BartBlog

Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson is not even a misbegotten American journalist’s idea of a journalist — it’s a laughable enigma how this spoiled son-of-privilege ever ended up on television pretending to be one. He’s as much a slab of tasteless turkey as any his relatives have ever slapped on an aluminum tray with lumpy gravy and called a meal, and his on-air snippy condescension, mixed with his sniggering crested-blazer boarding school style, added up to such a wince-inducing media presence that you have to wonder if his well-heeled family owns stock in the company. “Give my little nephew a job on your TV thingy.” “Sure thing! Does he have a bow-tie?”

Finally, after months of rumors, MSNBC cut the cord March 10 on Tucker’s daily hour-long Dork-a-thon, although the cable station has lamentably promised Carlson will continue to annoy viewers with his occasional political analysis – a sly short-pants conservative bookend to Pat Buchanan’s raspy ‘Incredible Shrinking White Man’ dementia.

Fired Tuck’s (transpose the ‘F’ with the ‘T’) major crime against humanity, at least that small part of it that could keep their dinner from coming back up during his programs, has to do with his quasi-O’Reilly feints; pretending to be an ‘objective’ Libertarian with no horse in the race, while secretly slipping a mickey to the jockeys with a ‘D’ after their names. Of course, like Billo, he would occasionally strike up a contrarian viewpoint when addressing some GOP outrage or another, but it only served to highlight his bottom-line crack-whore subservience to Reagan/Bush corporate Republicanism. Worse, he giggled and smiled while he crapped all over the plebes, smugly tapping the tennis ball back and forth with yet another sad collection of GOP and Dem ‘strategists.’ (Where do they make these people – in some hidden underground cave? Is there a college course, ‘Political Party Strategist 101′ where they learn to indifferently spin dull dross into the Emperor’s New Clothes? Can we get a president who will properly identify them as a threat to our freedom and pack them all off to climb Everest during a blizzard?)

David Gregory (too bad it’s not Dick) is set to take Tucker’s spot, but it appears he’s only a placeholder. After all, Gregory is also NBC’s White House correspondent, and holding that position as well as doing a show five days a week doesn’t seem tenable.

MSNBC will also be going through other changes in an attempt to rid itself of the obnoxious and low-rated ‘Doc Bloc’ that has dominated their late night schedule. Ratings winner Keith Olbermann will be re-aired twice instead of once on weekdays, Dan Abrams will be changing his show’s name to “The Verdict with Dan Abrams,” and the rumor is still percolating that Rachel Maddow is on deck to move into the slot right after Abrams.

The demise of ‘Morning Joe’ Scarborough, announced here last year, is alleged to be engraved in stone when his contract expires, and Chris Matthews is having problems, especially with women viewers, problems too serious for Matthews to fix with an off-handed apology. He, too, may join Scarborough.

Word is, Randi Rhodes will likely be tapped for a Saturday afternoon run to see how she fares, and Stephanie Miller continues to be a cinch to replace Scarborough in the AM. MSNBC is also apparently lusting to slap up a politics-and-satire “Daily Show” competitor for the evening line-up, but no word on the host or cast as yet.

Fox News is shedding viewers like a sheep dog in July and their claim to be ‘fair and balanced’ is a laughingstock to all but the bedridden elderly and deeply deranged – advertisers are taking note of the unappealing FN demographic, which one huckster described as, “Old, older and on life support.” It’s not beyond the pale that FN president Roger Ailes may be finding other work soon, along with his creation Bill O’Reilly; Ailes’ recent attempts at gussying up the network have been abject failures.

Watch for major revamps at Fox and CNN as they try to catch the Youth Train MSNBC is rolling into motion.