BartBlog

Before the main feature begins…

Ye Olde Scribe’s Links to Oblivion… and other FUN Places
“Not all links are as tasty as sausage, but they can be amusing.”

An Iraqi national with a half-inch magnet coiled in wire hidden inside his body drew a bomb-squad response and a terrorism investigation Tuesday when he tried to pass through security at Los Angeles International Airport.

They didn’t stop 9/11.
They did squat about Katrina.
They don’t give a patoot about port security.
But they did manage to stop THIS mental case.

Scribe is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO impressed.

Junior’s Appointment Cheat Sheet

Stringing words together is so DAMN hard… when you’re Junior. That’s why the little boy-King has written out in block print… on that old, elementary school solid and dotted lined paper first graders use… this handy dandy cheat sheet whenever he makes any appointment.  Ye Olde’s spy-fly on the wall smuggled out a copy just before this week’s bug-drone was eaten by Barney. Time to build another one.Barney has nothing against YOS; or his mechanical spy-fly, and every reason to lift his leg while passing the Master…. the poor pup just doesn’t know any better. Besides, he’s on his usual starvation diet, because Junior LOVES to torture things.Oh, and few notes about this cheat sheet… Scribe has taken the liberty of filling in the blanks, and he’s not sure if it’s just his horrific spelling skills, or a pathetic attempt to phonetically spell out words he’ll NEVER pronounce right anyway. 

 

Appointment Cheat Sheet (Take 1)

 

“I cum before you to nominate (Clarabell the Clown); a u-neek-lee koala-fried for dis position. (Clarabell) is a true pay-tree-ot who has served with hon-er and dis-stink-shun. If confirmed (Clarabell) will brying years of ex-spear-e-uns to the pos-shi-shun. I have looked DEEP into (Clarabell… after I pulled off the rubber nose) and I know (Clarabell ) has a good heart.”

 

Unfortunately, torture-boy Gonzalez got the job instead. Besides, Bob was a nice guy, and everyone knows Junior HATES “nice.”

 

Appointment Cheat Sheet (Take 2)

“I cum before you to nominate (Timothy McVeigh); a u-neek-lee koala-fried for dis position. (Timmy-boy, a nickname I transfered to him after I had to distance myself from Kenny-boy) is a true pay-tree-ot who has served with hon-er and dis-stink-shun. If confirmed (Timmy-boy) will brying years of ex-spear-e-uns to the pos-shi-shun. I have looked DEEP into (Timmy-boy), and I know (Timmy-boy ) has a good heart.”

Unfortunately, pardoning Mr. McVeigh became too much of just one more political liability after the prison scandals, the festering Vet scandals that have just surfaced after… HOW MANY GODDAMN YEARS??? …and the perpetual crime spree of the BFEE. So Junior had to sign off on Mr. McViegh’s little sacrifice for his country. Junior still cries in his pillow for the loss of his fellow mass murderer.

Condi the smiling liar. and oily scumbag extraordinaire, got that appointment. Scribe still wonders what brand super glue she uses to keep that hideous upside down frown on her face.

Appointment Cheat Sheet (Take 3)

“I cum before you to nominate (George Hitler, bastard son of Uncle Adolf… family friend, and well known fiend, since Prescott.); a u-neek-lee koala-fried for dis position. (Eva Braun’s secret son she had with Adolf… although rumor has it that George’s JEWISH mother may have been Stefanie Isak .) is a true pay-tree-ot who has served with hon-er and dis-stink-shun. If confirmed (George Hitler) will brying years of ex-spear-e-uns to the pos-shi-shun. (Plus the plans my Grandpa P. used to help build the gas chambers and the furnaces.) I have looked DEEP into (Mr. Hitler) and I know (Georgey) has a good heart.”

THAT was super secret, recess appointment. Know all those prisons being build around the country by KBR?

BINGO.

Try it yourself! It can, and has been, used to make any appointment… even the one to replace the turd you used this cheat sheet for. You know, like all the ones that created such putrid stinks that Junior decided to appoint someone WORSE? Yes, gentle reader, this cheat sheet contains all the key phrases and talking points Junior holds so dear, the kind mindless pap that helped appoint such saintly people like John “the Walrus” Bolt-on!Scribe’s Cheat Sheet for the Braindead MSM: How to Challenge Junior and His Spokespuppets

He/She rephrases your question…

“No, sir/ma’m, you only answered your own question. THIS is the question I asked…”

He/she WILL continue to evade/avoid…

“Well, if it’s too embarrassing to actually answer the question…”

He/she will use the phrase “move on.”

“Well, if you haven’t the ability to handle the question…”

In short: don’t back down and support your fellow reporters when they ask such questions.

Oh, and stop having rhetorical sexual relations with the Junior misadmistration. Treating them with “respect” is like asking for rhetorical AIDS. They are infected with their own corruption, arrogance and murderous intent. TREAT THEM JUST LIKE THE FESTERING PUSS FILLED SORES ON AMERICA’S ASS THAT THEY ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reich Wing Pundit’s, and Media Whore’s, Cheat Sheet for Scooter/Plame/Wilson

(After yet another shill was interviewed by NPR, with identifying who they associated with, Scribe’s fly also brought him this cheat sheet…)

It’s really about nothing… perjury is just a technicality. Wilson went on a junket sponsored by his wife. Come to find out it’s really not illegal to out a CIA agent. Besides, Plame just had a desk job…

(Be aware… if your name is Pinocchio , your nose will grow, and finally explode, when you read all these lies over and over again.)

The Natural Progression

“Sometimes irony follows VERY weird paths that only a natural sense of funny can follow.”

Finally… are you tired of waiting for the next hideous excuse to create more death and mayhem? Don’t you just wish you could have the advance script for all of the misadministration’s war on freedom BS now? Have no fear, gentle reader. Wait… no, HAVE lotsa fear, dear reader… like Nostradamus, a famous lyricist predicted many these excuses over 50 years ago. Here’s the natural progression…

We are fighting for freedom
We are moving forward.
We are all we can be
We will stand down when they stand up
We are standing on one leg, then the other, and have to go REAL BAD… but won’t
You’re helping the terrorists if you suggest anything but more war and supporting Junior’s every idiotic utterance…
Don’t you support the troops?
War is peace
Let’s drop the big one on Iran for peace
Let’s roll!
Let’s go!
We WILL go
Yes, we will all go… together when we go
All suffused with an incandescent glow.
No one will have the endurance
To collect on his insurance,
Lloyd’s of London will be loaded when they go.
Oh we will all fry together when we fry.
We’ll be French fried potatoes by and by.
There will be no more misery
When the world is our rotisserie,
Yes, we will all fry together when we fry.

Down by the old maelstrom,
There’ll be a storm before the calm.

And we will all bake together when we bake.
There’ll be nobody present at the wake.
With complete participation
In that grand incineration,
Nearly three billion hunks of well-done steak.

Oh we will all char together when we char.
And let there be no moaning of the bar.
Just sing out a Te Deum
When you see that I.C.B.M.,*
And the party will be come-as-you-are.

Oh, we will all burn together when we burn.
There’ll be no need to stand and wait your turn.
When it’s time for the fallout
And Saint Peter calls us all out,
We’ll just drop our agendas and adjourn.

You will all go directly to your respective Valhallas.
Go directly, do not pass Go, do not collect two hundred dollahs.

And we will all go together when we go.
Every Hottentot and every Eskimo.
When the air becomes uranious,
We will all go simultaneous.
Yes, we all will go together
When we all go together,
Yes we all will go together when we go.

 

(Thanks to Tom Lehrer for predicting this over 50 years ago.)