August 28, 2015

Human Beings: The most dangerous predators on the planet

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jane Stillwater @ 9:51 pm

Seven years ago my wonderful granddaughter Mena was born right before Christmas and so every year, because there is a lot less going on in August than in December, she has an “un-birthday” party in the summer instead of an actual birthday party on her actual birthday.

This year, Mena wanted her party to have an animal theme. Does that mean that I have to get all dressed up in a cat suit or something? No way! “C’mon, grandma! It will be fun!”

So I thought about it a lot and finally came up with a really great animal costume, one that would still let me wear my usual uniform of jeans and a tee. I simply printed out a sign that read, “I am a HUMAN BEING, the most dangerous predator on the planet,” and then slapped said sign on my back. Problem solved.

The un-birthday party was a huge success.

But then, after reading an article on Global Research stating that four million Muslims have been killed by US and NATO troops since 9-11, I also got to thinking about exactly how completely accurate my costume actually was.

In 2001, an attack on the Twin Towers became an all-too-convenient excuse for Wall Street and War Street to instantly switch into predator mode and heat up their notorious and endless Wars for Oil. And these predator massacres are still going on in Palestine, Libya, Syria, Iraq, Egypt, Yemen and Afghanistan today, 14 years later.

Want more examples of human predator behavior? Not a problem!

In medieval Europe, human beings executed approximately 57 thousand women for “witchcraft”. King Leopold of Belgium apparently was responsible for two million deaths in the Congo. Then there were the various wars on Native Americans, Aztecs, Incas and First Nations — between 50 million and 100 million killed. My own great-great grandmother walked the Trail of Tears and watched her fellow human beings fall prey to cold, lonely and miserable deaths at the hands of human predators.

And don’t forget those two bloody World Wars and the vicious brutality of Nagasaki and Hiroshima. And the African slave trade and its bloody results, “Straight out of Compton” — and Ferguson, Baltimore and San Quentin too. And then there are the current African massacres, millions more human beings dead in the Congo for blood diamonds and that stuff they put in computers. And the massacres in Indonesia and East Timur, approximately three million more human beings slaughtered for oil.


PS: The T-Rex used to be the most dangerous predator on the planet. Now it is completely and totally extinct.

And then the lion became next on the predator totem-pole list. I wonder what happened to lions? Oh, right. They became an endangered species, mainly because there was nothing else left for them to prey on. Soon that will probably happen to human predators too. We’ll all be going up in (atomic and/or toxic) smoke.

PPS: Not all human beings are psychotic predators. Some of us actually shun attacks on our own species. Really we do. There really are some mentally healthy humans among us — take Pope Francis, for instance. “Human beings, while capable of the worst, are also capable of rising above themselves, choosing again what is good, and making a new start, despite their mental and social conditioning.”

And, heck, even I know better than to kill people for fun and profit.

IMG_4928 human

August 25, 2015

Journalism in Jeopardy?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Bob Patterson @ 7:48 pm

Has America’s free press gone flatline or is it DOA?
By Bob Patterson as told to Belle Starr, Outlawyer

Making American Journalism great again?

Donald Trump’s psychological manipulation of Hillary to get her to attend his wedding is similar to a situation 40 years ago.

Due to the fact that the worldslaziestjounalist is the volunteer librarian/historian for the Marina Tenants Association, we are aware that in the early 80’s Steve Coll researched and wrote about the origins of the unique real estate situation in Marina del Rey.

In the late 70’s, the  Marina Tenants Association had similar suspicions about fiduciary relationships between developers and the LA County Board of Supervisors …the MTA had suspicions 40 yrs ago before Donald Trump spilled the beans on his manipulation tactics regarding Hillary and other politicos.

As we mentioned, 75 years ago Edward R. Murrow was reporting from London during The Battle of Britain.  Now all we see are reports featuring people overwhelmed with the challenges of life, crying.  We call that Soap Opera Journalism. Has CBS’ standards fallen that far that fast?

My assessment of the qualities  inherent in well-done journalism includes:
a) should feature efforts to foil political malfeasance, and
b) highlight and shed light on examples of miscarriage of justice such as CNN’s Death Row Stories and 50’s TV “The Big Story”

Coincidentally,  we noticed that a person named Steve Coll has been named dean of the columbia school of journalism   Surely, we thought, if anyone is qualified to see the parallels between  what has happened in LA and what is set to happen in SF it will be Steve Coll.

We have encountered difficulties in passing a news tip to a legitimate member  of the mainstream media about our concerns that the taxpayers of SF are being set up for another scam.

The fact that no ne seems interested in news tips exacerbated our concern that the American hallmark of democracy, a free press, is doing the cheshire cat trick.

Note: The worldslaziestjounalist wrote about Pasqualama and we scooped the BBC with our story so we must know a little bit about quality journalism (Google Hint : Pasqualama glacier gold)

If our speculation about American journalism being DOA is accurate then we conclude journalists have adopted the policy of don’t rock the boat, don’t make waves.

Hence, we are pinning our hopes for foiling the SF Board of Supervisors  super strategy to institute a policy of perpetual campaign donations under the cam “The Candlestick Cash Cow”.

Note: If the the worldslaziestjounalist  is going to indulge himself with delusions of grandeur we need some advice from our regular readers :  should we   try to convince Donald Trump that restoring the  American free press to its former glory is a way to augment his program to restore America to its former greatness?

… or should we try to prod Dean Coll into inspiring greater efforts from his students by taunting them with the possibility that they are not as investigatively curious as the worldslaziestjounalist ?

… or should we goad the public to demand better, more inciteful journalism from their favorite media outlets?

Summer Intern Note : Rockin’ Robin got the lowdown on the chickadee and this wise old owl asks why is Diane Feinstein’s mother being hidden in a conservatorship old-age home in San Francisco?

Is this is the same mother she claims to be unhinged and violent in “Season of the Witch?”

Why do “care not cash” programs enrich the elites like the  president of UC, Blum, Feinstein and Newsom-Getty ?

Google hint: richkidsclub chat forum. Where sharing with others is not caring but trading information on how to steal grandparents and parents funds through conservators raiding the funds for the care at the lowest levels for cash paid at the highest levels to one stop shops where the new raiders with their professional trustees, conservators, attorneys and board and care homes (and insiders) tend to make the slippery slope greasy.

(Let’s hope Donald Trump’s kids don’t read this column.)

…our children, who do not want to wait for their inheritances because after all the “end is near” and they need to party while the food chain collapses…

… and  wasn’t Hilarious Hillary so lovable when she tossed her quip about “wipe it with a cloth”?

If all that American readers want is information about hilarious videos about kitties that look like Hitler then have we got a hint for you: Youtube search hint: monkey with ak47  (just like the song says don’t ever play with guns. Johnny Cash knows them Folsom Prison blues).

The final quote for this column has to be “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus”

Now the DJ will play the “Johnny live at Folsom Prison” album, Phil Harris’  “Get outta here with that bump bah bump” and Buffalo Springfield “For What it’s Worth”….and the old standard blues song where she done him wrong…Frankie and Johnny

So have a “don’t rock the boat” type week.

(Funny Fukushima and radiation therapy thoughts: Did anyone notice? Hiroshima by John Hersey found on the street with the poem of a child:

“Atomic Courtesy” by Ethel Jacobson: To smash the simple atom, All mankind was intent. Now any day, The atom may, Return the compliment”).

After last weeks column was posted a  doctor, who does some pro bono work for the VA,  offered the opinion we were a little too hard on the VA.

point taken

Disclaimer: Writing and posting from a hospital bed is a major challenge. We will try to keep the string alive, but that may not happen every week. Stay tuned.

August 22, 2015

Book-burning in Berkeley? Javohl!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jane Stillwater @ 3:54 pm

In the process of writing this article, I’ve started to feel a bit like a World War II master-spy or Mata Hari or something. James Bond?

Books have been disappearing from the Berkeley Public Library at an alarming rate lately. “How many are gone? And where did they go?” Time to put on my trench coat and find out.

Apparently our new head librarian has been “weeding the collection” at our main branch — and doing it all on his own. This weeding process is usually gently conducted by the library’s entire staff, but only after serious consideration for each book. However, the new head librarian has now taken this task on all by himself and is throwing out books left and right.

But how many books have actually disappeared in the past year? “Not all that many,” claims the new head librarian. “Just a few. 2,220 at most”. But a closer investigation has revealed that over 39,000 books have gone missing. Yikes!

“So what happened to all these books?” you might ask. Well, apparently some other local undercover agent recently held a stakeout at the rear door of our main library, and what that agent observed was that huge piles of boxes of books were being left out on the sidewalk back there — and then a large unmarked white van comes along and hauls them all away.

“But where does the van take them?” you might ask next. Who the freak knows. I’m assuming that there will be a book-burning somewhere.

“But what kind of books are disappearing?” Apparently anything to do with women’s studies, civil rights, the labor movement, LGBT, etc. Sounds like an effort to de-radicalize Berkeley and dumb us all down.

Then I talked with another undercover agent who said, “Apparently the Koch brothers have financed a library institute that trains librarians how to weed out all left-wing, progressive and anti-empire books in libraries throughout America. Perhaps this librarian is a Koch-brothers infiltrator too.” Good grief!

PS: Here in Berkeley, we not only have to worry about librarians “weeding the collection” and burning our books (who would ever think that I would have to write such a sentence!)

Developers here are also marching in, “weeding the collection,” tearing down homes and businesses that used to belong to non-Yuppies (probably carting them away in mysterious unmarked white vans too) and building over a thousand condos on our main streets to replace them.

Our mayor is ecstatic!

But the City of Berkeley now has to pay for the extra fire, police, sewer and street services for these new condos and the approximately 10,000 new residents involved. However, there are families in Ireland who are not so ecstatic about all these new condos.

PPS: And if you think it’s an outrage that our local librarian lies to us, then be prepared to be totally outraged that our corporate-owned federal government lies to us constantly — through their teeth!

For instance, did you know that NATO is happily preparing for nuclear war with Russia? And that, contrary to what we are being constantly told, none of this is Russia’s fault because NATO (read Wall Street and War Street) started it all? And that we Americans might even end up getting fried like KFC chicken — and also have to pay for this pleasure ourselves? Shades of the Sudetenland lies!

For instance, what exactly do you actually think is going on in Syria right now? Here’s a report from my friend in Aleppo who tells an entirely different story about what is happening there than the one our corporate-owned MSM would have us believe.

Or consider this report by Andre Vltchek on refugees from the Middle East now hunkering down in Europe? Why are they there? Not for the hate-filled reasons we are being told. Read this to find out.

In the Middle East, the foxes are definitely guarding the hen house. According to America’s official Congressional position, the United Arab Emirates is now in charge of “addressing humanitarian relief” in Syria and Iraq — even as the UAE pays for and supports ISIS.

Turkey is now in charge of “stopping the flow of foreign terrorist fighters”. Hell, Turkey welcomes them with open arms and then sends them on over to Syria (to force the New Ottoman Empire down Syrian throats), and to Iraq (to kill more Kurds)!

The United States is currently in charge of “supporting military operations, capacity building, and training” — apparently of ISIS.

Britain has been put in charge of “exposing ISIS’s true nature” — even as it gives ISIS hot tips on how to run an appealing FaceBook page.

And the House of Saud is “cutting off ISIS access to financing and funding”. That is huge whopper! The House of Saud itself has been financing ISIS for years.

And of course let us also consider the biggest lie of all — the 9-11 “conspiracy theory” theory, wherein no pilot or engineer alive today can even think about (let alone mention) all the many flaws in the official story of that tragedy without being laughed at or shamed by the MSM.

Talk about your propaganda? Javohl for sure!


August 20, 2015

Game of War = Bait and Switch?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Bob Patterson @ 6:30 pm

?The Game of War? WTF?
By Bob Patterson as told to Belle Starr, Outlawyer

War isn’t a f*****g game! It’s a bloody shame!

When a physical therapist says to you “we better take a break you’re turning purple”, that  indicates one of 2 things: you should take a break or it’s time to take a selfie.

(Naturopath Note: Turmeric and also Taurine are neuroregenerative and BioPQQ is energy (mitochondrial) regenerative.  Tell a Doctor would you, the nurses are aware and interested.)

Rehabilitation after a stroke makes it hard to find a scapegoat (Lawyers are terrible stenographers!) Realizing the amount of exertion it takes to make gains in the rehabilitation  process has brought home one point in particular with a vengeance : the kids who were sent off to war with stirring music playing and patriotic phrases echoing in their ears, were the victims of a bait and switch because lately our physical therapists have been telling us the vets are not getting the amount of support and therapy that was implied in the stirring political speeches that were given to increase their enthusiasm for their military adventures in Iraq and Afghanistan.

The image of them standing at attention in dress blues contrasts sharply with some images of learning how to ambulate with artificial legs

Conservatorships for profit – mills for millennials, real estate brokers and all the charlatans to make money warehousing people and they do it “ex parte”- without you (a vet in the hospital or in jail) to lose all rights and ability to control their own finances despite being able to, maybe with difficulty, make their wishes known.  The ex parte situation would find a certain Harvard professor of Physics with the first name “Steve” incompetent as he can’t feed himself or talk on his own without electromechanical assistance.

Bottom line, don’t be surprised with an executive order, for your own good, to impose conservatorships on us all when we go to sleep (and whether you wake up is up to your conservator). … a kinder, gentler, administrative Khymer Rouge?

Hint to “THE” assignment desk @ The NYTimes : conservatorships for profits, cradle to grave care (according to what you need least) and they keep your cash. Orphans if not previously aborted, prisoners (those who don’t get to learn to steal and lie in schools), disabled, elderly….sleepers and those in pharmacomaland (OH OH OH)

How many are vets? How many consigned after they are no longer commercially viable to the nightmare of a paupers’ asylum where it doesn’t matter if you have dementia or not, you will wish you did, so as not to go mad.

See a Patient Advocate at your local VA to get on Veterans Choice Program (Google hint choiceact) : they have to refer you out for services that cannot be supplied within 30 days at the VA hospitals and affiliates. VA Choice is a game changer for our suffering vets, we, both my intern and I, surely hope.

(Patriotic Aside: This “Summer Intern” served in The Peace Corps in Ethiopia in the eradication of smallpox. No good deed goes unpunished – benefits?)

Ads for video games are part of the deception. having legs blown off by an IED is a real life, not a digital life, experience.

(History in a Nutshell: Massacres are documented back to 5,500 BC! Google hint: Schoeneck-Kilianstaedten)

Selling the video games to kids and leading them to expect a similar level of enjoyment  from deployment to a combat zone as the ultimate level of the video game is the ultimate hypocrisy.

Ads for goods that don’t deliver is an american tradition, isn’t it.? Breaking contracts made with citizens is a generational pastime of congressional effietes.

Advertising can be manipulative. Think of the deceptions caused by fitness training sites. For example, anyone who has dabbled with weight lifting to help with weight management knows that ads seen at the beginning of May promising to help clients to get in shape for summer at the beach are not realistic.  If they really wanted to help their customers wouldn’t it be more realistic to run ads between Christmas and New Year’s Day urging people to commit to a program of working out at least three times per week which would probably begin to show some results about the beginning of May?

? what’s wrong with San Francisco? It seems a large share of TV ads shown in the bay area market feature scenes of Venice Beach and/or UCLA campus.

12 hrs after this column published last week, Trump mentions he’s for vets (is Trump reading this pundit?). Have you noticed in the past week D.T. and several other Republican hopefuls have urged the US to consider sending troops into Syria to seize control of the oil fields?
(Hi Don!)

If you agree the vets need help please share the link of this column WITH ALL YOUR FRIENDS.  and if you agree with the Republicans that the austerity budgets mandate as much cost cutting as possible then don’t do anything but vote for Jeb.

Our physical therapists tell us, off the record, that the veterans facilities are in crisis mode and need considerably more staff. Are the kids who are being shipped off to war told about this?

At this point it would be easy to let this column disintegrate into a series of book recommendations such as Vance Packard’s, “Hidden Persuaders”,  Jerry delaFirma’s,  “From those wonderful people who brought you Pearl Harbor” (or are they selling her lips?)

And a few others which slip away unlisted at this point.

Or we could plug the website vintage country event dot com because we want to help a friend promote their website which is all about weddings and wedding planning.

Heads up for fans of the Oscar awards – we predict that Ricky and the Flash will earn 8 oscar nominations.

Current plans include an attempt to secure a press pass to cover the next award’s ceremony…our pitch will be linked to the fact that it is an example of nostalgic  time travel to the past for us as we were in attendance and reporting at the Oscars 40 yrs ago when
Cuckoos Nest swept the awards.

Dewey decimals  in the 300’s being deleted  (unions, women’s rights… tip of the cap to Jane’s idea).  Google Hint: Jane Stillwater’s blog.

Cue up :   the  DJ will play the best of Freddy Aguilar and best of Freddy Fender

Disclaimer: I have had a stroke and my thinking process isn’t as refined as when I got an A in logic at a Jesuit university in Scranton. Sorry about that,  we will try to keep the flow of esoteric arcane and interesting (?) facts flowing as well as they did in the past.  However indications are against us.  Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!

(Summer Intern: If you smile and one side droops or if holding both hands straight out in front of you one drifts down or slurring of words is apparent, left side numbness, trouble seeing, severe headache without a known cause confusion or trouble walking …

Call 911 for yourself or if you are a friend of that person or just a compassionate soul).

Closing Quote for this column HAS TO BE the classic line from Apocalypse Now :
I Love the Smell of Napalm in the Morning…crop Wednesday inspection

August 13, 2015

Is Liberal Punditry Extinct?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Bob Patterson @ 9:16 pm

DCIM100MEDIAWhere Have All the Liberal Pundits Gone?  …
By Bob Patterson as told to Belle Starr, Outlawyer

Money is the mother’s milk of politics, no one disputes that.  Almost all of the money donated to Republican political funds will be spent  for ads run in conservatively owned  media – hence there is an  unlimited amount of money to pay for eloquent quality conservative punditry.

To make liberal punditry pay, writers are encouraged to go to Shattuck Ave in Berkeley and hold up a cardboard sign saying “Will write liberal political punditry for $$$$$.”  (Or, “Will Run for Mayor, Need Campaign Funds”).

… what makes the worldslaziestjournalist think he can have unique perceptive comments that the other members of the punditry community missed completely, we ask the question: Did any national pundit review Jeb’s tax return and extract a news nugget from there about his involvement in the Broward S&L scandal?

… according to a recent newstip, Google is on a real estate buying binge in the Venice Beach area. Apparently, the silicon beach phenomenon will be bolstered by these acquisitions.

After being sent to the penalty box (aka the hospital), it seems natural that my visitors want to discuss political events and the latest news tips from Fort Zint. (Where they were delighted to hear that The Donald wants in on the Post Office action-particularly Washington, D.C.)

When Jane Stillwater came to visit, since our column writing efforts have bogged down (my lawyer is lousy at keeping up with dictation), we gave Jane the topic tip of Orphanages for Profit.

According to a tip we got, orphanages for profit are rapidly becoming a hot topic in the liberal community.  It is alleged that the children of homeless mothers are being placed in facilities that are approximately orphanages for profit. Jane recently worked as an extra in a movie about an orphan struggling to regain her family history and heritage. So, Jane has a good hook for a column on that topic.

(Tip to columnist intern: Pitch a story to the National Review because they are the only one taking pitches publicly).

At abut the same time Belle Starr, a column-assistant,  is doing ok as my gopher and some day may make it if I keep salting the bird’s tail. The  Mayoral campaign is heating up and it looks like another great chapter in San Francisco historically different characters is being written by the moving fickle finger of fate.

(Sidebar: Belle Starr (OccupySF Legal Counsel by Consensus since 2011, is supporting the “face of Occupy” Scott Olsen, Iraq vet put in the hospital by Oakland PD, and who is running for KPFA public radio board to rescue us from the actions of the “..current board majority  to break up or privatize the network”.)

Belle is an OH – Original Hippie and mentioned that at a recent reunion of charter members of the flower children, one blurted out that a film based on Bill “Legendary Rock Entrepreneur” Graham should be made. We second the motion.

Belle and Jane have a treasure trove of memories from the sixties and since that is an extremely popular topic we will list suggestions for our readers who want to  time-travel , via literature, back to the psychedelic sixties. Katy bar the door.

We would list these books:  The Maltese Falcon by Dashell Hammett; On the Road (of course) by Jack Kerouac and  Been Down so Long it Looks like up to Me by Richard Farina.  We suggest a stop at The City Lights Bookstore and The Bookstore section of the nearby Beat Museum. Also see the movies “The Graduate” and “Bullett”. (Don’t forget The Love Book by Lenore Kandel and Google “Smoking Typewriters”…OH)

…or try the slanted and often inaccurate “Season of the Witch”-Speed Kills and heroin came into the Haight from December 1966 to January 1967, not later-I was there OH

Again, for those who think the amateur online pundit can’t come up with perceptive insights we will ask this question did any republican on the FOX debate program mention that pot should be made available to vets with PTSD?  Did any of them mention the veterans at all?

If liberal pundits can’t turn writing into a money generating endeavor, liberals better start preparing themselves for the third member of the Bush Dynasty.

Audiences get what they are willing to pay for. You don’t have to be Phineas T. Barnum to know that. No one is going to pay for hideous idiosyncratic liberal punditry . So, they better get used to the idea that FOX News and Rush Limbaugh are going to choose the next president for them.

… if the Chairman of the Board, Frank Sinatra, can offend chicks and get away with his snide references to frails, skirts and broads, why can’t Trump get away with it, too? … the real winner of the Fox Debate was Megyn Kelly. (Her agent must love Trump because  hasn’t  Trump guaranteed an additional annual million dollars to her salary in the future?)

… 6 people died in the Berkeley Balcony tagedy, now we have to see if anyone is going to jail.

Cue up the wrap-up music: (and roll a joint for my outlawyer):
Strange Days by the doors.  Working in a coal mine (whoop!, rehabilitation is hard work). And Teen age enema nurses in bondage, as we fade out.

DISCLOSURE: The world’s laziest journalist reminds regular readers the column is being written under stressful conditions. We will try our best to maintain a high quality of editing and reporting. We thought keeping the 15 year string of weekly postings trumped  being compulsive about spelling and punctuation.
(We sometimes make up words and/or sentence structure for shock and chaos.)

Now its time for the disc jockey to play “They’re coming to take me away, ha ha…”.

August 12, 2015

Beheadings: Why does the US support ISIS as well as Cecil?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jane Stillwater @ 9:25 pm

Yes, I know that Cecil the Lion is old news right now, just one more forlorn leftover from last week’s media cycle and therefore not really chic any more — but bear with me. There is still a very important question of morality here, one that I can’t seem to keep from haunting the back lobes of my poor over-worked brain.

I keep asking myself, “How come everyone in America got so completely upset when some jerk of a dentist paid cold hard cash to behead a lion in Africa, but when some jerks in the CIA pay ISIS terrorists cold hard cash to behead thousands of Syrians and Iraqis, no one even gets mildly upset with said CIA jerks for laying out cold hard cash to do the exact same thing?” Who the freak knows. Certainly not me.

Apparently lions’ lives matter — but Syrians’ lives do not.

If I were a Syrian or an Iraqi right now, I would demand that someone immediately put me in a zoo! Hey, at least there I’d be safe and not on the endangered-species list any more.

And of course we also know how little Black lives matter here in America — as compared to the life of one lion. No one here seems to be getting as upset about the cruel death of Michael Brown or Sandra Bland as they did over Cecil the Lion’s cruel demise. Sometimes it just doesn’t pay to be human.

And does even your own life matter these days either? Does mine? Hard to tell.

And exactly how old was Cecil the Lion anyway? If he was getting fairly long in the tooth, would that have mattered either? If the dentist hadn’t beheaded him, would Cecil have been kicked off of MediCare and Social Security and stuck in a run-down nursing home for lions because that would be all he could afford? Would the same thing have happened to him that is currently happening to a whole bunch of our elders here in America?

And what if Cecil had been an African human being instead of an African lion? Would we have minded so much — or even noticed — that millions of African human beings have already been slaughtered in the name of corporate profits by some jerks in the White House, the Congress, the CIA, the Pentagon and Wall Street?

And I bet you anything that Cecil the Lion would love to have his head screwed back on again. And that Syrians and Iraqis (and Africans) would love to get their heads screwed back on again too.

I’d even be willing to bet that most of the Syrians and Iraqis who have lost their heads recently had never even heard about ISIS before their heads got chopped off — or about the CIA jerks behind ISIS either. And I’ll even bet you the farm that the jerks who are currently running our disastrous foreign policy would just love to have their Syrian and Iraqi trophies stuffed and mounted on the walls of Congress, the White House, the Pentagon and Langley too.

PS: Here’s an interesting bit of information about the CIA-trained “moderate rebels” (aka ISIS) that War Street has sent off to terrorize the legitimate government of Syria.

$500 million of American taxpayers’ money has been spent on training just 60 terrorists — in either Jordan or Turkey, I forget which. And 54 of them actually ended up in Syria. And 18 of them actually fought against Syrians.

That’s $925,925 of our tax dollars spent on each one of the 54 recruits sent to Syria. And that’s $2,777,777 per actual active terrorist that the CIA and friends have spent. Geez Louise. For that amount of money, that jerky dentist could have bought a whole zoo.

PPS: “Hearts and Minds”. That was the reason that Wall Street and War Street lost the War on Vietnam — and why they will also lose the War on Syria too. And why they will eventually lose their War on the Entire Planet as well.

And “Hearts and Minds” is also why that jerky dentist eventually lost his War on Cecil.


August 9, 2015

What most adults have in common: Wet dreams

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jane Stillwater @ 6:08 pm

I hate Frank Sinatra. Always have, even when I was a kid. He’s such a phony. He sings all his songs like he’s bragging, “Wow, look at me, aren’t I so wonderful!” Sure, the Chairman of the Board can carry a tune but what’s the big deal? So can a million other blue-eyed guys named Frankie. I just don’t get it. Does he not also put his pants on one leg at a time like the rest of us? Did he not also have wet dreams when he was a teen?

And when Sinatra croons “Fly me to the moon,” is he not also using code words for s.e.x.? Of course he is. Where else did Nancy Sinatra come from if not from doing the nasty?

But guess what? Old Blue Eyes is not alone here. Almost every other adult on this planet, unless they are genetically modified by castration, female mutilation or something else equally gross, has wet dreams. Or masturbates. Or has had, is having or will have s.e.x. How the freak do you think that we got to the point where there are now seven billion human beings on the planet if not for sex? Fairy god-mothers? I think not.

Even priests, monks, nuns, imams, rabbis and probably even zombies have some form of wet dream. And why is that? Because of orgasms, of course. Have you personally ever had an orgasm? Nice, aren’t they — if for no other reason than they force you to stop thinking for just few seconds. During an orgasm, the whole world slips away and you become, for that instant, the king or queen of the world even if you don’t live in Buckingham Palace — and you are rich beyond compare even if you aren’t an oil sheik or corporate pirate living on Park Avenue.

Even the poorest of the poor can afford a wet dream — “Los pobres de los pobres,” as they say in “Black Orpheus”.

This fact must really gall the world’s elite billionaires — that some homeless bum living in a cardboard box under some inner city freeway can have as good as or possibly even better orgasm than them, even without the champagne, call girls, porno flicks and cocaine.

“But Jane, you are digressing,” you might say at this point. And you would be right. I actually do have a point to make here. Actually, I have two of them. First, of course, is that the human race needs to “make love not war”. Wet dreams are so much better (and so much more fun too) than the sleazy, greedy pornographic slaughterhouse nightmares being offered to us these days by Wall Street and War Street. And my second point is to always avoid phonies, hypocrites, corporate-sponsored candidates for president and Frank Sinatra.

PS: I just suffered through yet another operation on my poor broken wrist. It’s been over two years now since it was broken and I’m still in great pain. And, unlike Hunter Pence, I am still not quite up to playing center field yet.

But don’t even think for a second that I’m not totally and eternally grateful for the excellent medical care that I have received — the best in the entire world! And thank goodness for MediCare. Without it, I would have been forced to live with a useless left arm for the rest of my life.

And also thank goodness that I’m not living in Libya, Iraq, Palestine, Ukraine, Afghanistan, Yemen, Paraguay, Honduras, parts of Syria or in any of the other countries that have been “liberated” by American neo-colonialists and their neo-colonialist allies. For instance, if I was living in Libya right now, I probably wouldn’t even have a left arm at all.

Hell, if I was currently living in those parts of Syria and Iraq that have recently been “liberated” by American-trained “moderate rebels” (aka ISIS), I wouldn’t even have a head!

PPS: And speaking of sex, a whole lot of poorly-informed people are proclaiming that the decline of the American Family in recent years has been due to abortions, birth control and same-sex marriages. That is totally not true. According to journalist Robert Putnam, the major cause of broken families and single-parent households in America today is, wait for it, the War on Drugs.

According to “Orange is the New Black,” one out of every 100 American adults has been incarcerated.

So if your dad (or mom) is currently in jail for possession of a baggie of marijuana, then of course your other parent is gonna have to work double shifts down at the car-wash or something in order to raise you by herself. And this is a totally bad thing for the American Family — and also for America in general because incarceration causes more crime than it prevents because it obliterates ex-cons’ earning potential.

So let’s get all the dads (or moms) out of jail and educate them and provide them with decent jobs (ones that don’t involve slave-labor wages or becoming cannon fodder for neo-colonialist wars) instead.

Let’s stop spending so much wasted money on war and prisons and start spending it on, er, sex education? No, spending it on peace and LOVE!

Headless JaneIMG_4723

August 6, 2015

The Case of the Missing Pundit

Filed under: Uncategorized — Bob Patterson @ 7:47 pm

The Gonzo Assignment of a Lifetime
By Bob Patterson as told to Belle Starr, Outlawyer

On the morning of July 14, Bastille Day, The World’s Laziest Journalist, got an assignment card from the great assignment desk in the sky: have a stoke then write a gonzo punditry column about the recovery process and the various thoughts that occur to you in the hospital bed.

75 years ago the high-water mark for broadcast journalism was set by Edward R. Murrow as he was reporting live at The Battle of Britain. Now, airlines are worrying that drones are being used to endanger commercial airlines.

My friend, Belle Starr, Outlawyer and Write-In Candidate for San Francisco Mayor, will get an assist credit on this column.

We’ve collected various thoughts and topics over the past few days.

There are themes running in popular culture that seem reminiscent of my stay in a hospital in 1970 repeating here in 2015 where I am in a hospital recovering from a stroke.

A stroke is an educational process. Culture is a trend.  A journalist’s job is to spot trends. The new word from “The Graduate”,  replacing plastics, is EKSO. (Full Disclosure: Belle wants to buy more of their stock and I want to be in on the action too … )

The exoskeleton from the military is being deployed in this hospital to rehabilitate the world’s laziest journalist and it fits fine and does all the work…with some electrical stimulation.

PHOTO   Rachael Adams
(Google Hint : Ekso Bionics (helps survivors of stroke, spinal cord injury … to walk again. )

When I first  started writing and posting online, I had decided to follow a Walter Winchell  style. He was the  master and originator of three-dot-journalism …

Stringing information together.  You know why writers are stringers?  They used to be paid by the column inch and the editor measured with a string to determine the pay when they paid. The length of the string was converted into the amount of the paycheck.  The string was carefully kept for tax and accounting purposes…NOT!

Then came Herb Caen who  continued the … with a necklace of terms from beatnik to hippie and all the intervening dots and stories from Baghdad by the Bay.

(Snide Aside: How things have changed – Baghdad, psychedelia and rock’n’roll to shock and awe and Babylon.)

Lions and circuses -  The  social media shaming of a dentist for killing  Disneyfied Cecil, the  most beloved,  with hyperbole that personifies the lion, but not nearly as cool as Frazier, the most sensuous lion alive, while depersonalizing a human being misses the point.

Frazier was randy and loved for it.  He was survived by many, many cubs when he died of exhaustion (old age) somewhere in Africa…maybe Kenya.

“Unfortunately,” says the Zimbabwe government, “it was too late to apprehend the foreign poacher as he has absconded…” to Ricks’ in Casablanca, no doubt, where this backhanded payoff is as apparent as Looie’s winnings.

There’s a continent of garbage in the Pacific. Reunion Islands refuse and recycling opportunities. If it took until 1961-62 for remnants of the Battle of the Coral Sea to wash ashore and to be found by beachcombers in Baja, will it be twenty years for the continent of pacific plastic to wash ashore and choke the Reunion Islands?

Camp Justice , Guantanamo, Cuba   Tent city lawyers are dying from cancer in droves.

(Bob is watching too much TV) In the hospital there is a lot of TV at night  and if I am not worn out in my iron man suit. There are 17 republicans running picked by FOX and I ought to sue them.Take a note, counsellor,  Dear FOX, I am the perfect side-kick for Bill O’Reilly and here’s why: I am related to Che’. That’s right, THE Che’. So, I am a Latino Irish Catholic pundit who is more effective at anti-democratic rants. (The Medical Director walks in)  Doctors and caddies go together.

And speaking of TV, have you seen “Velocity”? Shut up and listen to me, Sandy, (if only you had listened…) you have to get a kid who does video and go “Barn Finding” like the 47 Caddy you found for Frank Nicodemus Castle Cadillac Restoration.  When you get a vintage “barn find” we can have a segment “Barn Finding Safari” on Velocity.

I have got to sue FOX, counsellor!  They are discriminating against me as a latino—irish-catholic-democratic pundit and Barbara Lee isn’t liberal enough. It’s all marketing hype.

Governments- North v South, SF BD v LA BD.   Another 50 years in the discussing Candlestick vs Marina del Rey as best  bucket without bottom for campaign contributions.

(News Tip: How the hell can someone get a news tip to Rachael Maddow? For that matter, how do you submit a news tip to The New York Times, because they specifically state the don’t want to be annoyed by news TIPS.)

“Catholics make the best fascists”.
(What me worry? : Death Panels as inevitable as health care and taxes.)  What is a Whore’s bath and is it politically incorrect?   Nurse didn’t know but didn’t think sex-worker’s bath meant the same thing.

(Health Tip: Belle says Turmeric is neuroregenerative. Nurse says I only have to watch sugar and carbs.)

(Sidebar with Lawyer: You can write about the app on indiegogo called “My Data 4 Sale”.)

“The app is to stop the filtching of your data, without compensation, by government, corporations and any hacker who passes by.”

“It’s your gig and you sell your habits for a time period to data miners who pay a certain per unit time fee to you. No more free lunch on your preferences – Your data, your habits, your gig in this gig economy.”

(Google Hint: and look for mydata4sale.   Over to you, BOB!

We need an official whistleblower’s protective association or union. Remember the whistleblower Victor Risell?  In the 50’s?  Labor?  Acid thrown in his eyes? Is that why Belle wears sunglasses all the time?

This has been the toughest assignment of our journalistic life BUT it does give you a fresh perspective of “every day you wake up is a blessing”.  Amen, brother!  With a lot of work and effort we should be back in the column-a-week groove in about another month.

(Coming Attractions:  Mid-August here in Berzerkeley is the 50th year since the founding of the Berkeley Barb.)

After California had a transgender “Woman of the Year” we  now have a transgender on the cover of Vanity Fair.

It is now clear that men are smarter than women and men make better women than women do.

If Trump has gotten addicted to shocking the public how long before he drops the “N” word in an off-the-cuff sound bite?

Just in: My Outlawyer is implicated in the last two days Front Page News. Mayor Ed Lee is alleged to have taken bribes. Way to go, Mayor Starr! (Google Hint: SF Chron Bob Egelko and Emily Greene).

That’s Journalism!

Now the disk jockey will play a song that became a favorite from my last stay in a hospital in 1970, Carson, Tahoe: I Never Promised you a Rose Garden by Lynn Anderson; Waylon Jennings, I’ve Always Been Crazy and (from the movie Casablanca) As Time Goes By, by Dooley Wilson.

Have a “it will never happen to me” type week. Live life to the fullest and don’t postpone having fun. Live life as if you are a winner on a game show!

DISCLOSURE: The world’s laziest journalist reminds regular readers the column is being written under stressful conditions. We will try our best to maintain a high quality of editing and reporting. We thought keeping the 15 year string of weekly postings trumped  being compulsive about spelling and punctuation.

July 26, 2015

Greece: “You’re the one that I want!”

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jane Stillwater @ 6:19 pm

Olivia Newton-John pretty much got it right back in 1978 when she sang her heart out to John Travolta, “It’s raining on Prom night”.

And here and now, in 2015, it’s still pretty much raining on prom night too — but in a different movie, one called “Greece”. And there are also worse things that Germany’s sleazy bankers could do to Greece (but I can’t imagine what).

Back 1946, when Germany was in big economic trouble after the Allies let loose their “greased lightning” on the Nazis, America bailed out that country with the Marshall Plan. But now that Greece, the country, is in big trouble from German banks and the roles are reversed, German banksters are showing absolutely no mercy. As far as Greece is concerned, those banksters are now singing “We go together” at the top of their lungs — but not in a good way.

So what’s my point? That Greece is in trouble, of course. And that Greece is about to become another beauty-school drop-out.

“But what can we possibly do to help?” you might ask. I’ve got a great idea. Let’s all go to Greece and become tourists. To paraphrase Rizzo again, “There are worse things you could do.” If a million American tourists suddenly become “hopelessly devoted to you” and descend on the Acropolis, the Parthenon and the Greek Isles, this would provide a much bigger infusion of euros, drachmas or whatever than German bankers could ever wring out of Greece with their stupid austerity programs. Plus it will be fun too!

As Danny Zuko was fond of saying back in the day, “Summer dreams, ripped at the seams. Bu-ut oh, those summer nights!” Let’s all go visit Greece.

PS: It is really, really hard being a teenager these days — so much harder than it was in 1978, when the movie “Grease” first came out.

“Just how much harder can it be?” you might ask. I just said. Really, really hard.

For instance, let’s look at two recently-released coming-of-age movies about the lives of post-millennial teens. Their tribulations make Sandra Dee’s tribulations look almost silly.

“I believe in Unicorns” is a haunting tale of a very starry-eyed young girl who runs off with some cute soul-eyed bad-boy from down at the skate park — and with disastrous results, but with magical animation an FX scenes that will have you believing in unicorns too.

If you are a teenage girl these days, forget about “Grease”. This cautionary tale is for you.

The next coming-of-age-in-2015 movie to see is “The Wolfpack,” a strange documentary about six boys and a girl raised in an apartment in New York City — literally.

Afraid to expose his kids to the mean streets of the big city, their father barely lets them out. “Sometimes we got out once a year. One year we never got out at all.” Except that one day the oldest boy finally escapes. How’s that for an interesting way to come of age?

PPS: And then there is the coming-of-age footage we see every night on the TV news: Coming of age in Ferguson. Coming of age in Gaza. Yes, there really are worse things teens could do. Coming of age in Libya, Baltimore, Yemen, Syria, Afghanistan, Nigeria, Congo, Honduras, Detroit — all the places where America’s military are making a living hell out of taking your date out on prom night.

And children coming of age in 2050 will most likely to be starving to death or dead if we don’t drop fossil fuels right this instant. Talk about your really, really hot summer nights!

Note: The photo below is of me and my mean-girl older sister, coming of age back in the 1950s. Don’t let her friendly smile fool you. It’s all a facade — as was everything else in the 1950s. Thank goodness for the internet. Now we really know what is going on in places like Syria and Ukraine, unlike what McCarthy used to tell us was going on in Hollywood back in the day.


July 22, 2015

Dinner at Chez Panisse, an introspective life

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jane Stillwater @ 10:01 am

Without fail, every single year I get yet another year older. Nothing I can do about that. But it is a whole lot easier to face yet another birthday when there is a really big reason to look forward to it. So every year I save up my money and go off to Chez Panisse for my birthday and then I can always look forward to that. Except that this year I got my OpenTable reservations all screwed up and we had to eat in the cafe upstairs instead in the more glamorous downstairs seating.

The other five people I went with had absolutely perfect dinners upstairs and the more casual atmosphere up there suited my family just fine. Plus we met Leah Meyerhoff, the director of “I Believe in Unicorns,” which opened at the Roxie in San Francisco last week.

But my own pasta dish tasted practically just one step above Chef Boyardee and I was heart-broken not to have the open-fire-roasted rack of lamb that the nobs downstairs got to eat.

Then, it being my birthday, I went home afterwards and reflected on my life so far. And I was not a happy camper about what I saw. “You seem to be pretty much wasting your life right now,” I said to myself. And, sadly, my self nodded back in agreement.

At dinner my son had observed, “There are two kinds of people — those who happily live their lives on the surface and those who are willing to go deeper into who they are and what they can do to make their lives more meaningful and worthwhile.”

Good grief, sometimes I wish that I was just happily shallow. Then I wouldn’t freaking care so much about the recent tragic deaths in Charleston and the on-going tragic deaths in the Middle East.

And it wouldn’t even matter to me that America is being sucked into a financial Black Hole.

But all this does matter to me. Greatly.

Too bad it doesn’t seem to matter to anyone else.

But next year I plan to get my Chez Panisse reservations all carefully straightened out early so that I can eat roast lamb instead of Chef Boyardee.

If there is a next year, that is.

We could have spent seven trillion dollars on making this earth into another Eden — and instead Wall Street and War Street have spent seven trillion dollars on turning our planet into Hell.

PS: I just opened up a new online T-shirt shop at Cafe Press! Be the first on your block to proudly own and wear a T-shirt proclaiming “Stop Wall Street & War Street from destroying our world”. Or else get a bumper sticker or baby shirt or mug that says it. Somebody has to say this. Might as well be us.

PPS: And speaking of getting older, way back in 2004 I wrote a really funny satire on the annual Bohemian Grove bacchanal that rich people hold each July. But re-reading my article again in 2015, I realized just how naive I had been back in 2004 — obviously thinking that bankster skullduggery and Endless War was just some passing phase and something I could easily joke about.

But over a million American-made corpses later, I don’t think that way any more. Endless War and bankster skullduggery are obviously here to stay and it’s really hard to be cheery in the face of that fact — especially when one realizes that bankster skullduggery is now a done deal and that Endless War is now the world norm and could come to my home town now just as easily as it had once come to Baghdad.

Who would ever have dreamed that so many sovereign countries would go down in flames and that so many millions of people would be either dead or homeless within just one short decade more. “Mission Accomplished,” Wall Street and War Street.


July 10, 2015

On the Road to literary fame and fortune?

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 12:28 pm

crop of tent man best


What would happen if a group of homeless political activists in Berkeley offered an opportunity for a young journalist to score a scoop and a chance for a career making project? Since a good many energetic authors have endured the rigors of life on the road to write about their experiences, and since Berkeley is considering a list of proposed ordinances that will make being homeless more challenging, Mike Zint, the political activist leading the effort to prevent the historic Berkeley Post Office building from being sold, has issued a challenge to journalists covering the resurgent political scene in the famed University town. He calls it the George Orwell do-it-yourself scholarship program.

Writers ranging from the eager staff of the Daily Californian to contributing writers for various publications, and perhaps even a staff writer for the New York Times are being urged to vie for the privilege of spending a week (or month?) with the 24/7 protest at the city’s main Post Office branch and experience what life without money, regularly scheduled meals or time clocks means.

If a young writer shows up with no money, no ID, and no credit cards and is willing to spend a week (month?) living on the streets gathering material for a writing project, there is no guarantee that the work will sell, but the rookie scribe will be granted membership in a rather exclusive group. The Berkeley chapter of the fraternity of the open road school of journalism has an impressive roster.

Robert Louis Stevenson, who wrote “Travels with a donkey,” and “An Inland Voyage” had a home that is now a California State Park just north of Calistoga.

Dorothea Lange was a photographer who roamed the country taking photos that provided classic images showing the desperate plight of the poor during the Great Depression. She lived in Berkeley CA.

Jack Kerouac made being a bi-coast schizophrenic the basis for the beatnik literary movement by repeatedly bouncing from the Big Apple to Frisco and back again and again and writing about it in various books. He was briefly a Berkeley resident.

Hunter Stockton Thompson rode with the Oakland chapter of the Hell’s Angeles Motorcycle Club and the subsequent book mad him a journalism super-star. He lived, for a while, in San Francisco.

Blogger, former war correspondent, and (more recently) occasional baby sitter, Jane Stillwater, who has circled the glob gathering interesting information and facts, has interrupted her peripatetic fact checking activities and is currently ensconced in Berkeley and is putting the finishing touches on her first novel tentatively titled “Pictures of a Future World.”

Sure, married people can write charming books about domestic bliss but even the lady from Scranton Pa., who wrote “Please Don’t Eat the Daisies,” didn’t stay there.

George Orwell’s first book “Down and Out in Paris and London” never lived in Berkeley but his first book helped establish him as a celebrity writer. The fact that his book about hard times sold well during the depression should provide some incentive for today’s white belt (i.e. beginner) writer to “walk a mile in Orwell’s moccasins.”

If writers can’t get an assignment from the mainstream media to cover the tumultuous atmosphere on Shattuck Avenue in Berkeley it might indicate that the publishers (who are usually conservatives) are more into denial than willing to subsidizing a sojourn into the fascinating world of life on the edge.

If a bold and audacious writer decides to take the challenge, and doesn’t get any response to his work done on speculation, that might be proof that capitalists are practicing de facto censorship in a country that has been conditioned to be oblivious to any limits on freedom of speech imposed by financial considerations. Would capitalistic publishers institute de facto censorship based on misguided fanatical beliefs if it deprived them of a traditional source for sure sales? In the capitalists’ world, doesn’t greed trumps political principles every time?

If such hypothetical self imposed limitations were in effect, wouldn’t the discipline required to resist the urge to break the embargo ultimately fail due to greed fostered by the potential of impressive sales numbers? Hasn’t the life of a vagabond wordsmith been the basis for many literary careers? Publishers may be able to control what is available to buy in America’s bookstores, but they can’t stop people from follow sales trends that have been effective for many generations.

The danger for the capitalistic conservative moguls would be that some desperate graduate of a journalism school, who is being overwhelmed by student debt, cites the WTF factor and puts his world on the line and risks everything on a bold gamble. That makes very interesting reading for those who want to live an exciting life vicariously.

What beleaguered dad doesn’t retreat to his “man cave” and yearn for a proxy who will deliver the life of a happy go lucky, eloquent rolling stone in the pages of a new best seller?

With all the time spent on talk radio decrying the existence of panhandlers in the land of opportunity, there is one glaring factor: when is the last time a conservative talk show host interviewed a homeless person on the air? If the unemployed are not given an opportunity to express their point of view, how then does a one-sided point of view program exemplify a dedication to “fair and balanced” content?

Dirty diapers, puking babies, and Sunday morning sermons may add a comforting predictability to life and adds a shared experience bond to community living but the uncertainty of hitchhiking in the rain on a desolate highway intersection at night does not need to be concerned about being too mundane to hold the audience’s interest. The song “Phantom 309” describes the dismal experience of hitchhiking at night on a remote stretch of highway as a rain storm approaches. For families in fly-over country that song is a “Twilight Zone” episode told in lyrics and is very entertaining, but for someone who has experienced the vagabond lifestyle it provides a “been there done that” moment that rings true for many a wandering wordsmith.

(If the writer’s reaction to the plight is to utter a blasphemy and if it is immediately followed by a dramatic lightening bolt striking the peak of a mountain top about five miles yonder, that will probably be an “ace of trump” incident at a hostel story telling competition.)

The World’s Laziest Journalist has lived the hitchhiking to Frisco chapter of “On the Road” almost five decades ago and has concluded that it is better to interview the regulars at ‘Fort Zint” (the Berkeley Post Office Defense Protest) and get a vicarious look at the challenges they face rather than adopting the young writer’s sense of adventure and putting a major commitment of time and energy into a project that would be done on speculation.

At this stage of the game what would be the use of putting a great deal of time and effort into laying the foundation for a writing career that will stretch thirty years into the future?

We either do something for the S&G factor or we give it an immediate “pass.” That isn’t to say that we would turn down a spur of the moment offer of a ride to NYC – the travel bag is always packed – but road adventures are a young man’s game and, according to Mike Zint’s ground rules wouldn’t getting a monthly social security check take away the risk factor of being broke and on the move?

In “the Road,” former University of California at Berkeley student Jack London wrote: “I located and empty box-car, slid open the slide-door, and climbed in.”

Now the disk jockey will play Clarence “Frogman” Henry’s 1956 hit “Ain’t got no home,” the Eagles’ “Take it easy,” and the Highwaymen’s “The Road goes on forever, the party never ends.” We have to check Craig’s list and see about the possibility of getting a ride to the Big Apple. Have a “never saw a sight that didn’t look better looking back” type week.

July 7, 2015

Syria: Where America drops barrel bombs filled with lies

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jane Stillwater @ 10:49 am

One of the main reasons I hate Wall Street and War Street is that they are usually lying through their teeth to us. Fortunately, however, there are usually actual eye-witnesses to what really happens as well, and these actual eye-witnesses are always calling Wall Street and War Street out for their lies — but none of that even seems to matter. Remember all the lies we were told about Vietnam? Iraq? Afghanistan? Libya? Palestine? Bosnia? Ukraine? Panama? Guatemala? Granada? And how we were always warned about these lies? And yet those “wars” went on anyway.

And here is just one more example of the kind of pretty lies that we are constantly being told — this time about Syria. An internet friend of mine who I met after visiting Damascus last year is now living in Aleppo and he sent me the following eye-witness 411 about what is really going on in his town.

So you read this. And you have been told. By an actual eye-witness. But does that mean that the unjust and mendacious “war” on the Syrian people will now stop, now that you actually know the actual truth? Obviously not.

“We didn’t sleep at all last night,” my friend Waheed (not his real name) wrote me today from his home in Aleppo. “Attacks by the so-called ‘moderate rebels’ started in the afternoon yesterday and continued constantly up until this morning. The news here said that three or four civilians died and that 87 civilians were injured. But the ambulance sirens didn’t stop all night long.”

Hey, Waheed, are you okay? Apparently yes, but just barely.

“I’m sure that you have heard time and again in the American media,” said Waheed, “that Syrians support the so-called ‘moderate rebels’. But every single one of the people I know over here do not — and aren’t they the real Syrians? And after all these years and after all these attacks on them and after they have lost their income sources and family members, they are still asking the Syrian army to fight on their behalf, to terminate these vicious attackers and their nests, which have become like cancer in our body.”

But what about the barrel bombs we hear so much about? I asked.

“At this point in time,” said Waheed, “the Syrian people no longer even care if the termination of these terrorists who are invading our homes is by chemical weapons, bombs or whatever. All we want is for the killing of Syrians to stop. Yet, around the world and in the mainstream media, they still dare to demonize the so-called ‘barrel bombs’ of the Syrian army and they talk about the loss of lives of ISIS terrorists as if it was the loss of lives of some mythological Syrian peaceful moderate opposition who had been killed by a dictator!”

Waheed is totally pissed off that all these lies are being spread around. Barrel bombs? Really? When the terrorists’ ISIS version of Freddie Kruger is being armed, trained and paid for by US, Saudi, Israeli and Turkish neo-colonialists who are only after capturing Syria’s land and oil? Barrel bombs are the bad guys here? I think not.

“I don’t swear, and I’m fasting this month,” Waheed said next, “but this injustice is unlimited and it makes me and many others here feel like we are going to explode with cursing and swearing against all that nonsense of people lecturing in some conference in Britain this week or people at the UN who are telling nothing but lies and hypocrisy.”

Part of Waheed’s family spent last night huddled in the bathroom of their house because it was the safest room. “Everyone there was crying and terrified by the ‘moderate peaceful opposition’ as their house is located close to one of the conflicts lines. But the Syrian army can’t bomb these ISIS and foreign-fighter terrorists because then the ‘international community’ will accuse the Syrian army of using this unprecedented super-ultra-modern weapon that is way stronger than a nuclear bomb: Barrel bombs!”

Yeah, right. And next the Syrian army will probably be accused of illegally using fire crackers or cap guns to protect themselves.

“The terrorists are using mortars, explosive bullets, cooking-gas-cylinder bombs and bombs made out of water-heater cylinders; filled up with explosives and shrapnel and nails, and fired by what they call “Hell Canons”. Just Google these weapons or see their YouTube clips.” Yes, they still do have Google in Aleppo — but not for long if Obama and Bibi and Turkish hard-liners and the House of Saud have their way.

To quote certain Israeli generals who are finally coming to their senses, “According to General Azer Tsfrir, for example, allowing the Assad regime to fall would mean turning Syria into a ‘black hole’ in which the border areas could become launch pads for operations against Israel. Writing in Haaretz, the former military intelligence officer suggested that the fall of Assad would subject Syria to the hegemony of extremist Muslim groups which have declared their desire to destroy the Zionist state. They would, he claimed, become a first degree strategic threat.”

But we all know that Bibi is pretty much crazy to support ISIS — so let’s get back to Waheed.

“The cooking-gas cylinder is made of steel, and it weighs around 25 kg. Imagine it thrown by a canon to hit civilians? And imagine knowing that it is full with explosives? And yet, the mainstream media in America is all busy with the legendary weapon of ‘barrel bombs’! And also filled up with how these terrorist ISIS ‘moderate rebels’ came to spread ‘freedom’ among Syrians! How dare they say that Syrian army shouldn’t fight them back?”

And meanwhile the fighting just keeps getting closer to Waheed’s house. “For the first time last night, we smelled gunpowder. The shelling was so extreme and so close as to leave the smell gunpowder in the air.” Yet no one at the UN complains about the American-backed terrorists.

“The results of last night’s shelling was nothing but more new innocent civilian victims,” said Waheed. At this point I’m almost ready to cry.

“I mean, the terrorists failed in gaining new land or occupying new buildings or quarters. They lost many of their foreign-fighter cannon-fodder ‘zombies’ here of course but their zombies don’t count because they are being paid to fight and have no families or friends here to weep over their mangled bodies like is the case with our civilians.”

Waheed then apologizes for being so upset — as if he didn’t have a legitimate reason. I know if it was my family and neighbors who were being blown up by terrorist death machines, I’d be too hysterical to even put words on a page!

“Mostly I’m not so much upset by the attackers and whoever is supporting them in Turkey over here (and Israel and Jordan in the south); but mainly from the liars in that conference in Britain or at the UN, who keep lying and lying, telling piles and tons of lies, about ‘freedom’ and ‘barrel bombs’ — and they live in their perfumed and ironed suits and ties, happy with their Ph.D degrees in stupidity and fooling the world, having no problem in obtaining clean water, electricity, hot food and the rest of the services that we are suffering over here to obtain, even a part of them.

“Those people travel in 1st class airlines and live in 5-star hotels, and are ready to come on TV to weep over the fate of the ‘Syrian people’ and blame the ‘regime’ — while giving a blind eye upon all the terrorists they are funding and supporting. I wish these people, whether they are Arabs or Western, Muslims or Christians, Syrians or others… I wish them Hell! And to taste and suffer the same pain they are causing to the innocent Syrian people.” Me too!

These pond-scum should be evicted from their 5-star hotels and forced to go live out the reality that they now happily force millions of others to endure.

“The Syrian army has defended our city, and all the lies on the media claiming terrorists’ victories are nothing but rumors and gossip. But that’s all for today. Take care.” You too, Waheed.


July 2, 2015

Punditry follies

Filed under: Commentary — Bob Patterson @ 12:34 pm


crop of flowersIn a university town that is home for a renowned school of journalism, where the Center for Investigative Reporting (this just in: It has relocated to Emeryville) is located, and where great news reporters have taught, it would be very ironic for good journalism to go missing in action, but that seemed to be the case this week in Berkeley.

At a city council meeting this week, witnesses report that a uproar occurred when a member of the city council attempted to get a vote on new wording for some new laws regarding the homeless without any public input. The measure was tabled after it was pointed out by other members of the city council that the change in procedures would be illegal, according to one source.

Allegations that an extensive cover-up to mask the details of the events that lead to the Berkeley Balcony Disaster is being implemented, should be sufficient motivation for some of America’s top level journalists to come to Berkeley and then either substantiate the rumors or refute them completely.

If the city that was home to both the Berkeley Barb and the Berkeley Tribe can now stifle rumors of malfeasance, then perhaps the dire prognosis that Democracy in the USA is rapidly approaching “flat line” status is spot-on.

The world’s laziest journalist had been tipped to the historic potential of this week’s city council meeting by Mike Zint, who is the fellow responsible for the “First they came for the homeless” page on Facebook (among other political activist accomplishments).

We attended the rally that was held before the meeting began, but the time when we could work a full day, attend a city council meeting (back in the day when Culver City held the council meetings in the firehouse/city hall building) that evening, then go back to the office and type out a report before ringing out for the day was several decades ago. We left the scene before the newsworthy aspect of the night began to unfold.

According to an article in the New York Times, statistically speaking a shortstop’s best year usually occurs when he is 28 years old. Could the same principle apply to a columnist’s performance level?

We have heard that waiting until late in the meeting to bring up important issues is a favorite tactic in Berkeley but we were unprepared to reactivate the old college “pull an all-nighter” methodology of coping with the challenge.

If the New York Times, Rolling Stone magazine, and Sixty Minutes don’t have the resources (or motivation?) to cover the recent events in Berkeley, should local activists try to pitch the idea to Paris Match, Der Speigel, or Pravda?

Recently we acquired a DVD copy of the movie “Rum Diary,” and were thrilled to see again the “Ink and Rage” sequence where the writer warns the bad guys that he does not have their best interests as his chief motivating factor in life.

We have, in the past, written a column detailing the fact that the portable typewriter used by the leading character during his soliloquy was one of our personal possessions before it turned up on the set in Hollywood and thereby made the “wannabe” aspect of the sequence particularly noticeable.

At this stage in our life, the world’s laziest journalist would greatly prefer to abandon all reasonable expectations of following the Hunter S. Thompson strategy to achieve fame and fortune and, instead, just coast from one enjoyable feature story to another.

In a course at Santa Monica College, we learned that writing a solid magazine article takes about a month of work. Putting that much time and effort into a weekly column (or even a series of weekly columns) is way above our pay grade.

Rather than do the heavy lifting to find out the specific details of the (alleged) shenanigans in Berkeley, we would rather concentrate on some innocuous bits of frivolous information that might make our readers smile and not try to inspiring them to change their vote in the 2016 Presidential Election.

If, however, one of our regular readers just happens to know a writer or assignment editor for a very influential member of the mainstream media, and sends them a link to this lament, we would not be adverse to playing a catalyst role in causing a chain of events which brings the focus of national attention to some of the hidden aspects of life in the San Francisco Bay Area.

We intend on seeing two movies this weekend. A restored version of “The Third Man” will be playing in Berkeley and word of mouth indicates that seeing “Ted 2” might be good for some laughs.

After a respite of a long holiday weekend, perhaps we will be inspired to take a 75th anniversary look at the beginning state of the Battle of Britain, some events to commemorate the fiftieth anniversary of the start of the Berkeley Barb, and/or . . . a gonzo style look at the next Berkeley City Council meeting?

To be continued . . .



June 28, 2015

Too bad that Pixar didn’t also have us meet “Trust”

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jane Stillwater @ 12:34 pm

For Fathers Day, I wanted to take my son to see “Inside Out,” a new animated movie by Pixar, but he ended up seeing “The Wolfpack” instead — a film about a whole different style of fathering altogether.

But I still wanna go see “Inside Out”. Its main plot revolves around meeting some of the various emotions that live inside of our brains, such as “Anger” and “Sadness”.

But according to a book I’m currently reading by anthropologist Mary Catherine Bateson, one of our most important human emotions is trust. I wish that Pixar had introduced us to “Trust” as well.

“If a small baby doesn’t feel that it can trust, specifically that it can trust having some modicum of control over its own situation, then it might even die,” to paraphrase Bateson. Along with the ability to learn to walk and talk and develop teeth, apparently babies also need to learn to develop trust too — and if they don’t, life can become unbearable for them. And we adults also need to learn to meet “Trust” as well.

But how in the world do we actually go about meeting this actual “Trust” person ourselves? We do it by putting ourselves into trusting situations and then taking careful notes on who passes our trust tests — and who fails.

For instance, would you ever trust a mother who, like that bizarre mom in “Game of Thrones,” stood by and watched her own daughter getting burned at the stake — only protesting when it was obviously Too Late?

And would you ever trust a government that continually sells out “We the people” to Wall Street and War Street at every chance that it gets? When it comes to trusting our government’s current warriors and cavaliers in DC, I would much sooner trust Lebron James and Seth Curry.

If you were an African-American, who would you trust? Would you trust your local trigger-happy police? Would you trust the haters who demand that the Confederate flag, clearly used by them as a symbol of racism, be flown over your state capitol?  According at a recent civil rights report published in China, “Cops killing African-Americans is practically a norm in the US”. And then also add no jobs, sub-par schools and extensive social ostracization to that toxic mix. Trust results from all this? Highly unlikely.

Will Americans ever again be able trust our mainstream media to tell the truth after WikiLeaks just exposed that Saudi Arabia has been slipping them payola for years now in order to get the MSM to leave the House of Saud’s name out of the news, including but not limited to its major role in such events as 9-11, the war on Iraq and creating ISIS — as well as the celebration of its 100th beheading this year?

Would you ever be able to trust Congress and Obama again after they worked so hard to shove that horrendous TTP trade agreement down our throats like some porn movie featurette — just to make corporate billionaires get even richer than they are right now?

How can we possibly trust Monsanto after it has blatantly chosen profits from GMO-bred Frankenstein plants and animals over us — like we were some orphan step-child they are forced to put up with?

And how can we even think about ever trusting Israel, our government’s major ally in the Middle East, when all that the neo-colonialists who run Israel with an iron hand want to do is to stir up trouble in the region so that we taxpayers can come to their rescue? I was in Sweida, in Syria, last year and, trust me, the Syrians trust President Assad a lot more than they trust ISIS’s BFF Israel.

And what about our very own Supreme Court? Anton Scalia? We are supposed to actually trust this man? Hardly. Not after he gleefully sold out American voters in favor of huge corporations with regard to Citizens United. Seth and Lebron have much better judgment than Scalia does. Heck, even Curry’s two-year-old daughter would have better judgment than that.

Trusting that climate change isn’t really real, are we? Good luck with that one. With American war hawks all practically wetting their pants at a chance to attack Russia through Ukraine, and with Turkey, the Saudis, Israel and the US neo-colonialists just dying to do to Syria and Yemen what they did to Libya, Egypt, Afghanistan, Palestine and Iraq, then there is only one thing we can truly trust in here — that “war” is gonna release so much carbon dioxide that it’s gonna cause climate change on steroids. And that we’re soon gonna meet a whole new kind of “I can’t breathe.”

And can we even trust the Rule of Law here in America? Or the FBI or the IRS or even the freaking building codes after that balcony in a relatively new building here in Berkeley just fell down?

Modern American government has no transparency these days. No one knows where our money goes. The CIA is a black hole and so is the Pentagon, NSA, NATO, Congress, etc. And who even knows what the White House is up to, let alone the Federal Reserve. Countries that have no transparency are clearly on the road to dictatorship — and who the freak can trust dictators? Talk about your lack of control!

The moral here? That Americans also need to develop trust in their government if we are ever going to grow up and “meet Trust” in ourselves. And our government needs to start acting a hecka lot more trustworthy too.

PS: And speaking of books (Don’t you just love to read!), I’d like to recommend one. Along with all the usual murder mysteries that I love such as “Last of the Independents” and “As the Chimney Sweepers Come to Dust,” my summer reading also includes a book called “Chief Complaint: A Country Doctor’s Tales of Life in Galilee”.

“Chief Complaint” is a wonderful compilation of what small-town life was like in Palestine both before and after Israeli neo-colonialists killed off thousands of Palestinians, forced a million of them off their land, seized their property and lost their trust. It’s a delightful read, a true anthropology of what village life was and is like for Palestinians in Galilee — with all its warts and merits included.

Ghost 1963 (2)

Photo is of me and Ghost back in 1963, back when I still had a little bit of trust left (as much trust as a Beatnik could have that is — after Hiroshima, HUAC and the beginnings of Vietnam where my neighbor’s son was an “adviser” even back then)

June 26, 2015

Zen and the Art of Microaggressions

Filed under: Guest Comment — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 12:35 pm




crop of close up red tag

[Trigger Warning: The following column may contain words, phrases, and/or topics that readers may find unsettling and upsetting. If not; then the columnist isn’t doing his job correctly and must apologize.]

If the latest example of Berkeley Liberal thinking, which is called “micro aggression” is retroactively applied to Lenny Bruce’s most famous quotes, he wouldn’t be considered just a criminal but he would be regarded as an equal of the Nuremberg War Crimes Trial defendants. When the President of the United States recently used the n-bomb, he did not issue a trigger warning and consequently the Republicans became incensed. Their righteous indignation over the use of that word came perilously close to apoplexy.

It seems as if some political commentators do not want a lively discussion about various contentious topics but would rather have a verbal equivalent of the de facto Christmas truce that occurred at Christmas in 1914. Is neutralizing debate a liberal or conservative tactic? Is it an example of microaggression to even ask that question? If so who would approve such behavior other than Lenny Bruce and others from the Golden Age of Sick humor?

If Lenny Bruce were still alive today could he get away with asking this question: “Are the members of the United State Supreme Court acting like drama queens with their coy moves to postpone the announcement of their decisions for the most contentious cases from this year?”

If the conservatively owned mainstream media is satisfied with the Justices shenanigans, who outside the Berkeley city limits will object?

The mainstream media was spared the trouble of taking an in-depth look at the Berkeley Balcony tragedy that occurred early on June 16 because on June 17 a mass shooting occurred and the new media immediately switch the country’s focus of attention to the mass murder story.

The gun manufacturing industry was spared another round of the gun control debate when the news commentators immediately directed the nation’s attention to the Confederate flag issue. The power of political activism was underlined by the fact that several national merchandise chains quickly announced they were suspending the sale of Confederate flags.

Meanwhile, in Berkeley, while the elite of the journalism industry were in town to cover the aftermath of the balcony tragedy, a report by the Berkeley Police Review Commission was released. It immediately was criticized by local citizens for not accurately describing the police conduct on the evening of December 6, 2014 which had sparked the investigation.

It was asserted by some zealous observers to be a “cover-up” or what the kids would call “a white wash job.” Is that a subtle way of saying that only honkies try to lie their way out of a nasty predicament?

KCBS news radio reported on Tuesday of this week that in the aftermath of the six student deaths in the balcony tragedy, no police investigation regarding possible criminal conduct was being conducted. The lawyers and the inevitable lawsuits would be the method for providing justice for the deaths.

On Thursday, the Alameda County District Attorney, Nancy O’Malley, announced that her office would be conducting a criminal investigation, which might produce manslaughter indictments.

Meanwhile, teachers were realizing that they had to provide students with “Trigger warnings,” if their lectures contained any words, phrases, or topic which might cause emotional distress to the students in the audience.

If these criteria for conduct by teachers were retroactively applied to some of the “teach-ins” spawned by the Vietnam War, wouldn’t many of the teachers have lost their jobs?

The item at the center of the microagressions storm was a Washington Post article written by UCLA law professor Eugene Volokh. It should be available via a quick Google News search.

The mainstream media seems to prefer focusing on soap opera news that prominently features sexual hanky-panky.   The saga of the prison employee whose sex life caused extensive speculation on the cable news networks was getting more media attention in the USA than was any detailed analysis of the events in the Middle East. It even spilled over onto the network morning show interview of her husband. By Wednesday of this week Getty & Armstrong were asserting that the prison guard had been unfaithful to her husband with a number in triple digits needed for accuracy.

The fans of the Oakland Warriors had to wait forty years for their team to win the championship. The team owners can’t wait for a chance to get a better deal from a different city to move and thereby increase the value of their team.

The new Bay Bridge seems to be a textbook example of the old political wisdom: Build in haste, repent at leisure.

The World’s Laziest Journalist has predicted that the Justices would rule that it was unconstitutional and realize that our batting average number will be seriously affected by the inaccurate prediction.

This weekend the response of the paid commentators who work for mass media owned by wealthy conservative moguls should provide a very high level of entertainment because they might provide opinions that should require a strong trigger warning.

Will the media issue calls for patriots to calmly accept the ruling or will they try to stir up rancor and discontent? The weekend TV shows called “gab fests” may be highly charged and contentious and should be very entertaining this weekend.

Note: Next week’s column will be posted on Thursday due to the long holiday weekend.

In his autobiography, “How to talk dirty and influence people,” Lenny Bruce provided (on page 21) the essence of the cable news addict’s philosophy: “I loved this because I wasn’t as afraid of being killed in battle as I was of being bored.”

Now the disk jockey will play the Lovin’ Spoonful’s “Did you ever have to make up your mind?,” Waylon Jennings theme from the Dukes of Hazzard,” and AC/DC’s “Jailbreak.” We have to go do a Google map search to find out where Thunder Road is. Have a “good ole boy never meanin’ no harm” type week.


June 23, 2015

Leonard & Mumia: If only they’d had iPhones back then!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jane Stillwater @ 11:41 am

“Why can’t we all just get along?” asked Rodney King back in 1991, after he had been savagely beaten by four Los Angeles cops. That’s a really good question, Rodney. But an even better question might be, “Why wasn’t Rodney King thrown in jail forever with no hope of parole — like what happened to Mumia Abu-Jamal?”

Quick question, quick answer — someone had a videotape recorder up and running on the day that King was being beaten so badly. No one had a videotape recorder up and running back in Mumia’s day.

So now let’s go forward in our time machine, from 1991 to the present. Now everyone has a video camera on their iPhone, and not just some clunky old video camera that is impossible to haul around in your back pocket or purse. And now a whole big bunch of police malfeasance is being caught on tape — daily. Everyone who witnesses police brutality can now post it on YouTube. Police all across the nation now have nowhere to hide.

But now let’s go backwards in our time machine again — and this time let’s take our iPhones with us. What would we see? What else could we videotape and upload on YouTube from back in the day?

Would we catch the FBI unlawfully attacking innocent Native Americans in their home and then forcing witnesses to give false testimony against Leonard Peltier, J. Edgar Hoover style?

Would we see Mumia Abu-Jamal being framed for the murder of a Philadelphia police officer even though evidence points to Kenneth Freeman having done the shooting and that Freeman was later found naked, handcuffed, beaten and dead? What do you want to bet that we would?

Or what if bystanders had all gleefully pulled out their iPhones and taped the real killer in the murder of Caroline Olsen? Then Geronimo Pratt, who had been falsely charged by COINTELPRO, wouldn’t have had to spend 27 years of his life in jail before his conviction was overturned.

And what if…. “Don’t go there, Jane!” Sorry, guys, I just gotta go there. What if everyone had iPhones on the Grassy Knoll back in 1963 and also took videos of what Abraham Zapruder’s home camera has shown us — only in more detail? Would Lee Harvey Oswald still be the lone patsy? I bet not. My best bet would be that heads in the CIA would have rolled.

But, alas for Wall Street and War Street and Fox News (but lucky for us), there are now over 700 million iPhones loose on the world — and, all over the world, they are telling us what is really happening instead of what corporate propaganda sorely wishes that we would believe.

Police in America can no longer get away with carte blanche brutality.

We now know that Flight MH17 was shot down in Ukraine by the neo-Nazi regime in Kiev.

ISIS and Al Qaeda are now in possession of over 2,300 American Humvees — especially after American satellites just happened to fail to notice that thousands of ISIS and Al Qaeda fighters were crossing open deserts in Toyota trucks after having been thrown out of Syria by President Assad, who is currently hated by Turkey, the Saudis, Israel and the US for taking his courageous stand against ISIS and Al Qaeda, War Street’s new BFFs. Plus a lot of this American-backed craziness in the Middle East has actually been captured by teams of ISIS bad guys on their iPhones and uploaded to FaceBook — which is completely and totally weird!

You don’t believe that American, Saudi, Turkish and Israeli neo-colonialists are backing, financing and supporting ISIS? Here are just a handful of the many, many links that prove my case — and I’m sure you will find some iPhone snapshots in this mix as well.

Damn those traitorous American bastards to hell who are funding and supplying ISIS with weapons! ISIS just attacked a school in Aleppo. Ambulances were heard carrying suffering children away to hospitals for over four hours. And we can now watch this carnage close up — taken on the iPhones of the families and doctors of these children. Why aren’t Americans stopping this!

And as for Monsanto, Scalia, Obama, Congress and the Koch brothers, we also know what you did last summer — thanks to Apple and Steve Jobs.

But why stop here now that we’ve got our time machine out? Let’s take this analogy even further. Holy sheep dookie! Just imagine!

What if…. What if there had been iPhones back in the days of Jesus, Moses and Mohammed? And we could all actually listen in on what these three amazing men actually said? Then all of those phony Christians, Jews and Muslims in Washington, Israel, Turkey and Saudi Arabia today would be immediately exposed for what they really are: Just sleazy neo-colonialist hypocrites in disguise.

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