Presumed GOP Presidential Headcheese John McCain just took a below-the-bowline hit as our Worst President in History bubbled that he was a ‘true conservative’ and Jeb Bush rushed to gush over him, all within one day. (Why didn’t they complete the Grand Slam of Doom by having Cheney praise his drunken bird hunting skills?) Can you see the Oppo Ad later this year: “John McCain — Endorsed by the Bush Family because he’ll continue their policies as president.” Ever get the feeling these guys want Flyboy Johnny to lose big so that the way is cleared for Brother Jeb in 2012?
Speaking of headcheese and 2012, the Punditrocracy has been getting persnickety of late because Mike Huckabee won’t cooperate with their timetable and step aside – “He can’t possibly win, so why is he staying in?” Geez, the way they’re squealing, you’d think Ron Paul had won a major primary.
There may be method to Mikey’s madness, however, beyond praying McCain goes ballistic and strangles a reporter on live TV for asking him for the 1.4 billionth time if he has an anger management problem. Huckleberry may be carefully positioning himself to be the Republican frontrunner in four years, after the expected GOP meltdown next November but, even if McCain somehow wins, he’ll still be a party name plate, and he’s young enough to be viable in the next two presidential election cycles. He might also be able to leverage his delegate count into a Veep slot with Fleet Enema Mac’s ’64 Goldwater Redux ticket which, at the least, will guarantee him the Senate seat from Arkansas next time around, so what does he have to lose? Y’all remember Reagan in 1976? He didn’t win then either.
“Hey, you try wagging these puppies around a while and see if you don’t have back problems.”
– Dolly Parton, announcing she’s postponing her national tour for six to eight weeks due to backaches caused by her breasts, as quoted by Reuters, Feb. 11, 2008.
Well, best wishes for a quick recovery for Dolly, her twin trademarks and her aching back, and here I’m going to craft one of the most terrible segues I’ve ever written by connecting this to the current race for the Democratic Party’s presidential nomination and its figuratively hauling around two pendulous puppies of its own – namely Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.
Following the Chesapeake Primary Massacre Feb. 12th, one of these boobs is quickly deflating and I’ll stop the analogy right there before it gets really ugly. Still, Hillary now has to roll three sevens in a row — Texas, Ohio and Pennsylvania — to nail down the Dem nomination, and the odds are against her.
But even should she run the mixed-metaphor table and win it all, she’ll be pulling a dead rabbit out of the hat. The populist movement that Obama sparked of first-time voters, independents, Clinton-fatigued Dems and disaffected Republicans will mostly disappear, leaving a ho-hum Establishment election that McCain, even with the scales tipped against him, could very well win.
In a debate, Hillary would attempt to remind voters of her centrist-progressive ideas for change; McCain would take every opportunity to dredge up every conservative-leaning vote she ever cast – and there are many. In the experience and leadership categories, how does she compete with a guy who was in Congress when she was the dewy-eyed First Lady of Arkansas and a Navy pilot who spent five years as a POW — which one will most voters think is ‘ready from day one’ to be commander-in-chief?
It won’t be a cakewalk for Obama, either, but he is running as the true agent of change and he’s younger and more consistently progressive – the contrast between him and McCain will therefore be more stark. He also has that elusive quality of charisma and dignity that you can’t buy and can’t learn – McCain is about as plodding and leaden as they come. Most people trust Barack instinctively and perceive him as honest; John Boy will have to explain his flip-flopping chumminess with Bush and his record of backing GOP failures.
With Obama, the Right-Wing Attack Squad has a blank slate on which to try and etch a portrait of an evil young dog, but they still have to start from Square One; with Hillary, they have 16 years of Clinton-bashing to call on and, fair or not, some of the mud has stuck – she’d be going into the general election with about 48 percent of the voters registering a negative view of her, a daunting amount to overcome.
Of course, if she can pull off big numbers in the next three primaries, than this may be a year for miracles and a President Hillary can’t be discounted, but it will be by the thinnest of margins.
The Tattlesnake – Bush Boys Whack McCain, Huckabee’s Sneaky Strategy and the Dems Back Problems Edition
Presumed GOP Presidential Headcheese John McCain just took a below-the-bowline hit as our Worst President in History bubbled that he was a ‘true conservative’ and Jeb Bush rushed to gush over him, all within one day. (Why didn’t they complete the Grand Slam of Doom by having Cheney praise his drunken bird hunting skills?) Can you see the Oppo Ad later this year: “John McCain — Endorsed by the Bush Family because he’ll continue their policies as president.” Ever get the feeling these guys want Flyboy Johnny to lose big so that the way is cleared for Brother Jeb in 2012?
Speaking of headcheese and 2012, the Punditrocracy has been getting persnickety of late because Mike Huckabee won’t cooperate with their timetable and step aside – “He can’t possibly win, so why is he staying in?” Geez, the way they’re squealing, you’d think Ron Paul had won a major primary.
There may be method to Mikey’s madness, however, beyond praying McCain goes ballistic and strangles a reporter on live TV for asking him for the 1.4 billionth time if he has an anger management problem. Huckleberry may be carefully positioning himself to be the Republican frontrunner in four years, after the expected GOP meltdown next November but, even if McCain somehow wins, he’ll still be a party name plate, and he’s young enough to be viable in the next two presidential election cycles. He might also be able to leverage his delegate count into a Veep slot with Fleet Enema Mac’s ’64 Goldwater Redux ticket which, at the least, will guarantee him the Senate seat from Arkansas next time around, so what does he have to lose? Y’all remember Reagan in 1976? He didn’t win then either.
Well, best wishes for a quick recovery for Dolly, her twin trademarks and her aching back, and here I’m going to craft one of the most terrible segues I’ve ever written by connecting this to the current race for the Democratic Party’s presidential nomination and its figuratively hauling around two pendulous puppies of its own – namely Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.
Following the Chesapeake Primary Massacre Feb. 12th, one of these boobs is quickly deflating and I’ll stop the analogy right there before it gets really ugly. Still, Hillary now has to roll three sevens in a row — Texas, Ohio and Pennsylvania — to nail down the Dem nomination, and the odds are against her.
But even should she run the mixed-metaphor table and win it all, she’ll be pulling a dead rabbit out of the hat. The populist movement that Obama sparked of first-time voters, independents, Clinton-fatigued Dems and disaffected Republicans will mostly disappear, leaving a ho-hum Establishment election that McCain, even with the scales tipped against him, could very well win.
In a debate, Hillary would attempt to remind voters of her centrist-progressive ideas for change; McCain would take every opportunity to dredge up every conservative-leaning vote she ever cast – and there are many. In the experience and leadership categories, how does she compete with a guy who was in Congress when she was the dewy-eyed First Lady of Arkansas and a Navy pilot who spent five years as a POW — which one will most voters think is ‘ready from day one’ to be commander-in-chief?
It won’t be a cakewalk for Obama, either, but he is running as the true agent of change and he’s younger and more consistently progressive – the contrast between him and McCain will therefore be more stark. He also has that elusive quality of charisma and dignity that you can’t buy and can’t learn – McCain is about as plodding and leaden as they come. Most people trust Barack instinctively and perceive him as honest; John Boy will have to explain his flip-flopping chumminess with Bush and his record of backing GOP failures.
With Obama, the Right-Wing Attack Squad has a blank slate on which to try and etch a portrait of an evil young dog, but they still have to start from Square One; with Hillary, they have 16 years of Clinton-bashing to call on and, fair or not, some of the mud has stuck – she’d be going into the general election with about 48 percent of the voters registering a negative view of her, a daunting amount to overcome.
Of course, if she can pull off big numbers in the next three primaries, than this may be a year for miracles and a President Hillary can’t be discounted, but it will be by the thinnest of margins.