Mark Morford, The San Francisco Gate, January 25, 2008
Happiness knows no particular order, and neither does this list:
1) We may very well, within a year’s time, have a black president. We may have a female president. We may, unfortunately, also have a bizarre robotic nutball Mormon president. No matter how it turns out, it will be very strange and unnerving and different and a bit startling and therefore at least remotely interesting to watch. Which, you have to admit, is far better than how it’s been for the past seven years, which is utterly humiliating, repellant, cancerous.
2) Here is this ingenious new alarm clock. It has an Internet connection that hooks directly into your bank account. If you oversleep, it begins to withdraw funds from your account. And donate them. To groups you really, really despise. Ten minute oversnooze? Fifty bucks goes to the GOP. Oversleep a half an hour? There goes $100 to the NRA, the Heritage Foundation, the Bush Presidential Library (for all the crayons). Sleep till noon? Five hundred bucks to the Aryan Nation or National Right to Life or the Lindsay Lohan Cocaine Fund. Because nothing is more motivating than abject hate. Except, of course, abject love. But that’s a completely different gizmo.
3) You’re not imagining it. Your intuition was completely correct. Tom Cruise really is insane. Also, it is a safe bet that Tom and Jerry O’Connell will not be working together anytime soon.
4) Women and minorities appear to be galvanized by Hillary Clinton’s presidential run. Youth and college-educated voters appear to be galvanized by Barack Obama’s. No one at all is truly, deeply galvanized by Mitt Romney or John McCain or crazy little Mike Huckabee, and everyone is generally repulsed by the fetid little tyrant that is Rudy Giuliani. All of this, remarkably, seems just about exactly as it should be.
Number 30 to be happy about:
“Daring Designs for George W’s Library”
http://www.ilovepoetry.com/viewpoem.asp?id=94402
Every American now has the unique opportunity to contribute daily to this outstanding institution in its formative stages. Remember George W. each and every day as you flush twice for the long distance transmittal to Dallas to show the huge respect for him that he showed for the Constitution and YOU!
Comment by tsumbra — January 27, 2008 @ 3:30 pm