BartBlog

Nation for Sale

Used: approximately 200 years old; occupied by squatters previously, most have since been relocated;

Condition: Possible fixer-upper; In poor shape; Extreme deterioration last 8 or so years; Used to be owned and run by a concerned population;

Current owners: Slumlords, aka Large Corporations;

Current Landlord: Half-wit slumlord that has run the nation into the ground the last 7 years;

Population: Approx 300 million; 98% of which apathetically support the extravagant expenditures of Corporate vultures and the current slumlord;

Low maintenance: Virtually no upkeep; resident’s income has been invested in other nations; junkets for current owners; etc.

Current Expenses: Relatively low; wages on the decline; outsourcing less than grossly profitable jobs to foreign nations; minimal outlay for small armed force in third world country; huge returns on military investments expected;

Government: Unresponsive to will of majority of the tenants; current plans to convert to zoned Christian only church area; vast majority of Congress lives in secluded, taxpayer protected areas and enjoys extremely affluent, if somewhat amoral, but forgivable lifestyles;

Religious opportunities: Proposed Multi Denominational Christian; some minority religious cults such as Catholicism and Judaism, but the government is trying to discourage non-Fundie Beliefs with implementation of archaic laws which should expected to be in effect in a few years;

Employment: Not exceptionally dependable for good wage jobs; however new residents could commute from other nations currently doing well from our exported jobs (we’ll provide transportation, for a small fee); minority and disadvantaged youth encouraged to join the service for non-existent career advancement opportunities;

Taxes: variable; depending on income; Higher incomes pay little or no taxes as incentive to invest in slumlord operations; Middle incomes not currently aware of burgeoning future tax problems paying a high % of national tax; Lower incomes currently pay most of upkeep on the nation. And if more poor are provided, think of the additional income they would generate!

Education; Good schools in higher income areas with graduating white students melding into slumlord operations at extraordinary salaries; The rest of the school system is in a shambles; Current slumlord’s “leave no student behind” hassuccessfully lowered expectations among middle and lower class providing further cheap labor for corporations resulting in middle and low income students that DO graduate and actually learn something being rewarded with entry level jobs requiring little skill or thought at minimum wage and extended work hours with no benefits resulting in substantially increasing profits for slumlords, credit companies and politicians; Colleges and universities are changing to mandatory religious curricula to prepare students for further divinity training;

Health Care: Some of the finest in the world for higher incomes provided for by taxpayer educated immigrants; virtually non-existent for middle and lower middle class and poor resulting in fantastic profit potential for business investors; currently, healthcare is being revised for those citizens who are involved in foreign affairs; our corporate bottom line can’t be expected to provide unlimited healthcare for short-sighted individuals who merely wanted an excuse for free education and medical benefits; these citizens are simply doing the jobs expected of them by the slumlord and shouldn’t receive any compensations other than that already generously given them; that expense should be ignored by serious applicants;

Housing: sub standard for the most part for middle and low incomes
with increasingly high taxes to local governments and school
boards because slumlord expenses eat up most federal taxes;
inner cities teeming with outdated housing; high rental rates with
no slumlord upkeep; pest control could be a problem;
Homelessness increasing at alarming rate with no immediate solution
in sight, but should resolve itself within a generation at no additional
corporate expense;

Foreclosures fast becoming the “80s, greed is good “ credo; tremendous potential to reclaim land once occupied by housing for future business use, or country clubs;
Federal bailouts of institutions who intentionally defrauded consumers by U.S. taxpayers and their descendents but no money to those terrible scum citizens who may have tried to take advantage of the system;

Transportation: outdated 70 year old interstate highway system
poorly maintained; traffic in and around cities exceptionally heavy
due to constant repair and pre-planned obsolescence, although relief is
expected for the upper income travelers due to ever increasing gas
prices (it’s thought that if the prices go high enough low and middle
income residents won’t be able to travel as much thereby relieving the
highway congestion for the more affluent); potential for hiring locals at
minimum wages to provide simple repairs seems a good prospect;

Recreation: national areas dwindling due to business interests in
parks and recreation facilities; most of these businesses are for
extraction of oil, coal, minerals, and such to help keep the
slumlord’s business profits as high as possible; of course the
environment suffers because of the avarice of the slumlords but
the people are happy to have menial employment even if it means
destruction of wildlife and recreation areas;

Entertainment; extremely varied; however, laws are currently on the
table to change existing movie, music, gaming and reading
capabilities due to violence, sexually oriented material and
objectionable literature and a return to more traditional Christian
values is expected regardless of foolish objections such as
free speech and whatnot;

Radio and Television; for about 80 years it was free of intervention,
now there is a trend toward governmental regulation, again toward
Christian values; some reports say that 85% of the residents have
cable but that may be rather high; currently there are 4 major
national networks that broadcast news and information provided
by the government although there is really only one sanctioned
government station, FOX; expect some radical changes to
broadcast entertainment in the near future, as more and more
religious and slumlord programming is made mandatory for middle and
low income classes;

Crime: Actual statistics show increasing crime at all levels; however,
government stats are “adjusted” to give an impression of lowered
crime levels to calm residents in certain areas;

Police and Fire: Both departments are closing in record numbers
because of the redistribution of and lack of funds and potential for land
reclamation;

Wastelands: Millions of acres of toxic landfills, polluted lakes,
streams, rivers, and decaying forests resulting from industry
pollution deregulation forced by the current slumlord to help
increase corporate wealth; incredible potential to import toxic
waste from other countries at handsome profits; potential to hire lower
class workers at low wages and no benefits to deliver the toxic waste;

Excellent potential in military investments; investors need not worry
about regulations; meaningless regulations can be deferred for
years to come with virtually no penalties and huge returns are the norm;

Included with the sale of the Nation is a box of old documents said to be
worth something for their nostalgic values; most notably a
declaration of some sort defining ludicrous ideas of equality;
a multi-page document of obsolete laws that attempted to show
people how to govern the nation; vast libraries of books,
periodicals, tapes and discs banned in recent years as unpatriotic;

Since most of the value of the nation is held by less than 2% of the
residents and much of that is owned by foreign investors, the asking
price may seem a bit high; however the current slumlord is willing
to help potential owners finance this nation by borrowing
money from the taxpayers at ridiculously high rates over a very
long period of time. Prospective owners can feel comfortable
knowing that interest will accrue quite nicely over the entire length
of the loan resulting in money in their pockets and in that of their
children and their children’s children;

All in all, good potential for minimal investment. We give it a 5 star
rating!

Interested parties should contact:
George W. Bush
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington, D.C.
or
Bin Laden/Bush Family Investments
Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, Kennebunkport, Crawford

For more information and a prospectus on
“The Prospects for Unlimited Wealth Through Government
Reorganization” please contact:
Dick Cheney
c/o Halliburton

This is an equal opportunity investment brought to you by
Karl Rove Holdings
Backdoor down the Stairs
1600 Pa. Ave.
Wash, D.C.