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October 7, 2010

The Tattlesnake – Unuttered Utterations and Which Witch is Which? Edition

Tattlesnake’s ‘Media Insider’ says cool cats and kittens should not be swayed by the ‘official’ story regarding Rick Sanchez’s bouncing from the Corporatist News Network otherwise known as CNN. The reason Jon Stewart’s hilarious portrayals of Sanchez as something of a babbling idiot were so devastating is because, well, he’s something of a babbling idiot. (As evidenced by his comments about Stewart’s alleged ‘bigotry’ and Jewish ownership of the media.) Word is, CNN has been looking for a reason to dump this ratings-tank boob without having to pay off his contract. Like most Big Media bobbing heads, Sanchez’s contract no doubt had a standard clause that said if he did anything egregiously immoral, racist or embarrassing in public that had the potential of bringing scorn upon CNN, such as shaving his public hair on live TV or wearing a hood and announcing his selection as a Grand Imperial Wizard of the KKK, he could be summarily dismissed and his contract immediately cancelled with the balance due unpaid. CNN knew its man – with Rick’s fetid history of on-air loopiness, it was only a matter of time until Sanchez crossed the line, and this just happened to be that moment. Of course, Sanchez has now issued the stock Pro Forma Apology to the Universe, (you’ll find it between ‘Memo, Traditional Format’ and ‘Resume, Classic Form’ at your local Big Box stationery store), and eagerly looks forward to his “new future of opportunities” somewhere else. That ‘somewhere else’ will probably be the graveyard shift at Fox Business Channel where Roger Ailes has provided a comfortable if little-watched retirement village for dimbulb dogmatists who have bottomed out elsewhere in MediaLand. Here’s to not seeing you again, Rick!

vampira_odonaRepublican Tea Party senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell, when not busy denying she’s a witch, told Fox News she was refraining from national campaigning to focus on the concerns of Delawareans. (That would be the denizens of tiny Delaware, not a race of talking plants in “Star Trek-The Next Generation,” although any confusion is completely understandable.) Howsomever, as Rachel Maddow recently exposed, the Anointed Chipmunk has not been doing much campaigning in Joe Biden’s home turf, either; no public events scheduled, nor interviewing forays with the local media. Is this evidence that she’s given up, facing a 20-point deficit in the polls and broad exposure of her two decades of public nuttiness? Her campaigning seems to be confined solely to running a batty ad where she informs voters up front she’s not a member of a coven (she only ‘dabbled’ in witchcraft, folks), and that she’s just like them, when they haven’t taken their meds. Aside from the roasting over hot flames any Dem candidate would receive from the rabid right for confessing even a fraction of Christine’s abuses of sanity, God Girl’s latest revelation that she’s been receiving ‘classified’ information that China is planning some kind of invasion of the US isn’t really classified or new. Your Tattlesnake has a couple of pals who were paid to teach English in China, only this was not the standard grammar-and-syntax English most of us think of when the subject comes up. Instead, what they were really hired to teach was street-American patois and the intricacies of our popular culture. (One friend spent a whole class on Elvis Presley, for example.) The Chinese ‘invasion’ is no secret, either, only it won’t be military – as reported by several financial publications, the Chinese are using their abundant hoard of US dollars to buy up large tracts of American land; it seems reasonable, more reasonable than Christine, anyway, that the Communist tyrants in Beijing plan to use that real estate to set up factories to manufacture their cheap junk here, once the US labor laws have been sufficiently weakened by Christine’s GOP to allow the kinds of unsafe job conditions and meager salaries Chinese workers endure. (Or maybe they’ll just use prisoners, as they mostly do back home.) What the little Non-Witch misses is that a good Christopublican corporation, Walmart, is the chief importer into the US of Chinese-made goods; her Republican Party has been the main driving force behind suspending tariffs and other regulations to prevent foreign nations from having this kind of power within our country; and notorious picked-by-Jesus ‘president’ Junior Bush borrowed $2 billion a day to pay for his bumbled, illegal war in Iraq and lavish tax cuts for his wealthy family and their rich friends. If ODon weren’t already losing large in the polls, it might behoove her opponent to point this out – yet another thudding contradiction that is going to kill the GOP in future elections.

– Why is it that this morning, an atheist
did not see an image of Richard Dawkins in her burnt English Muffin, or Madalyn Murray O’Hair in her Lay’s Sour Cream & Onion potato chip? For that matter, Buddhists have not reported visions of Siddhartha in the swirls of their Cream of Wheat, nor have Jews spotted Moses in bowls of chopped chicken liver. For some reason, only Christians, and especially those of the odiferous American variety, seem to have this penchant for apprehending the Christopublican-sanctioned Jeffrey Hunter Jesus in everything from Melba toast to grilled cheese sandwiches. What does that say about the dominant religious delusion in the US? “Whoa — I see God in my snacks!”

© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

October 5, 2010

The Tattlesnake – Another ‘Who Said That Quiz’ Edition

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion,Quote — Tags: , , , — RS Janes @ 4:47 am

Drop your pretenses and grab your pencil and paper, here comes a multiple-choice quiz to test your political savvy.

Who said the following?

1. “Labor is prior to, and independent of, capital. Capital is only the fruit of labor, and could never have existed if labor had not first existed. Labor is the superior of capital, and deserves much the higher consideration.”

a. Karl Marx
b. Franklin D. Roosevelt
c. Barack Obama
d. Abraham Lincoln

2. “Wise men don’t need advice. Fools don’t take it.”

a. Barry Goldwater
b. Ronald Reagan
c. Benjamin Franklin
4. Winston Churchill

3. “Will you tell those dumbasses at the Tea Party to stop asking questions about birth certificates while I’m on the camera.”

a. Karl Rove
b. Bill O’Reilly
c. John Boehner
d. Ken Buck

4. “Don’t believe the right-wing ideologues when they tell you the left still controls the media agenda. It does not any longer. It’s a fact.”

a. Bill O’Reilly
b. Roger Ailes
c. Al Franken
d. Alan Grayson

5. “The thing that attracts people to ‘The Sopranos’ is the family element. It shows that America still has a longing for that traditional upbringing.”

a. Carl Paladino
b. Sharron Angle
c. Glenn Beck
d. Christine O’Donnell

6. “The New York Times is for us what Pravda was for the Soviets.”

a. Ronald Reagan
b. Antonin Scalia
c. Gore Vidal
d. Sean Hannity

7. “The Republicans have lost their standards, they’ve lost their principles. Really, that’s why the machine in the Republican Party is fighting against me.”

a. Barack Obama
b. Sharron Angle
c. Harry Reid
d. Christine O’Donnell

8. “Counterinsurgency in operation did not live up to the high-minded zeal of the theory. All the talk was of ‘winning the allegiance’ of the people to their government, but a government for which allegiance had to be won by outsiders was not a good gamble.”

a. Bob Woodward
b. Gen. Wesley Clark
c. Barbara Tuchman
d. Bernie Sanders

9. “Why don’t you write books people can read?”

a. George W. Bush to wife Laura.
b. Sean Hannity to Newt Gingrich.
c. Glenn Beck to Arianna Huffington.
d. Nora Joyce to husband James.

10. “Am I too conservative? They probably said that about Thomas Jefferson and George Washington and Benjamin Franklin.”

a. Rush Limbaugh
b. Sharron Angle
c. Jim DeMint
d. Christine O’Donnell

11. “You cannot preach the Bible if you cannot preach God’s hate.”

a. Mike Huckabee
b. Pat Robertson
c. Jerry Falwell
d. Fred Phelps

12. “There was no assignment of political points of view when we were making the film … I thought it was really about the onset of a kind of life where the corporate people are trying to tell you how to live, what to do, how to behave. And you become puppets to these merchants that are somehow turning individuals into victims.”

a. Michael Moore on “Capitalism: A Love Story”.
b. Oliver Stone on “Wall Street”.
c. Paul Newman on “Cool Hand Luke”.
d. Kevin McCarthy on “Invasion of the Body Snatchers”.

Answers below the fold.

(more…)

October 4, 2010

How NOT to come out of the closet

Filed under: Toon — Peregrin @ 3:33 am

2010-10-04-closet1

Meg Whitman’s Ego Sampler

cartoon-meg-whitman-ego

October 3, 2010

America at its best: Freedom, the Grand Canyon & Navajo country

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , — Jane Stillwater @ 11:20 am

I am one of those devoted American patriots who has totally bought into the whole American package — freedom of speech, freedom of religion, Constitutional guarantees, refusal to be enslaved by corporatists, our glorious flag, healthy unions, hand-counted ballots, the Fourth of July, America first, beware the military-industrial complex, government that benefits We the People rather than the billionaire class, splendid isolationism and all that other patriotic stuff that Republicans seem to hate.

But I never quite realized what a staunch American patriot I really was until I came here to visit America’s amazing Southwest. After seeing the Grand Canyon, how could anyone possibly not love this country? This land is really REALLY special. Woodie Guthrie was right.

Hiking down into the Grand Canyon from rim to rim takes approximately three or four days — just to cover its14-mile-wide span as the crow flies. And while those of you with good knees are busily hiking down through the Canyon, Mother Nature sneaks up from behind and smacks you over the head with her breathtaking beauty.

But even if you, like me, are just looking down into the Canyon from the north rim, Mother Nature still totally rubs your face in it. Beauty, beauty, everywhere. Beauty that money can’t buy. Corporate lobbyists may be able to buy Congress, the White House, the Supreme Court and the media but they can never buy anything like this. And this is far better. Ha!

After having been totally astonished by the beauty of the Grand Canyon, I then popped over to see the famous Antelope slot canyon near Lake Powell. “If you thought the Grand Canyon was a big wow,” said my Navajo guide, “this canyon delivers wow after wow after wow!” Was he overselling his product? NO. Absolutely not. I’m absolutely swimming in American beauty here too.

Navajos are always talking about following the path of beauty and now I know why. These people are freaking surrounded by the stuff. “Following the Beauty Way has taught us to care for Mother Earth — and to be kind.”

And, as we bounced along rutted dirt roads in a Bourbon going 60 miles an hour on the way back from the slot canyon, I asked my guide a few more questions about Navajo life — and he was too kind to tell me to back off. But having been gifted with an inquiring mind (that’s fancy talk for being addicted to hot gossip!), I was really interested in this kind of stuff.

“Were you forced to go off to one of those boarding schools run by the Bureau of Indian Affairs when you were a kid?”

“Yes.”

“And how was that?”

“Bad.” Er, could you be a little bit more specific here? Please?

“When I was only seven years old, I was seized by BIA agents and dragged off to boarding school. At boarding school, nobody cares about you. The teachers were only there for the money and they beat you. I was beaten a lot. It turned me violent and mean. And after I got out of school, all I wanted to do was go find those teachers, now that I wasn’t smaller than them, and smash every one of them in the face with my fist. I was so angry back then. I was an angry, violent drunk.”

“So what changed you?”

“The elders. They led by example. I wanted to be like them. Kind. There is no one on earth kinder than Navajos.”

Kindness is the opposite of anger. I want to be kind! But so far it doesn’t seem to be happening, not so much. Maybe I need to spend more time in slot canyons.

Later on I talked with another Navajo, a young man who had been taught the old ways by his grandmother. “She made us kids get up before sunrise every day. She said that people who sleep in late become lazy and old before their time. She also said that living without electricity, running water and money prepared us for the future. She used to tell us that someday all of us will have to live without them once again — and so this way we will be more prepared.”

I agree with the grandmother’s prediction completely. Someday in the near future, when what James Howard Kunstler describes as the “Cheap Oil Fiesta” is over, we are going to have to deal with living without electricity and all that other stuff. And, sooner rather than later, we are probably going to have to learn to live without money too!

So. What will be left for us after the current cheap oil fiesta is over? Who knows. But no matter what the future may hold, we will always have America’s beauty. And during my trip through the West and Southwest, I am becoming more and more convinced about what a rare, precious and exciting beauty it is. During this trip I am becoming, more than ever, a true American patriot.

PS: I’m not the only one who’s been out traveling around America. Matt Taibbi, who writes for Rolling Stone magazine, has been out there touring too — in search of the illusive Tea Partier. And here’s what he has learned about them:

“The individuals in the Tea Party may come from very different walks of life, but most of them have a few things in common. After nearly a year of talking with Tea Party members from Nevada to New Jersey, I can count on one hand the key elements I expect to hear in nearly every interview.

“One: Every single one of them was that exceptional Republican who did protest the spending in the Bush years, and not one of them is the hypocrite who only took to the streets when a black Democratic president launched an emergency stimulus program. (‘Not me — I was protesting!’ is a common exclamation.)

“Two: Each and every one of them is the only person in America who has ever read the Constitution or watched Schoolhouse Rock. (Here they have guidance from Armey, who explains that the problem with ‘people who do not cherish America the way we do’ is that ‘they did not read the Federalist Papers.’)

“Three: They are all furious at the implication that race is a factor in their political views — despite the fact that they blame the financial crisis on poor black homeowners, spend months on end engrossed by reports about how the New Black Panthers want to kill ‘cracker babies,’ support politicians who think the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was an overreach of government power, tried to enact South African-style immigration laws in Arizona and obsess over Charlie Rangel, ACORN and Barack Obama’s birth certificate.

“Four: In fact, some of their best friends are black! (Reporters in Kentucky invented a game called ‘White Male Liberty Patriot Bingo,’ checking off a box every time a Tea Partier mentions a black friend.)

“And five: Everyone who disagrees with them is a radical leftist who hates America.” http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/17390/210904

****

To see photos of the Grand Canyon and the Antelope slot canyon, click here: http://jpstillwater.blogspot.com/2010/09/america-at-its-best-freedom-grand.html

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October 2, 2010

Boss Carl – Paladino Tries to Bully the Media

cartoon-boss-carl

October 1, 2010

The Tattlesnake – Toast and Coast Edition

“Lie to me once, shame on you; lie to me twice, shame on me for believing you; lie to me three times – hey, you’re a Republican!”
– Yank Bunger, Ph.D

Who’s Not Ready For Prime Time and who is in some upcoming races, as determined by a dart throw and a peek into the dank tea leaves at the bottom of the barrel. Those seeking alphabetical order will be struck by its absence.

Burnt Toast: Christine O’Donnell, GOP candidate for US Senate from Delaware.
Along with her Jabberwocky bleatings about witchcraft, satanic picnics, evolution, masturbation, and her other hobbies, the Lawd’s Chipmunk Girl has now been found to be brazenly fabricating her educational history. Turns out she didn’t attend Oxford, she didn’t get a degree from Claremont University, and she falsified her record concerning the time of her graduation from Farleigh Dickinson U. Seems she won’t lie to the Nazis to save another human being, but all else is fair game. If this Media Hound had any capacity for embarrassment, she would have dropped out of the race already, but she hasn’t, so she won’t – and she’s shamelessly blaming it all on God for wanting her to stay in the race.
Amusing Sidenote (sort of): Why don’t these Christopublicans like O-Don and Junior Bush ever take the hint? Maybe the Almighty is telling them to run to teach them a lesson in humility (and comedy) they sorely need.
Big Coast: Democrat Chris Coons, who’s no doubt up by a bazillion points in the polls by now, or will be by election day.

Toast:Carl Paladino, GOP candidate for Governor of New York
Scraping up the dregs of the Tea Party teapot, we find Mr. Kiss-My-Ring Carlo, a true Republican family values man who loves family values so much he extended them to a woman to whom he wasn’t married who then had a child a decade ago. Papa P. (for ‘Pot’) is now accusing his opponent, Andrew Cuomo, of conducting extramarital affairs without the wimpy liberal niceties of evidence. Oh, and he’s been physically threatening reporters, too, for asking him to prove his wild charges. Already popular among his friends for sending them emails featuring racist images and bestiality porn, Paladino will no doubt nail down the vote of blacks, women and equestrians, but will the men support him?
Amusing Factoid: Carl says he enjoys being nasty. No shit, Carl?
Coast: Landslide thy name is Cuomo.

Toast: Meg Whitman, GOP candidate for Governor of California
In a state that’s already burned out on Republicans, the revelations Thursday that Megma lied when she said she received no notification from Social Security warning her that her former maid’s SS number was false pours the last coat of KY Jelly on the wealthy ex-eBay CEO’s long greased slide.
Amusing Factoid: Meg’s husband’s name is Griff Harsh. No wonder she doesn’t use her married name in her political campaign – it’s too appropriate.
Coast: Jerry Brown, once and future Dem Gov.

Toast: Carly Fiorina, GOP candidate for US Senate from California.
With C.F.’s debate performances less than stirring, all sitting Dem Sen. Barbara Boxer has to do is keep reminding voters that multi-millionaire Carly, as CEO of Hewlett-Packard, cut 35,000 American jobs and sent them overseas. And leave us not forget her atrociously incompetent record in that position – so bad the H-P board bought out her contract and told her to take a walk.
Amusing Sidenote: You can bet at least one La-La-Lander will vote for Carly because they think she wrote and sang the song, “You’re So Vain.”
Coast: Welcome back, Babs, the Senate needs more like you.

Toast: Rand Paul, GOP candidate for US Senate from Kentucky.
Paul has bounced around on his positions so much he could be a tennis ball. Starting off as a staunch antiwar, pro-drug decriminalization Libertarian, he’s morphed into a desperate, soft-shoe racist, bug-eyed-nuts Teabagger with hidden GOP establishment trimmings. It’s what happens when you nominate an oafish country-club drunk whose Bircher-bitter political opinions are filtered through a martini shaker. His campaign, to his detriment, has been more Rand and less Paul, as in his father Ron.
Amusing Factoid: Dr. Paul is ‘board certified’ by a medical board that he apparently invented and that features his wife as one of its members. He also earns half his keep from Medicare patients, yet wants to get rid of social programs like Medicare – after he’s safely ensconced in the Washington millionaires club that is the GOP side of the Senate, of course.
Coast: It may be a squeaker, but KY AG Jack Conway will pull it out.

Toast: Sharron Angle, GOP Candidate for US Senate from Nevada.
After all of her anti-government fulminations against any social program that might help poor or middle-class folks keep their heads above water, Sharron with the two ‘RRs’ (for Raving Right?) has taken routine Republican hypocrisy to a new and higher angle by living off her husband’s government pension and taking advantage of his sumptuous government-paid health care benefits. She’s another demented ignorant Teabagger who doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about on any subject and just makes things up to suit the moment. Fortunately, Nevadans have gradually become aware of this fact and Harry Reid is now leading by five points in the polls.
Amusing Factoid: How crazy do you have to be to go from thirty points ahead to five points behind to a guy who is disliked by 75 percent of the voters in your state? Sharron has blazed the trail for future Tea Party candidates in this regard.
Coast: The unlikable lamebrain Sen. Reid will prevail, maybe by as much as ten points in the vote.

Toast: Rahm Emanuel’s run for Mayor of Chicago
Although the too-tight Beltway Cocktail Party Media may not realize it, the charming (koff, koff) ferret-faced DLC hatchet man and soon-to-be-former Obama Chief of Staff is not roundly loved in most sections of the Windy City. In fact, one might say he is deeply loathed far and wide, except by a few leftovers of the old Daddy Daley Machine from whence this corporate-money monster grew. Following his flat-on-his-face failure for Obama, and Hizzoner’s son Richie Daley’s steep fall from grace as mayor, who would want Rahm to perform Richard the III by the lake? (The only part he’s really capable of playing.) Nope, he’s toast straight out of the gate.
Amusing Factoid: Rahm is not and never has been a liberal, progressive nor even much of a Democrat. He’s more of a ‘Fuck You’ Republicant who was a DINO because Republicans don’t get elected in Chicago.
Coast: Anyone not named ‘Rahm Emanuel.’

© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

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