Maybe you remember Jake the Rescue dog, canine hero of 9/11? If you haven’t already heard, Jake just died of cancer. Here is Scribe’s report on what happened AFTER he died…
Jake the Rescue Dog Goes to Heaven
“Where am I,” Jake asked himself. And he also asked, “Where’s all the pain? I feel so much better.” He also wondered, “Look! The big pearly gate is opening!”
Yes, dogs DO think, despite twerps who try to force you to agree with their nutso belief that, “It’s all instinct.”
Jake wandered through the gate and then around for a while. Milk Bone trees, plenty of milk or water, meat that doesn’t require killing anything… leading Jake to believe God really IS all powerful AND… and cheese plants everywhere.
“Oh, my,” Jake said, “this IS heaven!”
“Of course it is,” God, who had appeared from nowhere… right around the corner from somewhere, said; gesturing with his/her paw.
Did Scribe mention that Dogs really CAN speak but we humans are just too arrogantly stupid to understand?
“Now I hate to give you the bad news, Jake, but the mainstream media is now saying there’s no way to know for sure how you got cancer, but that a dog your age often does. ‘Mainstream media,’ HARUMPH! Lemmings get a bad rap. All those mainstream media sources are the REAL lemmings.”
“Wait,” Jake says to God, “let me get this straight… firemen and women, rescue workers, policemen all getting cancer in large numbers because they were told by the jackasses at the EPA: controlled by the bigger jackasses in the White House, that it was safe, are now insisting, ‘…there’s no way to know for sure?’”
“That’s the Right Wing owned media for you.”
“You going to do anything about it?”
“Oh, these days most Right Wingers; especially Neo Cons, ride the express train to Hell. They’re not even allowed to hang their long lying tongues out the window and catch a breeze on the way. In fact, they’re already setting up a 3 Stooge act for O’Lielly, the BIG Weiner and Handjob Hannity.”
“Boy you talk tough, but I thought they’d get worse than that.”
“You think it feels good to have your eyes constantly poked out: only to grow a new pair, be slapped all the time and be hit with ladders? Over an eternity it’s torture worse than brimstone. But it’s very entertaining for the BIG Red Guy and his legions.”
(Scribe would made some cheap joke about the Foreign Legion, but they all go to along with the Shriners to Limbo… and keep dancing under that bar for eternity: back and forth, back and forth. Odd. They seem to enjoy it.)
“I’m glad dogs go to heaven too. Most humans don’t believe it.”
“Dogs are vastly superior to humans. Why do you think I influenced humans to spell my name backwards and use it when talking about you? Speaking of which, I’ve got to go, some poor puppies tortured by those Bad News Kennel bastards are about to be new arrivals.”
Jake took a moment to howl in anguish over how these poor puppy souls were tortured and forced to fight. God joined in.
“Well I’m glad they’ll end up where O’Lielly, Handjob and the BIG Weiner are going, right?”
“Yeah, and you should see what the Might Horned One has COOKED up for Junior, Gonzo the Liar and the rest of the gang. He’s evil, but you have to admire his power to punish the wicked. Gotta go!”
“Hey, just one question…”
“Anything for a saint like you…”
“What if I eat all the cheese off of the cheese bushes?”
“Just use my name backwards like an incantation. Works every time.”
Note: Scribe cannot be absolutely positive that Jake is in Heaven. But he sure as HELL deserves it more than most humans, especially too many of those who claim to be “doing God’s work,” or claim to be doing what God told them do, like turn innnocent Iraqis into mists of blood with bombs.
How to Destabilize the Iraqi Economy
Scribe loves to take pokes at arrogant, sadistic, fascistic giants. This, even the famous anti-Scribe lobby, and part time nudist polka club, would willingly admit.
In the past posters and pundits have gotten in much trouble for publishing plans to atomic bombs, trade secrets, top secrets but not for outing a CIA operative fighting the war on terror. Weird. Guess that proves our President, boy-King wannabe Saint Junior is right. Terrorists really ARE still out there plotting. Which of course translates into a revised Pogo-ism…
We have exposed the enemy and he is us.
(When are the damn Democrats actually going to do something about it instead of insisting impeachment has to be off the table?)
Scribe is about to join those foolish posters and pundits who often go to jail for publishing the verboten. As you well know the boy-King has issued yet another Nazi-inspired piece of garbage; executive order: those who dare to say anything he deems might destabilize Iraq shall have all their assets ripped from them.
Scribe knows that if Iraq were a movie the “special effects” would make Mothra seem positively Industrial Light and Magic-ish in both quality and believability. So Scribe has to do what he MUST do. Now, from the depths of his Anti-Archie Bunker, Scribe types…
Here’s how to destabilize Iraq even more than it already is a horrible mess beyond all belief…
Leave Saint Junior in control.
Don’t challenge him.
Grant him his every wish.
And make DAMN sure impeachment stays “off the table.”
There, Scribe did it. He published a horrible truth. Now come and get him. You know where he is.
Or DO you?