nureyev and Dame Margot Fontaine were good dancers but weren’t they so much better when they danced together?

The naggingest question about the Spanish Civil War was (and still is): “Why don’t the Americans help us?” It runs through the book as a leitmotif. If Americans are so damn adamant about the superiority of the democratic way of governance, why did they quietly stand by and let a fascist military leader win?

Could it be that the one percent in the USA in the mid Thirties was convinced that via the concept of “interline courtesy” they owed their real allegiance to Spain’s one percent and that mouthing platitudes about “the people” was just a necessary bit of public relations that had nothing to do with the binary choice between fascism and communism?

Reading “Hotel Florida” makes asking the question “Why didn’t the Occupy movement succeed?” an exercise in delusional optimism.

Vaill paints a vivid word picture of Capa taking some photos of Taro while she sleeps. A tender vignette in the midst of the unfolding tsunami of carnage is a commendable writer’s feat, but it is also very handy to flip to page 65 in the “Paris Years” book and actually see one of the frames Capa shot.

The theme of war as a crucible for love is also explored in the recently published “The Love-charm of bombs,” by Laura Feigel, which follows the intertwined sagas of several couples in London, during the Battle of Britain at the start of WWII.

“What Soldiers Do (Sex and the American G. I. in World War II Farnce),” by Mary Louise Roberts, asserts that part of the process of getting the soldiers psyched up to face enemy fire on the beaches of Normandy was to use the promise of earthly delights that awaited the ones who would liberate Paris.

“Love, Sex and War (1939 – 1940),” by John Costello takes a scholarly approach to the premise that during war members of the clergy turn a blind eye towards fornication and adultery as a way of enlisting the rubes into being enthusiastic about fighting (and perhaps dying in) wars for the benefit of a nation’s one percent elite. This book was published by Pan Books of London and may not have had much of an effect on public sentiment in the USA about the possibility that cannon fodder is not a high priority concern when war is in the offing for the One Percenters.

“The Hotel on Place Vendôme,” by Tilar J. Mazzeo” includes the same cast, the same setting (a famous hotel) but a different city. Paris instead of Madrid.

“We Saw It Happen (the news behind the news that’s fit to print),” edited by Hanson W. Baldwin and Shepard Stone (the 1939 book from Simon & Schuster) is a surfeit of stogy and stultifying material that inadvertently makes the subtle point that it is better if the men and women who will fight, photograph, and report a war, have some jolly good times before they keep their appointment in Samara.

Hemingway, Gellhorn, Capa, and Gerda Taro did make it seem like the good times at the Hotel Florida were the war time journalists’ equivalent of the legendary exploits of the entertainers who were the rat pack in Las Vegas.

Vaill reports that Hemingway’s employer the North American Newspaper Alliance (NANA) was rather displeased with the first-person boasting aspects of the dispatches that Hemingway provided but that brings up a tantalizing question for literary scholars: Was Hemingway a prototype for the Gonzo Journalism trend in the Sixties?

Those who become obsessed with the Gellhorn and Heminway affair might also want to read “Gellhorn (A Twentieth-Century Life),” by Caroline Moorehead.

“Robert Capa (a Biography),” by Richard Whelan provides supplemental proof that Capa was a fearless, loveable rascal.

“The Hemingway Hoax,” by Joe Haldeman, will inspire some intricate Hemingway fan reactions. Why wouldn’t the World’s Laziest Journalist admire a book about counterfeiting Hemingway manuscripts?

George Orwell (nee Eric Blair) wrote “Homage to Catalonia,” which tells the story of his experiences in the Spanish Civil War as a volunteer soldier battling against fascism. It seems that Orwell didn’t enjoy enduring hardship and deprivation and then getting wounded for altruistic reasons. Hemingway makes it all sound like jolly good fun.

“The Women Who Wrote the War,” by Nancy Caldwell Sorel, provides a wide angle look at the niche topic of women as war correspondents. Why hasn’t a biographical film been made about the life and times of Dickey Chapelle? When Virginia Cowles was assigned to cover the Spanish Civil War, she packed only high-heeled shoes in her luggage. That was (to use Harry Lime’s term): “unwise.”

“Ernie’s War (The Best of Ernie Pyle’s World War II Dispatches),” edited by David Nichols, shows just how different the war looked to the folks in the 99%, who had to cope with rationing, wounded veterans, and such. Of particular relevance is the dispatch titled “The Horrible Waste of War,” which starts on page 280.

Martha Gellhorn and Robert Capa both landed on the beach on D-Day (soon to mark the seventieth anniversary) while bureaucratic snafus caused Hemingway and Pyle to arrive a day or two late.

The 34th annual Hemingway Days Festival, which will be held in Key West Florida from July 15 to 20 this year, will feature a Hemingway-look-alike contest. Perhaps this year they should add a search for doubles for Martha Gellhorn and Robert Capa?

The “Hotel Florida” book has leaped on to our top ten list of favorite books of, by, and about Hemingway and real fans of his won’t need a recommendation from the World’s Laziest Journalist to be inspired to buy and read this book.

Trend-spotting reporters at the publication affectionately known as “the Great Gray Lady,” may want to skim through some of the other books listed above and suggest doing a feature story about the possibility that some people do find that war can be a “turn-on.”

Elliot V. Bell, on page 136 of “We saw it happen,” wrote: “Almost without exception the big bankers are the sort of fellows you’d be glad to take along on a trip to your favorite trout stream.” Just like the folks who died or were wounded in Iran and Afghanistan would have loved to have had George W. Bush attend their tailgate parties?

The disk jockey will play the Eagles’ “Hotel California,” Guns ‘n’ Roses’ “Civil War” and a song titled “No Pasaran.” We have to go see the film “Words and Pictures.” Have a “rebarbative” type week.

May 16, 2014

Perception is Everything!

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 12:29 pm

better cropped horseman
The Iowa caucuses haven’t been held yet and already the crazy talk has started. This time it isn’t Howard Dean’s mental facilities that are under attack, this time around Karl Rove is hinting/suggesting/implying that Hillary is a bit ding-a-ling-ish in the belfry . . . and the rubes in town are on his side!

Does America’s free press step in and label it as the start of the smear season? Noooo! They keep a straight face while Rove shows how easily they can be manipulated.

Didn’t America’s greatest warrior president George W. Bush say “Fool me once . . . won’t get fooled again!”? Hah! Dubya has misunderestimated America’s intelligence level once again. Who needs quality journalism when the Internets will deliver a “second the motion” effort from Rove that reinforces John Stewart’s recent example of propaganda in action with a comedy bit titled “The Bitches Are Crazy!”

If Stewart and Rove agree, Hillary is toast.

Is California’s third term governor positioning himself for a new attempt at winning the Democratic Party’s Presidential nomination?

Hillary can explain in minute detail how the past severe winter proves that global warming is here, but the voters in America aren’t going to fall for that example of Philadelphia lawyer double think.

Can the Democrats get guys to vote for Hillary by explaining that she was the real brains behind Bill Clinton’s two terms in office?

If Karl Rove is suggesting that Hilary is non compos mentis, then the tone of the intellectual level for the next Presidential election has been set and it is up to the Democrats to see if they can use (Rush?) limbo dance moves to duck under it.

Speaking of the possibility that Cliven Bundy will run for Congress in his home state, is it true (as Jim Healy would say) that he wants his campaign to be a referendum on this question: “If Republicans, who hate President Obama, say they don’t like Obama is that a prima facie case for charging them with a hate crime?”

While pundits, journalists, and historians are doing the keystrokes for a massive amount of nostalgic pieces about events and pop culture footnotes from fifty, seventy five and one hundred years ago, who will be the first scribe to wonder if President Obama, who is prohibited from running for a third tem as the resident in the White House, will run for any other office after moving out of the place on Pennsylvania Avenue?

Once, previously, a former President, John Quincy Adams, returned to Washington as a congressional representative. President Obama is a relatively young man and appears to be in good health, so he might find the prospect of being a freshman congressional representative who gets oodles of facetime on the evening news broadcasts has a certain allure for a Democrat who could be a thorn in the side of the Republicans if he joins the cast of “usual suspects” who perpetually pepper the nightly news with comments representing the species often called “the loyal opposition.”

Meanwhile, in the late spring of 2014, commencement speakers are closely inspecting each new edition of the New York Times for tell-tale clues for trend-spotting items to be included in their attempts to sound optimistic as they send this year’s graduating classes out into a bright and shiny world full of home foreclosures, student debt, and a glutted job market.

Is the question “do you want an order of fries to go along with your order?” the official motto for the class of 2014?

How does the world look in the spring of 2014? We’ve set the tone for this year by telling a Boston Red Sox’s fan that our prediction is that Derek Jeter’s official last at bat in his last season will be a walk-off grand slam that wins the seventh game of the World Series. It’s just a premonition and we aren’t going to back it with a million to one bet. . . but we will call upon a trustworthy friend to make a certain wager regarding the results of the 2016 Presidential Election in the USA.

It seems that liberal talk show host Randy Rhodes is about to retire and if that happens will there be any Liberal pundits left in broadcast media? Don’t Conservative pundits need a target? How will Uncle Rushbo get along if he can’t go on a rant about Pro-liberal propaganda parading as news?

The Democrats are bound to be borderline apoplectic as they are haunted by the specter of a revived Bush Dynasty becomes a very real possible outcome and the Republicans, who have been seething with animosity every day that President Obama sits in the Oval Office, will whip themselves into a state of misogynistic frenzy while contemplating the potential for a woman reviving a Clinton Dynasty.

Each party will browbeat the public with worst case scenarios meant to goad every citizen of voting age into waiting in line for days (if necessary) to cast the most important ballot they will every have to submit via electronic voting machines that have no method of verifying the results.

Is it siege time in the Liberal world? Should we drink a toast and hurl our glass into the fireplace? “I can’t send my pundits out there! Their Sopwith Camels are being held together with bailing wire and chewing gum.”

If Liberal flavored punditry (propaganda?) is becoming extinct, perhaps the World’s Laziest Journalist needs to switch to presenting conservative talking points heavily laced with irony. That way we could offend almost all the liberal and conservative readers simultaneously.

If Americans don’t want liberal punditry in the pop culture, might that serve to goad an obstreperous pundit of Irish heritage to greater efforts or would it be better to (ideologically speaking) be time to start to establish the foundation for a digital underground version of the Resistance era printed newspaper Combat.

[Note from the Photo Editor: Perception is everything. Irony from a liberal is easy to misinterpret. Is a horseman approaching in the night a knight in armor or is it Ichabod Carne’s nemesis?]

George Carlin wrote: “Sign your petitions, walk your picket lines, bring your lawsuits, cast your votes and write those stupid letters to whomever you please; you won’t change a thing.”

Now the disk jockey will play the Doors’ “The End,” Johnny Cash’s version of “Ghost Riders in the Sky,” and the Byrds’ “Mr. Spaceman.” We have to start celebrating Endangered Species Day today. Have a “Curse you, Red Barron!” type week.

May 9, 2014

“No one goes there; it’s too crowded!”

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 12:24 pm

Crop of better shot

For a traveler, who had flown halfway around the world intending to have a meal at a restaurant in Santa Monica, Ca. that was a favorite of one of the fellow’s rock star heroes, it was very frustrating to learn that the place was operating in stealth mode. There was no mention of it in any of the travel guidebooks. In desperation the lad asked the other guests in the kitchen/dining area of a hostel on Lincoln Blvd. in the Venice area of Los Angeles, if any of them knew where Chez Jay’s was located. The World’s Laziest Journalist, who just happened to be one of those present when the question was asked, had been a longtime resident of that area and not only knew where it was, but he also knew why the owner had insured one peanut for a million dollars.

The place featured shelled peanuts and the floor was usually carpeted in shell fragments. One of the place’s regulars, a customer named Alan Shepard, had, as an inside joke, taken an example of the conjoined twin peanuts and the protective covering with him to the moon and brought it back to the restaurant’s owner. It was put in a bank safe deposit box and insured for the aforementioned sum. The place almost always operated at full capacity and so it was that it didn’t advertise to attract more customers. (Google hint: “It happened at Chez Jay’s”)

Celebrity journalists who arrive in the area where a major news event either occurred or will soon occur find their plight similar to the traveler looking for the famous stealth restaurant. The visiting newsies have to coax the juicy historical details from the local news hounds (such as the weekly Independent Journal Newspapers’ version of Woodward and Bernstein) who can supply the background for a breaking story.

For example, when Santa Monica’s city clerk endorsed an idea that urged the city council to fund the building of an island (similar to the way Treasure Island was built in the San Francisco Bay?), which could be used for all kinds of moneymaking ventures, the issue became a hot potato that caused a rift in the local political scene. The feisty Santa Monica Independent weekly advocated one side (reject it?) and the daily Santa Monica Outlook endorsed the project and the candidates for the city council who promised to make it happen. The New York Times was fascinated by the David vs. Goliath aspect to the feuding publishers’ backstory.

The New York Times assigned a scribe to do the story and when he landed on Third Street (when it was just another cross town street and not a world famous tourist attraction urban mall) he needed a lot of background information and he needed it fast.

Hadn’t the gambling ship Rex been the inspiration for the TV series Mr. Lucky? Didn’t Raymond Chandler fictionalize Santa Monica into “Bay City” to avoid nasty repercussions from litigious locals? Hadn’t a sports writer from the Outlook used a tip about presidential candidate Jack Kenney taking a stroll on the world famous beach to take a scoop photo that landed a photo sale and by-line in LIFE magazine?

It wasn’t like the New York Times guy had to know that WWII”s famous “See here, Pvt. Hargrove” soldier had become a resident of the city wedged between Venice and Pacific Palisades but facts are like DDT spray; when it is time to use it, you want it close at hand and available immediately. (Do they still sell DDT?) Speaking of WWII, many of the DC-3’s and C-37’s (the military version of the same famous airliner) airplanes were assembled at the Douglas factory in Santa Monica.

Two of the local reporters at the time when the New York Times wanted the inside scoop on Santa Monica went on to bigger and better things. One is now an editor for Playboy magazine and the other (who went ahead to the great city desk in the sky) became Time magazine’s White House correspondent.

In the era of instant analysis and dealing out “This just in!” panic attacks for cable TV viewers, background information is becoming an irrelevant and unnecessary extravagance.

Do readers across the USA need to know why, how, or even if there is a chance that Senator Dianne Feinstein’s husband could profit from the sale of excess Post Office real estate? Would readers in Concordia Kansas really care if a California firm gets a bargain basement price (and some breaks for the property tax which is computed on the place’s value?) for some prime land and real estate in (hypothetically example) Rancho Palos Verdes?

On Saturday May 3, 2014, we heard on the CBS radio network, a fellow describe an article he had written for Fortune magazine (that would be published the following Monday) which describes how insurance rules are use to provide an instant cash bonanza for airlines that sustain a complete loss of an airliner that has become antiquated and has been “completely amortized.” The writer explained in detail how that could be a factor in the continuing saga of the missing Malaysian Airline airplane. Do readers in Poughkeepsie want to read something that sounds like a goddamn Business 101 lecture or do they want to see more video of the crying families screaming at the airline spokespeople?

We have heard rumors that if the Russians cut off Europe’s supply of natural gas, in a year or two, facilities which are being constructed in the USA to liquefy natural gas will open operating at full capacity if the product is in very short supply on the far side of “the Big Pond.”

Doing all the work necessary to fact check this allegation is beyond the capabilities of any body who is not part of a large media organization with extensive funding available to underwrite the background check. Austerity budgets mean austerity news coverage for anything with less than an immediate crises level of news priority. Keeping citizens fully informed so that they can make intelligent decisions at voting time is a prosperity era optional feature for the free press. Tough times mean tough editorial decisions.

Aren’t the media going to make a windfall profit bonanza with all the ads that will run during the next mid-term Congressional elections this year and then the 2016 Presidential elections? Conservative media owners will be quick to point out that it is foolish to spend monies that haven’t been received yet. Run the ads, deposit the checks, then talk about providing extensive news coverage to the rubes in fly-over country.

The Ferrari 250 TR roadster is a very rare and desirable automobile. Online fact checking indicates that only seven were made. Seeing one being carried by a flatbed truck in Santa Monica (many moons ago) was a car-spotter’s chance of a lifetime. Knowing that Phil Hill, a driver for the Ferrari race team, was a lifelong Santa Monica resident provides a feasible and logical background explanation for seeing such an exotic racing machine in the Western extreme of Los Angeles County.

Thanks to some image manipulation magic, the merry-go-round on the Santa Monica pier seemed, in the movie “The Sting,” to be in the middle of Chicago. Locals got a chuckle out of that illusion.

When the tantalizing prospect of voting for Prop 13 meant some tax relief for homeowners, the background story about the long term affects of the change were virtually ignored by the local examples of America’s free press. In the Sixties, a college education in California was one of America’s greatest educational bargains. Prop 13 was hailed as democracy in action. What wasn’t mentioned was that it took away money used to fund the low cost higher education and gave tax breaks to businesses.

Forty years later, the families of local homeowners can not afford the tuition bills that are used to finance the state’s colleges and universities. Many of the Golden State’s famous institutes of higher learning are forced to fill the classrooms with students from wealthy foreign families.

California voters got played and fell for the ruse. Isn’t tricking voters into approving measures which will eventually punish them and reward the corporations one of the more appealing and hilarious aspects for Republicans who run for office?

[Photo Editor’s note: For a column on Santa Monica, the best quickly available shot was a file photo taken about three years ago on the Third Street Promenade.]

In the opening paragraph of “The Big Sleep,” Santa Monica resident Raymond Chandler wrote: “I was neat, clean shaved and sober, and I didn’t care who knew it. I was everything a well-dressed private detective ought to be. I was calling on four million dollars.”

Now the disk jockey will play Santa Monica’s official song (with vocals by Gloria Wood) Kay Kyser’s “When Veronica plays her harmonica (down on the pier in Santa Monica),” the theme music from “The Sting,” and Cheryl Crow’s song “All I wanna do (AKA the “Santa Monica Blvd.” song).” We have to go check and see if we can find where Raymond Chandler’s old office on “Oregon” Street was. Have a “Let’s go shopping at Henshey’s” type week. Since Saturday is National Train day, have a good one.

May 2, 2014

“Attack, attack, attack, never defend”

Filed under: Commentary,Uncategorized — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 12:31 pm

crop of burning money

When Richard M. Nixon ran for Congress after WWII, he ran in the district being served by Jerry Voorhis, who had received a high liberal rating. Nixon ran on a campaign that charged that the incumbent’s support of labor groups was a subtle circumstantial indication that the incumbent was pro Communist.

U. S. Senator Max Cleland was a triple amputee because of wounds received in combat in Vietnam and was awarded a Silver Star and a Bronze Star. When Saxby Chambliss decided to run for that seat in the Senate, he attacked Cleland charging that some of his votes in the era immediately after the attack on the World Trade Center indicated a lack of patriotism on Cleland’s part. Chambliss, who graduated from college during the Vietnam conflict, was exempt from military duty because of bad knees due to a football injury. Chambliss beat Cleland.

In his book “The Strange Case of Richard Milhous Nixon,” former Congressman Voorhis states that Nixon’s political advisor Murray Chotner’s strategy playbook included: “Third – attack, attack, attack, never defend.”

When John Kerry suddenly was anointed the “front runner” after the leading candidate, Howard Dean, suffered what all the best known pundits diagnosed as a complete emotional meltdown, the Republicans just happened to have (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) done the paperwork for a group of veterans who had military records similar to Kerry’s and who were relentless in attacking Kerry’s combat record, which was supposed to be the centerpiece of his campaign.

With these past campaigns in mind, it seems quite likely that if Hilary Clinton wins the Democratic Party’s nomination and becomes a Candidate for President (technically she won’t be “the first”), then the Republicans will foil her quest to become the first woman President of the USA by saying that is precisely the reason citizens shouldn’t vote for her. The cultural atmosphere will be saturated with misogyny until Election Day.

The Democrats will be left to defend the idea that it is time for the USA to have its first woman President and the Republicans will feel like the good old days are back as they attack, attack, attack.

They will spice things up and avoid a Johnny one note aspect for the proceedings by manufacturing skirmishes that revive the Vince Foster, Monica Lewinski, and Benghazi issues.

Jon Stewart ran a segment titled “the Broads Must Be Crazy,” which seems to be an attempt to defuse the expected tsunami of misogyny that the Republicans will unleash. The Republicans are very adept at shrugging off any logical responses to their headline grabbing antics.

Any pundit, who dares to suggest that the Democrats should make a preemptive strike and start now attacking the Republican front runner, would be subjected to a smear campaign that would be a career ending grand finale no matter who that victim might be.   If you don’t believe that just ask Dan Rather.

The news media seems completely oblivious to the implications for democracy of the fact that JEB Bush went from political pariah to front runner without participating in a single primary election campaign. That doesn’t affect the fact that bringing democracy to foreign soil is always considered a valid reason for waging war in a remote location.

Richard Nixon became a U. S. Senator in a political battle with Helen Gahagan Douglas, who, as an actress had played the role of Hash-a-Motep of Kor in the 1935 movie “She,” was the Congressional representative from California’s 14th District. As an actress, Ms. Douglas is credited as being the first to deliver the line: “She who must be obeyed!” Nixon hinted that her voting record in the House of Representatives was similar to that of another well known pro Communist Congressional representative and that the implication was obvious.

Online, there are differing accounts as to who was the first woman police officer in the USA. Whoever it was is reported to have drawn men from all over the country to be arrested by the law enforcement pioneer.

The Sioux exemplified the Native American variation of the Republican philosophy of “keep ’em pregnant in summer and barefoot in winter” while another tribe (the Cheyenne?) had women warriors.

Uncle Rushbo has always nurtured a good old boy in the locker room condescending attitude towards women. Didn’t Frank Sinatra use the terms “frail, skirt, and mouse” to designate a woman? Weren’t his most ardent fans of the female persuasion?

Liberals tend to project their values on their opponents and so the Democrats will not want to hear any predictions along those lines regarding what the Republican strategy will be to win the election. We have read some books that advise trial lawyers to neutralize the other side’s case before it is presented but the Democratic Party seems reluctant to use that methodology in National politics.

Journalists who are always anxious to project an “I’m just as cool as Frank Sinatra” image will probably go along with a Sexist campaign against Hillary because what’s not to like about a metaphorical chance to be a member of the rat pack? Also the conservative owners of the media that employs them will give them certain “do you like your job” hints that they should go along to get along.

If the Republicans go the complete ring-a-ding-ding route and attack Hillary for being a woman, what effective response can the liberal citizen journalist use? The fact that she is a woman can’t be denied and if the Democratic response starts on a defensive note, well then Jerry Voorhis would say that they are off to a bad start.

Conservative talk show hostess Laura Ingraham has said that a woman politician should not emphasize a point by shouting it because if she does, invariably she will sound shrill.

We have (many moons ago) heard a news story that asserts that an infant girl will pay more attention to a the voice of an unknown man than she will to the voice of her own mother.

Feminists have pointed out that Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astair was doing and she did it backwards while wearing high heeled shoes. The Republican response will be: “Yeah, backwards . . . that sounds like how a woman would do it!”

Republicans might go as far as having Uncle Rushbo revive the old Laurel and Hardy shtick that included the line “You can never hit a woman, Oliver . . . you have to kick them!”?

L. A. Clippers owner Donald Sterling’s girlfriend, V. (Vivian) Stiviano announced this week that she expects to be a successful Presidential nominee sometime in the future.

In a speech to the League of Women voters, on April 16, 1969, President Richard M. Nixon said: “Certainly in the next fifty years we shall see a woman president, perhaps sooner than you think. A woman can and should be able to do any political job that a man can do.” There is only one more election left which can render this prediction as accurate.

Now the disk jockey will play Nancy Sinatra’s “These boots are made for walking,” the Jefferson Airplane’s “Plastic fantastic lover,” and Wagner’s “Ride of the Valkyries.” We have to get back to reading Amanda Vaill’s new book “Hotel Florida (Truth, Love and Death in the Spanish Civil War).” Have an “For no good reason” type week. Enjoy National Free Comic Book day and the Kentucky Derby on Saturday and Cinco de Mayo on Monday.

April 25, 2014

Beatniks, Hippies and computer geeks

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 12:27 pm

Nerd Life

While the whole world waits for Vladimir Putin to heed President Obama’s urgings to pull his troops back from the Ukrainian border, management has requested that this week’s column ignore the possibility of a foreign policy disaster and write one that features innocuous items and so it came to pass that the World’s Laziest Journalist was awarded a one day all expenses paid excursion to San Francisco to gather material and do some fact checking. We haven’t heard conservative talk show host Michael Savage for quite awhile but he used to be terrified that San Francisco values would metaphorically do to America’s collective code of ethics what the black plague did for Europe’s population of peons a few centuries back. With the proliferation of gay marriages and the growing success of the legalize pot movement, he must be much more frantic these days.  We thought a walkabout look at his hometown might be fun.

Last Sunday, the advocates of legalized marijuana gathered around Hippie Hill in Golden Gate Park and expressed their view on the topic by committing the infraction of smoking pot. Fifty years ago when the Jefferson Airplane, the Hair soundtrack album, and Santana were all the rage, pot was a hot topic. Some folks thought that life in prison for one joint in Texas was excessive and that using Agent Orange wasn’t.

We headed right for the North Beach area that was home to the beatniks and hippies. We squeezed into the Space Between art gallery and learned from artist Chris Farris that a local political dispute was going global. A petition critical of efforts to put a fence around Huntington Park (Google hint: Huntington Park fence petition) has drawn responses from around the world. The board of Supervisors has indicated that only local

registered voters should be counted as valid signatures, but the petition posse maintains that in a city that is saturated with tourist attractions and visitors from far far away, the opinion of someone living in Ulan Bator (formely Urga) should also count.

Speaking of going global it seems that Smart Car tipping (the urban equivalent of cow tipping?), which got started in San Francisco, is showing up elsewhere and is rapidly becoming a trendy world wide prank.

While walking from the Little Italy section towards Fisherman’s Wharf, we noticed La Rocca’s Corner bar, which promotes itself as the “Home of Rugby in San Francisco.” We ducked in and, knowing that restrooms are always for “customers only,” inquired if someone who knows who the All Blacks (New Zealand’s highly regarded rugby team) are could use the rest room. The bar tender said “sure!” Since he had a great radio voice we decided to linger and buy a glass of ginger ale and chat.

We were informed that local legendary columnist Herb Caen wasn’t the universally admired personality that he claims to have been. Our bartend told the story about the time the columnist went into Harrington’s and ordered a drink, Caen’s bar tender (now standing in front of us) informed him of the price and he responded “I’m Herb Caen.” After being charged for the drink, he wrote derogatory remarks about the bar and advised his readers to patronize a nearby competitor. (And you thought columnists were inconsequential?)

We asked if locals, such as the barkeep and the owner, objected to “Frisco” as the slang term for Fog City and were informed that during WWII many soldiers (such as the owner’s father) from San Francisco were assigned the nickname “Frisco.” They shrugged their shoulders and said “We don’t care.” They added that the only person who objected to the sobriquet was Herb Caen who was from Sacramento. They added a vulgar assessment of the man who claimed the title of “Mr. San Francisco.” It is our understanding that Caen recanted and sanctioned the moniker very late in his life.

We saw what is allegedly the world’s only steam powered motor cycle at the Musee Mecanique.

As we headed back to the BART for transportation back to Berkeley, we encountered a group of adults in pirate attire. They were playing a game (at noontime on a regular working day) and while we were urging them to read our online columns to impress our editor with our popularity, they spotted Batman and went running after him like (dare I say it?) bats out of hell. We had not gone a block further when we encountered a pack of cats playing the same game.

If San Francisco is going to become a bellwether for the USA, perhaps we will have to do some future columns that examine the wider implications of the fact that voter subsidies for professional sports team owners may have met their Waterloo at San Francisco’s recent Embarcadero arena fiasco.

The San Francisco and Oakland football, basketball, and baseball teams are playing cities off against each other in an effort to get the biggest and best deals from their hometown. If San Francisco can’t come up with new economic advantages and incentives, well then maybe San Jose can.

As long as the teams stay where they are, the wheeling and dealing doesn’t matter to team fans and the political wonks have enough on their plates already and don’t have the time to read up on the political backroom strategies needed by anxious politicians who want the sports fans who are registered voters to stay content.

Rent affects all Golden State tenants and San Francisco’s battles over the Ellis Act might change the game completely. Hence it makes sense for groups such as the Marina (del Rey) Tenants Association to read up on and be well informed about the changes to the Ellis Act that are being urged by San Francisco landlords.

The mid term elections are a bit more than six months away and the Presidential election is about two and a half years down the road. Long and intricate assessments of the local stories can not be used for the entire intervening time frame at a time when skim reading is gaining popularity. Run more than one extended analysis of the problem and it is very likely the regular readers will become bored and restless.

The World’s Laziest Journalist will have to intersperse team moves, rent control, and fencing off public parks with more frivolous items such as asking: “If Golden Boy’s pizza isn’t proclaimed the best, then why is it the most popular?” (Could the locals bar’s genial atmosphere be the answer?)

We understand that our alma mater has an chapter of the alumnae society based in San Francisco and that makes us wonder why in the era of computer doesn’t the college website have a way to list all the class members of every year’s graduating classes with an asterisk by the names of each class member who is known to have gone on ahead to the great lecture hall in the sky? That, in turn, makes us wonder: Do the underachievers live longer? Does some institution of higher learning need to do a study on that very question?

The hopes for finding survivors in the Korean boat tragedy are fading rapidly but didja know that after the U. S. S. Arizona was sunk at Pearl Harbor rescue workers reported that responses to their banging on the pipes were heard until after New Year’s Day?

We picked up the latest copy of SF Weekly that asserts on the cover that smartphone theft is “a billion-dollar part of the business model” for the various companies associated with that product.

In addition to the challenge of keeping the audience amused and entertained until the electronic voting machines deliver the indisputable election results to a world wide audience breathlessly awaiting the loser’s concession speech, the World’s Laziest Journalist makes an effort to take photos that will draw more eyes to the weekly example of gonzo punditry.

[Note from the Photo editor: Some of the participants in the 4-20 festivities embraced Scott McKenzie’s decades old advice: “If you’re going to San Francisco, wear a flower in your hair.”]

While we were looking for items to use in this column, we learned that there was a search/contest that was looking for stories using just 10 words or less. (Google hint: gothamwriters dot com forward slash tenwordstory) Their contest was inspired by the legend that Hemingway won a bet about such a short story. His entire story will serve as our closing quote: “For Sale. Baby Shoes. Never worn.”

Now the disk jockey will play Apogee Sound Club’s song “Norfoked,” Iron Butterfly’s “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida,” and Moby Grape’s “Trucking Man.” We have to go see “Finding Vivian Maier.” Have a “Decisive Moment” type week.

April 21, 2014

Sixties Flashback

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 12:22 pm

Going to Hippie Hill in Golden Gate Park on Sunday April 20, 2014, was, for the World’s Laziest Journalist, as close to experiencing time travel as we will probably ever get because it revived some very old dormant memories.  People who support the legalization of marijuana were going to go there to urge the decriminalization of the use of cannabis for recreational purposes.

Doing a column that used the idea that smoking dried banana peels was just as effective and not illegal seemed like a good way to get a led for a column that used the “Mellow Yellow” fad as a basis for opening a gap in the debating community that has decreed that using the “conspiracy theory” label is an irrefutable gambit that kills all (no exceptions!) controversial topics just as effectively as saying “check and checkmate” ends a chess game.

“Smoking Typewriters,” a history of the alternative media in the USA, by John McMillian, covered the topic of the banana peel as a quick legal pathway to a psychedelic high in Chapter Three.  It is portrayed as being an elaborate hippie practical joke.

Of all the topics in the Conspiracy Hall of Fame wing of the Amalgamated Conspiracy Theory Factory’s Reference building, the idea that bananas can be used as a legal substitute for pot is the only one that is subject to a definitive fact checking experiment at home.

A sixties era song described a scene with the young girls coming to the canyon and if they flock to Hippie Hill then the young men will follow as surely as (insert trite cliché here).

Watching the young people’s enthusiastic efforts to play music, dance, and smoke pot seemed like a textbook perfect example of the contention that John Beckman makes in his new book “American Fun,” that fun and rebellion being interdependent has been an American tradition since long before the first beatnik was born.

How effective was the effort to recapture a Sixties moment in early 2014?  Seeing the Cracker Family Circus (they have a Facebook page) play near Hippie Hill did remind the World’s Laziest Journalist of seeing another band perform in the same place in 1969.  Was it the Jefferson Airplane (they have a Facebook page, too.)?

The “flower power” aspect of the day was not lost on a columnist who did check out more than one “Be-in” back when they were a newsworthy aspect of the pop culture scene.

Student maxim:  “If you remember the Sixties, you weren’t really there.”

Now the disk jockey will play Scott McKenzie’s “San Francisco (Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair),” Donovan’s “Mellow Yellow,” and the Jefferson Airplane’s “White Rabbit.”  We have to go dig up a column for Friday.  Have a “Gr-o-o-o-o-vy day” type week.

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