BartBlog

The Warmongers’ Trifecta

Hearing the news about the announcement of the existence of an Iranian secret atomic facility and the fact that President Obama’s attitude seemed very much like George W. Bush’s would have been if he had made the announcement plus the fact that news was being delivered on the day after seeing a Thursday night showing of Stanley Kubrick’s Dr. Strangelove, it seemed obvious that there was no other possible reaction but to shrug and mumble some platitude about the conservatives’ prayers have been answered.  Some wars, it seems, are just meant to happen.

Will conservative patriotic American Christians have any reluctance about such a conflict or will they enthusiastically pray for a war with the unmanageable heathens?  Haven’t they already come to a decision about the morality of a preemptive attack? 

Here comes another Cuban Missile Crises type showdown, but before you make any bets about what’s going to happen, remember that a Muslim country will see that absorbing a devastating opening attack will just send legions of their armed forces off to a the reward with 72 virgins and that the Christians, if they show any reluctance for sustaining a massive retaliatory strike might be judged as lacking total commitment to their religions assurances that there should be no fear of death because an eternal for them is assured and will begin after their current life ends and the mushroom cloud climbs toward heaven.

About a half a century ago (give or take a few years) there was an article about nuclear proliferation in the New York Times’ Sunday magazine section.  The (as it turns out) prescient writer used an analogy to asses the most likely future:  the world would be like a roomful of card players who were all holding a loaded pistol and who didn’t like or trust each other.  Well, that nails the developing international crises just about perfectly, doesn’t it?

American conservatives have been eagerly anticipating a confrontation with the entire Muslim world since the PNAC document was written and. since George W. Bush couldn’t sell the third phase of the program to the American voters, it now falls to the Democratic President to “get ’er done!”

In the past, this columnist has encountered in the workplace, a member of management whose advice about what do in case of an atomic attack during working hours was:  “Run towards the flash!”  It seems that Republicans are more likely to enthusiastically embrace that philosophy than the Democrats.

In one of the news reports we heard, it was stated that American intelligence has been following the progress of the secret facility for some time.  Obviously then, the top Republicans would have known about it last year when the presidential election was being waged.  (Republicans wage a campaign; Democrats conduct one.)  If they earnestly wanted war with Iran back then, and realized that it was all but inevitable, perhaps it seemed like an opportunity to imitate the cartoon scene where the road runner hands a stick of dynamite to the coyote with a lighted fuse, and let the guy win and wait around to watch him force the Democrats to do what they fear George W. Bush was going to do before leaving office. If President Obama advocates a preemptive strike against this atomic facility, the conservative Republicans certainly won’t object, but they will have some good ole frat boy fun by tormenting him with name calling before he has to give the preemptive strike orders. 

Nothing a liberal pundit or even a large contingent of liberal pundits could do collectively will be able to convince President Obama that it shouldn’t happen, so why bother trying? 

One question, which a liberal columnist will be able to ask in the next few weeks as the tension for this new showdown builds is this:  Are the conservative Christians, when the prospect of a nuclear war becomes a certainty, going to go nuts if their kids want to join in any of the (almost inevitable) liberals Doomsday Orgy Parties? 

How many times in this Christmas Season-Doomsday confrontation period will people get to hear “My Way,” just to relish the line when old Blue Eyes croons “and now the end it near . . .”?

Some wars are inevitable and writing a column that isn’t a total commitment to backing President Obama on whatever course he chooses, would be like suggesting that a weatherman should be delegated to negotiate with a hurricane or tornado while it is moving towards your city.

Back in the Fifties, when the end of the world via a nuclear holocaust was a nightmare scenario, no one ever pointed out that since everyone has to die, it might be kinda cool to be around when “the whole shithouse goes up in flames.”  If you think of humankind as being a play, wouldn’t it be better to be on stage for the grand finale rather than croaking before that?  Everyone has to die, but what percentage of humans will get to see the end of the world?  Statistically won’t it be a privileged few?

So:  You go, Barry!

The WLJ quote wrangler has suggested that we wind up this column with one of the bodily fluids quotes from Dr. Strangelove, but the columnist will do a command override because he thinks that a much more appropriate line would be one from W. C. Fields:  “The time has come to grab the bull by the tail and face the situation.”

Now, since Dr. Strangelove ends with Vera Lynn’s “We’ll Meet Again” (a Best of Vera Lynn has just recently been re-released), the disk jockey will play that plus “My Way” and “I Won’t Back Down.”  It’s time to ring the curtain down.  Have a “run towards the flash” type week.  (Does anyone know where we can find a screening of “On the Beach”?)