April 17, 2016

Columnist Touts Columnists

Filed under: Uncategorized — Bob Patterson @ 1:15 pm



Bob Patterson as told to the intern.

Interesting lives are the raw product sought by writers. Living well is not only the best revenge, it is a great way to gather material.

Every year The World’s Laziest Journalist has made an effort to note and celebrate National Columnists Day.  This year the summer intern has made the annual event an opportunity for soul searching and self-realization because the intern has led a remarkably interesting life and is disappointed that the chances to tell the intern’s story are evaporating rapidly.

Since a great many books have been published about the literary heritage and history of San Francisco it would seem that someone who was an early anti-war protester, involved with the Diggers and the Family Dog and whose story is from the adolescent coming of age viewpoint  rather than the adults who led the younger generation into the beat subculture through works such as “On the Road”.

Hippies were beatnik wannabes and too young to have participated in the beat scene. They went wild and formed the basis of the Hippie fad much to the delight of the reporters and writers of the mainstream media.

Sitting back now, on the back porch of the Amalgamated Conspiracy Theory employee recreational facility, dictating memoirs, may seem mundane but until the mainstream media labels today’s college generation the trendsetters will just have to bide their time until the new literary movement is properly initiated.

This year the columnists who are supposed to be in the vanguard of trend spotting should hang their heads in shame. Where are the influential pundits who will put a brand name on the new generation?

San Francisco has become the focus point for the internet savvy techies who are elevating gender confusing and dangerous sexual freedoms as the next cultural trend.

San Francisco has become Fantasy Island with franchises in all major urban centers.

Columnists seem to have abdicated their duty to alerting the country of the latest cultural trends instead adopting a politically neutral stances which is politically correct.

Isn’t that what they are supposed to be doing? Pushing the boundaries and making people think about what is happening and where that will lead them?

Have the pundits consciously refused to consider the long term effects of Fukushima?

Pundits are hysterical about Donald Trump not being entitled to the Republican Party nomination. Will any columnist ask if the young disgruntled Republicans are as upset as the young Democrats were when it became obvious Hubert Humphrey could not be denied the Democrat’s nomination?

Will any pundit define vicarious trauma for their readers?

Has any pundit reported the conspiracy theory fans are taking a new and closer look at the death of Sonny Bono?

The intern would like to promote the concept of a San Francisco Bay Area Commission to study the homeless problem, available resources and inter county cooperation. Perhaps even addressing the shrinking rental market and the skyrocketing rental prices.

Can anyone other than a columnist ask if the readers have heard the rumor that Hillary may have suffered a recent stroke?

Many famous writers have offered their opinions to the world in the guise of writing columns.

The intern and the World’s Laziest Journalist strongly endorse this maneuver and urge young writers to express their ideas and opinions on the internet.

Stay tuned.  Meanwhile have a mind-blowing 420, pay your taxes (the intern debates whether you have to witness against yourself or just file a blank signed form, if you can find the form) and read as many different columnists as possible.

Now the disk jockey will play… ditt ditt ditt Dah…Beethoven’s fifth for you drogues.

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