Next week’s Scribe arrives at your digital doorstep a whole week early, and shortly after this week’s. Scribe had a creative bug buzzing in his head and decided to open his flytrap mind and, like Willy, set it free! Set Willy FREE! (”Free Willy?” Always sounds like a cross between the movies, a South Park episode and a dirty joke, doesn’t it?) Besides, Scribe will be busy next week cleaning the wax Homeland Security forced into his ears to shut him up. Yes, “ears.” Damn corrupt BFEE contractors, can’t trust any of them to do anything right, and Junior LIKES it that way.
But, before out feature presentation…
Links to Oblivions and Other FUN Places
“Proving just how NUTS humanity is; using the Internet.”
Guess Junior’s AmeriKKKa isn’t the only place gone SQUIRRELY.
This Week’s News Dump
“When ‘Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood’ meets septic tank.”
It’s a little like Uncle Sam being forced to pull down his pants and crap while everyone watches it descend. Tell Scribe AGAIN how Junior is going to make the military better?”
The DUMP. (”Mus ‘turd‘ gas?”)
Now for our feature presentation: “Da Bomb…“
The sound of singing from inside a closet in the White House…
It takes a worried King
To have a worried mind…
I’m worried now;
But I won’t be worried long…
Let’s step into Scribe’s time machine and go back ten minutes. Junior is attending a meeting of his not so merry band of criminals. They’re so bad even Butch Cassidy would have winced, and Sundance wouldn’t even think them worth the bullet. Anywho… they’re discussing the abandoned Gay bomb. You know, the one the media has been trying not to laugh about.
Junior: He, he, garf, snort, spew snot, snicker…
Snowjob: What’s so funny, Sir?
Junior: Ya know dat Gay bum we said we were going to ah-band-dum?
Condi: “Abandon,” Sir.
Junior: Hey, BITCHIE, didn’t I’s tell ya not to corruct me?
Condi: Sorry, Honey… uh, Sir.
(Laura shoots her a look so acidic it would melt The Terminator, which is why Arnold became just one more political shill for the BFEE.)
Junior: Dat bumb? I told Halli-burp-ton to drop it on da protustors outside da White House
Laura: Uh, Poop-see, isn’t that just a tad too close?
Junior: Damn, just can’t get a wurd in wid des bitches in-tur-rupting
Laura: Sorry, Poochakins
Junior: Laura, I told ya, I’m the one who makes da childish nicknumes up. Anywho, they should be droppin it about now…
(Rove rushes in.)
Karl: Damn, damn: DAMN! Just got a report from our stormtroopers at the SS: what used be called the Secret Service. Halliburton fucked up AGAIN. Seems a substitute pilot snuck in while they were off screwing something else up. One “Michaelangelo Signorile?” …host of a GLBT talk show on Sirius. He’s targeting us.
Junior: Guldern, dang, I dunt wanna be no fagg…
Junior runs to the closet/bomb shelter made by Kellogg, Brown and Root and sealed, poorly, with chewing gum chawed on by the contracting firm, another tentacle of Halliburton: Militant Midgets for the BFEE. Their motto?
“We always come up SHORT.”
As the Gay gas (formulated by secretly collecting from bean suppers held after Village People revival concerts held across the country)… seeps into the closet, and up Junior’s vile, encrusted, nostrils, he sings once again…)
Condi’s in the bathroom
Sucking Laura’s toes
Al’s in the Oval Office
Kissin Snowjob’s on the nose
Karl’s bangin on my door
Wants me to what his wang grow
I’m worried now
But I won’t be worried longIt takes a worried King
To have a worried mind…
I’m worried now;
But I won’t be worried long…
(Apologies to the Kingston Trio, and other fine folk groups, for ruining an otherwise good song… Scribe)
And, once the gas seeped into the closet, thanks to our hero, Michaelangelo, Junior “came out” and then pulled out of Iraq, didn’t go into Iran, but decided to meet up with Tony and do a little “I ram” instead. He signed a Gay marriage amendment and asked Laura to redecorate the White House; stripping it of those tacky swastikas hanging from all the walls, paint the walls pink… with just a dab of chartreuse trim. Peace conquered the planet, at least until our next episode…
So stay tuned for our next episode of Da Bomb, where Biggus Dickus returns from another hunting trip of shooting caged puppies, and uses a powerful serum made out sheep excrement in an attempt to un-Gay the White House. Titled: Piss On Ewe.