What if they allowed Scribe to repaint all the portraits on, or about to be hung, or might be hung, on the White House walls? How should they be remembered? What should be their legacy? That’s what the current portraits DON’T offer. Here are a few changes Scribe might make, with a few captions…
George Washington: While he would look well meaning, it would be somewhat artificial looking as in: always concerned about one’s image… as GW was. Plus he would be shoving all those who went before behind him.
John Adams: pair of big scissors: shredding the constitution with a Junior-like smirk. In the background you can see the faint picture of a man screaming from the jail Adams shoved him in, and stayed in til TJ let him out, “But I only said he was a toothless old man!”
Grant, Harding: in a teapot shaped bathtub together, filled with sludge and slime.
Roosevelt: wearing a superman suit, in a wheelchair, but still flying.
Truman: facing off a fearful Satan. Now even the devil know what “Hell” means.
Johnson: head, ostrich-like, in a sandfilled toilet labeled Vietnam, saying, “I see nothing. I see nothing.”
Nixon: big ear, attempting to listen in with enemy list in hand and Agnew up his butt.
Carter: solar panel on head, windmill in hand, Iranian hostages weighing him down; all over him… attempting one of his big grins. Ted Kennedy in his ear, trying to get him to listen.
Clinton: hard at work, in the Oval office, bobbing head in lap. This one could use animatronics and moaning… from the bobbing head! Clinton: oblivious. Just another day at work.
Junior: long rope with noose, tilted head at the bottom.
Bone-us points for predicting possible future residents!
O’Bama: just the same old, same old portrait as is on the White House walls. Caption, “Change? Who said anything about change?”
McCain: there won’t be any portrait. You might say the effort to make one “bombed.” Or will be bombed, to the tune of Tim Lehrer’s, “We’ll All Go Together When Go.”