September 4, 2008

The Tattlesnake – Teach Me Tonight Edition

John McCain Instructs Sarah Palin On the Fine Points of Foreign Policy…

McCAIN: “Okay, now, let’s start with Iraq. What do you know about Iraq?”

PALIN: “Well, I’ve been to Kuwait for a short visit and that’s right next door to Iraq!”

McCAIN: “Is it? Okay, then, you’re an expert on Iraq! Let me give you one tip, though: Don’t let the reporters trip you up on that ‘Shia-Sunni’ stuff. Listen, they’re all the same over there – just a bunch of crazy ragheads peddling carpets.”

PALIN: “Uh, what about those Kurds or whatever I’ve heard about?”

McCAIN: “Ah, curds are something you get in cottage cheese. Don’t bother your pretty little head over that BS; I know I don’t.”

PALIN: “How about Iran, Afghanistan and Pakistan?”

McCAIN: “Don’t worry about ‘em. More crazy ragheads and we’ll just blow ‘em off the map if they cause any trouble.”

PALIN: “Well, what else do I need to know?”

McCAIN: “Let’s see, you’ve been to Germany once, so you’ve got Europe knocked, and your plane touched down in Ireland, so that covers the UK, and you know about Russia since you’re right across the water from ‘em – that’s about it except for China and North Korea. Hey, did you see the Olympics on TV?”

PALIN: “Sure.”

McCAIN: “A lot of the people in the audience there were Chinese – you know, like gooks. The North Koreans are the same damn thing. Just watch out for ‘em, is all, ’cause they’re known for being diabolical. I read all about it in those Fu Manchu books when I was a boy. Man, when I become president, I’m gonna send in the Marines and rip that Chink demon Manchu a new one!”

PALIN: “What about all of this stuff in Georgia I hear on the radio, war or whatever? I don’t even know where that place is.”

McCAIN: “It’s just north of Florida. You don’t have to worry about any of that crap – that’s just Cheney trying to start the Cold War again to give us Republicans something to campaign on this year. Sure can’t campaign on the wonderful friggin’ economy can we? Ha, ha!”

PALIN: “So, is there anything else I need to know?”

McCAIN: “Nope. You’re as much of an expert on foreign policy as I am now.”

PALIN: “Wow, I never realized how easy foreign policy really is! Thanks, John!”

McCAIN: “C’mon over here and show Big John how grateful you are.”

PALIN: “I’ll get the Viagra. Do you want me to wear the moosehead again?”

McCAIN: “Oh, yeah, gotta have the moosehead. Heh, heh, heh — you’re gonna make a great Vice President, kiddo!”

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