BartBlog

Ye Olde Scribe’s Incredible, Inedible Quote Machine

“Helping readers barf due to the sheer stupidity of the rhetoric our pundits and leaders use since 1999″

Junior in Nashville, TN, yesterday at a bakery…

You can’t keep making buns if Democrats keep taking your dough.

Whomever spoon-fed the little dictator wannabe THAT line should have stayed there and climbed into one of the hotter ovens.

When asked about intellectual property rights… (Nashville being a very creative; songwriter town)…

I have no earthly idea what you’re taking about.

Odd, agree or disagree, Al Gore does know what they’re talking about. He has argued this issue many times. (Many claim he has less of an interest in protecting those rights than he should. Scribe knows for a fact, however, sometimes those “rights” are used against creative people and for the less than creative status quo… whether it be a song, copying a CD, new and affordable medicine, or those who aren’t part of the big three carmakers but attempt to compete with them.)

Neo-Con Fascists current talking point in regard to the outing of Valerie Plame…

(Junior and Biggus Dickus) were just doing their jobs.

Yes, in their war on freedom, and supporting terrorism for political gain, fun and profit. BTW, when are we going to go after the Saudis? The vast majority of non-Iraqi insurgents are Saudis and so were the vast majority of the terrorists on 9/11. The answer? NEVER. Why? Because Junior LOVES terrorism. Without terrorism he wouldn’t be in office. That’s why he considers the REAL terrorist state his “bestist” buddy. -YOS

The Anonymous Adjuster
“Damn, people can be stupid.”

Scribe will never admit where he got this from, because it might get a decent soul in trouble. But Scribe knows him well and, because of that, believes these cases really happened…

I had a claim once where a stuntman was going to jump off a cliff… he had them move the airbag at the floor of the cliff into position. Then he asked for a lighter costume…. once set he ran, jumped off the cliff and splatted on the ground next to the air bag. And of course, his estate sued. Good news was the footage of him coming off the cliff made it into the movie! I did get the see the outtakes, and his eventual sudden landing.

Or how about the case that we referred to as the toasty taco claim (aka the refried beaner)…. someone hit a light pole, and the downed power line set the grass on fire next to a Mexican’s house. Being a good neighbor, he ran out with a garden hose, sprayed the fire, and was promptly electrocuted! Ouch…

…a claim in where they had an old elevator in this warehouse. This guy with his head out of the car looked up, hit the start button and promptly cut his head off…

Hats off to the last one. Wait… where did the hat go? Oh, it’s down THERE? Never… mind. OH, that’s down there too?

Justice

Scribe has thought for a long time about this. Maybe he has been unfair. His anger at presidential decrees and policies that encourage torture, an oligarchy, confiscating anyone’s property and life savings if their rhetoric might, Scribe repeats, MIGHT encourage the destabilization of Iraq’s economy or insurgence… well, maybe Junior really IS trying to protect America. Or should Scribe have typed AmeriKKKA? Maybe that’s why Scribe gave Junior a break. Wait, “will” give Junior a break?

Scribe used his time machine to bring back this transcript from the future trial of St. Junior. But first, a little background…

2009. The USA is in shambles. The propped up economy final fell when the Chinese demanded 1/100th of what we borrowed from them to keep Junior afloat. The bad news? Trillions of trillions of dollars just weren’t available at the time. Even the bogus printing of new bills, as practiced by the misadministration to flood the market at the beginning of Junior’s reign, wouldn’t save us. The presses were worn out past repair.

“Terrorists” roam the streets; actually pissed off citizens looking for revenge because their sons or daughters died needlessly in Iraq and then Iran. But of course Junior tried to label them all al Qaeda. Not that anyone believed him anymore. The lies had gathered so deep, so high, it was like attempting to swim against the flow of a Hudson River-wide stream of roaches to believe anything this immoral, murderous bully-boy claims.

That’s the US. Iraq has gotten far worse, and that’s saying A LOT.

The scene? THE; one and only, high court: established after the collapse of the US court system when the military refused Junior’s order to make him King, was trying Junior. Impeachment was way off the table, because there wasn’t any “table” anymore. He should have been handed over to the military, but they were busy fighting Blackwater and Junior’s other for hire assassins.

“Guilty.” Now… sentence…

Judge Mordruck: “Fellow justices, we are here to serve the cause of justice. So for so many crimes that listing them would cause a riot even amongst us, we sentence you, Junior, to… wait…

Scribe whispers in Judge Mordruck’s ear. The judge whispers back, “Are you sure?” Scribe nods his head.

“Ahm, Junior, you have an advocate here, apparently. I find it hard to believe. Mr. Scribe has prevailed upon the court in your case for leniency. Therefore, you will be released, immediately…”

Junior: “O’s boy, o’s boy more chance to kill, kill, die, die, you’re all gonna die, die, dieeeeeeeeeeeeeee…”

(At that moment the ghost of Gene Roddenberry attempts to sue Junior for plagiarism, but he can’t, can he? He’s DEAD. Don’t you know that?)

“…onto the streets of Baghdad; unescorted, unprotected, alone, so that all these souls you have “liberated’ can ‘thank you….’”

“And may God have mercy upon whatever soul you may… or most likely DO NOT have.”

Final Credits
“Ending Ye Olde with a ‘what the HELL?’”

Today’s Ye Olde Scribe has to thank Bartcop for being such an inspiration, Scribe’s father, mother, his dead dog Gordie and all of the women Scribe’s loved before. Wait, isn’t that a song? Brought to you, beloved reader, by asbestos dental floss. Advertising slogan: “NEVER worry about your teeth again.” Scribe would also like to thank the dancing penguins in his head. He knows you all really aren’t there; just a creation of that CIA LSD laced water supply. Please, can someone tell Scribe this whole $#@!&^% misadministration is also just one HELL of a bad trip? That is all, unless you have something else to say. I do! Who are you? Scribe’s other personality. DAMN, nothing’s simple anymore. Or should Scribe have typed: “Sybil?”