BartBlog

I used to be addicted to love. But now I’m just addicted to food. How pathetic is that.

But actually, it really does turn out that wheat and dairy really can cause actual addictive symptoms — plus we already know that sugar and sugar substitutes are addictive. If you have any doubts about that one, just try convincing your kids to give up their daily sugar fix. You might have to put them on methadone first!

The other evening I went to hear a prominent nutritionist give a lecture on how to eat healthy and she told us, “Gluten-containing foods such as wheat, barley, rye, spelt and most forms of oats can actually produce an addictive reaction. And dairy products can trigger an addictive response too.” That certainly explains why I’m addicted to pumpkin pie smothered with whipped cream on top.

“Gluten-containing foods are not only addictive but they can also destroy the delicate villi that line our small intestines. The negative effect caused by depleted villi is that nutrients in your food can no longer be absorbed, resulting in dizziness, asthma, depression, fatigue, foggy brain syndrome and even cancer.” Yikes! I gots foggy brain syndrome! I’m doomed.

So yesterday morning I decided to go cold-turkey and stop eating wheat and sugar and dairy. “And how’s that been going for you?” you might ask. Not so good. Aside from suffering from intense withdrawal symptoms such as headaches and hunger DTs, I also soon discovered that, aside from sugar, dairy and gluten, there’s pretty much nothing else that’s exciting to eat. But I’m hanging in there — and desperately trying to convince MediCare to send me to some posh sugar-dairy-gluten re-hab clinic in SoCal. Yeah right.

PS: There has been one small benefit from going cold turkey from SDG — I’ve lost five whole pounds in just the last week.

PPS: Americans such as myself also seem to be addicted to television too. Well, here’s a word of advice for those of us with a channel-surfing addiction: Don’t believe everything you see on TV.

For instance, don’t ever believe that war is a good thing.

And also stop believing that Occupy Wall Street is just a passing phase filled with crazies, or that anything that’s good for the rich who now own our country is also good for the rest of us too — because America’s current addiction to the One Percent’s attitude of “Let them eat cake” is clearly one hecka dangerous gluten addiction.