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November 8, 2007

The Tattlesnake — Rudy Gets It Down Pat Edition

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion — RS Janes @ 9:19 am

Giuliani Nabs Nutcase Robertson’s Nod; Can a Posthumous Thumb’s Up from the Equally-Popular Mussolini Be Far Behind?

And God Laughed: CNN reported Nov. 7th that Rudy Giuliani picked up the ‘important’ endorsement of bat-shit crazy televangelist Pat Robertson. This is the same Pat Robertson who thinks Episcopalians and Methodists are the antichrist; the same alleged ‘Christian’ who endorsed the political murder of Hugo Chavez; the same psychopath who claimed that feminists wanted to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians; the same one who thinks God speaks to him on a regular basis, informing Mr. 700 Club of how much he hates gays, liberals, Democrats, and uppity women, coincidentally just like Pat himself. Being a neoconservative Republican, Pat isn’t up on the joke yet, of course, even after the Almighty spoke to him a year before the 2004 election and told him Bush was going to win by a ‘blow out’ (Junior barely limped in with 51 percent of the vote, and that was only after Ken Blackwell stole Ohio); the Creator of the Universe also whispered to the Rev’s fevered brain that the US would be hit by a tsunami last year for supporting gay rights and the like, another boner prediction. It never occurs to buzzheads like Robertson that God may have a very sublime sense of humor and perhaps they don’t listen long enough to catch the chuckle at the end of the message.

Apparently, God, or something, prompted Pat to endorse Rudy for president, even though Giuliani supports abortion rights and equal treatment for those horrible gays. What does nimrod tell the dwindling audience of his TV show now: <em>”I sold my soul to get a Republican elected”?</em> Yeah, that’s the kind of stirring message that will get ‘em to the polls. Robertson’s influence has all but dried up — the Christian Coalition is a joke with a PO box number and Pat’s former Washington hitman Ralph Reed has been tied to the corruption of Jack Abramoff — so don’t expect any sparks to fly in the evangelical community over this empty photo-op, whatever the insulated media inside the Beltway may babble about it.

Hey, if Rudy’s really lucky, maybe he can pick up an endorsement from Fred “God Hates Fags” Phelps, another odious fruitcake Christopublican who can’t find the Sermon on the Mount in the New Testament and specializes in annoying the families of dead soldiers and Marines at their funerals.

The attitude of New Yorkers who lived under the reign of King Rudy might be delicately assessed as: <em>”Giuliani’s an asshole. Everybody in New York hates him. Sit through one of his speeches; the guy doesn’t wear well.”</em>

If it’s a match-up between Hillary and Rudy in 2008, here’s the way it goes down: The more people see of Hillary, the more comfortable they are with her; the more they see of the lispy, ferret-faced, sweaty, New Yawk-twitchy Thing-That-Is-Rudy, the more they think the boy’s a stone-crazy jerk, just like the firefighters and cops in his home town. And if it’s any other Democrat, Rudy comes out on the losing end of a landslide anyway — he still supports the policies of the most unpopular president in American history.

I dearly hope Giuliani wins the GOP nomination; I can’t wait to see the hunched and sneering Rudy pushing his “War and More of It!” cart down the electoral street with the bouncing tin cans of his dingbat endorsements and his obnoxious personal style clanging behind him.

Oh, and leave us not forget these bombshells-in-waiting: “My 911 Commission testimony? There’s nothing there,” and “Bernie Kerik? Why I hardly knew him.”

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