September 8, 2011

The GOP Debate or, the Injustice League of America Has a Press Conference


Random Notes on the Sept. 7, 2011 Republican Debate
(Candidates listed in order of polling popularity)

First off, the questioning was pathetic. Here they are huffing and puffing that big government spending is the biggest problem with the economy, then they start babbling about building a two-thousand-mile electronic fence across our border with Mexico and hiring thousands of new officers to police it. The ‘journalists’ on the debate panel never asked how they planned to pay for all of this, especially since some, like Rick Perry, want a ‘balanced budget’ amendment in the Constitution. Okay, Rick, how do you spend the tens of billions to ‘secure’ our border (it will do no such thing, of course), and still balance the budget? Also a few of the GOP Fabricasters greased up that old Republican chant that the government doesn’t create jobs. Aside from the one these candidates are running for, or the one they already occupy, this is obvious bull pucky and I wish one of the ‘reporters’ on the panel — NBC’s Brian Williams fancies himself one I hear — would have asked them what in hell they think all of those American civilians building M-1 Abrams tanks, smart bombs, cruise missiles, predator drones, F/A-18 attack jets, and Nimitz-class aircraft carriers are doing? They all, ultimately, get their paychecks from the government, i.e.: the taxpayers. That said, here’s a brief rundown of how the Clod Squad did:

— Rick Perry: For a supposed ‘Master Debater’ he didn’t live up to his reputation. Hint to Rick: Never give your opponent an opening with a snarky line about his record as governor when you have bigger skeletons hanging in your own closet. Not that this matters to the moon howlers in the Perry camp, though — they’ll refuse to hear it, just as they filter out anything that doesn’t fit their goofy worldview.

— Mitt Romney: Better than expected. His quick, sharp comeback to Perry’s snipe about falling job rates in Massachusetts under Romney’s reign was his best moment, but it’s not going to do him any good with the loony Teabaggers; Romney will merely lose ground less quickly now, barring a sex scandal or major foul-up by Perry.

— Michele Bachmann: Fading into insignificance before our very eyes. Her ad lib about kids needing a job should warrant some kind of investigation into what she did with all of those foster children she likes to brag about raising. What — was she running some kind of Dickensian sweatshop on Daddy’s farm for a little extra cash? “Goddamn it, hurry up and finish those sweaters and then you can have some cold gruel; Kathy Lee’s people are picking them up this afternoon!” I’m just sayin’ I wouldn’t put it past her.

— Ron Paul: Sure, he’s got some good ideas — ending our dumb wars, stopping illegal spying on Americans, and legalizing drugs for adults — but it comes wrapped in a lot of raging anti-government Ayn Randian stupid. I know papa Ron wouldn’t see it this way, but government work is preventing his country-club drunk son from practicing his ‘love’ on his patients, so that’s one thing the gov’t is good for, as well as keeping the elder Paul off the streets and well-fed.

— Newt Blingrich: Did I type ‘Blingrich’? Guess so — that’s my new name for this Tiffany fake who keeps reappearing every presidential election cycle like a bout of stomach flu. His funniest line last night was his insistence that kids should learn American history — that’s priceless coming from the Newt-wit who keeps revising it to fit his ideology and bank account. ‘Blingy’ should be gone by Halloween — there’s not much money flowing into his coffers these days and his campaign staff now consists of two guys he met selling DVD players out of the trunk of a car I’m told. I meant the two guys were selling the DVD players, not Newt, but I can readily understand any confusion.

— Rick Santorum: The Google candidate. To paraphrase John Cage: he’s got nothing to say and he’s saying it, to a constituency that doesn’t exist. Unfortunately for the ‘other Rick’ in the race, he took Harry Truman’s advice to heart when he was a senator from PA — if you want a friend in Washington, get a dog, and St. Santorum did. Poor dog. Somebody call the ASPCA!

— Herman Cain: Like his pizza, he’s loaded with oily processed gunk and entirely tasteless. He’s a ‘Godfather’ only to the miserable underpaid wretches who have the misfortune to work in his restaurants, but in no other way resembles one. If he had more sense, he’d realize the GOP of 2012 is never going to nominate a black man as president and he’s just filling out the role of Token Shill to sucker in some minority voters. Who knows — maybe he’s getting some under-the-table corpo cash to run; it would be the only sane reason to bother. Cain will also be out by the winter.

Finally, Jon Huntsman: This benighted sap believed the Beltway Media strumpets and their blather about a ‘moderate Republican’ (whatever that is) beating Obama in 2012 and thought he was just the man to do it. (Perhaps he was in China too long to fully appreciate what’s been happening in this country and the GOP.) Short and not sweet: he has no money, little support, and the only Republicans left — angry bigoted Teabaggers and mean-spirited theocratic Christopublicans — abhor him for his occasional flashes of decency. The demented party base wants someone who will recite comforting right-wing fairy tales like Perry and Bachmann, not a grown-up who will make them face reality. This is not the year for facing facts in the Republican Party — that’ll come after November 6, 2012 when the GOP is buried in a landslide, electronic voting machines permitting.

© 2011 RS Janes.

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