August 16, 2013

“ . . . do you look in the mirror and wish you had hair? . . .”

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 12:29 pm

Will next year’s defending America’s cup champ be New Zealand? 

If the mainstream media is ignoring the plight of the Los Angeles county assessor, the story of how San Francisco taxpayers got hustled by the yachters, and any potential link between a California Senator’s husband and the bullet train that voters don’t seem to want, shouldn’t the World’s Laziest Journalist extend an example of interline courtesy and join with the big names in journalism by blowing off those topics?  We won’t harp on the idea that the San Francisco Board of Supervisors seem to be envious of the situation in Marina del Rey that has critics of the Los Angeles Board of Supervisors alleging that the unique situation there handed the politicians a cash cow for their reelection campaigns.  Mum’s the word.  Why spoil the surprise for the voters in the San Francisco Bay Area if they are in for an expensive example of “getting blind sided” (again!)?

There is an old folktale (which we just made up) that tells the story of a columnist from the Leprechaun Journalism tradition, who is driving late at night in the industrial section of a large university town and sees an automobile accident occur.  He rushes to the car which is starting to burn and pulls a beautiful damsel from the wrecked vehicle.  Since she has magical powers and she doesn’t want to demean his integrity with offers of numerous writing awards, she makes him an offer that cuts to the very core of his being.  She says he can either win the lottery but must never write again or he can have a very limited online audience which will include the newsrooms at the New York Times, the Columbia Journalism Review, CBS Evening News, and the Berkeley Barb.  If he chooses the latter, he will see some of his most unique insights into national politics in rewritten form used by those august news media but he won’t get any royalty checks.

The World’s Laziest Journalist was reminded of that grim fairytale recently when he noticed that Jalopnik ran a story about taking a flight in the Goodyear Blimp and, a week later, another about a taking a flight in a B-17 G WWII bomber.  We had written about experiencing both modes of transportation many moons ago while functioning as a staff writer for “Just above Sunset” online magazine.

It might seem foolhardy for a columnist, who can wonder if his newest offering will be read by folks at the Sydney Central Backpack Hostel, a film critic in Great Britain, and the 1961 SPHS Scranton Pa. guy, who is one of  the Vice President’s best friends, and, if we send him the link, one of the top editors at Playboy Magazine, to mention the possibility that the Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART) may go on  strike because they would have the Rhett Butler reaction to such a remote labor dispute.  If, however, the columnist goes to extensive lengths to provide evidence that bolsters a contention that a continuing effort to bust unions and reduce wages is exemplified by that very local bit of labor strife, then such a hypothetical effort might, at least, get a closer read by the denizens of the New York Times newsroom.

Back when the pundits were discussing the possibility that President George W. Bush would order troops to go to Iraq, some wags mentioned “the Pottery Barn” rule.  Now that things in Iraq are spinning way out of control again, we await the resurrection by the war hawks of that principle and a debate about urging President Obama to send some new troops back to Iraq to insure Democracy for the Iraqi people there and to uphold America’s commitment to that country’s freedom fighters.

After noting that Edward Snowden did not seem to reveal any information that was new and heather to, completely unknown by the American public, we have started to wonder if a pundit on the Internets could get into hot water by commenting on facts already known to the American public.  There was a small item online that indicated that Snowden had accused America’s Free Press of complete dereliction of duty after 9-11.  That story was ignored by the mainstream media.

With all that in mind, the World’s Laziest Journalist is starting to think that it might be prudent to search for other more innocuous tidbits of information that would be much less likely to instigate patriotic American Republicans to bandy about the word “traitor” and the phrase “war criminal.”

Would it be an example of irony if some over zealous American Patriot recklessly labeled Edward Snowden as a war criminal for doing what the lead American Prosecutor at the Nuremberg War Crimes Trails, Robert Jackson, said must be done when an individual perceives that his country is perpetrating some immoral actions in world affairs?

Wouldn’t a columnist be much better off using items such as the information that the San Francisco Beard Papa outlet is a local franchise for a company in Japan that specializes in French pastry and that they are on the verge of expanding into the Hollywood section of Los Angeles?

Folks who regularly read the material produced by the World’s Laziest Journalist know that the columnist has a high regard for the events that took place 79 years ago when Ernest Hemingway and thousands of troops for the Allied Forces liberated Paris might expect that after he finishes reading Michael Neiberg’s new book “The Blood of Free Mena:  the Liberation of Paris, 1944,” a full column review may follow.

This book describes the scoop columnist Alice Moats scored when she sneaked into Paris more than a month before D-Day.  Hemingway got much more publicity for claiming that he arrived in the City of Light a day or two before the other soldiers.

Speaking of WWII, fans of the fifty year old novel “Catch-22” will want to consider reading the new book by Patricia Chapman Meder titled:  “The True Story of Catch-22” (the real men and Missions of Joseph Heller’s 340th Bomb Group in World War II).  The author was the daughter of Willis E. Chapman, who was “Col. Cathcart” and she provides the fact finding keys for the classic war novel romain a clef.

Fans of Heller’s novel may well want to learn all the background information knowing that this new book will increase their enjoyment of the half century old classic and, perhaps, inspire them to go back (to their college days?) and reread Heller’s book.

That reminds us, we should go back and search for the passage that explains how Yossarian bought eggs for a nickel each and sold them for three cents each but still made a profit.

The Occupy the steps of the Berkeley Post Office Building effort was still continuing as this column was being posted.

Recently, we bought a used bargain copy of “Beyond Coincidence” by Martin Plimmer and Brian King.  Chapter two, which is a series of examples, opens with a story of a woman in Berkeley CA, who went outside her home and became locked out.  While fretting about her dilemma, the postman arrived and handed her a letter from her brother in the state of Washington.  He had visited recently and sent the letter to return a spare key he had been using.

Speaking of obscure but influential, one might think that there would not be an example of the concept “an obscure recording by Elvis Presley” but since these are the dog days in the news (and punditry?) business when the Congressional summer vacation means that there won’t be much political news and since Friday August 16, 2013, is Elvis Memorial Day, we’ll try to listen to the laughing version of “Are you lonesome tonight.”

While a performance in Las Vegas was being recorded, Elvis changed the lyrics and broke himself and the band up with laughter.

The musical group Daddy Yankee has posted a video on Youtube for their song about gasoline.  Since the anniversary of the day Elvis Presley (supposedly) died will coincide with the publication date for the next World’s Laziest Journalist “the week in the rearview mirror” column, we found that the Elvis track, allegedly proclaimed by Paul McCartney to be the best recording ever by Elvis, had less views than the ditty about what makes cars go.  The laughing version of “Are you lonesome tonight” was at the 70,000 hit level when we checked.  “Gasolina” has racked up more than 38 million hits.

New words for 2013?  How about “selfie”?  It means a self portrait and usually referrs to something of the kind of tourist snapshot plus mug shot combined that are posted by young folks on Facebook.  It seems like a gimme to think that this word will land on the list of new words for this year.

[Note from the photo editor:  The sports world extravaganza known as the America’s Cup Yacht Races is being assessed as a fiasco for this year, but the media is overlooking one important aspect of the minor sports news story:  taxpayers in the Bay Area, thanks to some contract lawyers who earned their fees, will be obliged to cover any financial shortfall.  News photos of the sporting event may have some stock shot value for political pundits if the citizens ever decide to make a retroactive fuss over the fact they have been hustled.]

“Kim” Hubbard said:  “Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.”

Now the disk jockey will play a song that tells the story of Elvis set to music in Bill Parsons’ (Bobby Bare) song “The All American Boy,” Elvis’ saddest song “Old Shep,” and the laughing version of “Are you lonesome tonight.”We have to go see if we can purchase a Kangaroos Football Club t-shirt.  Have a “do you look in the mirror and wish you had hair” type week.

July 9, 2013

Oakland: Politicians tried to tear out its heart but the city lives on!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , — Jane Stillwater @ 12:54 pm

I’m currently reading Michael Chabon’s latest best-seller, “Telegraph Avenue,” wherein he describes how the construction of the humongous Grove-Shafter freeway back in the 1960s destroyed enormously huge chunks of both north Oakland and Oakland’s downtown. I just drove along parts of that freeway this morning and, OMG, was Chabon ever right!

The Grove-Shafter freeway, at the time of its construction, was the largest freeway interchange in the world by far — carved right out of the very heart and soul of the City of Oakland. It was humongous. Miles and miles and miles and miles of it — and it’s almost a half-mile high in some parts too. Dominating everything. And this monster freeway that can almost be seen from the moon has been slammed right down into the middle of an extremely densely populated city.

“But, Jane,” you might ask, “what became of all the people who used to live in all those houses that were destroyed and who worked in all those destroyed businesses?” Over 8,000 homes and local businesses were destroyed. “And how did the city ever recover from that, the most high-handed use of eminent domain ever?” you might ask next. It didn’t. The knife of the cruel Grove-Shafter freeway still slices through the heart of Oakland today.

It’s almost like the city’s politicians planned it on purpose, to destroy Oakland’s affordable housing sector and strong working class. “What’s more important, really?” they probably asked themselves, “the lives and hopes of the citizens of Oakland — or getting commuters to San Francisco from Walnut Creek faster?” The answer here is obvious.

And then, according to 2012 Oakland mayoral candidate Arnie Fields, Jerry Brown stepped up to the plate next.

“I want a people-friendly city,” Brown happily declared during his many “We the People” campaign stump speeches for mayor back in 1998. And yet somehow Brown. after being elected on this people-friendly platform, still managed to increase property taxes and assessments (even despite Proposition 13) in working-class West Oakland residents and to run a disastrously huge “blight-removal” campaign there.

And the next thing you knew, retirees in West Oakland who had owned their homes outright for years or working-class heroes who paid their mortgages on time were suddenly being forced into foreclosure because they couldn’t afford to come up with an additional $15,000 or more in taxes on the spur of the moment; or because suddenly their homes (but not homes in the same condition in the more yuppie parts of Oakland) were being condemned for “blight”.

Bye-bye West Oakland. Hello developers and condos. And it didn’t even take a freeway to knock all those houses down.

But still the City of Oakland held on.

And then along came Occupy Oakland in 2011 — and a pro-corporatist police riot was staged that cost Oakland taxpayers approximately three million dollars So. Where was all this extra money to come from? Perhaps by shutting down even more Oakland schools and dropping the wages of Oakland’s municipal employees? Sounds like a plan.

In 2012, five Oakland schools were closed

And now the City of Oakland just had a one-day strike by its municipal employees, who have been faced with even more economic concessions to the City — none of which are in their favor. Municipal employees have suffered many benefit-package take-aways in the past few years — but have been given absolutely no new perqs. Watch this SEIU video for proof:

But still the people of Oakland hang in there (and please always remember that, in the end, it is only the people themselves who can actually turn a city into a City). And the people of Oakland still have flash and charm too! And there is still a THERE over there in Oakland — despite all its politicians’ herculean efforts to tear out its heart and soul.

PS: And there still is a Chez Panisse here in Berkeley as well, even after a disastrous fire at the restaurant last March destroyed much of its dining area I just went there for my birthday. We had apricot ice cream, salmon and squid salad. The squid salad was actually quite good. And the newly-rebuilt place looks just like the old place — except that all the wood and brass are more shiny.

PPS: And speaking of politicians, I just got one of those “What to do about Congress” chain-letter emails, demanding that all congressional representatives receive the same health plans, pension plans, working conditions, etc. that the rest of us do. Sure, why not.

And perhaps we should also demand that our congressional representatives stop getting the same tax breaks that they give to large corporations and start getting the same (lack of) tax breaks that the rest of us (don’t) get instead

And we also need to pass a Constitutional amendment that our senators and representatives can only be allowed to spend the same amount of money on their election campaigns as the amount of money that average voter in their district earns in a year.

PPPPS: I bet you anything that Edward Snowden could find asylum in Oakland! That’s how Oakland rolls. People there don’t take any shite. Not any more. They’ve already been through enough.

And if Snowden isn’t happy in Oakland (which has Yoshi’s, the Oakland Athletics, Harborside, Lake Merritt and Fairyland for crissake — how could he not be!), then he’s more than welcome to come seek asylum with me. But, warning, if he does that, he might have to babysit my granddaughter Mena, the Hugging Saint of Berkeley I’m just sayin’. I’d trust him with that.

If Snowden had been alive back in 1776, he definitely would have signed the Declaration of Independence. Hope he had a nice Fourth of July stuck in the Moscow airport alongside of Thomas Jefferson and John Hancock.

Oops, I just tried to post this article on my blog and got a message that read, “Invalid Security Token”. What the freak does that mean? That the NSA doesn’t like Oakland either?

July 4, 2013

Manning, Snowden, Egypt and the 1776 Declaration of Independence

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , — Jane Stillwater @ 1:42 pm

“Edward Snowden must be caught and punished at any cost.” Who said that? Was it some overbearing British sovereign back in 1776 who said it? Had Edward Snowden just signed the American colonies’ famous Declaration of Independence? The way that Snowden has been hounded and pursued and intimidated in the last few weeks, one would certainly think so.

According to an essay entitled “The Price They Paid,” signers of the original Declaration of Independence of 1776 were also hounded, imprisoned and even tortured and killed because they stood up for their beliefs

And here we are now, 237 years later, out celebrating the Fourth of July like it actually meant something — while true patriots like Edward Snowden are being hunted down like dogs on the highway by the FBI, the CIA and the NSA. And nobody here seems to either notice or care.

And ditto for Bradley Manning.

According to a recent article by Paul Rogers on current revolts in Egypt, Brazil, Tunisia, Turkey, etc., “The sheer unpredictability of mass protest [is] a matter of great concern to political elites and their security cohorts across the world. That really is deeply worrying for them, and something that will cause them to double their efforts to track what is happening and predict its evolution — an effort no doubt aided by the use of PRISM and the other forms of mass surveillance. What, though, if even those systems don’t have a proper handle on what is happening [or can actually keep a lid on it either]? That will give political elites sleepless nights in the weeks and months to come.”

First comes Occupy Wall Street. Then comes the Arab Spring. And then Wikileaks, Edward Snowden, Julian Assange and Bradley Manning, not necessary in that order. Like in the spring of 1776, popular revolts against economic tyranny seem to be popping up all over like wack-a-moles. No wonder George III was afraid.

“So what’s your point, Jane,” you might ask. Hmmm. I guess my point is that working class people, little people, the salt of the earth people like you and me are making our current economic ruling classes just a tiny bit wary on this Fourth of July weekend of 2013.

But they still haven’t started to get pee-your-pants afraid quite yet. They still have armies and police and the NSA and even the NRA. And trillions of dollars stashed away in the Caymans and penthouses on Wall Street and Michelin-starred restaurants to eat at. “What me worry?” Not quite yet.

But they are worried enough — that the salt of the earth might someday finally get tired of being used, trod on and taken advantage of while they continue to be corporate welfare queens — that they are out there stalking Edward Snowden and torturing Bradley Manning and fretting about what is happening in Egypt and Brazil and Turkey.

But the economic elite almost certainly know that the little people here in America will never get uppity because they know that most Americans are under their thumb; out celebrating the Fourth of July by watching fireworks displays on TV, drinking Cokes and going shopping at dollar stores.

PS: I myself am celebrating Independence Day by going down to the Berkeley marina and watching the fireworks in person — and by reading Keith Richards’ autobiography, “Life.” Now there is a true revolutionary! Of course. But he is also someone who has worked really hard all his life and cared about his work deeply. Richards must have spent about a gazillion hours studying music.

True (and successful) revolutions like Richards’ require sacrifice, thoughtfulness, talent, courage, compassion and a whole bunch of work — but perhaps not quite so many drugs.

June 27, 2013

Cheney in Hell: Making friends with dead folks

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , — Jane Stillwater @ 11:11 am

I’m sick and tired of being around alive people. They are just a whole bunch of work. From now on, I’m only going to have Dead People for friends. Do you know how many dead homo sapiens there are in existence right now? 117 billion dead people That certainly offers up a big new bunch of “friending” possibilities to chose from! How does one go about contacting the dead? I’d love to know.

A friend of mine just sent me a list of the top five countries that are super-hard to get extradited from. I just hope that Edward Snowden can get to one of these countries alive — so that I won’t have to list him as one of my new dead BFFs too.

One of the countries that was listed is Dubai. That certainly explains why Dick Cheney moved Halliburton there But maybe Cheney should have moved his business to Hell instead. There’s positively no extradition from Hell! Plus then Halliburton would be there waiting for him when he finally gets there himself.

“Cheney, what were you THINKING when you bombed Iraq!”

I really really want to learn how to communicate with the dead. Who wouldn’t just love to interview J. Edgar Hoover for instance — on his opinion of the NSA. The man surely would be in ecstasy over the kinds of things that the NSA can now do. But how the freak does one talk to someone in Hell? Would that be the ultimate fireside chat or what!

“But, Jane,” you might say, “anyone can talk to the dead. All you have to do is just open your mouth and let words come out.” And therein lies the hard part. How can you manage to get the dead to talk back?

PS: After attending the recent Netroots Nation convention in San Jose, I went on a tour of local Dead Folks on my drive back to Berkeley — starting with the world-famous Rosicrucian Museum. Boy do they have a lot of mummies and such. Dead guys galore. I was clearly among friends.

Next came the Winchester Mystery House, which is supposed to be haunted. But no ghosts talked to me there either. Snubbed. Guess Sarah Winchester is a Mean Girl at heart.

After that I stopped by Skylawn cemetery, to have a nice cozy chat with my pop and my mom. I always sit by their graves and tell them all the latest hot gossip about my life when I go there. But, unfortunately, not even Mom and Pop were able to talk back.


June 22, 2013

What a NERVE: Spy agency accuses Snowden of spying (& my next NN report)

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , — Jane Stillwater @ 4:12 pm

I swear, folks, that I’m not making any of this stuff up.

An American spy agency that currently has all of its greedy tentacles tightly wrapped all around every single household in the entire world — and not in a good way — has just accused EDWARD SNOWDEN of being a spy. How ironic is that!

And I’m still attending the Netroots Nation convention in San Jose, where we are currently learning about even more and better government and corporate ironies.

For instance, Rep. Mike Honda just spoke about how he himself was born in an American concentration camp for immigrants — but never even dreamed that concentration camps for immigrants would once again happen here in the “Land of the Free”.

Isn’t having the NSA tapping all our telephone lines making us “free” enough already? Apparently not.

Next I went to a symposium on immigrants’ rights. Apparently a comprehensive immigration bill is not being passed in Congress right now, but it should be. But then the growers and packers who currently exploit and endanger their undocumented slaves will have to deal with having said slaves come out of the shadows and throw them in jail.

Mexico currently trains most of our skilled construction workers. Americans then steal their skills — but still have no shame about bitching that these skilled workers are here? Huh?

And then Rep. Bruce Braley of Iowa told a tear-producing story about how the Maytag plant in his community suddenly closed down and moved off to China. How ironic. Our workers are being fired so that their jobs can be moved to Asian sweatshops so that corporations can pay less taxes and get cheaper labor at a high cost of you and me — yet Edward Snowden is the one that is being accused of being unpatriotic.

Irony is alive and well here at Netroots Nation.

Then there was a free food-truck event here, and then Senator Jeff Merkley and Dolores Huerta and Howard Dean spoke about stuff — mainly about how America today needs to boldly face up to the challenges of today’s America; not to challenges that may have been important to rich people back when Herbert Hoover was first elected president.

Get your head out of the sand, America. Or else climate change, endless war, domination by the greedy, etc. are gonna super-fry your butt as it sticks up there in the air. How ironic will that be.

Senator Barbara Boxer and Rep. Nancy Pelosi spoke next. “Republicans want to shut down the government,” Pelosi said. No they don’t. They want to own the government. And they already do. Another hypocritical irony here.

“I don’t know why Boehner cries all the time. Imagine if I did that!” said Pelosi. That’s ironic too.

And then there was another free lunch. Yay! And after that? Will the NSA accuse me of spying too — for running my blog?

PS: Tomorrow I’m gonna cruise by the Rosicrucian Egyptian Museum on the way home, to look at all their mummies. America, wake up — or you may end up being mummified too.

Bradley Manning, Edward Snowden, Al Gore and others who fight for peace and justice — they are the waves of the future. How ironic is it that all that most Americans are doing right now is learning more and better mummification techniques — and being led by dinosaurs like Anton Scalia, John Boehner, Mitch McConnell, AIPAC and Dick Cheney.

June 12, 2013

The Fall of Paris, the Magic Bullet, Mick Jagger’s Birthday

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 3:34 pm

Cut social programs; spend billions in Afghanistan

In 1940, on June 14th, the German Army rolled into Paris and a photograph of the Nazi soldiers marching down the Champs Elise would be an appropriate metaphor for illustrating how many rank and file members of the Democrat Party felt this week as they watched the President and some important D-Senators put a retroactive stamp of approval on George W. Bush’s Patriot Act.  Obama has done what Dubya could not.  Obama has gotten the Democrats to go along with the Bush war policies.

In the book “Paris in the Third Reich,” by David Pryce-Jones there is one particular photo that shows a very somber and sullen group of people listening to music in a park in the fall of 1940.  You could take a similar picture at the local Democrats club this weekend, eh?

Due to a commitment to act as tour guide of San Francisco for a fellow high school classmate and his wife, we decided to post our week in review Friday column a bit early this week and as we prepared to do so we thought about how it might have been a tad premature to retire “write for Combat Newspaper” off our bucketlist.  Perhaps we will get a chance to (someday) cross-post our columns on a digital Combat 2.0 version of that history making newspaper.  On the other hand perhaps we will (someday) be offered a lucrative chance to become a columnist for the Paris Zeitung.  (“Bevus, did he just say “Huffington Post”?)

While doing the fact checking for our custom tailored tour of San Francisco, we have been desperately trying to revive the mental set we held when we first arrived in the area and so we have been reviewing the music from that era.  Head shops, hippie paraphernalia, and psychedelic posters were just as ubiquitous back then, as was the song “Age of Aquarius.”

At the beginning of this century, we often heard the kids at UCLA say:  “If you can remember the Sixties . . . you weren’t really there.”

How the heck can we possibly resurrect the vibes that made San Francisco in the late Sixties so special?  Can a retired school teacher from New Jersey possibly understand what it was like to be in the vortex of the pop culture scene?

We never did look up the guy from our college who had been a fellow worker on the college newspaper and yearbook.  We heard he was working in San Francisco and had devised a thing called the “A-Z pub craw.”  Later we learned that he had been working on a small local magazine devoted to (mostly) Rock’n’Roll music.

Our fellow alumni had a wide assortment of duties for that publication and (allegedly) one of them was to act as “handler” for that magazine’s most illustrious writer who described the unique experience that was San Francisco in the late Sixties in a book that was about beer and loafing in Las Vegas.

How can we possibly help our guests to recall the crazy time when it was unpatriotic to question America’s involvement in a war half a world away?  Now, of course, America and the politicians know that only a matter such as taking a side in the Sunni vs. Shiite religious question is worth the investment of time, money, and military resources.

A member of Berkeley’s art community (ironically?) recently gave some tour guide advice to the World’s Laziest Journalist which made the assertion:  “Don’t take visitors directly to the City Lights Bookstore.”  Of course not!  First we’ll take them to the Golden Gate Bridge . . . then we’ll head directly to the North Beach area.

Unfortunately we must gently warn our pal, Jersey Bill, that one of his strongest tourist requests will have to be eliminated from the agenda.  Due to the unbelievable work load daunting the staff at the Amalgamated Conspiracy Theory Factory (located at a secret location in the Berkeley Hills area) campus, we won’t be able to provide a stealth visit to the legendary underground facility.

A conspiracy theory bubble is being experienced during 2013.  It is a bull market for conspiracy theories.  Not only is the staff busy with commemorative work during the fiftieth anniversary of the Magic Bullet, they are being overwhelmed by work focusing on recent current events.

A radical element of the Amalgamated Conspiracy Theory Factory staff is (respectfully) suggesting that the fellow called “Edward Snowden” is actually a fictional creation designed to serve in the capacity of a Judas Goat to Legitimatize the Democratic Party’s implementation of the Bush Administration war policies.  What if Snowden is a combination Trojan Horse, false flag, clandestine operation all rolled into one that will soon do the Cheshire Cat disappearing act and never becomes available to answer such perplexing questions as why the hell didn’t the bloke just get filthy rich by writing a self help book for people who in the Golden Age of Austerity Budgets desperately want to parlay a high school dropout life into a 17 grand a month cushy gig?

Even the top rated members of the Amalgamated Conspiracy Theory Factory Research and Development Department are baffled by the question:  “What the hell can a dropout do that’s worth that much austerity budget era salary?”

Are Americans expected to believe that the guy was a very highly paid example of a digital rent-a-cop who just sits at a desk and waits for an alarm notice to appear on his computer screen?  At which time, like a second baseman in a double play, he will notify his boss that the megadata has hit the fan?

Speaking of the mainstream media dropping the ball, the astrologist at the Amalgamated Conspiracy Theory Factory is still just about the only person in the universe predicting that a conservative majority Supreme Court will earn the undying gratitude of critics of (as Mike Savage calls it) San Francisco Values by declaring gay marriages unconstitutional.  In the spirit of “Dewey Wins!” journalism, shouldn’t some of the mainstream media be doing contingency feature stories about the potential for a tsunami of legal nightmares if gay marriages are declared unconstitutional?

In the era of skeleton news staffs, maybe it makes sense for them to avoid wasting time on a hypothetical and thys should just stand by to do a “breaking news” emotional meltdown approach to a “no one saw this coming” SCOTUS decision.

Paris Fashion Week will celebrate its 70th birthday this year (just like Mick Jagger) but history buffs will recall that the first Paris Fashion Week was held in New York City due to the fact that many thought all the bunting with swastikas would class with the new dresses.

Who knew that when the first Paris Fashion Week was being held that eventually both the Republicans and Democrats in the USA and New York City would eventually embrace preemptive invasions, waterboarding, and “If you see something suspicious, report it!”?  (We have seen reports that Chancellor Hitler became very annoyed with the number of people who filed phony “suspicious activities” reports just to cause neighbors to spend extra time contending with all the subsequent paperwork that had to be filled out.)

[Note from the photo editor:  What could be more patriotic than eliminating the Social Security program while spending billions in Afghanistan?]

The World’s Laziest Journalist has, in the past, been a wee bit cynical and sarcastic regarding the potential for Obama to join FDR and JFK in the Democratic Party Hall of Fame, but we that it is obvious that the fellow is a Republican, we’ll exercise our freedom of speech and go to warp speed to express some reservations.  If Uncle Rushbo and the Republicans want to impeach Obama we’ll stand by to provide some unbiased sarcastic remarks about the process as it unfolds.  We’ll go along with whatever happens, data gathering, impeachment, ideological stalemate, whatever but we’ll stay in the boat.  The prospect of a tiger scares the bejesus out of us.  Approving the data gathering reminds us of the old Winston Churchill quote:  “Dictators ride to and fro upon tigers which they dare not dismount.  And the tigers are getting hungry.”

Now the disk jockey will play Moby Grapes “If you can’t learn from my mistakes,” the Electric Prunes’ “I had too much to dream last night,” and Janis Joplin’s “Get it while you can.”  We have to go find our MTA map of Frisco.  Have a “fa-a-a-r-r-r out” week.

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