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January 31, 2011

Time Travel for fun and political points?

Filed under: Guest Comment — Tags: , , — Bob Patterson @ 1:45 pm

On the morning of Saturday, January 29, 2011, my columnist colleagues seemed to have the political punditry situation regarding events in Egypt well under control and so we felt free to go in San Francisco and see a double bill consisting of “Blind Alley” and “Secret beyond the Door.” Because those two movies would be considered to be in the genre known as film noir and since we had a similar experience the previous weekend and had written a column about it, we proposed that the expenditures incurred on the venture at hand might qualify as legitimate funding for a fact finding safari to gather relevant material for the topic of time travel.

The Republicans lately seem to be obsessed with efforts to get the entire USA to return to an earlier time period with a style of politics that had been envisioned by the founding fathers who are currently being promoted for advancement to the beatification stage on the long and arduous road to sainthood. What red blooded patriotic American military veteran would not want to see the USA take the necessary steps to return to the era when this country was a Republic as it is still called in both the Constitution and the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag?

The founding fathers, in their omnipotent wisdom, established a Republic. Only men who owned land were eligible to vote and they came up with superheroes that included George Washington and Thomas Jefferson. Then along came the Democrats and they soon got voting rights for women, and workers. They freed the slaves and gave them votes. Next thing ya know, along come Presidents like Jimmy Carter, Bill “Bubba” Clinton and the fellow who didn’t even have an America father.

Republicans would be sure to be very enthusiastic about a trip back to the a past when there was no tax on income. The good old days, of the Republic when land owning men being the only people eligible to vote, would be an appealing destination for the Republicans who are constantly calling the USA a Republic. Time travel and déjà vu go together like ham and eggs. We were quite confidant that we had a handle on the next column as we put some money from an ATM in our pockets and headed for the trolly car stop in downtown San Francisco.

As we approached the area, we noticed some folks who looked like they were dressed for a visit to the World Fair. Not the 1939 Fair held on Treasure Island in the San Francisco Bay; they looked like they needed directions to the World Fair held in Saint Louis in 1896.

The time travelers, known as Steampunks are planning a World’s Fair of their own that is scheduled to take place in the Somerset – Piscataway area of New Jersey on May 20 to 22 of this year (that’s 2011 for those who may be lost in time.)

Their spokesman informed this columnist that his group was composed of fiends of H. G. Wells and that he had used the famous writer’s time machine to help them achieve a one day installment of time travel tourism so that they could take a look around Frisco and see how marvelous things would be on the last Saturday in January of 2011.

Ohhhhh Kayyyy! We took some photos of them to prove to our friends that we hadn’t imagined this encounter. Someday in the future, we may even learn how to insert those images into one of our columns.

One of the ground rules for time travel is that the time tourist can not change the past. Thus, if some of the people who believe in time travel were to travel back to Honolulu on Saturday December 6, 1941, (we are still working on the column about snapshot collecting and might have some nifty photos to run with that column), they could not go to Pearl Harbor and warn them about what will happen the next morning.

There does not seem to be a great deal of information about the practical application of time travel for contemporary espionage purposes. What if, hypothetically, an American were able to travel back in time a week or two and while cloaked in invisibility this spy were able to look and listen in on a meeting of Hosni Mubarak and his advisors? Would that modern Mata Hare be able to come back to his mission handlers and tell them what was being said, so that the future could be anticipated and the proper strategy devised?

Some writers assert that Democrats prefer science fiction and that conservatives are the main audience for mysteries. The Democrats, they say, are not afraid to envision alternative futures. Filled with extensive licentious debauchery? The Conservatives find reassurance (and a “softer side moment”?) in the world of hardboiled detectives where truth, justice and the American way will (always or usually?) prevail. This columnist doesn’t have any scientific evidence to back those contentions, but what good is it to use scientific studies for fact finding? Those kooks believe in global warming and (sniff snivel and tears?) the immanent demise of the polar bears (Ursus Maritimus).

Reality is so boring. George W. Bush envisioned a wave of democracy sweeping over the Middle East and now that his successor has a chance to bring Egypt into the Democracy tent, it looks like the current U. S. President is going to urge the Egyptian leader to reach out to the other side. Yeah, he’ll reach out and give them a back hand slap just as cavalierly as if he were a P. I. (private investigator) who was dealing out a business card.

Could it be that hard fisted conservatives in one U. S. intelligence agency are urging on the Egyptian rebels while the “let’s talk this out” American President is backing the dictator? Has Egypt become the chess board where two diverse American political factions are locked in a high stakes squabble about the philosophy for the course of domestic American security?
Speaking of tourism, isn’t it a wonder that the American Teabaggers aren’t flocking to Cairo to see how low maintenance government works when it is put into play?

Herbert George Wells wrote: “Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.” What do you think that dope thought about the scientists’ fairy tale about global warming?

Now the disk jockey will play “Thanks for the Memory,” “Change Partners,” and “The Cowboy and the Lady” (all three were nominated for the 1938 Best Song Oscar). We have to go check the listings for the time for this Thursday’s showing of “Back to the Future” as part of the Berkeley 7 Flashback film series. Have a “’tis a far, far better thing I do” type week.

January 27, 2011

1816 Flashback?

Filed under: Guest Comment — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 1:43 pm

A volcanic eruption of Biblical proportions is often cited as the cause of the unusual weather experienced around the northern hemisphere in 1816, which is often called “the year there was no summer.” If, as some of the cutting edge conspiracy theory advocates are alleging, the summer of 2011 does a repeat of its 1816’ disappearing act, because of the Gulf oil spill, pundits will eventually get around to haggling over the topic: “Did global warming start with the volcanic eruption in 1815?” This columnist would like to ask that question now, and move on (dot org?) to something else for this summer.

While doing some fact checking about the wagering on various candidates who might be the successful candidate for the Presidency of the USA in 2012, we came across the curious bit of information that one of the overseas bookies is giving a thousand to one odds for bets that Laura Bush will be the winner.

Is it true that only the best journalistic hot dogs cover the Frankfurt Book Faire?

Has any columnist laid claim to the boast “the pundit other pundits read first”? Did Freddie Francisco use that line? If so, would he be gracious enough to let us “borrow” it in the Internets era? Didn’t Ambrose Bierce write a San Francisco based column before he went AWOL? Isn’t there a conspiracy theory that suggests that Bierce sneaked quietly back into “Baghdad by the Bay,” and did ghost writing using Freddie Francisco as his nom de plume?

One of the items included in the wrangling over the city budget in Berkeley CA is some quibbling about the use of medical coverage for city employees who want sex change operations. Maybe if Rush Limbaugh mentions that in a future broadcast, he’ll attribute the tip to Freddie Francisco?

Will the efforts to orchestrate a boycott of Rush’s sponsors work or will it come off looking like a Chinese fire drill? Wasn’t the very first boycott over an Irish matter?

Speaking of Oprah, we wonder: Will Qantas now move on our suggestion that they use bargain fares to lure Netroots Nation into holding one of their conventions in Sydney? Heck, bloggers could go to Sydney in January of 2013 and then come back and hold a second one somewhere in the USA in July and, then it would be the year with two summers, for those who attended both events.

We’ve lost our copy of “Naked is the best disguise,” by Samuel Rosenberg. As soon as we find a replacement copy (there are beau coup good used book stores in Berkeley) we will start to write a column on his conspiracy theory that philosopher Fred C. Nietzsche was the real life identity of Sherlock Holmes’ nemesis Professor Moriarty.

Why do polar bears (Ursus Maritimus) get all the publicity? If global warming is more than a figment of the collective mind of the scientific community, then why don’t penguins get some attention? If the ice cap in the northern hemisphere is in danger of melting away, then won’t the other one melt too and leave the penguins (Aptenodytes patagonica) homeless too? If the Southern ice cap isn’t going to melt, why not just send the polar bears down there?
Do the luxury hotels in Antarctica tout surfing on their fine beaches or do they stress the skiing experiences available nearby?

Speaking of San Francisco, that’s where the True Oldies Channel (TOC) has their home office. One of the top features of the TOC is their daily selection of a sentimental song as the cheesy listening song of the day. You want schmaltz? You wanna do a Boener blubber scene because of a song on the radio? We urge our faithful readers (all dozen of you) to e-mail in this suggestion: Elvis’ “Old Shep.” Tell Scott Shannon (the TOC’s answer to Emperor Norton?) that you got the idea from Freddie Francisco.

Did you know that San Francisco has two official songs and that (the last time we checked with the city clerk) Berkeley doesn’t have even one? We’ll have to see what the official city song is in Concordia Kansas. Do they have two like Frisco? Or have they been as lax in that department as has Berkeley?

Did you just ask for some political punditry before we fade to commercial? Our latest bit of fact checking indicates that the current odds regarding JEB as the winner of the 2012 Presidential Elections are forty to one.

In “Don’t Call It ‘Frisco” (Double Day & Co 1953 hardback page 195), Herb Caen wrote: “Books that are banned in Boston are best sellers in San Francisco, and their merits are argued hotley in the finest salons.” Did he really mean to use just one “o”?

Now the disk jockey will play Fred Astair’s “Mr. Top Hat” album, Paul Evans song “Seven Little Girls (Sitting in the back seat with Fred),” and Freddie and the Dreamers album “Fun Lovin’ Freddie.” Now, we gotta go get tickets for the Porchlight showing of the film “Brushes with Fame.” Have the kind of week that only Munro Leaf could chronicle.

January 24, 2011

The Noir City Report

Filed under: Guest Comment — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 3:50 pm

During an intense effort to convince a Conservative friend that he should listen to some of Mike Malloy’s radio shows, we suddenly realized that we had earned the right to take a short break, so we hopped on a bus and headed out for the Ninth Annual Noir City Film Festival in San Francisco. A nostalgic trip back in time to an earlier era when all Hollywood movies reinforced the American principle that the bad guys always get caught would be therapeutic. All the classic examples of the film noir genre were made before some nefarious subversive intellectuals (AKA dirty commies?) were able to get the Hayes code repealed and start making movies hinting that bankers had hearts of stone and that only crooks and liars, not true red-blooded altruistic American patriots, run for public office.

The theme for this year’s event is: “Who’s crazy now?” and all 24 examples of the noir genre being shown tell the story of a protagonist who is either insane or suspected of being insane. Republicans would perceive the movie event as a preview of the next Democratic Party convention to select a Presidential nominee.

The first installment of the film festival presented the double feature of “High Wall,” and “Stranger on the Third Floor.” The second film is credited with the distinction of being the first appearance of a movie that would be labeled as “film noir.” It featured some genius examples of black and white cinematography that included images of shadows to tell the story. It included a surrealistic dream sequence as did many subsequent examples of quality noir. The leading man is falsely arrested for murder and his frail does the detective work necessary to find a suspicious stranger and thus clear her man.

The Saturday matinee was up next. “Strangers in the Night” tells the story of a crazy old lady and her efforts to control the life of a wounded war veteran.

Then they showed “Gaslight,” the 1944 film featuring an Academy Award Winning (AKA the Oscar™) performance by Ingrid Bergman. Spoiler warning: If you haven’t seen this stunning mystery, there will be some plot surprises revealed below. In it a young singer, Paula Alquist (Ingrid Berman) falls under the control of a man who exudes charm and savoir faire. They get married and she begins to manifest examples of memory loss. Her husband gives her a family heirloom broach and she immediately loses it. It reminded this columnist of how the liberals have lost their memory about the news stories that described how the airplane that had hit the Pentagon was painstakingly reassembled in a hanger in Langley Virginia, and how that provided valuable clues linking the perps to Saddam Hussein.

The wife continues to have distressing examples of losing touch with reality despite her husband’s constant efforts to remind her of the truth. The husband, Gregory Anton (Charles Boyer), reminded this reviewer of Donald Rumsfeld. When they clash over a chance to go to a party, he reluctantly relents and is mortified when she breaks down in tears at the event. (I’m sure that, in these more compassionate times, some effeminate guys would assert that she was merely showcasing her softer side and not manifesting emotional instability as her husband maintained.)

Just as the husband is about to take steps to have his wife committed to an insane asylum, a Scotland Yard fellow steps in and proves that a crime has taken place and that the husband is a bigamist, a murderer, and was after some valuable jewelry.
At that point, we became obsessed with the idea that we should rush back to our pad in Berkeley and do the necessary key strokes to produce a column that compares what the husband did to what the Bush Administration did to the conspiracy theory nuts who thought they understood reality and that the highly paid government staff workers did not.

By early Sunday morning, we realized that it was senseless to worry about things such as:
How did the US Army lose Osama in the Torra Borra mountains?
Did Building 7 just fall down?
Aren’t the electronic voting machines unhackible?
Isn’t it best for a conservative majority Supreme Court to decide close elections?
If there is more than one film noir film festivals in the USA, why isn’t there a vampire film festival?
Years and years from now, if someone does start a vampire film festival, and if Dick Cheney is selected as guest of honor, what will the curmudgeonly Democrats say that means?

Sunday the twin bill was “A Double Life” which won the lead actor, Ronald Colman another one of those gold statue awards for acting, and “Among the Living” which was an obscure gem notable for several different reasons. The second film featured Francis Farmer and Rita Hayward. In it, Americans were depicted as having a lynch mob mentality, which we now know happens only when justice involves national security factors such as the WikiLeaks case.

We chatted briefly with the Czar of Noir, Eddie Muller, who is an author and the event host. Was one of the fans who spoke to him, Freddy Francisco the former columnist known as “Mr. San Francisco”? Unless that fellow has the life expectancy statistics of a vampire it would be impossible for it to have been the guy Mr. Hearst fired personally two different times.

Noir fans who can’t wait until the Los Angeles event from March 31 to April 17, later this year, might enjoy the Film Preservation Blogathon (For the Love of Film [Noir]) starting on February 14 being hosted by Ferdy on Films and The self –Styled Siren.

The Film Noir Foundation has been working with the UCLA Film and Television Archive to preserve noir movies which are in danger of disappearing from contemporary culture (like a tiger in the smoke?).

We realized that the World’s Laziest Journalist may have become overworked in his efforts to win the debate with the conservative friend and, perhaps, the columnist needs a bigger and better bit of divertissement than the Noir City event. We have noticed that a new film playing in Berkeley is titled “Nuremburg.” Maybe it’s a travelogue? Doesn’t Germany have the highest excellent Quality Automobile Museum rating of any country in the entire world?

Maybe a trip there to see those tourist attractions would take our mind off Bush and our misperception that he has done a bad thing by approving waterboarding? Yes! We’ll get our mind right, boss! We’ll start with a trip to downtown Berkeley to see that travelogue.

What about a travelogue and a fine meal? What is chef Lecter serving at his world famous restaurant tonight?

Speaking of conflicting points of view, we are anxiously awaiting the return of Roger Ebert to the TV screens of America, even though the only movie critic ever to win a Pulitzer Prize did fail to grasp reality in his review of Van Wilder.

Which quote doesn’t belong?
“Tell, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close-up!”
“Let’s see, three times 35 – is a hundred and five. I’ll bet you 105,000 dollars that you go to sleep before I do.”
“There was another key . . .”
“How many shots did he fire . . .”
“We have proof that there are WMD’s in Iraq.”

Now, if our disk jockey can find the records he seems to have lost, he will play the theme song from “Laura,” the Vertigo soundtrack album, and “The Ballad of Lucy Jordon.” We have to go and Buy War Bonds today. Have a “if it looks suspicious; report it” type week.

January 16, 2011

A Liberal subterfuge suggestion

Filed under: Guest Comment — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 4:41 pm

Journalists on the Trend-spotting beat are always searching for questions, facts, or fads that indicate that a quick and significant shift in the national cultural scene has begun. When a new man is sworn in as America’s President, that usually unleashes a tsunami of journalistic pontification about how henceforth things will be different, accompanied by sanctimonious efforts to make specific predictions. Sometimes such a trend-spotting story displays a remarkable level of accuracy such as the time in 1943 when New York based media (and Newsweek in particular?) focused their attention on some innovations being scored by local jazz musicians, such as Charlie “Bird” Parker. Perhaps the most notable examples of accuracy in trend-spotting can be tarnished by allegations of the “self-fulfilling prophecy” kind. Look at the incredulity that greeted the simultaneous cover articles done by Time and Newsweek on the then obscure musician named Bruce Springsteen.

Close counts in certain endeavors such as pitching horseshoes, hand grenades, and (as some curmudgeons maintain) love, but it has no validity when it comes to trend-spotting.

We’ll inject a personal anecdote here to illustrate the point. Back in the late Sixties, this writer and a buddy went out on reconnaissance “bird watching” mission. (Back then young ladies were yclept “birds.”) In the process, we went to a night club that was popular with the college crowd. In a moment of quiet reflection (“Schaeffer’s is the one beer to have, when you’re having more than one”), this columnist focused his attention on the band and was struck by the thought that the young folks were so intent on the “body exchange” aspect of the place, that they seemed oblivious to the possibility that they could be ignoring a band destined for greatness.

Did the young folks in Liverpool’s Cavern Club focus on the potential of the house band, or were they concentrating their attention on the mating rituals of the human species? Could it be, we wondered, that the young people in that Jersey bar were overlooking a band with the potential to sell out arena venues?

The place where we had that thought, we later learned, was the very same place (the Erlton Bowl in Cherry Hill) where Bruce Springsteen and his band worked for years as the house band and polished their musical skills. Were they the band that inspired a comparison to the Beatles? Maybe, but it could also be that Springsteen & Co. got their gig at that place the week after we were there. We’ll never know how close we came to being a few years ahead of Time and Newsweek in their admiration for Springsteen.

The inciting incident for this maudlin example of “wallowing in nostalgia” was a question about the concept of “point of no return.” This columnist first encountered that notion when the John Wayne movie “The High and the Mighty” was released.

Some car crash victims have reported that the event seemed to have taken place in “slow-motion.” If that is true, isn’t there a second in time where thing snap into focus? Isn’t there one particular moment when the mouse’s perception of the cheese instantly morphs from seeing it as a desirable, easily accessible reward to realizing that it is a parcel of treacherous bait that has been used for an ambush? Some mice may never have enough time to appreciate the St. Paul’s moment. But a smarter, more observant mouse may have a blitzkrieg quick moment where he (or she) can (to steal a line from W. C. Fields) take the bull by the tail and face the situation. The mouse notices that things have become unmanageable and that “this isn’t going to end well.” The cheese doesn’t move, but the mouse’s perception of it does.

This columnist isn’t the only American who has been fascinated by the history of the Third Reich. Didn’t “The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich” make the best seller lists when it was published? Our (apparently autographed by the author) copy of the English translation of Klaus Hildebrand’s book “the Foreign Policy of the Third Reich” indicates that we aren’t alone in regard to an interest in that academic topic.

[Ready for another personal experience story? About a year ago, while savoring a hot white chocolate drink at the Cow’s End Café in the Venice Section of Los Angeles, we started chatting with one of the locals. When he was informed that we write for this website, he became antagonistic in his attitude about America’s first President of Pan-African heritage and eventually we counter-attacked with an allegation that the Republican playbook relied entirely on concepts plagiarized from “Mein Kampf.” That incensed the fellow and he challenged our basis for making that comparison: “Have you read it?” When we said “yes,” he resigned the game snarling that his personal ethics dictated that he couldn’t hold a conversation with anyone who had read that book. Republicans, it seems, only wish to debate people who are not well informed about the topic to be discussed.]

Initially, approval in Germany for Herr Hitler was sufficient to give him a basis for an attempt to form a coalition government. Thanks to some subsequent tricky political maneuvers, the influence of his party grew. Ultimately, Hitler’s approval ratings plummeted in early 1945. We have often wondered: At what point did the German people have their “Mousetrap Moment Epiphany”?

The teabaggers are steeped in unqualified admiration for the Republican agenda. Will they ever experience a “Mousetrap Moment”?

Have you noticed that lately all the Republicans are calling the USA a Republic and not a Democracy? What’s the difference? Does it matter? Will that subtle bit of semantics provide the basis for a teabag party mousetrap moment some time in the future?

Some curmudgeonly pundits are making dire predictions that the USA will follow the German path to national disgrace. If they are accurate in their trend-spotting prognostications, then the Americans will, like the Germans, have a Mousetrap Moment when the majority (some party stalwarts will be enthusiastic about using the cyanide pill) of Americans will have a change of heart about the Republican stealth efforts to scrap the Social Security program and cater only to the welfare needs of the super-rich.

What small (relatively unnoticed) bit of contemporary American culture will future historians say marked the turning point? Will it be the fact that Bill O’Reilly lost his radio show? Will it be the slide in Glenn Beck’s numbers? Will it be the contemporary spin that denied that President Reagan was suffering from dementia? (Didn’t the Wall Street Journal run a feature story about emphatic denials being a symptom of guilt, just before the O. J. trial began?) Will it be something that Rush lies about too blatantly?

This columnist had been assessed as being out of touch with reality for expressing the opinion that future historians will someday determine that the Mousetrap Moment was when JEB Bush was inaugurated as President in 2013.

Who was the German leader who made the decision to accept the Allies offer of unconditional surrender? It wasn’t Hitler. He was “non en case” by that time.

Recently we have noticed that Fox Network of Republican Propaganda seems to be loosing their position as de facto squad leader for American media. Taking a reading of public sentiment in Berkeley CA may not be the most accurate measure of the situation on a national level, but we have noticed that some obstreperous members of the country’s media seems to be making efforts to establish that Fox no longer gives them the lead that they must follow.

When Fox dictates that the media must marvel at a sudden surge in JEB’s popularity right as the Iowa caucuses are scheduled to be played out, will the rest of the national media do what will be expected of them (by their wealthy owners?)?

For those who would refute this scenario by asserting that Sarah Palin has a “lock” on the nomination, we would respond: “Look up the definition of ‘stalking horse candidate’!” She won’t be the first babe to be played for a sucker by the rich guys calling the shots from behind the scenes.

[Here’s a nice irrelevant quote. In the entry for March 7, 1936, in his book Berlin Diary, William L. Shirer wrote: “Their hands are raised in slavish salute, their faces now contorted with hysteria, their mouths wide open, shouting, shouting, their eyes, burning with fanaticism, glued on the new god, the Messiah.”]

What if the turning point turns out to be the invention of “The Malloy Challenge” by an obscure blogger? What, you ask, is “The Malloy Challenge”? Find a staunch conservative friend and make a small friendly wager. Bet them they can’t listen to Mike Malloy’s radio program for a week and not have a mousetrap moment conversion.

They have to listen for a full week. Listening for fifteen minutes and then turning it off and throwing a temper tantrum won’t win the bet. If terrorism suspects can be repeatedly subjected to waterboarding and they can’t listen to a fellow with an opposing point of view for a full week, doesn’t that smack of hypocrisy and wimpiness?

Challenging a conservative to listen attentively to the Mike Malloy’s radio program for a week in return for $10 pay, won’t work; but if you appeal to their macho side and couch the offer in the terms of a friendly wager that might work. If they can’t tune in to Malloy for a week to win a bet, then it is obvious they would crumble like a paper tiger, if they had to endure waterboarding for their cause.

Issuing “The Malloy Challenge” to conservative friends isn’t going to stop the inauguration of JEB, but it is going to give you a right to the “I tried to warn you” example of schadenfreude, when you conservative friends are aghast at what they see happening when JEB gets his hands on FDR’s beloved Social Security program.

Klaus Hildebrand (Ibid page 72) wrote: “Chamberlain’s attitude can only be understood properly if it is seen in the context of his basic plan for peace.” Isn’t that sortta like Obama’s efforts to “reach out to the other side”?

The disk jockey will, of course, play the haunting theme song from “the High and the Mighty,” “Born to Run,” and the Badenweiler March (to see why that is relevant to this column read Shirer’s Berlin Diary entry for September 5, 1934). We have to go look up the explanation for Rupert Sheldrake’s concept of morphic resonance. Have a “Bugaloo, got a bet going over here!” type week.

December 15, 2010

America in the Golden Age of Schizophrenia?

Filed under: Guest Comment — Bob Patterson @ 2:03 pm

Item 26 on the Action Calendar for the Berkeley City Council Regular Meeting, which started at 7 P. M. on Tuesday, December 14, 2010, brought the famous university town to world wide attention (once again) because it called for support and freedom for Pfc Bradley Manning and urged the council to proclaim Manning a hero. Citizens were given one minute each to speak about the item. The two opposing sides were firmly entrenched in their divergent positions. For the folks against the item, it was a matter of patriotism to defeat the motion; for those who endorsed the motion, approval was a manifestation of the position that the USA must adhere to the principles enunciated at the Nuremburg War Crimes Trials. The Berkeley City Council voted to table the motion, which means they decided to not make a decision (for the time being).

In a city where the Hearst School of Journalism is located, there did not seem to be any j-school students getting a first hand look at the noteworthy meeting. It was easy to get a seat in the audience an hour after the meeting started. There were a few TV trucks in front of the building where the Council Chambers are located (not the City Hall), but it was not the large number that was adjacent to the Court House in Santa Monica when the matter of the Roman Polanski statutory rape case was being considered. Perhaps the world news organizations were economizing by using the work of various San Francisco TV stations as pool feeds? Or could it be that sex cases are more important than war?

Can an entire nation become schizophrenic? There are two schools of thought on that question. One says “absolutely” and the other says “No way, Jose!”

Those who say it can happen offer some items for evidence such as: When Ed Muskie cried in Vermont, while seeking his party’s Presidential nomination, the media stepped in and destroyed and discredited his quest by pointing out that he was emotionally unstable, but when Rep. John Boehner, the Republican who will be the next Speaker of the House and will be right after the Vice-President in the line of succession, cries it’s OK because it is a manifestation of the Orange man’s “softer side.”

When the Germans used waterboarding, they were committing a war crime; but when America uses the “simulated drowning” method of questioning, it’s OK because they are protecting their country.

During the eight years of the Bush era, tax cuts do not seem to have provided a surfeit of jobs, but now that a Democrat is President, extending those tax breaks will suddenly provide jobs.

When Julian Assange exposes war crimes, he should be lynched because he might be endangering American lives; but when Dick Cheney outs a CIA agent (which is specifically verboten) that’s OK because her husband’s loyalty to President George W. Bush was in question.

After Germany’s leader used subterfuge to instigate an invasion of Poland, that example of misconduct was used at Nuremburg to produce the principle that any invasion is a crime against peace. When George W. Bush used nonexistent weapons of mass destruction to justify the deployment of American troops into Iraq, that was OK because he didn’t know that they were figments of his own imagination. Isn’t that like using a “temporary insanity” plea as a way to avoid a conviction for war crimes?

There’s an old bit of wisdom for those who attend Comic-con: “Reality is a crutch for those who don’t understand Sci-fi.” Should that axiom be amended? “Reality is a crutch for those who don’t understand patriotism.”

Rupert Murdock is a (very wealthy) wise old media mogul from Australian and the thought that a cute and much younger, much less experienced guy, who is also from Australia . . . is there something going on here that the US doesn’t know about? Do you think that . . . ? Isn’t it just a case of a refusal by the older journalist to pass the torch to a new generation? Does the management at Fox News think that the Assange sex case more important than war? Is it?

Would it be deliciously ironic if the password to unlock the next WikiLeaks document dump uses the Des-key (F2654hd4) used to keep the electronic voting machines secure? Perhaps that could happen by repeating those same 8 characters several times? If that is the case, could it be considered an inside joke for the hackers community?

In the land where former PM Tony Blair was affectionately called Bush’s Poodle, are the Brits refusing to participate in a new installment of the “dog and pony show”? If America wants to bring Assange to the USA, why is it necessary to play the shell game about getting Great Britain to send him to Sweden first? Can’t the USA just ask the Brits for extradition? Have the people who benefited from the Lend Lease program completely lost their sense of gratitude?

Whatzizname from Facebook has just been named Time magazine’s newsmaker of the year for being who he is and doing whatever it is that he has done. Folks in Russia think that Julian Assange deserves a Nobel Peace Prize but the news organizations seem to be skipping over what the Commies think of Time’s selection.

Neal Diamond has just been named to the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame.

When Berkeley has the chance to once again direct the focus of anti-war sentiment to their city, they tabled the motion.

President Obama was last year’s Nobel Peace Prize winner. He has continued using the questioning techniques authorized by George W. Bush & Co., which some say qualifies as a war crime. Will future historians dare to ask if those two facts, taken together, prove that the year 2010 was the high point of the Golden Age of American Schizophrenia? On the one hand, this columnist is inclined to predict that it will happen; on the other hand, maybe we should just table the motion and let it slide.

In The Dream of the Golden Mountains (The Viking Press hardback 1980 on page x in the Foreword), Malcolm Cowley wrote: “I say ‘we’ and ‘us’ while conscious of their being treacherous pronouns; any reader is entitle to ask, ‘Who is we?’”

Now the disk jockey will rock out and play “Brother Love’s Traveling Salvation Show,” “Holly Holy,” and “I am I said.” We have to go get a wifi connection to learn what happened after we left regarding Item 27 for the Berkeley City Council which meant they would urge Pacifica to reinstate to KPFA’s Morning Show. Have a “Stones” type week.

December 7, 2010

Heard any good gossip lately?

Filed under: Guest Comment — Tags: , — Bob Patterson @ 2:00 pm

John Loughery’s biography of Willard Huntington Wright, titled S. S. Van Dine, contains a noticeable amount of material about art theory which this reader found interesting. That prompted us to leap to the assumption that we would have enjoyed the evening of conversation about that very esoteric topic which was recently scheduled to occur in New York City at the 92 St. Y. Unfortunately, the event was put on a cable TV channel and the viewers were encouraged to e-mail questions. The host group was inundated by requests for celebrity gossip because one of the participants just happened to be the author, comedian, and actor Steve Martin. The event sponsors caved to public pressure and relayed the audience’s wishes to Mr. Martin. That destroyed the event’s intellectual intent and threw it into complete disarray.

We learned about this Manhattan based brouhaha on Sunday morning at the café Mediterraneum in Berkeley CA while we were finishing our first pass on that day’s installment of the Week in Review Section of the New York Times.

Initially, declaring that we were in a genuine beatnik café (hey, if the place was open as the Piccolo and offering bargain meals while Jack Kerouac and Alan Ginsberg were living in Berkeley . . .) before noon may be suspect, but, since that place was the home of the caffé latte, and since we were in dire need of a dose of caffeine, and since we had, while walking there, acceded to an impulse to buy the aforementioned massive journalistic document dump of information and ideas, it seemed altogether proper and fitting to be thus engaged.

We noticed that our neighbor at the next table was duplicating our effort to become well informed. We asked: “Why are you reading the New York Times in Berkeley California? He noted that was a profound question and he lacked a profound answer. Fair dinkum. We exchanged a few additional bits of opinion and local information and so when he rose to leave we asked if he knew where in that particular university town, someone could go to find a lively discussion. He listed three possible locations worth, by his reckoning, investigation.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, wouldn’t cha know it; his answer indicated that we might want to reach into the memory bank and use our ability to imitate an Irish accent to augment the search process. In the part of Pennsylvania, where we spent our childhood years, IrishCatholicDemocrat is one word and everyone who used it was of Irish ancestry.

Some naïve folks may suggest that what this columnist needs to do is to turn on the radio and turn the tuning knob to find a smorgasbord of lively discussions revolving around the day’s controversy du jour. Aye, lads and lassies, there’s the rub. The programs available on the radio are comparable to playing a game of chance with a Mississippi riverboat gambler. The programs that are conducted under the conservative banner, will disconnect a caller who is heading toward making a salient liberal point (“to protect the audience from misinformation and heresy” or words to that effect) while the shows that are hosted by a liberal pundit are lately prone to be dominated by callers repeating conservative talking points.

Consequently the result is as bland and boring as if someone who does not give a tinker’s damn about sports, tunes into a radio station featuring sports talk. Don’t the stations in the San Francisco Bay area favor the local teams and don’t the New York City based stations featuring sports talk favor the Yankees, Jets, and Giants football team?

The days when people who wanted a lively discussion would adhere to the guidelines elaborated in Robert Louis Stevenson’s essay “Talk and Talkers” are part of a lost era. Now, shouting matches are foisted on the audience because they are entertaining and help boost ratings.

After departing the previously mentioned beatnik café, we encountered a fellow who, when we had occasion to mention that we do not own a TV set, said: “Someone who doesn’t own a television? . . . that’s as scary as a Steven King movie.” Just a few moments after that exchange, we encountered a group of young hippies in the world famous “People’s Park,” who were deeply engrossed in the process of reading a fresh copy of that day’s edition of the New York Times. We took a photo because the tableau resembled a cross between a Saturday Evening Post cover painted by Norman Rockwell and some photojournalism (by Dorothea Lang?) documenting the last Great Depression.

Could it be that the conservatively owned news media have, with their incessant proclamation of the triumph of the philosophy of the wealthy, only manage to delude just themselves? What if the attitude toward journalism in the United States today matches the levels of cynicism and distrust toward managed news that was experienced in Germany during the second half of 1944?

Every kid knows that hot air and bubble gum will collapse when they meet their limits, but do the best known purveyors of conservative talking points have late night moments of questioning and doubt similar to what Scrooge experienced when he encountered some ghosts in the Dickens tale?

What respected journalism awards have Rush and Glen Beck won?

Isn’t it time for Rupert and the Koch brothers to fund some new news awards which can be bestowed on hapless propagandists to impress gullible teabaggers and to reassure any conservatives vulnerable to moments of self-doubt?

Liberal websites are like the canary in the mine and some of them are looking very peaked these days. Imagine, if you will, that Combat newspaper, which was distributed in occupied Paris during World War II, had suspended publication because of a lack of money. Do Americans still not get the picture?

Does Rush Limbaugh honestly think that capitalists will continue to pay his salary when the last vestiges of any opposing point of view have been extinguished? Capitalists don’t get rich by handing out exorbitant paychecks unnecessarily. When the voice of opposition and lively conversations have become extinct, Rush’s services will be as appealing to the capitalists as the efforts of a union organizer are now.

From a selfish point of view, wouldn’t it be logical for Rush to think that he should sporadically offer subsidy money to liberal media anonymously

Listening to Rush Limbaugh repeat passages from the Republican playbook reminds this columnist of the Twilight Zone episode that ended with the line: “It’s a cookbook!”

Wouldn’t readers of this website love to be the clerk in an Unemployment Office when all liberal media has been extinguished and Rush is given a pink slip and has to learn first hand what amounts of bureaucracy are involved in the paperwork necessary to start an unemployment claim?

Patriotic teabaggers would be the first to proclaim “It can’t happen here.” To which we would quote the closing line from The Sun also Rises: “‘Yes!’ I said. ‘Isn’t it pretty to think so.’”

Richard H. Dana, Jr., in Two Years Before the Mast, wrote: “Whatever your feelings may be, you must make a joke of everything at sea; and if you were to fall from aloft and be caught in the belly of a sail and saved from instant death, it would not do to look at all disturbed, or to make a serious matter of it.” That’s good advice for conservative talk show hosts too.

Now the disk jockey will play Walyon and Hank Jr.’s “The Conversation,” a bootleg copy of “Cosmic Joke,” written and sung by David Carradine, and (from South Pacific) “Happy talk.” We have to go to the “Going Places” travel agency and ask Tulle if Pan Am offers a stop off in Tahiti if we buy a ticket to New Zealand. Have “smile when you say that” type week.

November 3, 2010

Fasten your seatbelts, boys!

Filed under: Guest Comment — Tags: , , — Bob Patterson @ 3:07 pm

Liberal pundits now face a nightmare binary choice: they can agree with Fox News that the voters of America have just given President Obama a chillingly ominous signal (similar to the “black spot” message in Treasure Island?) or they can subscribe to the lunatic conspiracy theory that the election results were skewed somehow – with the possibility that the electronic voting machines are the Occam’s Razor style leading contender for a theory explaining the sudden about-face in American politics.

Teabaggers would be quick to denounce any attempts to blame the electronic voting machines for the losses, because such arcane explanations are suspiciously similar to the incomprehensible mumbo-jumbo of the scientists who promote the global warming theory that attempts to refute the Bible.

Pundits, who repeat the Republican talking points about a mandate to reduce the size of government and the deficit, security, and the promotion of the traditional American philosophy that individuals can achieve their full potential in the freedom loving society of the United States of America, will be given a tumultuous round of applause for their efforts and, perhaps, warm words of praise in their next employee evaluation accompanied, of course, by a terse reminder that a reward in the form of increased monetary remuneration is, regretfully, temporarily impossible during the current period of economic challenges to his employer. You know how that goes: “Nice work, boys, pass these cigars around; then let’s get back to work!”

The lunatics, who make snide accusations that the fault lies in the secret computer programs used by the electronic voting machines, will be put in a metaphorical straightjacket and sent to the Internet Isolation Ward without supper.

To think that the Republicans were and are accountable for war crimes, carnage and slaughter in the Middle East, extreme cruelty via fraudulent home foreclosures, and religious hypocrisy, is complete luncacy, but to accuse the Republicans of tampering with the sacred tradition of free elections is tantamount to accusing them of treason.

Speaking of reviving the House Un-American Activities Committee, we recently noticed (“Martin Dies” by William Gellermann The John Day Company hardback edition 1943) that it has been said: “(Martin) Dies explains that individuals have certain God-given rights and that ‘the destruction of one fundamental right is always followed by the destruction of all others.’ The ‘real answer’ is to restore ‘Christian influence’ in America. The teachings of Karl Marx are diametrically opposed to those of Jesus Christ.”

Pundits of the lunatic conspiracy theory kind can question the validity of the results produced by the electronic voting machines, but they do so at their own peril.

We would like to direct the attention of those potential agent provocateurs to this passage: “He (Martin Dies) considered it a fact that many well-intentioned people in the United States had been misled by Communist slogans and had taken part in the Communist movement thinking they were promoting liberty.” (Ibid page 110)

It is time for President Obama to signal his readiness to work with the new Speaker of the House and he can do so by waving the white flag of surrender. Then the country can devote its full attention to the daunting tasks at hand.

In 2008, the Democratic candidate promised Change. Well, if he doesn’t show any willingness to compromise with the newly elected Republican House, he will be called “intractable” and thus conclusively prove that he is a hypocrite.

Hunter S. Thompson was always saying “Big Darkness Soon Come.” He didn’t live long enough to see just how correct his assessment was.

We enjoy lunatic conspiracy theories as much as the next pundit and so we will keep a sharp eye out for the first signs of any such behavior on the Internets, such as a fixation with a new Impeachment via an old student loan application.

Would President Obama agree to a quid pro quo? He won’t veto the new Republican Health Care Bill and they, in turn, won’t start impeachment proceedings on that basis?

In 1943, the Democrat Martin Dies said: “I am not a maudlin internationalist who believes that I or my Government can go all over the world and make people democratic, whether they want to be democratic or not.” That certainly wasn’t the case regarding the liberation of French Indo-china, was it?

Now the disk jockey will play Waylon and Willie’s version of “I Don’t Care (If Tomorrow Never Comes),” Janis Joplin’s “Try (Just a Little Bit Harder)” and Hank Williams’ “My Son Calls another Man Daddy.” We have to go collect some bets and make some new ones. Have a “straighten up and fly right” type week.

November 1, 2010

Difference of opinion is what makes a horse race

Filed under: Guest Comment — Tags: , — Bob Patterson @ 4:00 pm

On Sunday, October 31, 2010, the front page of the New York Times presented its readers with a graphic, on the top of page 1 indicating that there were 19 Senate races in the mid-term elections which would determine the makeup of the Senate from now until the Presidential Election in 2012.

Isn’t it odd that so many American political pundits use horse race metaphors for stories about the elections but don’t mention the coincidence that America’s Election Day coincides with Australia’s version of Kentucky Derby Day because the annual Melbourne Cup race is held on the first Tuesday in November?

Frank Rich, on page 8 of the Week in Review Section in that same edition of the New York Times, wrote: “One dirty little secret of the 2010 election is that it won’t be a political tragedy for Democrats if a Tea Party icon like Sharon Angle or Joe Miller ends up in the United States Senate.”

In the past one assessment of Republican strategy asserted that they like to take two steps forward and one step back and achieve a slow but continuous movement towards their goals. Later in the first sentence of the fifth paragraph: “Karl Rove outed the Republican elites’ contempt for Tea Partiers in the campaign’s final stretch.” Rich casually adds that the Rove’s remark was made “when speaking to the European press.”

Wasn’t denouncing one of your own an old Geheime Staatspolizei (AKA Gestapo) trick?

If the Republican steering committee (Rove himself?) has become impatient with the pace of slow but inexorable progress, is it not possible that they might, in an effort to speed things up, be crafty enough to go to a tactic of letting the Tea Party advocate three steps forward, denounce that as moving too fast, and (reluctantly?) settling for a compromise of two and a half steps forward rather than the three advocated by the Tea Party?

Surely the Democrats, who are leaking the aforementioned “dirty little secret,” have in their younger days, received their grandmother’s admonition to: “Be careful what you wish for.” (Grandmothers are permitted to end a sentence with a preposition.)

Have many/any of the nationally recognized political pundits offered their audience the idea that perhaps all the instances of home foreclosures could be looked at from the Republican point of view and be called extreme voter suppression?

Isn’t it difficult for the homeless to register to vote? How many of the newly homeless would believe that the Republican candidates are on the side of the little guy and vote for the fat cats? Is it possible that some of the new homeless would, if they could, cast votes that repudiate the politicians who authorized bank bailout money? What, if any, effect would the votes of the homeless have on this year’s mid-term elections? Well, it’s too late now to wonder about that because we’ve reached the point that is similar to the moment in the annals of music when Bill Graham would say: “Ladies and gentlemen, it’s all about to happen!” and, indeed, it is.

The New York Time’s front page color coded assessment of the Senate races was a bit vague on specifics. They did say that all tossup seats are held by Democrats and highlighted the races in the states of Washington, Colorado, and Pennsylvania. Saying that 19 of the races are “in play” will make it a bit difficult to asses their clairvoyant-accuracy rating on Wednesday morning, but most folks, Republican and Democrat, will be so absorbed with assessing the “meaning” of the results, predictions from the previous weekend will be mostly irrelevant, except to Giants or Texas fans.

Does anyone remember that on the morning of the 2000 Presidential Election, CBS radio’s World News Roundup ran a spoiler item about the fact that there were three times as many TV news trucks gathered at the Bush home than there were at the Gore family residence?

This columnist maintains that the Republicans use the electronic voting machines to micro-manage the results and that contention is a bit too radical even for Berkeley. Using our unpopular and much maligned criteria for making winner projections, we will try to be a bit more specific than the New York Times. Please note that these projections, like the horoscope feature in newspapers, is presented for amusement and entertainment purposes only.

There are at least three good metaphors to use to frame the mood at the election desk at the World’s Laziest Journalist’s World Headquarters as it prepares to project the winners in the 2010 mid-term elections. Similar situations would be:
The way French citizens felt as the Nazi army of occupation rolled into Paris.
The way the German generals felt when their leader denied them permission to retreat out of Stalingrad.
The way the men felt who stepped over the line in the sand at the Alamo.

Here are the World’s Laziest Journalist’s predictions/projections:

The Republicans will gain 75 seats (and a majority) in the House.
The Republicans will gain ten seats (and a majority) in the Senate.
Senate wins will be scored by Chistine O’Donnell, Sharon Engle, Pat Toomey, and Dino Rossi.
The big upset will be Alvin Greene who will simultaneously cause President Obama added grief in the effort to present a coherent picture of accomplishment, but will also rid Karl Rove of a challenge to his authority as the de facto Republican quarterback, by easing Senator Jim DeMint out of the limelight and into the footnote in history level of relevancy.
The Democrats will have some other good news. We project Jerry Brown as the winner of the Californian governor’s race and that Barbra Boxer will hold on to her seat in the Senate.

Wait! There’s more: Assuming that the Republicans have a hole card that will deliver the impeachment of President Obama, then Joe Biden will be sworn in and will, during his time in office, have to contend with (according to our projections) Senators O’Donnell, Engle, and Greene, a few extra challenges such as a New York governor name Paladino, a Congress trying to repeal the Health Care Act approved by its predecessor, a Republican majority agenda that will deliver one humiliation after another to the Democratic occupant in the White House.
Last but certainly not the least of our predictions; since we believe that Jeb will become President, it’s piece of cake to make a long-term prediction that when the coach (Karl Rove) signals the bullpen for Jeb to take the “frontrunner” mantle and for Sarah Palin to “hit the showers,” at that point Sarah Palin will become a contestant on the next season of “Dancing with the Stars.”

[Note: For more on this year’s Melbourne cup see:

http://www.3news.co.nz/Melbourne-Cup--a-guide-to-todays-field/tabid/415/articleID/184130/Default.aspx]

John F. Kennedy, in his Inaugural address, said: “If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich.” On Tuesday, America will bet that it can.

Now the disk jockey will play the Grannies’ “We Ruined It for Everyone” (off their Hot Flashes album), Johnny Clueless’ “I Don’t See Why” (from the Kissed in Kansas album), and the Galactic Cowboys’ “No Problems.” We have to go and try to get to get to an Anti-Vietnam War rally. Have a “So You Think” type week.

August 26, 2010

It can’t happen here . . . or can it?

Filed under: Guest Comment — Tags: , , — Bob Patterson @ 12:58 pm

When we were presented with the opportunity to buy a copy of Ian Patterson’s (no relation) book, “Guernica and Total War,” we were curious about the topic and tantalized our self with the possibility that the book might spark an idea for a column. We snapped it up and started to read it in the hopes that we could finally figure out who was who in that conflict and which side was “the good guys.”

A short time later, we stumbled on a copy of Caroline Moorehead’s biography of Martha Gellhorn and since we were unaware of that resource for Hemingway fans, we quickly added it to our library and ripped into it as fast as we could.

We sensed that the Spanish Civil War could provide us with the basis for a comparison with the contemporary American political turmoil, but we still couldn’t find the handle. Many moons ago, we read George Orwell’s “Homage to Calalonia.” We trundled off to the main branch of the Berkeley Public Library and from the assortment of books on the topic, selected Daniel S. Davis’ “Spain’s Civil War: The Last Great Cause” and commenced reading that book.

The task of comprehending the turmoil is rather complicated. A coup by rebels in the Army was resisted by the legitimate government. It was the Republicans vs. the Nationalists. That causes a bit of difficulty for readers in modern America because in the USA, the Republicans have copyrighted Patriotism thus making their Party’s name synonymous with the concept of national pride. Thus the good guys can’t be both Nationalists and Republicans in a comparison with the Spanish Civil War. In the Spanish Civil War, the Fascists fought the Republicans; in the USA, the fascists are the Republicans.

The rebel faction requested aid from Germany and Italy but Germany and Italy had both agreed to abide by an international agreement to remain neutral. That agreement was just another pesky scrap of paper like the Geneva Accord and so they complied with the appeals for help. Hitler sent “volunteers,” including a group of aviators called the Condor Legion, supplies and weapons. Mussolini sent men, tanks and trucks.

Various countries sent groups of volunteers to the Nationalist side. The American volunteers chose the name “the Lincoln Brigade.”

Daniel S. Davis, on page 92 of “Spain’s Civil War,” wrote about a battle where Mussolini’s Italian legions were fighting Italians in the “Garibaldi Battallion.” Davis describes the effect produced by loudspeakers used by the Garibaldi Battallion: “Demoralized by the barrage of emotional appeals not to fight their countrymen, knots of Italian soldiers melted across the Republican lines.” (How soon will Fox News be able to provoke Americans into bloody confrontations with other Americans?)

We were struggling with the challenge of finding a way to apply the analogy with the Post Dubya American scene. Could the Carlists (who wanted Spain’s royal family to resume their role as the country’s sovereign and legitimate rulers) be compared to the Bush family as they anxiously await the restoration of the Bush dynasty via a Jeb win in 2012?

The Germans and the Italians broke the International agreements to stay out of the Spanish Civil War. Great Britain and France did not. France closed its border with Spain and caused some fleeing peasants untold grief. Stalin committed Russia to a limited amount of help which also broke the aforementioned International Agreement to back off.

Davis states that the Germans, the Italian, and the Russians all interfered but notes that for selfish reasons none of them sent a massive amount of help which would bring a quick resolution to the conflict. It seems that the Spanish Civil War provided an excellent testing ground for all three countries to measure the effectiveness of their new weapons and tactics and a prolonged test run was much more preferable than a limited tryout period.

We were just about to scrap the analogy column when “the Rosetta stone” inspiration appeared (like the Lady of Fatima?). Rebels got an amount of help from the Germans and the Italians that was limited but ultimately sufficient enough to tip the balance in favor of the rebel troops under the command of Francisco Franco. Fasten your seatbelts, boys, here it comes: could the electronic voting machines give America’s Republicans the extra bit of slightly unfair advantage similar to the help that the Condor Legion gave to the rebel troops?

Think about it. With just a slight push in some carefully chosen election contests, the electronic voting machines could deliver an undetectable edge and thus provide the Republicans with a few choice swing victories in enough contests to deliver a “veto-proof” majority in the House. Maybe even the Senate.

The fools in the lapdog press are following the Fox News’ lead and are already crippling the possibility of an intransient public’s refusal to accept the results as genuine with a constant stream of stories subtly suggesting that American citizens should expect a Republican takeover of the House. The stories carefully include words like “possible,” “likely,” and “expected” and are appearing in a stream of increasing frequency. What part of “you’re being set-up,” do American voters not understand?

If Fox News pushes religious intolerance what’s to stop them from including propaganda that will dissolve all skepticism about phony election results? Religious intolerance is an integral part of the Nazi philosophy. Does anyone want to seriously deny that assertion?

Does anyone seriously think that an unscrupulous news organization would promote religious bigotry and then balk at endorsing rigged elections?

Haven’t some Republicans already hinted that Obama should be impeached? If the Republicans get a majority in the House of Representatives what’s to stop them from immediately starting impeachment proceedings? Did someone in the back row seriously suggest that good sportsmanship will stop them? Get ******* serious. Ask Bill Clinton how many nanoseconds it will take for the Impeachment movement to get going.

When Guernica got bombed, it was obvious to most of the Americans journalists who were covering the carnage, that the deck was stacked in favor of the Rebels and fascism. That indicated to an assortment of American Journalists that Hitler would not be intimidated by the British and French into abandoning his plans for further aggressions. The amount of reading material for folks who wish to fact check the pre-war premonitions and warnings that ran through the community of American foreign news correspondents like a virus is contained in a considerable amount of books. Even Ernie Pyle covered the Battle of Britain. The journalists saw what was coming and tried to warn the American public.

In the November of 1935 issue of Esquire magazine Hemingway warned (By-Line Ernest Hemingway Scribners paperback page 212): “Europe has always fought, the intervals of peace are only armistices. We were fools to be sucked in once on a European war and we should never be sucked in again.”

Wouldn’t it be incredibly sad, if on some future day, Americans were to lament the fact that the big names in American Journalism ignored prescient warnings from the bloggers who tried to raise an effective amount of righteous indignation about the electronic voting machines? With Fox as America’s point man in the realm of journalism, it seems as if worrying about honest elections is just about as serious a topic as wondering if wrestling matches have predetermined winners.

On the one side you had the workers and a legitimately elected government and on the opposing side were capitalists, nobles, clergy, police, and the military. The fascists condoned torture, murder, disregard for international agreements, and bombings with extensive collateral damage to civilians. Sounds just like what’s happening in America, to this columnist. Do you think Rush Limbaugh will spend any time refuting this column?

Daniel S. Davis, on page 10 of “Spain’s Civil War,” says: “An old proverb describes the situation: ‘In Spain there are two Spains: one that works and does not eat, and the other that eats but does not work.’” Which side do you suppose would support the continuation of the Bush tax cuts?

Now the disk jockey will play “Four Dead in Ohio,” “Kung Fu Fighting,” and “Dixie.” We gotta go get something to eat. Have a “true gen” type week.

August 24, 2010

What’s happening to The Four Freedoms?

Filed under: Guest Comment — Bob Patterson @ 6:24 pm

Why would Fox News stir its audience up against the proposed new Muslim facility in lower Manhattan, if a large Fox News shareholder is a member of the Saudi Royal family? On his radio show for Monday, August 23, 2010, Mike Malloy slowly and methodically dealt out facts to validate and explain that apparent contradiction. Any member of the Party of Teabaggers who happened to listen would have been left no grounds for refuting Malloy’s conclusion that stirring up Muslim resentment of America is part of that news organization’s (hidden) agenda.

The argument, which took Malloy an hour to develop, can be summarized thus: The Saudi makes his money from oil. If Muslims perceive America as a group of hate filled infidels who are stealing oil from the Middle East, the various resistance groups will continue to need money to fund their attempts to use guerilla warfare to halt the Americans. As long as petroleum is in high demand, the Saudis will have an unlimited amount of cash available and will be able to maintain control of the resistance efforts in the Middle East.

Malloy pointed out that Fox’s mocking of efforts to encourage means of transportation that are not fueled by petroleum is a part of the overall pro-Arab Royal Family strategy.

By fomenting religious bigotry, Fox News can insure that journalism documenting the anti-Muslim sentiments in America is available to propagandists throughout the world to prove to Muslims that America, despite the fact that one of the Four Freedoms promoted as the motivation for fighting World War II, is hypocritical when they say they believe in Freedom of Warship.

Images of anti-Masque demonstrators in lower Manhattan will not need any complex philosophical/psychological explanations for poor uneducated Muslims around the globe. The propagandists will show the news videos and ask “What part of hate your guts” don’t you understand?”

By prolonging the conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan, the rich Saudis and Fox News will insure the continuation of the political status quo in Saudi Arabia for a long time. War has continually proven its value to news media as a way to post large gains in the total audience numbers. Isn’t resistance to change the essence of the conservative philosophy?

Malloy pointed out to his audience, the political advantages Republicans would accrue if they advocated religious intolerance rather than continuing the American tradition of Freedom of Warship; they would get the “incumbent” advantage in future elections.

Malloy also read excerpts from Frank Rich’s New York Times column that pointed out that the Mosque issue would add increased difficulty to General Petraeus’ assignment for his troops to promote good will among the local citizens in Afghanistan.

Mike Malloy did a marvelous job of outlining his thesis in a way that should be understood by anyone who has the intelligence required to use a deck of cards to play a game of solitaire.

This columnist seconds the motion for Malloy’s point and now will add this columnist’s own original insights and obtuse associations to the topic.

Back when President George W. Bush ordered American troops to go to Afghanistan and Iraq, Republicans stoutly maintained that any dissenting point of view by the Democrats was tantamount to acts of sedition, but when the Fox News Agit-prop Machine spews religious prejudice which will increase the resistance efforts aimed at the members of the American Military fighting in Afghanistan, Fox, magically, is exempted from any assertions about acts of sedition. The reasons leading to that conclusion are rather vague and nebulous.

Wouldn’t it be very poignant if the footage of the animosity in lower Manhattan, causes some very old, unindicted German fugitives to suffer sever pangs of nostalgia?

That, in turn, brings up this question: Wasn’t the oil which would be shipped to market through a pipeline in Afghanistan, the very same natural resource which was also coveted by the German Army when they reached as far into Russia as Stalingrad? Wouldn’t you think that source would have been depleted by now?

During World War II, the American Military fought for the Four Freedoms, as enunciated by President Roosevelt in the Atlantic Charter. One of them was Freedom of Worship; can you name the other three?

Does the large number of foreclosed homes in America, add a dash of irony to the deaths, in WWII, of Americans fighting for the Freedom from Want? Did American military in WWII fight for the bankers or for the people whose homes are now being foreclosed? How would Glen Beck answer that question?

Does opposition to a Muslim Community Center mock both the principle of Freedom of Speech and Freedom of Worship?

The Forth Freedom was “Freedom from Fear.” Where would the Republican Party platform be without fear and images of evidence in the form a mushroom cloud?

If Freedom of Religion doesn’t sit well in lower Manhattan, how long will it be until there is a massive Bund rally at Madison Square Garden? Would Glen Beck be the keynote speaker?

Henry A. Wallace is quoted as having said: “A fascist is one whose lust for money or power is combined with such an intensity of intolerance toward those of other races, parties, classes, religions, cultures, regions or nations as to make him ruthless in his use of deceit or violence to attain his ends.” Now ask yourself: “Does Fox use deceit and foster violence”?

Now the disk jockey will play Johnny Cash’s “Were You There . . .?,” “Strange Fruit,” and the “Triumph of the Will” soundtrack album. We have to go and continue reading up on the Spanish Civil War for a future column. Have a “sin novedad” type week.

August 2, 2010

Farewell to Kodachrome

Filed under: Guest Comment — Tags: , , , , — Bob Patterson @ 4:03 pm

On the last Saturday in July of 2010, this columnist stumbled on a yard sale in Berkeley CA, that provided a chance to purchase cassette tapes at the incredibly low, low price of a quarter each and since there were a good many tracks from artists who were synonymous with the sixties, we glommed on to almost three dozen. That evening, while listening to the music, we thought of the fact that the last place in the United States that offers development for Kodachrome film will cease that service at the end of this year. That, in turn, prompted this columnist to realize that an old way of looking at the world would soon be shut down. Hmm. We started to wonder if the commencement speaker at our college graduation ceremony had warned us about how grim things were going to be forty-five years later. The class of 1965 had every reason to believe and expect that the era of unlimited growth and prosperity was at hand and that we could record the spectacle on Kodachrome for posterity. With the death of Kodachrome, it seems that people will have to adopt (both literally and figuratively) a new way of seeing the world. In May of 1965, the uber-optimistic commencement speaker sure didn’t lay it on about “no more Vietnams” because it wasn’t until the start of the following month that LBJ decided to send some Marine Divisions there to straighten up the mess.

The British Invasion back then meant Herman’s Hermits, the Dave Clark Five (how many members of that group can you name?), and Petula Clark, and not oily tar balls and dispersants.

The marvel of Kodachrome was that it used dyes and not an emulsion that produced grain which was a primitive chemical based form of pixilation. The difference between Kodachrome and Tri-X was similar to the difference between analogue (no pixels) and digital (grainy) music.

If the commencement speaker had told the class of ’65 that the United States was going to suffer a metaphorical Dien Bien Phu in the next ten years, he would have been laughed off the stage. If he has told this columnist, that within six months he would walk the streets of Casablanca, the young man would (most likely) have said: “Of all the gin joints in all the world . . . .”and had a good laugh.

One member of that particular class had been killed in a car wreck that happened between the end of final exams and the Sunday ceremony. At least one more was killed in Vietnam before the class of 1966 got to hear their commencement speech. Another fellow from the class of 1965 came back from Vietnam, used some of the money he had earned there to buy a high performance Corvette and learned it was more car than he could handle. Over the ensuing years, one recurring though has been to wonder (if time travel were possible) what it would be like to travel back in time to Berlin for the Christmas of 1938 and warn the German’s what lay ahead.

As July of 2010 became August, we read a piece by Ted Rall grumbling about how he is having a difficult time getting editors interested in stories relating to their audiences, just how things are going in Afghanistan. We realized that any time travel trip back to Berlin for the 1938 Christmas season would be an exercise in futility. “I’d sing out danger, I sing out warning . . .” and get the Sounds of Silence.

If you search diligently into the history of television, you will find that in Germany from 1936 to (approximately) 1943, there was a nightly newscast featuring officially state sanctioned information available to the few owners of TV sets in that city. The US has Fox News and they had lies from Wolfschanze.

One of the items we picked up was a copy of a Roy Orbison album titled King of Hearts. If we like Orbison so much how could we have missed a whole album? We wondered what else may have slipped under our cultural radar in the last forty-five years.

In college, we had used a 4X5 Speed Graphic to get photos for the 64 and 65 yearbooks. We had spent some time making extreme enlargements from small (about the size of a 35mm negative) portion of the image on the piece of sheet film (remember the notches code?) and so when we now say that carrying a Nikon Coolpix around in our pocket makes us feel like we have a portable studio with us at all times, we realize it sounds like hyperbole. Obviously the newer bigger more expensive digital Nikons would be commensurately better than the Coolpix, but the basis for this comparison is a very heavy and bulky fifty year old state of the art piece of camera equipment.

Listening to the pure voices of Joan Baez, Mama Cass, and Patsy Cline, counter pointed by the raw raspy sound of Janice Joplin, we got to wondering if the young DJ’s on KALX and KLXU could assert that artists like this Lady Gaga person (to the best of our knowledge, we’ve never heard her sing) has a voice that can deliver a song on key let alone has perfect pitch. Perfect pitch? Isn’t that what a baseball team gets when they deal with only 27 batters from the opposing team?

The famous Philadelphia curmudgeon W. C. Fields has been quoted as saying: “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again . . . then quit because there’s no use looking like a damn fool.”

Is that all there is to say after a weekend soaked in musical nostalgia? Oh, no, my faithful readers, let’s break out the travel brochures and apply to the Gonzo Journalism Foundation (AKA my bank account) for a grant to subsidize a summer of 2011 trip to Berlin and let the roster of younger bloggers write about reviving the draft, a possible war with one of Iraq’s neighboring countries, and/or the possible existence of a pesky foreign student loan application from the past.

In May of 1965, all graduating classes were (I assume) promised a big wide wonderful world full of appealing possibilities unlimited opportunities and now forty-five years later, after attending the Academy Awards twice, having a Seven Up in Hemingway’s favorite bar in Paris and a diet Pepsi in Skimpy’s Saloon in Kalgoorlie, having a ride in the Goodyear blimp, chatting with a former co-worker at the Playboy West Coast Mansion (which gives us a chance to slip in a plug for Hugh Hefner’s new work-safe website called “The Smoking Jacket” here), giving my autograph to Paul Newman, asking John Wayne for his, and having Twilight Zone writer George Clayton Johnson ask if he could use a story line I had brought into the conversation, it might seem like there’s nothing left to anticipate but the impeachment proceedings that the Republicans are anxious to initiate in January.

Oh, no, my faithful readers, after a weekend of discovering never-before-heard songs by Patsy Cline, the Mamas and the Papas, and Sonny and Cher, it’s obvious that even though there were no guarantees given to the class of 1965, there might be (just might mind you) be some additional new thrills in this old world left to discover. Thrills? What if there are some unheard Janis Joplin tracks left to find? Are we sure that we have heard every Doors song in existence?

Look out, Isle de Levant, I’m on my way! Well, next summer, if I live that long. Is there any chance of bumping into any fellow members of the class of 1965, in a hostel in Prague, or Munich, or . . . Amsterdam? Most of my classmates went the family and house with a white picket fence route so they should be wealthy and retired now. What’s to stop them from going? Don’t think twice; it’s all right. Retirement’s just another word for nothing left to lose . . . by going on the road just one more time.

[Note from the Marvelous Co-inky-dink Department: at the same time this columnist was buying cassette tapes, Bard Pitt and Angelina Jolie were (according to the Berkeleyside website) also enjoying a relaxing day in Berkeley CA.]

Berlin on Christmas Day of 1938? Graduation Day 1965? January 2011? Janis Joplin summed it all up: “. . . because, as a matter of fact . . . as we learned on the train, ma-a-a-n, tomorrow never happens. It’s all the sa-a-a-me fu-u-u-cking da-a-ay, ma-a-a-an!”

Now the disk jockey will play Roy Orbison’s “Heartbreak Radio,” Sonny and Cher’s “Sing C’est la vie,” and Paul Simon’s “Kodachrome.” We have to go look for a copy of “Europe on $5 a day.” Have a “U. S. out of Vietnam now!” type week.

July 30, 2010

Oil eating bacteria destroys journalism

Filed under: Guest Comment — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 2:26 pm

This week Fox News had people (and the Mamas and Papas in song) asking about where has all the oil gone? When will they ever learn that Houdini didn’t really make the elephant disappear? It had to go somewhere. In all the time that Americans have been fighting, dying, and losing assorted limbs to bring Democracy to Iraq, the oil industry there may have lugged along in second gear, but it has never shut down completely; so where the hell did all that oil go? Somebody had to be paying for it; so where did all that money go? Was BP earning up the financial reserves to pay for unexpected, unforeseen future expenses such as the ones cause by the Gulf oil spill? For nine years, the Iraq oil fields have been coughing up “Texas tea,” so inquiring minds want to know: “Where did all that oil go?”

Could America be doing all that fighting in Iraq just so that BP could pump out oil to be sold in China?

Has America vaulted past existentialist thinking and begun the epoch of post-absurdism?

Any country that conveniently forgets about the dispersants and embraces nonsense about oil eating bacteria causing the oil spill to disappear deserves to be swindled into believing that Houdini used elephant eating bacteria or that when (not “if”) Jeb Bush gets inaugurated in January of 2013, it will have been the result of a legitimate win in the 2012 Presidential election.

When a news story about billions of missing dollars is reported, the reaction is: “That only proves that the Bush tax cuts for the super wealthy need to be extended!”

Isn’t it ironic that Americans shrug off the conspiracy theory lunatics’ idea that George W. Bush committed war crimes but they bristle at any hint that the Republicans would sanction anything that would compromise the sacredness of free elections in the U. S. A.

Americans, who take complacency to heights of achievement undreamed of by the Third Reich, accept the fact that President Obama has continued the war crimes policies of the Bush Administration but they react furiously to the possibility that the Republicans, if they are “given” a majority in the House and Senate via the 2010 midterm elections, will start impeachment proceedings against President Obama by producing a foreign student loan application that swears the applicant was not a native born American.

That idea might make some liberals gag, but eventually with repeated haranguing from Fox News, the Americans will (like Monica Lewinsky?) swallow it and get used to breathless impeachment updates around the clock in lieu of actually doing what the House and Senate is supposed to be doing. Has any pundit ever speculated on the possibility that Monica was deliberately sent (Mata Hari style) to sabotage Bill Clinton’s presidency?

Americans might assume that if such a hypothetical news development about a possible student loan perjury existed, Andrew Breitbart would already know about it and would not hesitate to rush the allegation onto the Internet and not wait until it’s just about time for the new Congressional representatives to be sworn in next January. Is it a conspiracy theory to think that he must wait for the Minister of Propaganda to give (like a maestro for a symphony orchestra) the signal to push the “post” button for this (hypothetical) example of citizen journalism in action?

With major elements of the so-called pro-Liberal mainstream media, like trained seals performing on cue, making the case for the oil eating bacteria, the Conservatives will consider any attempts by online pundits to point out that the dispersants caused the oil to dissipate with the same level of amused distain as would be assigned to a cough during a performance of Wagner’s Ride of the Valkyries. Where is Arturo Toscanini when Fox News truly needs him?

Have you noticed that now that Bush isn’t President the Conservatives don’t need Ann Coulter to act like the rodeo clown to switch the media’s attention away from a possible chance to debate war crimes?

Isn’t it a bit inconsistent for Republicans to say that the unemployed don’t need an extension of benefits but that the Rich must have an extension of the tax cuts? In the one case adding to the cash flow coming into the U. S. treasury would be a bad thing, but stopping money from coming into the bank accounts of the unemployed would be a good thing. How can cutting off the flow of money (into the U. S. Treasury) be bad and shutting off a weekly check into families’ bank accounts be a good thing?

The silver tongued devils have convinced America that having the rich’s tax dollars go elsewhere (like into their bank accounts) would have a positive effect on the economy but that putting a few bucks into the hands of folks waiting for the next unemployment check to arrive would not help stimulate the economy. The apparent paradox is ignored by “journalists” who do not try to explain the difference.

The allure of being a Republican member of Congress in 2011 and 2012 is something that the World’s Laziest Journalist can readily appreciate. The fact that Republican politicians will be well paid just to make sure that no work gets done, makes this columnist green with envy.

Speaking of the Beach Combers’ Hall of Fame, this week this columnist was unable to ascertain if Garland Roark, author of the novel which was the source material for the John Wayne film “Wake of the Red Witch,” ever actually traveled to the South Pacific or if he did his research in the Nacogdoches Public Library. Say, isn’t that the town where this columnist’s newest hero, Joe R. Lansdale, lives? Speaking of Texas, whatever happened to Kinky Friedman? Did he go back to writing mysteries?

Which, of course, brings us to this nagging question: Will the new James Bond Cars Museum have taped guided tours and will those tapes feature the voice of Sean Connery? If not; why not?

Writing columns for the post-absurdism era won’t be much of a challenge for this writer.

In the introduction to his own book, “The Hoax,” Clifford Irving wrote: “I believe that the past is fiction, the future is fantasy and present for the most part is an ongoing hoax.”

Now the disk jockey will try to embarrass the columnist by playing Peter, Paul, and Mary’s version of “Where Have All the Flowers Gone,” and then throwing The Beverly Hillbillies theme song, and the soundtrack album from “Giant” on the turntable. It’s time to go and take Buzz’s “chickie run” dare. (Isn’t a “chickie run” when fraternity brothers are sent on an emergency mission to find more young ladies to populate a Saturday night party?) Have a “Match me, Sidney!” type week and remember that if Jesus and Fox News can forgive BP’s sins, so can you.

July 22, 2010

Newscasts become the shell game

Filed under: Guest Comment — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 1:39 pm

How disconcerting would it be if Rush Limbaugh, Randi Rhodes, and Mike Malloy agreed on something? – Anything? On Wednesday, July 21, 2012, this columnist was totally flummoxed to hear that all three of those radio personalities were telling their respective audiences that Journalism in America is kaput.

Rush was asserting that the “state owned” media was giving President Obama a pass on criticism and letting a villainous politician get away with dastardly deeds. Rush has started to sarcastically refer to the media as “The Ministry of Truth.” Obviously all the teabag party members will get the sly reference to Orwell’s novel “1984.”

Conversely, Randi Rhodes was very critical of the media for their role as accessories in the Shirley Sherrod brouhaha because they (according to Randi) helped the Republicans take a deceptively edited video and inflated it from a virtual lie up to the major gaff level news story.

Mike Malloy was charging Fox News in general and Glen Beck in particular of inciting violence on an individual level and attempting to incite race riots.

One of this columnist’s (if not the most) favorite metaphor is the parable of the six blind Hindus touching an elephant and drawing some very diverse conclusions based on the information they had available. The first touched the tail and thought an elephant was like a rope. The second ran his hands over the trunk and said that an elephant was very similar to a snake. Three felt the ear and thought elephants were like a leafy tropical plant. The stomach made four compare an elephant to a wall. The guy who felt the leg jumped to the conclusion that elephants were like trees. The last guy touched the tusk and said with certainty that elephants are like swords.

[For a totally irrelevant aside, we must note that this writer’s favorite book title is “An Elephant is Soft and Mushy.”]

The three radio talkers may not agree on the conclusion to be drawn, but it does seem that on Wednesday July 21, 2010, they were agreed that in the USA Journalism is DOA.

It also seems to this columnist that one of the best reasons to live in Berkeley is that the University of California Berkeley has a journalism school, and that may explain why a goodly number of great books concerning journalism turn up in the Berkeley Public Library’s Used Book store (at very affordable prices). Hence, when we decided the topic and commenced to write this column, we quickly skimmed through a recently acquired copy of a paperback book we read (approximately) 50 years ago, “Citizen Hearst” by W. A. Swanberg.

William Randolph Hearst made a big success out of the San Francisco Examiner by striving for sensationalism. Swanberg describes the underlying philosophy of journalism (Bantam Book paperback page 68) thus: “Any issue that did not cause its reader to rise out of his chair and cry, ‘Great God!’ was counted a failure.”

To build his audience, Hearst exposed political greed and corruption, which sometimes embarrassed his father who was a U. S. Senator.

Hearst imbued journalism with a tone of sly mischievous rascality that in more recent times was personified by Hunter S. Thompson and not Rupert Murdock.

An incident in Swanberg’s book gives a hint of the devil may care attitude Hearst fostered. Examiner employees were prone to overindulging in liquor and Hearst was very indulgent in forgiving anyone who became inebriated. “One day Hearst met a reporter who was perfectly sober, yet was supposed to be on a spree. ‘On the scamp’s assurance that he had honestly intended to get drunk, but lacked the price,’ (Ambrose) Bierce recalled, ‘Mr. Hearst gave him enough money to reestablish his character for veracity and passed on.’” (Ibid page 71)

Would William Randolph Hearst or Rupert Murdock be more prone to sending a reporter to the Gulf Region to get arrested in a National Park for snooping on BP?

During George W. Bush’s Reign of Terror, wasn’t Rush Limbaugh very enthusiastic about shutting up the “pro-liberal” media, but now that a Democrat is in the White House, he seems to be a champion of the free press’ right to criticize any and all Presidents and he seems bent on excoriating the media for not doing so with President Obama. If the sudden reversal was sparked by party loyalty doesn’t that contradict Limbaugh’s self proclaimed right to be called “America’s Anchor Man”?

Is it fair to expect a cheerleading squad to be nonpartisan?

During the Bush regime conservative talk show hosts were always admonishing their audience to avoid any rush to judgment when sensational news was announced. When the torture at Abu Ghraib prison was first reported, didn’t the entire roster of conservative radio personalities stress the importance of withholding judgment until someone had been convicted in a court of law? When the Shirley Sherrod scandal erupted, didn’t the conservatives respond like a lynch mob?

After Bright Bart was confronted with photos of signs at tea party rallies that indicated that racism was alive and well at those events, didn’t he just ignore reality and second the Amy Sample McPherson attitude: “That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it!”?

Was the “honest mistake” attitude provided for Bright Boy, also extended to Dan Rather when he fell victim to some planted false evidence regarding George W. Bush’s National Air Guard attendance record, which indicated that the (then) President had been a deserter?

Failure to adhere to reality is fine for writers who hope to emulate Hans Christian Andersen or to produce something that would delight the Brothers Grimm, but when it comes to a standard for reporters why has America suddenly given a pass to Fox and let reality become gelatinous? Oh, wait! Mike Malloy pointed out that Fox has established a legal president proclaiming that Fox News has a (God given?) right to lie. It seem, after refreshing our memory with a skim of the Swanberg book, that even William Randolph Hearst would want to debate Rupert Murdock on that point.

Does that mean that if Fox News reports a sudden “groundswell” of approval for Jeb Bush, that it doesn’t have to be true?

It seems that Fox has made a newscast into a “play along at home” version of the shell game. It is up to viewers to ascertain which statements are facts and which are lies. Doesn’t that defeat the whole purpose of a newscast?

When a manager asked permission to fire the Examiner’s Managing Editor, Samuel S. Chamberlain, Hearst replied: “If he is sober one day in thirty that is all I require.” (Ibid page 77.) Is it too much to ask Fox News to be unbiased for one day in thirty?

Now the disk jockey will play “Dark side of the moon,” the Jefferson Airplane’s “White Rabbit,” and the “Mickey Mouse Club” theme song. We have to go see if the Berkeley Public Library Bookstore has a bargain copy of Budd Schulberg’s “What Makes Sammy Run?” Have an “if I saw it on TV; it must be true” type week.

July 21, 2010

Don Quixote and the electronic voting machines

Filed under: Guest Comment — Tags: , — Bob Patterson @ 2:11 pm

The New York Time’s recent obituary for Rev. William R. Callahan stated that the death had been announced by the Quixote Center. That was the first this columnist had ever heard of that group and we wondered if, in this age of ubiquitous awards ceremonies, they hand out kudos and statuettes annually to people who attempt the impossible. Everyone knows that if God intended for man to fly He would have given homo sapiens wings, but that doesn’t mean that those crazy Wright Brothers don’t deserve an award for trying.

A recent online article by Allison Kilkenny informed readers about a study that concluded that partisan citizens are not prone to being converted by facts, so it becomes obvious that the “preaching to the choir” aspect of political commentary carries with it a meager payoff and that is about all those with a liberal point of view can expect for their efforts.

Those two bits of news added together make it extremely poignant for a fellow who learned that any contributed content (to a certain other liberal web site) concerning the possibility that the Republicans would use the electronic voting machines without a paper trail to rig elections in favor of their own candidates earned him a chance to be (as they say in drinker’s terminology) 86’ed off the site. The very idea was denounced as being a conspiracy theory indicating the writer had lapsed into lunacy. Whatever. The bottom line is that only one of two conclusions can be reached. So what binary choice does that indicate?

Well, if the columnist turns out to have been correct in his assessment of the situation, after the ambush is unleashed and (as a hypothetical example) a Republican, backed by a Republican majority house and Senate, is sworn in as President in January of 2013, then the inauguration will provide the writer with a pyrrhic victory that is filled with a bitter taste and an opportunity to produce eight more years of (Jeb) Bush-bashing columns.

Conversely, if this year’s fall elections and the Presidential election in 2012 turn out to be overwhelming mandates for Obama and the Democrats to “continue doing what you’re doing,” then the ostracism of the “rigged elections” point of view will have been a bit of digital streamlining that – while seeming to be a contradiction in the “free exchange of concepts and ideas” policy espoused by the non-ditto-head faction – will turn out to have been (in retrospect) an example of editing efficiency.

This columnist knows positively that he has been wrong before (Native Dancer had a lock on the Kentucky Derby’s winner circle until Dark Star blew past in the stretch) and so we’ll try to turn our attention to more mundane matters while we await the mid term mandate for Obama to appear via the election night stats on the TV screens across America.
One of the liberal radio personalities (Tom Hartman?) pointed out that the conservatives are saying that President Obama is taking too many vacation days. When Bush was President the liberals said the same thing. At this point in the presidency, Bush had taken 96 vacation days and Obama has taken 36. Good thing facts can’t be used to dissuade fanatical Republicans, eh?

What compassionate conservative Christian wouldn’t be enthusiastic about ending unemployment benefits for his neighbors as a way of paying for a war that is killing dozens of infidels? Actually in a country full of homeless people and empty homes that have been foreclosed, a policy of guns not butter makes complete sense.

President Obama has encouraged folks to visit the Gulf region where it is allegedly a case of business as usual. Trouble is, if we do that and accidentally wind up too close to an oil boom, we can not afford the $40,000 fine for blogging without BP’s permission, so our financially motivated response is: “We’ll take your word for it, Mr. President.”

Back in the Vietnam War era, wasn’t it an in thing for celebrities to get arrested in anti-war demonstrations? If Hunter S. Thompson were still alive wouldn’t he go down to the oil spill and get arrested for reporting just to make a point? Why can’t Brian Williams be Hunter’s proxy?

Can’t you just picture Bob Schieffer being hauled off in handcuffs? Then wouldn’t his brother, Tom Schieffer, call his friend and former business partner George W. Bush and put the fixeroo on that situation?

Speaking of folks going to jail, it would make a good column if we could find out if Paris Hilton will visit Lindsey Lohan while she is incarcerated. Ms. Hilton has been maintaining a low profile since her well publicized “house arrest” stint. We thought she was going to become an activist publicizing the plight of people with claustrophobia who are forced to serve a time in a jail cell.

Don Quixote spent a lot of time tilting at windmills. Hans Brinker saved the day for the country of windmills. When it comes time to write a column that a topic that the writer thinks is extremely important, how can he know if it will be a “saved the day” effort of just another variation of the Sisyphus assignment?

This columnist has tried to convince folks that the electronic voting machines can and are being used by the Republicans to micromanage the election results, but very few people will listen and fewer can be convinced that it is happening. (Picture Kevin McCarthy yelling: “They’re here!”) Unfortunately, it turns out that the Quixote Center doesn’t seem to hand out awards for exorcises in futility.

The Quixote Center describes itself online by saying this: “a band of ‘impossible dreamers’ who joined together in 1976. We are a multi-issue, grassroots social justice organization with roots in the Catholic social justice tradition. Independent of church and government structures, the Center operates with an understanding that an educated and engaged citizenry is essential to making social change. For over 30 years, the Quixote Center has gathered together people of faith and conscience to organize highly effective campaigns for systemic change.

We draw inspiration from the satiric idealism and gentle madness of Cervantes’ dauntless Don Quixote. We trace our roots to the Gospel and the Catholic social justice tradition; but today, we gather people of faith and conscience from many diverse traditions to share our common quest for justice and peace. We work on issues of justice with people who have few other resources. By laughing a bit in the midst of struggle, we gain strength and heart to sustain our efforts for a more just and peaceful world.”

Since this columnist is a duly ordained minister; by the powers granted to me by the state of California, I hereby declare that the attempt to achieve the impossible will henceforth be yclept “the Brinker-Quixote Syndrome.”

If the New York Times does a feature story on the Quixote Center, we’ll always wonder: Did their obit inspire the follow-up, or did this column?

What does that leave to use as a column topic?

Would it take much time (and get many hits?) to bang out a column about: Comic-con 2010, The Hemingway Days Look-alike contest at Sloppy Joe’s, or Netroots Nation?

Maybe we could go and cover the annual Oskosh Air Show and on the way back stop and see the Seventhieth Annual Motorcycle Rally in Sturgis?

Are you aware that there is a Hokonui Moonshine Museum in Gore, New Zeland?

Maybe we’ll just stay home and see if we can catch Rush Limaugh in a rare bit of extreme exaggeration or his first flat out fib?

Wait! This just in! It’s about time for this year’s winners of the Emperor Norton Awards to be announced. The award is given for “extraordinary invention and creativity unhindered by the constraints of paltry reason,” in memory of Joshua Norton I, Emperor of the United States of America and Protector of Mexico. Heck no conspiracy theories there, eh?

Yogi Berra has (supposedly) said: “You can’t think and hit at the same time.” The same principle, during the electronic voting machine era, also applies for watching election eve voting results.

Now the disk jockey will play the “Man of La Mancha” soundtrack album, “When You Wish Upon a Star” and Jerry Reed’s “Eastbound and Down.” We gotta go check out why our name fell off the voter registration rolls and we had to cast a “provisional” ballot for the recall election when Arnold Schwarzenegger suddenly replaced the Democratic governor of California. On second thought, why bother? It will only sound like a conspiracy theory. Have a Barron Munchausen type week.

July 16, 2010

Keep Your Eye on Jeb

Filed under: Guest Comment — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 1:20 pm

While writing a rough draft for a mostly whimsical column that would assess the summer of 2010 from the hypothetical point of view of a future historian looking back at it, we came across a Huffingtonpost story
about Jeb Bush
and realized that the Huffington story augmented by a series of similar items might, in retrospect, be recognized as a very important harbinger of the United States’ political future.

To get Jeb Bush elected as the President of the United States (POTUS) in 2012, legitimately or not, one would have to prepare the country in advance for such a potentially (to some) distressing result. If it is predestined to happen, it would be very prudent to plant a series of “news” stories assuming that such an election result were possible. Otherwise if it just came to be that Jeb started winning primary contests in early 2012, some of America’s less gullible citizens might raise a hue and cry. If, however, the free press would show their sportsmanship and help set the stage, it could go a long way towards sidestepping a rancorous national debate about the need for a continuation of the Bush Dynasty.

In the realm of deceptive activity designed to fleece an unsuspecting victim of his/her money a common factor is often an assistant who seemingly is a stranger to both parties and who provides a “count me in” factor to the proceedings that is designed to alleviate any of the victim’s points of objection. People tend to be reluctant to be the first to make a move but they also tend to have a flock mentality when a trend gains traction.

Thus, if some political strategist (with a tendency to play his role in a Svengali/Merlin manner) is calling the shots, the press can play the role of the “count me in” accomplice by rehabilitating the rather tarnished image of the Bush family. A complicit press could help refurbish that image as one of an American tradition that has suffered a temporary setback rather than a total derailment via the low public opinion of the last President. With the press’ reputation for truthfulness and integrity (imagine it in terms of Edward R. Murrow doing a “Person to Person” interview with Jeb in his home [or is it “one of his homes”?] with lotsa “softball questions.”), they could do a great deal to help restore the tarnished Bush brand name back to its former eminence.

Obviously this sounds outlandishly implausible, but if someone told the reader back in the “Impeach Clinton now!” phase of the country’s history that the Republicans would win the next election in the conservative majority Supreme Court and then pull off an even more impossible upset in 2004, who would have believed it back then?

Quite often historians find the most fascinating items go mostly unnoticed while they are part of the contemporary news scene. Hence, we strongly assert that folks, coping with foreclosure or not, pay more attention to the stories about Jeb and ask themselves if such items are a legitimate examples of a “nose for news” journalistic value judgment or if they are part of a concerted effort to set the USA up for yet another con job.

It could be that the Summer of 2010 will, some day, be remembered in some obscure and esoteric example of historians scholarship as the time when the World’s Laziest Journalist posted the first claxon alarm about the next successful Republican presidential campaign.

For the time being, such a premise will, for the most part, be blithely dismissed as being inconsequential alarmism. So noted. We now return you to our regularly scheduled whimsical column about the Summer of 2010:
Mel Gibson made an audition tape for his efforts to be hired as Uncle Rushbo’s occasional fill-in replacement and when it fell into the wrong hands it got misrepresented in the media and that got him into an embarrassing position. On the tape did he say anything that would cost him his job if he were saying it on the air from the Excellence In Broadcasting studios?

If Lenny Bruce were still alive would he be fostering a comedy genre called “slick” humor?

Being alive in the summer of BP love is providing curmudgeons with a smorgasbord of news stories just bound to please the “you kids stay off my lawn” style grouches while sending the far lefties into the throes of agony.

The Republicans are castigating (careful with that word) President Obama for fighting a war in Afghanistan that is unwinnable (Word spell-check, like many Republicans, refuses to accept the existence of that word). Didn’t George W. Bush hand his war off to his successor and wasn’t that a bit like when that silly bird hands the coyote the lit stick of trinitrotoluene (AKA TNT)?

What grump wouldn’t like the Eddie Haskell-ish trick of wrecking the economy and then ridiculing the folks collecting unemployment during the succeeding administration’s effort to restore prosperity?

Is there a misanthrope alive this summer that doesn’t see that the way to explain Alvin Greene’s meteoric rise to fame and political prominence can be explained by the old concept of “charisma”?

Isn’t it a shame that cartoonist Charles Addams didn’t live until “death panels” became one of Uncle Rushbo’s recurring leitmotifs?

Back in the Sixties, liberal writers in the mainstream media (MSM) who couldn’t write about very liberal programs and ideas learned they could pull an end-run on the conservative publishers by doing trend spotting stories about people with liberal points of view. For instance the New York media heavy hitters who couldn’t be anti Vietnam War in their stories could write about folks who were such as Bob Dylan and Hunter S. Thompson and the Rolling Stone magazine. That brought bigger audiences to those cultural phenomenons which, in turn, helped them get their message out to a bigger audience. That way the frustrated writers on the nationally respected media plantations could claim that they had (indirectly) helped spread the liberal memes.

Does Sean Hannity or Bill O’Reilly ever mention online sites that pointed out the shortcomings of the Bush Junta? If there is a new online equivalent of the Berkeley Barb or the East Village Other will they ever become a cultural force thanks to trend spotting stories in the MSM? Is helping to stifle voices of dissention a stealth way to help conservatives?

Does Murdock’s media ever criticize BP? Was it a group of rogue miscreants who arranged for the Lockerby prisoner to go free in return for some off shore drilling rights from Libya?

Summer of 2010 was also when scientists made news by studying the DNA of Ozzy Osbourne. It was when the “cheesy easy song of the day” on the True Oldies Channel was in its first year of existence. It was also (personal note alert) when this columnist discovered Joe R. Lansdale, the man we proclaim to be the heir to wear the “best living” mantle at the next convention (known as Bouchercon) of hard-boiled detective story writers. BTW the convention will be held in San Francisco! ! !

Will the summer of 2010 be referred to by techies as: “when Apple made their Edsel”? ? ?

In the summer of 2010, the conservatives are having a ball laughing at dumpster diving for kids and folks running out of their unemployment checks. Those compassionate conservative Christians are such cut-ups, aren’t they? The web site Tea Party Jesus puts conservative quotes in the mouth of Christ. It’s meant as irony.

You can help the restoration of the Bush family dynasty by writing to the managing editors of all national mainstream media and demanding that they omit any mention of , Broward Savings and Loan from their suck-up “news” stories.

Senator Jim Bunning’s famous “Tough shit!” line may be a strong contender for the 2010 quote of the year.

Now the disk jockey will play “19th Nervous Breakdown,” the “Easy Rider” soundtrack album, and “Helter Skelter.” We have to go check out the topic of how to get a bet, on Jeb in 2012, with long odds, down now in Vegas. Have a “Great But Forgotten” type week.

July 14, 2010

The ultimate cage match

Filed under: Guest Comment — Tags: , , — Bob Patterson @ 3:10 pm

What would a columnist say if he were assigned to produce a column about a hypothetical cage match between Hitler and George W. Bush? Could he add a new point that hasn’t been made previously?

Obviously the public is weary of being reminded of the most apparent salient points such as:
Hitler won his country’s top military honor in battle; George W wasn’t it combat.
Hitler wrote a book that sold widely; George W’s book may have been ghost written.
Hitler was a mesmerizing public speaker; George W inspired yawns.

George W. Bush would have to be declared more cunning and conniving than the German who precipitated the Second World War and if you are living in a country going to war, that’s the kind of guy best suited for the driver’s seat.

Hitler took extensive measures to make sure that his people were unaware that he and his men were committing war crimes. Folks were fearful that bad things would happen to the people who were interrogated by the Geheime Staatspolitzi (AKA Ge-sta-po) but they never knew for sure what the specifics were. Thus when the details were revealed during the Nuremburg War Crimes Trials, citizens of Germany were genuinely shocked and ashamed to learn what their leader had done in their name.

Hitler didn’t involve the citizens of his country as co-conspirators in his war crimes.

George W. Bush’s diabolical game plan included the 2003 revelation of complete details for his method of questioning terrorism suspects and after those questioning methods were made public there were very few voices raised in opposition. Thus if (trolls please note the use of the subjunctive mood here) Bush committed any war crimes by using waterboarding and other harsh measures, the citizens of the United States would have to be considered as possible accessories during and after the fact.

Hitler wasn’t included in the list of defendants at Nuremburg. He was not even listed as a defendant being tried in absentia. His team did stand in the prisoners docket and it became obvious during the Nuremburg trials that most of the German citizens were just as shocked and surprised by the offences as was the rest of the world.

Bush’s use of waterboarding may have helped enliven some barroom debates, but it never spurred any serious denunciations from the country’s mass media, the country’s clergy, nor even much of the citizenry.

By enlisting the country as accessories to his methodology, George W. Bush insured himself against any serious threat that he would ever face any legal consequences in his own country’s judicial system. His defense would have to be: “Sorry, we goofed!” Any guilty verdict would have to be tantamount to saying: “We sure did!” and that’s not a bloody well likely scenario in a country that portrays itself as “the Goodguys” (and we don’t mean hippies who scored the famous WMCA T-shirt in the Sixties).

Statistically Germany is a Catholic country and maybe der Fuhrur knew that he couldn’t intimidate the Pope (Pius XII) into giving his imprimatur to the torture, so he kept it hidden, but future dictators (and Presidents) have learned from Bush; if a country is going to sin it is best they do so openly without any hint of an admission of guilt or shame.

Imagine, if you will, that legendary aviatrix Hanna Reitsch had managed to take Germany’s chancellor with her when she made her legendary escape from Berlin in an Arado 96 airplane as the war came to an end. Can you envision that it’s two or three years later and you spot a billboard in Berlin during the airlift portraying the former leader (Grand Admiral Karl Doenitz was named as the successor) with the caption: “Do you miss me yet?” Obviously it would be in German and use the Schwaben style font.

To put things in their proper perspective just imagine that sometime in 1955 Huntley or Brinkley traveled to Germany and got an exclusive interview with the retired dictator on his ranch in Bavaria and that he smirked and tossed off a line about “I consulted the best legal minds available before sanctioning the waterboarding.” That hypothetical scoop will give readers a fair idea of which of the two was a better con man. It should be a gimme to see that Bush is much more devious and treacherous than the vegetarian (who distained smoking) could ever hope to have been. Only one of them connived to include all citizens as accessories to their torture program.

Neither Hitler nor Bush have ever been charged with (let alone convicted of) war crimes in court, so it seems that unless such a hypothetical grudge match could actually be held, their respective fans will (like the continuing sixties debate: Beatles or Stones) have something to debate every time they meet.

Hitler had a gimpy arm and Bush has been called a bully so our money would be on GWB if (in a Twilight Zone world) the cage match actually were to take place.

We were going to use what Robert Frost wrote (“Most of the change we think we see in life/Is due to truths being in and out of favor.”) as the column’s closing (apropos) quote but on the way to the Berkeley Public Library to use the wifi connection to post this column, we ran the premise of a Bush-Hitler cage match past Allison of Home 101 on Shattuck and she had a better one. She said: “They’d just give up and become friends!”

Now the disk jockey will play play Wayne Newton’s “Danker Schoen,” and two by the Andrews sisters: “The Beer Barrel Polka” and “Bei Mir Bist Du Schon.” We have to go to Oakland and post bail for a friend. Have a “hunker in the bunker” type week.

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