April 16, 2009

The Tattlesnake – Short Cuts in New Ruts Edition

Double-Dipping Teabag Hag: The Ol’ Tattler’s failing peepers can’t be sure, but I believe I saw the same woman who was sporting the insulting ‘Kerry Band-Aid’ at the GOP convention in NY circa 2004 wearing a hat adorned with hanging teabags yesterday at one of Fox News’ corporately-sponsored tea parties. Just a quick impression: She’s probably the head of the Pig Whistle, Louisiana, chapter of the DAR, the treasurer of the local ‘I Love Sarah’ Fan Club, chairwoman of the county Republican Party, and a good Southern Baptist who, in the name of the Lawd, beats her kids regularly “just to keep the li’l buggers in line.”

BTW, shouldn’t the videos of these astroturf ‘spontaneous events’ be repackaged by some bright young Republican sociopath into a TV reality show called “Just How Stupid Are You?”

Meantime, over at Rachel Maddow last night, a good point was made – I think by Ana Marie Cox — about the anti-tax FNC Teabag Party nonsense. She pointed out that most of these dismal events were held in public parks – in other words, land paid for and maintained by taxpayer funds. If you hate taxes and government so much, go hold your damn teabag party or your own private property and don’t make those who think you’re nuts foot the bill, not only for the land, but the clean-up afterwards. And would all of those tax-haters sprouting gray and white hair at those FNC rallies please return their Social Security checks and refuse medical treatment courtesy of the government?

Incidentally, while a whole long list of white Republican politicians gassed up these phony affairs with speeches, from Newtie to Sam “The Sham” Brownback to Gov. Mark “Gee, I’m Stupid” Sanford, the brown-skinned RNC head Michael Steele was pointedly disinvited from speaking. Gee, you don’t suppose it’s because he’s black, do you?

Old Rags: By the by, did anybody organizing that FNC Tea Bagging event with Glenn Beck at The Alamo have a working brain cell in their heads? Look at the history: While Sam Houston may have won the Republic of Texas from Mexico’s Gen. Santa Ana, The Alamo was a loss, a loss to thousands of angry well-armed Mexicans. What were they thinking?

Fading Flags: Speaking of Mexico, I won’t go into the details of the election of current Mexican President Felipe Calderon over progressive Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador in 2006, but suffice it to say that over two million of his supporters assembled in Mexico City to demand a recount, convinced there was chicanery at the ballot box. Our Big Media can’t connect the dots between millions of enraged Obrador voters; the incredible corruption and cruelty to the poor of Calderon’s government; and the notion that some of these people might be involved in the armed revolt against the Federales. Because they’re dirt poor, their only recourse in financing this rebellion is through selling drugs for arms and food, but they are not necessarily greedy ‘Drug Lords’ from criminal ‘Drug Syndicates’ engaged in a lurid ‘Drug War’ as they’ve been portrayed by the El Norte media. Some Mexicans even consider them freedom fighters purging the country of a corrupt despot installed in office by a biased election. And, BTW, don’t buy that guff that the guns are coming from the US – light weapons like AK-47s are readily available all over Central and South America for anyone with enough cash to buy them.

Dumbo Dustbags: Looks like there’s going to be an election for President of Texas in the offing between secessionist Rick Perry, the pinhead Republican who replaced Junior as governor, and dimbulb ‘actor’ Chuck “The Exercist!” Norris, who also thinks the Lone Star State should secede. You know what — just go ahead and secede, and take Alabama and Mississippi with you. The only thing is, no more fed money, no more military bases, no more FEMA help with your weather disasters, and you can’t have any big dangerous weapons or your own air force or navy. Let’s see how long T.A.M. can get along without the support of the other 47 states, and how relieved we’ll be when we’re freed of their bigoted worship of the stars-and-bars Confederacy. There are good people in all three states, but most of the natives are just a pain in the afterburner and a drag on the rest of the country, so let them secede. I’ll bet they’ll be begging to rejoin the union after a decade or so of GOP misrule, sooner if they’re stupid enough to elect ignorant but noisy pigheads like Norris. It might be fun to watch crazed white Missos set Haley Barbour adrift in the Gulf of Mexico strapped to a burning flatboat, and Alabamites tar and feather Bob Riley and then shoot him into space with the last working rocket in the Huntsville arsenal — that’s if they can figure out how to fire the thing up without a comic book. We can keep the 50 stars on the flag by admitting the Virgin Islands as a new state, letting Washington, DC, make it official, and allowing the upper peninsula of Michigan to become the state of Superior, as long as it doesn’t go to their heads.

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