BartBlog

“We may not always agree,…I don’t always agree with myself.”
– Rudy “Toot Tooty” Guiliani to the Values Voter Summit, Oct. 20, 2007, as quoted by the AP.

– What is it with these Republicans who “don’t always agree” with themselves? Bush Senior said something similar years ago: then he had “strong opinions” with which he didn’t “always agree.” WTF? It’s called knowing your own mind — a quality you might want to have in a president. This is great leadership? “I don’t always agree with myself!” Excuse me, Gen. Patton, but your troops are wandering around in circles. Well, at least this time he avoided the cell phone call from hell with the third spouse: “Hi, Judith — I’m at the Values Voters thing in Washington. Would you like to explain to these fine folks why, as a good Catholic who started attending mass when I announced I was running for president, I wasn’t excommunicated for divorcing my other two wives — one of them in a freaking press conference?”

– So when does Spud Stud Larry Craig (R-Ozone) release the unauthorized video of him pile-driving Paris Hilton with his two-inches of throbbing steel to prove he’s “absolutely, positively, 110 percent not gay”? Okay, by the time it ‘comes out’ that it was a man dressed up as Hilton (Giuliani?) in the vid, Sen. Super Tuber will no doubt have convinced most of the dizzy GOP base that he’s all-American hetero enough to run for president. C’mon, Values Voters, line up for your “Get Straight in ’08 with Larry!” ‘bumper’ stickers, only remember to put them on your car. Maybe he can name Jeff Gannon as his campaign manager — now there’s a man who works really hard, knows how to grab them by the balls, and has had top military experience! Of course, in the next election Larry will be just like all of the other Republican candidates trying to follow ‘Bush’ into the ‘Oval Office’ — hoisted on their own retard. (Rim shot!) Sidenote: Seems yet another man — that makes four, if you’re keeping score — has admitted to having sex with the old codpiece 20 years ago, and he’s not staying anonymous. Read all the greasy details in Wonkette’s “I Had Sex with Larry Craig!”

– Large Wooden Mallet, Apply Directly to the Forehead: I’m not saying this is a conspiratorial plot, although it may very well be, but has anyone noticed the rewarding of incredible stupidity in American advertising these days? It used to be the buyer of the advertiser’s product was depicted as a smart shopper; now dimwits who do dumb things are heralded. It’s not just the beer commercials, etc., aimed at collegiates, where the kid does something really dumb and then regales his pals with the story of what a goofy moron he is over a bottle of piss-water light beer, it’s across the board. I just saw a TV commercial for Nationwide Insurance the other night where a woman drives her SUV into a large pothole that was plainly marked with sawhorses and warning lights. Right after she destroys the front end of her baby truck, the friendly Nationwide man immediately shows up at her driver’s side window, “It’s okay, dumb ass, Nationwide is on your side!” Is this aimed at the yuppie ‘multi-taskers’ who can’t seem to drive anywhere without a cell phone in their ear and a GPS satellite blow-up of their destination on the Northstar navigator screen, while they dump down their second Starbuck’s mocha Grande of the morning when they’re just headed to the 7/11 for AAA batteries for their Ronco Deluxe nose-and-body hair clipper?

– I almost fell out of my chair laughing when Bush’s near-wife Condi Rice tried to slap Russian President Vlad Putin with this three-day old slice of raw flounder: “I think that there is too much concentration of power in the Kremlin. Everybody has doubts about the full independence of the judiciary.” Yes, Putin’s been acting kind of like a “Unitary Executive” hasn’t he, doing business in czar mode and intimidating those who oppose him, and stuffing the courts with judges who are loyal to him and will protect his power. Gee, what other world leader acts like that? Just think, when this dimwit leaves government, she is going to be a) the next “Georgie, you is my man!” Mrs. Junior (unlikely); b) confusing students at Stanford, or c) or writing her own regular column in the WSJ, “Tanker Girl,” sponsored by Chevron.

– The long-term costs of the California wildfires are going to be devastating to our already faltering economy. Foods such as nuts, avocados, lettuce, oranges, lemons and grapefruit will soar in price, as will anything else produced in Southern Cal. Exactly what is President Diddle, appearing for his “I care” cameos with curling smoke and burned-down homes in the background, going to do about this? (Okay, I know — make a speech and nada.) Emperor Nero the Deuce also lied when he said that four USAF C-130 cargo planes were on the runway equipped to fight the fires, ready to take-off at Gov. Schwarzenfluffer’s request — in fact, the aircraft weren’t set up to carry and drop flame retardant materials and would have been useless if ordered into action. Of course, our friends in the Big Media (BM) barely mentioned this story; apparently they’ve entirely lost the capacity of separating White House BS from fact, perhaps because of the sheer volume. It’s a shame we can’t elect some real journalists in 2008.