June 26, 2008

The Tattlesnake — Random Head-Slapping Flapdoodle Edition

How’s That Drug War Working Out for You? Traces of cocaine can be found on 80 percent of the US currency in circulation, according to The Discovery Channel’s ‘Mostly True Stories’ series. Come on, folks, let’s increase the budget for the War on Drugs and get that number up to 90 or 95 percent.

A Prediction: In 50 years all of the ugly truth will emerge about the Reagan and Poppy Bush presidencies, should the country survive, and they will be relegated to their proper places on the list of US presidents, lounging down near the bottom with Milliard Fillmore and James Buchanan. While you may find the occasional Ronald Reagan Memorial Corn Crib or George H. W. Bush State Penitentiary for the Insane in parts of the south and Midwest, the Reagan Airport in Washington will have a new name and the aircraft carrier that bears Bush Senior’s moniker will have turned into rust in dry dock. And what of Bush Junior, the worst president in our history? Americans will spit disgustedly after saying his name and he will have the distinction of coming in dead last on every presidential scorecard, if he manages to avoid jail. San Francisco has shone the way regarding appropriate memorials for Shrub’s occupations of the nation’s highest office – some of the city’s residents have plans to name a sewage treatment plant in his honor. Speaking of shrubs, perhaps a future landscaper will create Mount Bushmore – a large hedge trimmed to look like Mad Magazine mascot Alfred E. Newman reading ‘My Pet Goat.’

Exposing his true self, the human-like excrescence that calls himself Karl Rove has once again revealed his Inner Doofus by describing Obama as some kind of Tex Avery cartoon snob, a snarky cad who hangs around country clubs with a beautiful woman on his arm, drinking martinis and making snide remarks about the other members. As someone said on TV yesterday, isn’t that what you’re supposed to do when hanging out at elite country clubs that welcome pampered white Republican twits like Rove? BTW, I never bought the Boy Genius angle, either – Karl has used essentially the same playbook in every election he’s ever been involved in and his only ‘edge’ is that he’s sociopathic and nasty enough to commit atrocities that cause even the degenerate moral eunuchs who make their livings as political campaign managers to turn their heads in revulsion. And he’s also willing to lie and cheat without blinking an eye. Decent, self-respecting people keep the children and domestic pets in the house when they see a man like Rove coming, which explains his acceptance and even praise by the demented wretches who rewrite government press releases and call it national news – most are either unmitigated cowards or as free of conscience about the consequences of their work as Karl is about his.

– Here’s How You Can Tell When Conventional Wisdom is Wrong: When every babbling gasbag from David “St. Yoda” Broder to Bill “Steaming Pile of Humanity” O’Reilly to Tom “Filling Russert’s Shoes” Brokaw to Gloria “DC Madam” Borger to Michele “Independent, ha, ha, Women’s Forum” Bernard to Pat “Shine My Shoes, Boy” Buchanan all agree on some ragged piece of CW. In the past it’s been the public’s surpassing lust for the tough-on-terrorists Rudy Giuliani that resulted in ‘America’s Mayor’ scoring all of one single GOP presidential primary delegate in Florida; then it was the incessant Punditrocracy gum-beating over Hillary Clinton’s overflowing campaign war chest and can’t-miss rack of seasoned professionals on her campaign staff that resulted in newbie Barack Obama becoming the Dem nominee. Now it’s the latest CW bullroar that a terrorist attack on American soil before the November elections will undoubtedly redound to John McCain’s benefit. Really. Since the only thin rag the GOP has left to wave as a flag is that there have been no further terrorist attacks inside the US since 9/11 (and no impertinent member of the genuflectors of the domesticated White House Press Corps has dared ask a Republican exactly why Bush didn’t try to stop that attack after he was warned of Bin Laden’s plans to strike us by the CIA on August 6, 2001), it would seem more logical for the public to blame the Republicans and McCain for falling down on the job rather than dumbly accept that somehow the GOP is better at fighting terrorism after allowing two major attacks within our country. File this bit of overblown CW head-nodding with the notion that Jeremiah Wright was going to end Obama’s presidential bid, and that he wasn’t doing well with Hispanic voters, until the poll came out that 62 percent favored him over McCain. Speaking of McCain, the majority of the Punditry Echoplex also agreed his candidacy was over in December of last year.

1 Comment

  1. Can’t htis author get anything right? It should be ‘Millard’ Fillmore, not ‘Milliard.’ ;)

    Comment by RS Janes — June 26, 2008 @ 1:41 pm

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