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January 2, 2010

Blame it all on Bush?

Filed under: Guest Comment — Tags: , , — Bob Patterson @ 2:17 pm

The pro-liberal media that is going into withdrawal pains because they no longer have President George W. Bush to kick around, have gone to warp-speed in their efforts to heap praise on the new movie “Crazy Heart.” It’s gone beyond the level of effusive enthusiasm and is rapidly approaching the level of promobabble. Good Christians, who are familiar with the Biblical concept of parables, may wish to assess it as a subtle example of Bush-bashing, before they rush out to see this new cultural phenomenon, which is being touted as a “sure thing” for getting actor Jeff Bridges yet another Oscar nomination.

“Crazy Heart” tells the story of a drunk from Texas who makes a mess of everything he touches.

Where have the only two Presidents to lose a war resided?

Do you have to have Roger Whatzizname explain the symbolism of this film or are most red-blooded patriotic Americans smart enough to spot Bush-bashing when intellectual liberals start to shove it down their throats?

So here we have some clever Hollywood types “entertaining” us with the saga of a Texan who’s Midas touch turns everything into an untouchable mess. (Ya better not step in it, cause it must be mud!, eh?) Gees, who could that be?

Liberal “intellectuals” are going to repeat over and over the talking point about Jeff Bridges’ effort is a leading contender for this year’s “Best Actor Oscar®” and thus lure fans of country music into the non-stop example of stealth Bush-bashing.

In the film, Tommy Sweet (Colin Farrell) sends some sweet (if it looks like symbolism, tastes like symbolism, then it must be symbolism!) deals to Bad Blake (Jeff Bridges) his former musical mentor. Do you think they should have filmed that segment at Enron Headquarters to underscore the point they were attempting to make?

Texas means good bidness, right? You don’t believe it, just ask Jet Rink, J. R. (did those initials stand for Jet Rink?) Ewing. Mebby you could ask the Lone (Texas) Ranger where he had his silver mine.

Didn’t O. Henry, the famous writer, start a magazine in Texas and call it Rolling Stone? (Not to be confused with a later effort with the same name started in San Francisco in the Sixties?)

Do the liberal media do much to tell you about macho Texans? What about those boys with the Chaparral racing cars? Are Cobra cars macho? Well, wasn’t Carroll Shelby from Texas?

How long is it going to take before the “Texas Roadhouse” people figure out that their restaurants would go over big in “the W. A. (that means Western Australia, mate)”?

When will some wild-eyed uber-enthusiastic liberal blogger report that he has seen Kenneth Lee Lay alive and well and having a burger with Elvis at a fast food joint in Kalamazoo? Would a President ever use “witness protection program” forged material to help a friend avoid jail time? Only liberals could suspect something that vile of a Republican President.

What famous person from Texas history resigned as governor at two different times in two different states? They don’t tell you about that when they’s criticizing Sarah for resigning as Governor of Alaska, now do they? Sarah ain’t no Sam Houston, and that’s a fact. (Bless her heart!)

Speaking of the governor of Texas, will Kinky Friedman ever write another mystery novel?

Waylon allas and allas said that Texans think that when they die, they’re gonna go to Willie’s House.

Did the students at Berkeley sing songs asking “Tricky Dick” how many kids did he kill today? Liberals always choose to pick on Texans.

OK maybe nobody in Beverly Hills is hill-billy enough to have their Rolls Royce sedan converted into a pickup truck (with a rifle rack for the back window) so that makes them better, right?

To hear the liberal media tell it, the perfect country song will include a verse about mama, pickup trucks, drinking, getting out of prison, rain and trains. Well, if that’s accurate then how did two Texans get to be President?

Allegedly, Jean-Paul Sartre, while he was in a German POW camp, wrote and produced a play about fascism, with the tacit approval of his Nazi captors. Gosh, didn’t they feel dumb after he pulled off that stunt?

When the dust clears and Bad Blake has finished screwing things up, he responds with a smile and a shrug. Can you honestly say liberals will see that and not think of Dubya?

Those liberals just love them some Bush-bashing parables. They are going to give that Best Actor award to Jeff Bridges. You just mark my word and wait and see, sho’nuf it’s gonna happen.

When astronauts have a problem do they call for the wisdom of a New York cabbie (“are you talkin’ to me?”) or do they go right to some good ole boys in Texas?

Is it only Texans who say: “Houston, we have a problem.”?

Now, the disk jockey is going to play Bob Wills’ classic “Waltz across Texas,” Bobby Fuller’s “I Fought the Law (and the Law Won),” and Waylon and Willie’s version of “Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys.” It’s time for us to dance on outta here. Have a “lookout, Roger, I’m back in the movie review business” type week.

December 9, 2008

Seeing “Australia” in Australia

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , — Bob Patterson @ 6:26 pm

Since it’s too early to write a column refuting the nasty insinuations raised by those who would question President-elect Obama’s whereabouts on the day Vince Foster turned up dead,(Rush is bound to raise some such scurrulous speculation sooner or later) this might be a good time to revive our film reviewing talents.

A movie reviewer might point out that Nicole Kidman’s acting is a bit contrived and comes off as unnaturally melodramatic, but Americans tend to say:  “I’ll see it and make up my own mind.”  

When a reporter notes that during a screening at the Queensgate (on William St. in Fremantle) Theater complex, members of the audience responded to some dramatic lines with inappropriate laughter, then folks may get a better idea of whether they would get their money’s worth if they paid to see this flick.

It has some interesting film allusions to classical films such as evoking the “Gone With the Wind” type climactic battle scenes, and the thought that the ranch house is reminiscent of a scene from “Giant” and music from “The Wizard of Oz” (Pun?), but these days some Brits don’t know that much about American film culture, so why bother mentioning such cinematic references?

The director manipulates the audience and (according to news reports) the management types at Twentieth Century Fox thought that the ending that relied on Australian culture for it’s ending, wouldn’t sell as many tickets as the traditional Hollywood “happy ending” and so the ending was redone to sell more tickets.  Ahh the joys of crass commercialism!

Apparently one of the film’s lesser goals was to give Americans a glimpse of the nation without any borders and inspire some tourist interest in the country that spawned Qantas.  Sitting in the theater, it sure seemed to work.  The feeling that one could exit the theater and actually be in Australia was overwhelming.  The fact that when the film was over such a response was natural and realistic, brought home the artistry of the film. 

For someone who had an intense desire to travel “down under” (a local informed the columnist that some Aussies consider that a pejorative term), it was an amazing and exhilarating feeling to know that (with some cash help from a landlord who wanted to get a guy out of a rent-controlled apartment) dreams do come true.

The scenery in the film is beautiful, but then again the drive along Motor Ave from MGM to Twentieth Century on Pico will take you past some marvelous homes, but that has nothing at all to do with the quality of this column.

The movie’s best line is “Give him a fucking drink!”

Now, the disk jockey will play Judy Garland’s “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” and we will (like those old soldiers in a barracks ballad) slowly fade away.  Have a “happy ending” type week.

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