February 9, 2011

Religion and war crimes go together like . . .

Filed under: Guest Comment — Tags: , — Bob Patterson @ 1:44 pm

The week following Super Bowl LXV is providing numerous examples of the new American morality that teaches that hypocrisy is one of the seven capital virtues. The string of new evidence started with the images of George W. Bush at the game. See, boys and girls, if he had done a bad thing (as the Reagan Democrats assert) he would be in jail, but he ain’t so he di-ent. (That’s hip speak for did not.) All week long Donald Rumsfeld was given plenty of TV time to spread the message that stupidity and incompetence are OK because, at the very worst, you’ll get a lucrative book contract and your peeps will see you on TV and not in a war crime trial court room. Comes next Sunday morning, America’s priests, ministers, and rabies will get a few minutes to deliver a sermon during Mass to convince the gullible Reagan-Democrat party’s kids that they should “Obey!” Meanwhile, the Republican kids will get an autographed copy of both the Bush and Rumsfeld books and can snicker while watching the Sunday morning talk show/spin rebuttal programs that send the subliminal “wink, wink, nudge, nudge” message that real men have big bank accounts.

Hitler wasn’t even tried in absentia for war crimes, but his posse was. Bush & Co. will never be taken into custody. (If Radovan Karadzic was scheduled to appear at a speaking engagement in Switzerland, do you think he would have gone and been arrested or do you think he would have gotten the traditional con men’s secret signal [watch “The Sting”] to cancel the trip?)

You don’t see Rev. Billy Graham denouncing George W. Bush do ya? Rev. Graham has never spoken harshly about America’s military adventures and thereby he became the White House clergy/mascot for nearly a half century. While many of America’s young Democrats were off to WWII, Graham was in Divinity School and starting his ministry. Gee, with all those young widows to console he must have been very busy. (Did someone just ask: “Did he get laid a lot?”? If so; you’re catching on to how this Republican Morality scam works.)

Getting back to Rumsfeld and the profitability of stupidity and ineptness, we know of one guy, who is both an ordained minister and a blogger, who was aghast at the stupidity of the Gaffer’s Tape and Plastic Sheeting suggestions made right before the Invasion of Iraq. He wrote columns about the hilarious aluminum tube “evidence” and even wrote a letter to the Editor of the New York Times about the possibility that the tape and plastic sheeting suggestion would lead to asphyxiations. He added that the dumb “be prepared for gas attacks” suggestion indicated that fools were at the nation’s helm and did not bode well for the long haul.

The day the letter was published [Feb. 14, 2003 (we can’t find it online)] Rumsfeld said at a Pentagon press conference that the tape and plastic sheeting idea was an instance of metaphorical speaking to convey the seriousness of the terrorism threat.

Doesn’t the suggestion itself indicate a binary choice: they were either being diabolically devious or they were stupid and inept from the git-go?

Doesn’t the fact that they used a glib “let’s move on” line at a press conference and then continued their efforts to marshal public opinion to favor the impending war indicate that they weren’t stupid? If so, then the binary choice in the previous paragraph means they were being devious then and are continuing the coy act today while promoting their disingenuous invasion and books?

Here’s an item for your consideration directed to the fans of the obtuse and esoteric references department: Rumsfeld’s adorable “didn’t know” shenanigans reminded this columnist of the opening of “The Big Sleep,” when Carmen Sternwood falls backwards. Philip Marlowe says: “I had to catch her or let her crack her head on the tessellated floor.” The mainstream media does for Rumsfeld what Marlowe did for Carmen by unquestioningly accepting his disingenuous explanations. “Good boy, Rover!”

The previously mentioned letter sent to the New York Times was published on the letters to the editor page (wasn’t that on Valentine’s Day in 2003?). The war? It’s going on to this very day and you can look that up on the Internets if you don’t believe us. Certain logistical support companies have enthusiastic annual reports that also substantiate that fact.

Rumsfeld got a lucrative book deal and the blogger? . . . He’ll have to apply for a writing grant from the Nihilism Foundation, if he wants to fulfill his dream of touring the famous auto museums of Germany this summer.

[Note: This columnist used to use the concept of the “Gonzo Journalism Foundation” as the imaginary source for money, but we have to drop that shtick because we have learned that Mrs. Hunter S. Thompson has started the real Gonzo Foundation. Now our new imaginary source for money will be called “The Nihilism Foundation” and let’s hope that’s not a real institution. Is there such a thing as “the Tree-hugger Foundation”?]

The journalists who heartily endorsed the invasions of Iraq and Afghanistan are still churning out “atta-boy” stories in support of the Bush/Obama war efforts, while liberal bloggers scramble for invitations to the Huffington Post weekly soirees at the publishers house (in O. J.’s old L. A. neighborhood, n’est ce pas?).

Do the children of Reagan Democrats want to become union members who buy a house that goes into foreclosure or do they secretly want to become bankers who own private jets, vacation homes in Tahiti, and have trophy wives while his peeps do the foreclosing paperwork?

Speaking of high rollers, we have learned that one bookie operation in Ireland can not accept bets originating from America on the possibility that the 40-1 long-shot candidate, JEB, will win the next Presidential election. Drat! Are we going to have to schmooze with a certain British Film Critic to get a three day crash pad stay in London, invitation, while on our way to Germany, to make the bet? Stay tuned to this columnist for further developments.

Speaking of Germany is there a bit of archeological irony in the WWII photos of the chaplain holding a “blessing of the bombs” ceremony?

Most Americans know who Hitler and Mussolini were. Can they name the guy who was Pope during WWII? Who was America’s leading clergyman during WWII?

O’Reilly wanted nothing but the highest respect for the war criminal George W. Bush, but he didn’t think all his interruptions of the President of the United States was anything other than a respectful interview in the Edward R.

One final irrelevant interjection: San Francisco columnist Herb Caen often used to point out people who had inappropriate names didn’t fit their jobs, such as a used car salesman named Bob Chetham. As we were completing this column, liberal talk show hostess Stephanie Miller and the mooks were obsessing about names with risqué double meanings. We should direct her attention to a plumber in Santa Monica who was named Dick Shaver.

Our last column probably shot to hell our chances of ever being added to the Huffington Post roster of regular contributors. It’s OK, though. This columnist wouldn’t have cut the mustard. The hypothetical job offer would probably have turned out to be like some of the snappy dialogue Raymond Chandler wrote: “I was fired. For insubordination. I test very high on insubordination, General.”

Now the disk jockey will play both the Beatles and Stones version (the only song recorded by both bands) of “Money (That’s What I Want),” plus “Fools Rush In” and Johnny Cash’s “I’m just an old chunk of coal.” It’s time for us to make like a shepherd and get the flock outta here. Have a “get on board” type week.

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