BartBlog

Larry Craig’s GOP ‘Wait’ Watchers Wonder: “Jiminy God! When’s He Finally Gonna Resign For Good?”

“Marge, I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.”
– Homer J. Simpson

– The Dems should really thank Sen. Larry Craig, now stalling again following his original promise he’d quit Sept. 30th, and then altering that vow to after he got the verdict from the appeals judge on whether he could withdraw his guilty plea to a disorderly conduct charge involving sexual solicitation in a Minneapolis airport men’s room. The verdict’s in and, after the judge was done laughing himself to tears, he told Lar no, you can’t change your guilty plea just to keep your soft Senate gig. (Hint: If you moan “Noooooooo!” when a cop shows his badge, it’s a pretty good indication of guilt. Innocent people don’t say things like that to the police.) But the Toe-Tapping Idaho Potatohead is made of sterner stuff and has now refused to resign despite the judge’s decision. While Craig’s family may need some rehab at the Helen Keller Institute, the rest of us, and even many Idahoans, have most of our faculties working and can easily size-up this puff-adder hypocrite: “I have gay sex in public restrooms” might as well be indelibly tattooed on his forehead. Seems Craig’s decided to take a page from the Modern Neocon Republican Handbook (BushCo-Rove Illustrated Pamphlets, 2000) and is willing to selfishly watch his party go down the drain to preserve his job and possibly revamp his future reputation. So, here’s a tip o’ the tarboosh to Larry — with your help, maybe a Dem will even win your seat from Idaho next election. Well, maybe not your seat but…uh, you know what I mean…

“The trouble with people is not that they don’t know but that they know so much that ain’t so.”
– Josh Billings

“I do not think about things I do not think about.”
– Matthew Harrison Brady (Fredric March), from the film “Inherit the Wind.” (This would be an excellent slogan for the Fred Thompson presidential campaign, currently stumbling around Iowa.)

“Do you ever think about things that you do think about?”
– Henry Drummond’s (Spencer Tracy) rejoinder, also appropriate.

– Remember those halcyon days when neocon pundits and rightie blogospherians lusted for another b-list actor to enter the GOP presidential fray, sure that anyone who can recite a script on camera and hit his mark would be the new Ronald Reagan? Their selectee was one Fred D. Thompson, and the Fox noise media and affiliated keyboard crackpots fairly drooled over the prospect of a ‘show biz pro’ entering the race, overwhelming the competition, and sticking it to the Dems next November. Ha, ha, and ha. Thompson without a good scriptwriter and director is a sleepy befuddled hound dog spouting empty platitudes; dull, hunched, out-of-touch, and now lamely reduced to begging audiences to applaud his plodding speeches. The NY Times’ Adam Nagourney recounts this bleakly embarrassing Thompson tableau after a half-hour Fred diatribe at an Iowa restaurant:

“Then he stood face to face with a silent audience.
“‘Can I have a round of applause?’ Mr. Thompson said, drawing a rustle of clapping and some laughter.”

Hint from the world of entertainment: When you’re so pathetic you have to beg for applause, the end is nigh and it’s time for you to find a new line of work. If I had to bet, I’d say ol’ lazy Fred will be out before the end of the football season — his campaign’s already low on money and he’s just sliding down a splintered log at this point. Vanity will keep the gears turning until the snow flies, but when he doesn’t cut the top three in Corn Country, that’s it. (I can see the wheels in Fred’s head furiously turning: “What the hell, I don’t need this crap — I can make more money in Hollywood and not have to shake all these goddamned hands! I’m going through a freakin’ case of Purell a day! The hell with the Beaver Falls Days Inn free continental breakfast — get Dick Wolf on the horn, I’m comin’ back home to L.A.!”)

– Breaking News: Finally, the U.S. military has figured out that the Blackwater thugs were responsible for that shoot-out in Baghdad’s Nisoor Square Sept. 16th in which a minimum of 14 innocent unarmed Iraqis were killed and 18 wounded. In other words, Blackwater’s defense that they were under attack was a pack of lies. WaPo has the full story here: “Military reports fault Blackwater.” Who dat bell tollin’ for? It tolls for y’all, good ‘Christian’ Erik Prince.

Copyright 2007 R.S. Janes. Also posted at Liberaltopia.org.