September 27, 2011

Another electronic voting machine miracle?

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 4:09 pm

Writing an eloquent and well reasoned column pointing out the logical shortfall when a straw poll has been held by the Party that has stated their game plan is to limit the occupant of the White House to one term because they hate him for his ethnic background and the results awards a win indicating that there could be a Presidential race featuring two candidates of Pan-African heritage is too much of a challenge for the World’s Laziest Journalist.

Would Republicans be content to let the conservative majority United State Supreme Court sit idly by and let democracy in action embody provide an example of their nightmare scenario coming true?

Attempting to explain the apparent hypocritical aspect of such an unexpected result would require an elaborate example of in-depth journalism that would blend an extensive knowledge of psychology with speculation about the deep subconscious motivation for the result that blatantly contradicts the attitude revealed by numerous Republican attempts at ethnic humor that offends many Democrats.

Aren’t the Fox Views propagandists the only performers qualified to give instant analyses displaying an extensive knowledge of the mood of the electorate? Wouldn’t a liberal pundit be challenged for producing anything describing what the voters are thinking that is unsubstantiated by extensive (and expensive) polling results?

It would be easier to write a column about an attempt at the Amalgamated Conspiracy Theory Factory to fabricate a new item that makes a nefarious effort to link the ideas that college educated liberals support teachers’ unions and that high school dropouts who may not have had courses where they learned to dissect a frog are the staunchest critics of the global warming evidence presented by “scientists.” What possible connection could they suggest at the aforementioned factory? Doesn’t it sound stupid to think that the longer a person stays in school the more likely it will be that they think that all polar bears (Ursis maritimus) will eventually drown in the Artic Sea? Can we get a WTF?

Isn’t it great that after President Obama lectured the Congressional Black Caucus and told them that they should take Archie Bunker’s advice to “Stifle!,” his ardent Liberal critics (such as Mike Malloy) didn’t resort to a trite metaphor about making them eat some cookies that carry a racial slur connotation in their brand name?

Someday we are going to write a column about the list of radio personalities that became cultural phenomenon. We can remember hearing Arthur Godfrey, Don McNeill, Cousin Brucie, Harry Harrison, and Dr. Demento. We seem to remember that Don Sherwood had a brief gig at a Lake Tahoe radio station and we heard one or two examples of that show. AM radio reception in the Tahoe basin was poor but Wolfman Jack came in loud and clear. We were too young to have the chance to hear Father Coughlin. We missed Jean Sheppard. Liberals and Conservatives have diametrically opposed reasons for listening to Mike Malloy, but someday we are going to put on our Pop Culture hat and do a column asserting that as the USA morphed from democracy to fascism, Malloy functioned as the last Liberal voice standing.

Someday folks who were youngsters during the Obama era will be reading history books (are they on the endangered species list yet?) and might regret that they had the chance to hear what a Liberal rant sounded like but that they put it off and thereby missed a chance to participate in cultural history as it was happening.

We assumed that the unwashed phenomenon performing at the Village Gate would always be there and we intend to catch it next time we are in the Big Apple.

We didn’t realize how long it would take but since we assumed that Lou Reed and the Velvet Underground would always be the house band at Maxwell’s Kansas City, we figure that we should go there at the next available opportunity.

Can you hear Radio Caroline on the Internets?

Should one of the Internets radio sites call itself XERB dot com?

Why did Liberal media types hail the British Invasion of America in the Sixties and condemn the American Invasion of Iraq in the Bush era?

Why don’t the Conservative trolls refute the assertion that the current Republican game plan sounds like a “Waiting for Godot” revival and that existentialism and Theater of the Absurd are close approximations of Republican values?

Speaking of “Waiting for Godot,” some skeptics have challenged our contention that JEB will be the Republican Presidential nominee in 2012. When is he going to make his move?

Why is it that, when the Rolling Stones, who have touring down to a fine science, are scheduled to take the stage at a concert, they always run late? The audience gets restless and rowdy and just when the crowd seems on the verge of a spontaneous riot, the announcer (who did they get to replace Bill Graham?) will introduce the world’s greatest band and the crowd will give them a very enthusiastic reception. Could Karl Rove be intending to do the same thing for JEB?

Remember the time in Los Angeles when Bill Graham told the crowd that if they didn’t stop booing Prince, they wouldn’t get the Stones? Boy, that shut the rude boys up real fast.

The is a folk axiom that says “If you can remember the Sixties, you weren’t really there.” Back then people had to work hard to be well informed about the contemporary culture. The Village Voice, the Berkeley Barb, and the L. A. Free Press worked diligently to keep people informed about what was happening. The older WWII vets thought that the kids and their opposition to “Tricky Dick” were amusing.

People who rely on Fox Views to be well informed might some day look back on the Bush-Obama era and realize that there was an ideological explanation for questions about why the Occupy Wall Street movement didn’t get noticed by the mainstream media until there some good old Sixties-style mass arrests were made.

Political chicanery may be ubiquitous but it is never amusing – except to existentialist cynics. Fool the voters once, shame on you. Fool them every time and it is time to reassure the rubes that the electronic voting machines are unhackable.
The Cain win in Florida is exhibit A for making the case that the Republicans are not racists. The Obama win in 2008 is exhibit A for proving that the results from the electronic voting machines are reliable.

Part of Karl Rove’s strategy has always been to attack the opposition’s strong point. Does that mean that if JEB is nominated his ads will feature a sound byte of his brother’s quote: “If this were a dictatorship, it’d be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I’m the dictator.”?

Now the disk jockey will play the Del Vikings “Don’t get slick on me,” the Kink’s “Who will be the next in line,” and Jerry Lee Lewis’ “What a heck of a mess.” We have to go find our draft card. Have a veto proof type week.

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