BartBlog

Whether Ronald Reagan wrote this himself, or one of his minions dreamed it up, it has gained notoriety as one of his well-worn slogans:

Reagan’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt speak no ill of another Republican.

Which led the Tattler to wonder what the ‘Eleventh Commandment’ of other politicians, pundits and organizations might be:

The Big Media Eleventh Commandment: Thou may speak of the deceptions, fraud, and illegal acts of the Bush Administration, as long as ye do not mention impeachment.

The Big Media Major Party Debate Eleventh Commandment: Dennis and Ron, we knoweth the polls say you won your last debates; that is why we will not allow you in the next one.

George W. Bush’s Eleventh Commandment: When thou were a child, thou hast the understanding of a child and blew up frogs; when thou became a man, thou still hast the understanding of a child and blow up men. It is beyond reason why thee continue as president.

Dick Cheney’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt ignore thy past transgressions, even were they to be caught on tape.

Hillary Clinton’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt send forth thy husband to campaign for thee — overseas.

Stephen Colbert’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt run with Huckabee and keep him honest.

Ann Coulter’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt renounce thy hair dye and allow thy laggard brain to finally breathe free.

Larry Craig’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt know a tree by its fruit. (Consult thy looking glass, Senator.)

The DLC Democrats Eleventh Commandment: Thou may not speaketh in private “How high, Mr. Bush?” while in public informing thy people that ye are trying to limit his ability to make you jump.

John Edwards’ Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt go unkempt, and be as a voice crying in the wilderness, or vice president.

Fox News’ Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt bury Roger Ailes up to the neck in a red ant hill and start anew.

Jeff Gannon’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt refrain from thinking that a ‘top’ is not really gay.

Rudy Giuliani’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shall know the Mark of the Beast by its number: 9-1-1, and ye shall repeat it unto such tedium that even those with the patience of a saint can no longer bear to hear it.

Jonah Goldberg’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt avoid penning further tomes of inane foolishness, or risk confinement in Hillary’s New Guantanamo.

Mike Gravel’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt return to thy home world aggravated.

Kathy Griffin’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt not suffer fools like Anderson Cooper gladly, especially on the Eve of the New Year.

Mike Huckabee’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt have an epiphany and understand the government is created to be of the secular and not the religious.

Duncan Hunter’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt return to thy cave as a leper, and all others shall avoid contact with you, and ye shall drink of the bitter cup of rejection for the rest of thine days, especially after the indictments art handed down.

Larry King’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt perform thy most boring celebrity interview with thyself, in a four-hour prime-time special.

Bill Kristol’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt not use thy new forum in the East to shut its doors and put thyself out of work.

Dennis Kucinich’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt turn water into wine, but the media will not be there to report upon it.

Joe Lieberman’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt announce thyself as a Republican and suffer the whirlwind, right after ye are charged with violating the truth-in-advertising laws in Connecticut.

Frank Luntz’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt have thyself framed and hung in the presidential library of Bush the Younger, right next to the unread copy of Albert Camus’ “The Stranger.”

Chris Matthews’ Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt emerge from thy closet and openly covet intimate relationships with men.

John McCain’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt not carve a path into the wilderness that creates a highway to nowhere.

Barack Obama’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt not strut and wave at the same time.

Keith Olbermann’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt divest thyself of Chris Matthews and others of the unclean and damned in thy prime-time election coverage.

Bill O’Reilly’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt dine on the humiliating testicles of the dog of low ratings, after accepting an offer from MSNBC at twice what they are remunerating thee at Fox.

The Republican Party’s Eleventh Commandment, Part 1: Thou shalt not clad thyselves in the secret pants of Sodom while speaking of purity with thy unclean mouth. Part 2: Thou shalt not purport to help the common people while wearing the stinking underclothes of Mammon beneath thy cloak.

Mitt Romney’s Eleventh Commandment, Part 1: Thou shalt not bear false witness, unless thou were not present at all. Part 2: Thou shalt refrain from calling thyself the Mightiest of Hunters by bagging only small rodents.

Karl Rove’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt dwell in the garden of the liberal media forever, thy tiny sour vine withered from disuse.

Tim Russert’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou may ask thy hard questions, on those rare occasions when thou art sober.

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt remove the marbles from thy mouth when thy speaketh in the public square; Thou shalt rather place thy marbles in thy head, where they may occasionally encounter each other, as in a game of chance.

Jon Stewart’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt install a trapdoor to quickly rid thyself of thy more obnoxious interview guests.

Fred Thompson’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt return to the well-paying Land of the Angels in the West, and renounce thy silly notion of a play-actor becoming president.

The Weekly Standard’s Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt refrain from further prognosticating and meddling in politics, as thy efforts are damned, as is thy master, the Philistine King Murdoch.