September 11, 2008

The Tattlesnake – H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks Mom and Other Randomized Media Bleat Edition

Bush Two in a Pantsuit
or, Summer and Smoke and Mirrors

“…[T]he media is failing to apply the same standard to John McCain [and Sarah Palin] that they did to Al Gore in 2000.”
– DDay, “Why The Media Game Is Rigged,” Digby’s Hullabaloo, Sept. 9, 2008.

– It’s becoming pretty obvious that McCain’s Veep pick, Sarah Palin, regardless of the GOP blustering over her ‘smarts,’ is actually just the Bush Boy in a Beehive, a crackpot-religion dingbat from the Great White North with a predisposition to pathological deceit, close ties to big energy corporations, a willingness to use taxpayer money to help herself and her family, disregard for the law, and a slave of Talking Points with a lack of curiosity about, or grasp of, the world around her. While she may not mangle the English language as much as the Installed One, she hews to the same repetition of bumper-sticker slogans and shows her deep ignorance whenever she goes off-script. (Just look at her recent confusion when she tried to ad lib regarding Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac – she didn’t know they were already private companies with investors.) Since the GOP Convention, she’s been repeating the same speech provided her by – voila! – a Bush speechwriter! (Change you can believe in – if you’re an idiot.) Of course McCain’s Rovian handlers want to keep Gov. Gaffe-O-Matic from even the nearly-toothless jaws of the American Big Media – imagine the reaction if Independent Voters and others with any scrap of rationality remaining get the hint she’s another bumbling blank slate like the current Dunce Cap in the Oval Office – Disaster! — and there just aren’t enough Christopublican Whack-Jobs and Small-Town Dead-Enders to shoehorn Grandpa and the Beauty Queen into office.

Sure she’s going to have a sit-down with ABC’s Charlie “Capital Gains Tax” Gibson soon, but no doubt she’ll have the questions in advance and there will be a teleprompter off-camera to help her through the answers. Besides, ditzoid Gibson is an in-the-tank Republican fawner – he won’t be tossing any hardball faster than asking her to name her five children in order of birth and how the whirlwind of celebrity has affected her family. Perhaps there will even be a touching video tribute to the joys of snowmobiling featuring hubby Todd and the score from Rocky. Daughter Bristol could then host a fashion show of maternity clothes for high school girls, and Sarah could have her ‘fired’ cook talk Gibson through a diaper change of baby Trig. Political junkies be forewarned: Look out for a tiny flesh-colored earpiece in place during the Biden debate with Steve Schmidt or some other Spawn of the Country Club Jesus feeding her the responses.

– Laugh of the Week: The McCainiacs claiming they won’t make Lady Vain available for open questioning by the BM because US reporters won’t act with the proper ‘respect and deference’ for Alaska’s Beauty Queen Runner-Up. Ha, ha, this is absurd even for Rick Davis – since when did an American politician morph into British royalty? Let’s put on our Rove Smear Cap for a moment: If the Obama camp refused to let Biden be interviewed for the same reason, you just know Karl’s Korps would be endlessly repeating the line: “If he can’t stand up to the media, how’s he going to stand up to Putin?”

– It’s also becoming pretty obvious that we should be calling this the Palin-McCain ticket, as the hapless former Navy Flyboy isn’t the one bringing out the curious crowds on the campaign trail. The wretched McCain just stands there behind her, a blob of aged empty-eyed flesh — occasionally appearing appalled at how low he has sunk, but mostly fidgeting, gaping in senility, and working at maintaining a semblance of a genuine smile. The level of audience interest palpably drops into single-digits when he steps up to speak. It must be galling to McSame that after all these years his fevered presidential aspirations are in the hands of an irritatingly perky nitwit from Alaska and Bush’s Rove-clones who destroyed his presidential campaign in 2000. Wife Cindy must be getting an earful of vicious bile in private.

– In naming Palin his running mate, McCain has proven a few things about his judgment and character: 1.) He doesn’t really care about the abortion issue – he wanted to name the pro-choice Lieberman to his ticket; 2.) That this ‘maverick reformer’ isn’t strong enough to resist the Christopublican Right in his party; and 3.) that he is perfectly willing to make important decisions on the fly and without adequate information – he talked to Palin twice before naming her his VP – meaning, like Bush, he’ll rule by his guts instead of his ancient brain should he ride into office on her skirts. We’ve already been sailing on the Titanic for eight years; a McCain presidency will be like finding out the lifeboats are made of cardboard.

– Finally, Speaking of Palin, Two Questions: 1.) How many adults actually use ‘PTA’ and ‘Hockey Mom’ as experience on their job resume? 2.) How many self-respecting women would describe themselves as a ‘pit bull with lipstick’?

– Latest Hot Media Rumor: When NBC’s Conan O’Brien moves to The Tonight Show in 2009, replacing Jay Leno, word is Stephen Colbert is at the top of the list to take over the NBC Late Night slot currently manned by O’Brien. (Former frontrunner Jimmy Fallon is allegedly seen as too raw and ‘clowny’ for the talk show format by some execs.)

– Recipe for Utter Boredom: Listening to NBC’s steel-headed Brian Williams and ’60s ‘weekend warrior’ hipster Tom Brokaw extrude the bleeding obvious and three-day-old conventional wisdom with furrowed-brow gravitas and trying to pass it off as in-depth political profundity. Brokaw should have stayed in retirement and Williams should join him – both have become large leaky bags of inert gas who mistake that sound when they speak for intellectual prowess instead of trenchant unwitting parody from the Ron Burgundy School of Broadcasting.

– It’s inexplicable why Rachel Maddow would have that old fossil Pat “Nixon’s the One!” Buchanan on her MSNBC premiere to deliver a fevered and false defense of Sarah Palin (which must have given the doddering past president of the He-Man Woman-Hater’s Club a case of the bends), but why didn’t Rachel at least mention that Palin supported Crazy Pat for president in 2000 over McCain? Oh, and drop Kent What’s-His-Name – he’s an annoying distraction and decidedly not funny.

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