April 1, 2009

The Tattlesnake: What Fools These Morsels Be Edition

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion,Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , — RS Janes @ 6:52 pm

Separate the wheat from the chaff in this April Fool’s Day quiz: which are the real news items and which are the fakes (and no cheating with the Google):

1. Pacino Eyes Run at NY Senate Seat
(New York Daily News)
Excerpt: “The veteran actor told the Daily News that he thinks ‘the time is ripe for progress, and I can bring the progress.’” […]
“On the inevitable comparisons to his role as mobster Michael Corleone in ‘The Godfather,’ he said, ‘If a little ‘Michael’ helps me get things done in Washington, that’s not a bad thing is it?’”

2. Octomom Admits Praying to Satan
(Christian Science Monitor)
Excerpt: “Saying she was frustrated with her life at the time and what she termed ‘God’s dissing me totally,’ Nadya Suleman revealed today that she prayed for Satan’s help a week before she found out she was pregnant with octuplets…” […]
“‘I was really desperate and felt like a real loser,’ she said, ‘and I’d never do it again.’”

3. Florida Attorney General Reopens Limbaugh Drug Case
Excerpt: “Florida Attorney General Bill McCollum told the Miami Herald Wednesday that, based on grand jury testimony in an unrelated drug case, he has sufficient evidence that the talk show host violated his probation by continuing to use narcotics after the date of his plea agreement.” […]
“Roy Black, Mr. Limbaugh’s attorney, claimed no such agreement was ever struck with the court.”

4. Miss Universe and Miss USA Tour Guantanamo
(Associated Press)
Excerpt: “Miss Universe and Miss USA have taken a firsthand look at the U.S. prison for terrorism suspects at Guantanamo Bay.” […]
“‘I didn’t want to leave, it was such a relaxing place, so calm and beautiful,’ [Miss Universe Dayana] Mendoza wrote on [her] blog.”

5. Something Fowl in Customs
Excerpt: “A 23-year-old man flew into Australia with a pair of pigeons hidden in his pants. According to the Australian Customs and Border Protection Service, the man was concealing a live pigeon in each leg of his trousers.”

6. CNBC Hires Ex-Treasury Secy. Paulson as Analyst
Excerpt: “‘What better business analyst can you have than a former secretary of the treasury?’ asked Dan Bledsoe, the cable financial channel’s senior V.P. for programming. “This will amp up our credibility 1000 percent.’”

7. Zucker Plans ’24′ Spin-Off to Star Garofalo
(Entertainment Weekly)
Excerpt: “David Zucker, executive producer of Fox’s hit show ’24,’ has announced Tuesday that he will launch a similar program starring controversial actress Janeane Garofalo as a government agent who ‘does her own thing, law-wise’ tentatively titled ‘The 24 Woman’. […]
“‘It will appeal it the same audience as the current show, same format,’ Zucker said, ‘With a little more sexiness from Janeane, but there will be plenty of rock’ em, sock ‘em action.’”

Click ‘Read on’ for the answers.

The true items were 4 and 5.

Miss Universe and Miss USA Tour Guantanamo:

Something Fowl in Customs:

© 2009 RS Janes, LT

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