BartBlog

February 23, 2040. CNBC’s Rick Santelli arrives in Hell and is offered a luxurious 10-bedroom, 4-bath mansion at a low mortgage rate. “Oh, boy! Wotta deal!” he shouts as he snaps it up and moves in, but a month later, the mortgage doubles. It keeps doubling every month until Santelli finally complains to the Devil: “You can’t just double my mortgage every month. That’s unfair!” “Just where do you think you are, Rick?” “That’s not the point – every place, even here, has to have some rules governing mortgage rates!” “That’s tough, Rick, but that’s the free market for you.” “But I can’t possibly earn enough to pay this inflated mortgage!” “What are you, Rick, some kind of loser?” Later, the foreclosed-on Rick is given a minimum wage job cleaning J.P. Morgan’s underwear with a pipe cleaner and lives in his ‘Hell car’ – a rusted-out 1988 Plymouth Horizon with four flat tires and no engine that rents for $800 a month.