Getyer greasy, over buttered popcorn, pricey peanuts and candy! Sit down in our comfy theater for our documentary. Here at Ye Olde Scribe Productions we have the inside scoop, from one of our Hollywood spy flies on the wall. Bruce Willis, after having just released yet another Die Hard flick, has been hired to do a remake of John; “don’t tickle me with that feather, Uncle Ho, I’ll tell you anything you want to know,” McCain. The yet to be released sequel in the “Die, Why Won’t You Die,” John McClane series will be released just before November to help skew the election. But for now, get cozy, and watch….
John McCain as John McCain-McClane in…
The Making of Die BORED!!!!!!!!!!!
Camera slowly, in the most droll manner possible, zooms in on Bruce Willis and McCain, after being distracted by a flower (”Oh, look, a daisy!… ‘Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, please…”), a bee and a dog turd.
Willis: “OK, John, before you begin this scene, let me hear you say it: the only phrase you HAVE TO know…”
McCain: “zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…”
Willis: “John, wake the hell up!”
McCain: “Uh, what, um, yes, guard Won Long Dong… our troops are at…”
Willis: John, damn it, JOHN! Nam is over. A LONG %$#@!^& time ago. Focus. The Making of Die Bored?”
McCain: “Oh, yeah, what does Rove want me to say?”
Willis: Earth to John, my name is ‘Bruce.’ Say the phrase, you know, the one from every Die movie.”
McCain: “My friends…”
Willis: “The MOVIE, John, from the goddamn MOVIE, not from your stump speechs… (aside to camera man) …why does anyone listen to this guy? ‘Stumps’ me.”
McCain: “Zzzzzzzzzz………………”
Willis: JOHN, wake up, you’re boring even yourself. THE PHRASE!”
McCain: “Oh, yeah, um, ‘yippee, ki, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.”
Willis: “Close enough. Now John, you’re about to run into a burning building in NYC to save your beloved…
(Junior, in drag, peeks out from a top floor.)
…it’s Christmas, AGAIN, and our villain, played by Alan Rickman; Hans Gruber’s twin brother by a different mother named Condi…
(Droll voice over from actor who is wearing that Hitchhiker’s Guide robot costume… “to think I could have been doing Galaxy Quest II: the Return to the Rock Creature Planet, or Rock and Then Get Rolled.)
“…Gruber is threatening to punch Holly, played by Junior, over and over again; in every hall throughout the building, unless she bows to his every wish…”
(Music playing underneath these lines: Deck the Halls with Bows of Holly.)
“…so where are we, and what are you doing, John?”
McCain: “On the border of Pakistan and Iraq?”
(Alan Rickman, as Marvin the Robot… no relation to Robbie from Forbidden Planet, or Eve-E of the far older Forbidden Apple… says: “Why don’t we quit while we’re not even ahead. This movie’s already going to Potter, and getting Hairy. Might as well be out hunting Snapes.”
Willis: (Smacks his head in frustration so hard it leaves a hand print.) …no, building on fire, John, NYC There IS no Iraqi/Pakistan border. Some days I wish I had never stopped Moonlighting. Now, John, Sgt. Colin Powell; demoted because he didn’t completely follow the BS forced down his throat by your misadministration: despite his best efforts to do so, is your back up: willing to lie, give false testimony and help get thousands killed. So the name of your back up is…
McCain: “President Putin of Germany?”
Marvin- “To think I could be in a Serious… Black movie.”
Willis: “Damn, John, if only you were as smart as President Putin of goddamn RUSSIA… then you’d be ‘Putin on the WITS.’ No, ‘Powell…”
McCain: (Still trying to guess.) “…Sunni ‘Shite?’”
Willis: (Head in hand: shaking it in frustration.) “It’s just ‘Shi’ite,’ John, and they usually hate each other; but you’ve got it right. This movie sure is going to ’shite.’ OK, what the hell, let’s give it try. Everyone… places!”
Marvin: “I’ll play my part, but you won’t like it.”
Willis: “Nobody will, Marvin. NOBODY.”
The Making of Die BORED!!!!!! was sponsored by Gruber Family Foundation. (Yes, there really is one. They sponsor NPR programs, amongst other things. Click and scroll half way down.) But in this case, the HANS Gruber Family Foundation. Dedicated to helping homeless puppies, saving tree trapped kittens and killing John McClane. Die, John McClane. Why won’t you die? No more &^%$# sequels! DIE DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Also; coming soon from the same production house: O’Bama isn’t Osama, But His Name Does Rhyme with Lama, and that ‘ Isn’t Known As a “Comma.”
Ye Olde Scribe Productions Presents: Movie Time!
Getyer greasy, over buttered popcorn, pricey peanuts and candy! Sit down in our comfy theater for our documentary. Here at Ye Olde Scribe Productions we have the inside scoop, from one of our Hollywood spy flies on the wall. Bruce Willis, after having just released yet another Die Hard flick, has been hired to do a remake of John; “don’t tickle me with that feather, Uncle Ho, I’ll tell you anything you want to know,” McCain. The yet to be released sequel in the “Die, Why Won’t You Die,” John McClane series will be released just before November to help skew the election. But for now, get cozy, and watch….
John McCain as John McCain-McClane in…
The Making of Die BORED!!!!!!!!!!!
Camera slowly, in the most droll manner possible, zooms in on Bruce Willis and McCain, after being distracted by a flower (”Oh, look, a daisy!… ‘Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, please…”), a bee and a dog turd.
Willis: “OK, John, before you begin this scene, let me hear you say it: the only phrase you HAVE TO know…”
McCain: “zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…”
Willis: “John, wake the hell up!”
McCain: “Uh, what, um, yes, guard Won Long Dong… our troops are at…”
Willis: John, damn it, JOHN! Nam is over. A LONG %$#@!^& time ago. Focus. The Making of Die Bored?”
McCain: “Oh, yeah, what does Rove want me to say?”
Willis: Earth to John, my name is ‘Bruce.’ Say the phrase, you know, the one from every Die movie.”
McCain: “My friends…”
Willis: “The MOVIE, John, from the goddamn MOVIE, not from your stump speechs… (aside to camera man) …why does anyone listen to this guy? ‘Stumps’ me.”
McCain: “Zzzzzzzzzz………………”
Willis: JOHN, wake up, you’re boring even yourself. THE PHRASE!”
McCain: “Oh, yeah, um, ‘yippee, ki, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.”
Willis: “Close enough. Now John, you’re about to run into a burning building in NYC to save your beloved…
(Junior, in drag, peeks out from a top floor.)
…it’s Christmas, AGAIN, and our villain, played by Alan Rickman; Hans Gruber’s twin brother by a different mother named Condi…
(Droll voice over from actor who is wearing that Hitchhiker’s Guide robot costume… “to think I could have been doing Galaxy Quest II: the Return to the Rock Creature Planet, or Rock and Then Get Rolled.)
“…Gruber is threatening to punch Holly, played by Junior, over and over again; in every hall throughout the building, unless she bows to his every wish…”
(Music playing underneath these lines: Deck the Halls with Bows of Holly.)
“…so where are we, and what are you doing, John?”
McCain: “On the border of Pakistan and Iraq?”
(Alan Rickman, as Marvin the Robot… no relation to Robbie from Forbidden Planet, or Eve-E of the far older Forbidden Apple… says: “Why don’t we quit while we’re not even ahead. This movie’s already going to Potter, and getting Hairy. Might as well be out hunting Snapes.”
Willis: (Smacks his head in frustration so hard it leaves a hand print.) …no, building on fire, John, NYC There IS no Iraqi/Pakistan border. Some days I wish I had never stopped Moonlighting. Now, John, Sgt. Colin Powell; demoted because he didn’t completely follow the BS forced down his throat by your misadministration: despite his best efforts to do so, is your back up: willing to lie, give false testimony and help get thousands killed. So the name of your back up is…
McCain: “President Putin of Germany?”
Marvin- “To think I could be in a Serious… Black movie.”
Willis: “Damn, John, if only you were as smart as President Putin of goddamn RUSSIA… then you’d be ‘Putin on the WITS.’ No, ‘Powell…”
McCain: (Still trying to guess.) “…Sunni ‘Shite?’”
Willis: (Head in hand: shaking it in frustration.) “It’s just ‘Shi’ite,’ John, and they usually hate each other; but you’ve got it right. This movie sure is going to ’shite.’ OK, what the hell, let’s give it try. Everyone… places!”
Marvin: “I’ll play my part, but you won’t like it.”
Willis: “Nobody will, Marvin. NOBODY.”
The Making of Die BORED!!!!!! was sponsored by Gruber Family Foundation. (Yes, there really is one. They sponsor NPR programs, amongst other things. Click and scroll half way down.) But in this case, the HANS Gruber Family Foundation. Dedicated to helping homeless puppies, saving tree trapped kittens and killing John McClane. Die, John McClane. Why won’t you die? No more &^%$# sequels! DIE DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Also; coming soon from the same production house: O’Bama isn’t Osama, But His Name Does Rhyme with Lama, and that ‘ Isn’t Known As a “Comma.”