October 8, 2010
October 7, 2010
October 2, 2010
October 1, 2010
The Tattlesnake – Toast and Coast Edition
“Lie to me once, shame on you; lie to me twice, shame on me for believing you; lie to me three times – hey, you’re a Republican!”
– Yank Bunger, Ph.D
Who’s Not Ready For Prime Time and who is in some upcoming races, as determined by a dart throw and a peek into the dank tea leaves at the bottom of the barrel. Those seeking alphabetical order will be struck by its absence.
Burnt Toast: Christine O’Donnell, GOP candidate for US Senate from Delaware.
Along with her Jabberwocky bleatings about witchcraft, satanic picnics, evolution, masturbation, and her other hobbies, the Lawd’s Chipmunk Girl has now been found to be brazenly fabricating her educational history. Turns out she didn’t attend Oxford, she didn’t get a degree from Claremont University, and she falsified her record concerning the time of her graduation from Farleigh Dickinson U. Seems she won’t lie to the Nazis to save another human being, but all else is fair game. If this Media Hound had any capacity for embarrassment, she would have dropped out of the race already, but she hasn’t, so she won’t – and she’s shamelessly blaming it all on God for wanting her to stay in the race.
Amusing Sidenote (sort of): Why don’t these Christopublicans like O-Don and Junior Bush ever take the hint? Maybe the Almighty is telling them to run to teach them a lesson in humility (and comedy) they sorely need.
Big Coast: Democrat Chris Coons, who’s no doubt up by a bazillion points in the polls by now, or will be by election day.
Toast:Carl Paladino, GOP candidate for Governor of New York
Scraping up the dregs of the Tea Party teapot, we find Mr. Kiss-My-Ring Carlo, a true Republican family values man who loves family values so much he extended them to a woman to whom he wasn’t married who then had a child a decade ago. Papa P. (for ‘Pot’) is now accusing his opponent, Andrew Cuomo, of conducting extramarital affairs without the wimpy liberal niceties of evidence. Oh, and he’s been physically threatening reporters, too, for asking him to prove his wild charges. Already popular among his friends for sending them emails featuring racist images and bestiality porn, Paladino will no doubt nail down the vote of blacks, women and equestrians, but will the men support him?
Amusing Factoid: Carl says he enjoys being nasty. No shit, Carl?
Coast: Landslide thy name is Cuomo.
Toast: Meg Whitman, GOP candidate for Governor of California
In a state that’s already burned out on Republicans, the revelations Thursday that Megma lied when she said she received no notification from Social Security warning her that her former maid’s SS number was false pours the last coat of KY Jelly on the wealthy ex-eBay CEO’s long greased slide.
Amusing Factoid: Meg’s husband’s name is Griff Harsh. No wonder she doesn’t use her married name in her political campaign – it’s too appropriate.
Coast: Jerry Brown, once and future Dem Gov.
Toast: Carly Fiorina, GOP candidate for US Senate from California.
With C.F.’s debate performances less than stirring, all sitting Dem Sen. Barbara Boxer has to do is keep reminding voters that multi-millionaire Carly, as CEO of Hewlett-Packard, cut 35,000 American jobs and sent them overseas. And leave us not forget her atrociously incompetent record in that position – so bad the H-P board bought out her contract and told her to take a walk.
Amusing Sidenote: You can bet at least one La-La-Lander will vote for Carly because they think she wrote and sang the song, “You’re So Vain.”
Coast: Welcome back, Babs, the Senate needs more like you.
Toast: Rand Paul, GOP candidate for US Senate from Kentucky.
Paul has bounced around on his positions so much he could be a tennis ball. Starting off as a staunch antiwar, pro-drug decriminalization Libertarian, he’s morphed into a desperate, soft-shoe racist, bug-eyed-nuts Teabagger with hidden GOP establishment trimmings. It’s what happens when you nominate an oafish country-club drunk whose Bircher-bitter political opinions are filtered through a martini shaker. His campaign, to his detriment, has been more Rand and less Paul, as in his father Ron.
Amusing Factoid: Dr. Paul is ‘board certified’ by a medical board that he apparently invented and that features his wife as one of its members. He also earns half his keep from Medicare patients, yet wants to get rid of social programs like Medicare – after he’s safely ensconced in the Washington millionaires club that is the GOP side of the Senate, of course.
Coast: It may be a squeaker, but KY AG Jack Conway will pull it out.
Toast: Sharron Angle, GOP Candidate for US Senate from Nevada.
After all of her anti-government fulminations against any social program that might help poor or middle-class folks keep their heads above water, Sharron with the two ‘RRs’ (for Raving Right?) has taken routine Republican hypocrisy to a new and higher angle by living off her husband’s government pension and taking advantage of his sumptuous government-paid health care benefits. She’s another demented ignorant Teabagger who doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about on any subject and just makes things up to suit the moment. Fortunately, Nevadans have gradually become aware of this fact and Harry Reid is now leading by five points in the polls.
Amusing Factoid: How crazy do you have to be to go from thirty points ahead to five points behind to a guy who is disliked by 75 percent of the voters in your state? Sharron has blazed the trail for future Tea Party candidates in this regard.
Coast: The unlikable lamebrain Sen. Reid will prevail, maybe by as much as ten points in the vote.
Toast: Rahm Emanuel’s run for Mayor of Chicago
Although the too-tight Beltway Cocktail Party Media may not realize it, the charming (koff, koff) ferret-faced DLC hatchet man and soon-to-be-former Obama Chief of Staff is not roundly loved in most sections of the Windy City. In fact, one might say he is deeply loathed far and wide, except by a few leftovers of the old Daddy Daley Machine from whence this corporate-money monster grew. Following his flat-on-his-face failure for Obama, and Hizzoner’s son Richie Daley’s steep fall from grace as mayor, who would want Rahm to perform Richard the III by the lake? (The only part he’s really capable of playing.) Nope, he’s toast straight out of the gate.
Amusing Factoid: Rahm is not and never has been a liberal, progressive nor even much of a Democrat. He’s more of a ‘Fuck You’ Republicant who was a DINO because Republicans don’t get elected in Chicago.
Coast: Anyone not named ‘Rahm Emanuel.’
© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
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September 30, 2010
September 28, 2010
September 26, 2010
September 24, 2010
What Would Christine O’Donnell Have to Say to Make the Teabaggers Dump Her?
For more Crazy Christine quotes, go here.
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The Tattlesnake – Unuttered Utterations and Which Witch is Which? Edition
– Tattlesnake’s ‘Media Insider’ says cool cats and kittens should not be swayed by the ‘official’ story regarding Rick Sanchez’s bouncing from the Corporatist News Network otherwise known as CNN. The reason Jon Stewart’s hilarious portrayals of Sanchez as something of a babbling idiot were so devastating is because, well, he’s something of a babbling idiot. (As evidenced by his comments about Stewart’s alleged ‘bigotry’ and Jewish ownership of the media.) Word is, CNN has been looking for a reason to dump this ratings-tank boob without having to pay off his contract. Like most Big Media bobbing heads, Sanchez’s contract no doubt had a standard clause that said if he did anything egregiously immoral, racist or embarrassing in public that had the potential of bringing scorn upon CNN, such as shaving his public hair on live TV or wearing a hood and announcing his selection as a Grand Imperial Wizard of the KKK, he could be summarily dismissed and his contract immediately cancelled with the balance due unpaid. CNN knew its man – with Rick’s fetid history of on-air loopiness, it was only a matter of time until Sanchez crossed the line, and this just happened to be that moment. Of course, Sanchez has now issued the stock Pro Forma Apology to the Universe, (you’ll find it between ‘Memo, Traditional Format’ and ‘Resume, Classic Form’ at your local Big Box stationery store), and eagerly looks forward to his “new future of opportunities” somewhere else. That ‘somewhere else’ will probably be the graveyard shift at Fox Business Channel where Roger Ailes has provided a comfortable if little-watched retirement village for dimbulb dogmatists who have bottomed out elsewhere in MediaLand. Here’s to not seeing you again, Rick!
– Why is it that this morning, an atheist did not see an image of Richard Dawkins in her burnt English Muffin, or Madalyn Murray O’Hair in her Lay’s Sour Cream & Onion potato chip? For that matter, Buddhists have not reported visions of Siddhartha in the swirls of their Cream of Wheat, nor have Jews spotted Moses in bowls of chopped chicken liver. For some reason, only Christians, and especially those of the odiferous American variety, seem to have this penchant for apprehending the Christopublican-sanctioned Jeffrey Hunter Jesus in everything from Melba toast to grilled cheese sandwiches. What does that say about the dominant religious delusion in the US? “Whoa — I see God in my snacks!”
© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.