BartBlog

Yes, gentle Reader, there really IS a program called, “The Jesus Show.” Mike Malloy mentioned it about a week ago. Some take it seriously, but Mike’s wife, Kathy, says it’s satire. The site seems to support that. Scribe hopes to hear it some day, but this set the ever working mind owned by YOS going with conceptualizing what Jesus would REALLY sound like if, after almost 2,000 years, he hosted a call in show…

“Yes, Texas, your turn.”

(Gibberish that sounds a little like adults talking in a Peanuts movie, only this is obviously a whining, tantrum-filled, child.)

“No, Junior, I didn’t approve your butchery in Iraq. Leave me alone. (click) Florida?”

“Jesus, I’m concerned about our soldiers. If this O’Bama is elected…”

“He’ll save lives.”

“But retreating…”

“Caller, if the Romans had left us alone and not tortured us: crucified us, would that be ‘retreating?’”

“Um, no…”

“You can’t retreat from an invasion and oppressing a populace, nitwit… NEXT (click)…”

“Jesus, I hear the end is near. How should I fix my hair? Should I get those breast implants before I meet you? Are you bothered by tan lines…”

“Oh, for me’s sake… they sure crucified the wrong people back then. Kind of makes me wish they still did just to get rid of idiots like you… (click).”

“Jesus, I’m concerned, Dude. I’ve been watching the Holy Ghost cam and… well, I can see you’re smoking… is that pot or a cigarette? …and is that fermented holy water?”

“Listen, ‘DUDE,’ you try living with what’s been done and said in YOUR name for two thousand damn years like I have…”

(Scribe’s note: the Jesus comments about “tans” and “implants” were more than satire. Back when some thought “2,000″ meant Jesus was about to return there was a web site run by Christians asking those same questions: and worse.)

Truth in Advertising

Imagine, if you will, gentle reader; if ads and slogans actually told the truth?

Walmart: “Now, with extra Chinese slave-baby labor!!!!”

The Bill Shatner School of Elocution:

“He may… not… have… gotten the hand movements… right… but congratulations to our graduate… for perfecting the… pauses… Barack……………………………………….. Obama.”

The New, “Improved,” Cell Phone: “Now with extra mind suck.”

The John McCain Funeral Home: “Dedicated to increasing our own business at the public’s expense. Soon: after November, with extra sorrow.”

Sirius Radio: “Now offering ‘The Jamies’ Channel, 24 hours a day, streaming their hit Summertime over and over. Yes, Sirius, dedicated to increasing the “if I hear that damn song one more time…” suicide rate, nationwide.”