December 14, 2011

Addicted again: Going cold-turkey from dairy, sugar, wheat & Wall Street

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — Jane Stillwater @ 8:54 pm

I used to be addicted to love. But now I’m just addicted to food. How pathetic is that.

But actually, it really does turn out that wheat and dairy really can cause actual addictive symptoms — plus we already know that sugar and sugar substitutes are addictive. If you have any doubts about that one, just try convincing your kids to give up their daily sugar fix. You might have to put them on methadone first!

The other evening I went to hear a prominent nutritionist give a lecture on how to eat healthy and she told us, “Gluten-containing foods such as wheat, barley, rye, spelt and most forms of oats can actually produce an addictive reaction. And dairy products can trigger an addictive response too.” That certainly explains why I’m addicted to pumpkin pie smothered with whipped cream on top.

“Gluten-containing foods are not only addictive but they can also destroy the delicate villi that line our small intestines. The negative effect caused by depleted villi is that nutrients in your food can no longer be absorbed, resulting in dizziness, asthma, depression, fatigue, foggy brain syndrome and even cancer.” Yikes! I gots foggy brain syndrome! I’m doomed.

So yesterday morning I decided to go cold-turkey and stop eating wheat and sugar and dairy. “And how’s that been going for you?” you might ask. Not so good. Aside from suffering from intense withdrawal symptoms such as headaches and hunger DTs, I also soon discovered that, aside from sugar, dairy and gluten, there’s pretty much nothing else that’s exciting to eat. But I’m hanging in there — and desperately trying to convince MediCare to send me to some posh sugar-dairy-gluten re-hab clinic in SoCal. Yeah right.

PS: There has been one small benefit from going cold turkey from SDG — I’ve lost five whole pounds in just the last week.

PPS: Americans such as myself also seem to be addicted to television too. Well, here’s a word of advice for those of us with a channel-surfing addiction: Don’t believe everything you see on TV.

For instance, don’t ever believe that war is a good thing.

And also stop believing that Occupy Wall Street is just a passing phase filled with crazies, or that anything that’s good for the rich who now own our country is also good for the rest of us too — because America’s current addiction to the One Percent’s attitude of “Let them eat cake” is clearly one hecka dangerous gluten addiction.


June 20, 2010

Didn’t Jean Valjean know about dumpster diving?

Filed under: Guest Comment — Tags: , , , — Bob Patterson @ 4:35 pm

Connoisseurs of symbolism were delighted to see that Rush Limbaugh’s suggestion that hungry kids should resort to dumpster diving came at the same time as when progressive websites were struggling with fund raising efforts. Starving for food or money? Rush will laugh at either predicament and urge his listeners to chortle along with him.

On the one hand millionaires make sure that their puppet spokesman has a lavish lifestyle in return for convincing the voters that more tax cuts for the rich are the humane thing to do, while on the other hand, people who want the public to be informed about home foreclosures, reduced social services, and oil spills are foraging for funds to sustain their efforts to suggest that maybe corporations (since they are now considered “persons”) should pay taxes just like their workers do.

(Has the Billionaires for Bush organization changed their name to Billionaires for Obama, yet? A bit of fact checking reveals that their website has not been updated since the 2008 Presidential election was held.)

Would it be overdoing sarcasm to call the hawkish corpulent conservative Christian spokesman by the code name used to designate one of the atomic bombs dropped on Japan?

The fact that what the fat man said was the antithesis of what Christ taught but that Rush’s holds a great appeal for Christians might baffle some folks attempting to analyze Limbaugh’s popularity. It’s as if dittowers and the dittowettes were enthusiastic members of the Unquestioning Dimwits’ Club.

When this columnist was in parochial grade school, one of the nuns told about a group of people who would torment the Christians being led to the Coliseum. According to her, there were some of the tormentors who got so involved in the vitriol that they didn’t notice that the Roman soldiers had let the harassers enter the “green room” with the condemned. The soldiers considered that a bit of rowdy and raucous humor. The folks, who were the targets for the joke, apparently didn’t leave posterity any reaction quotes.

If any tea bagger has a home that goes into foreclosure, they might get an inkling of how the duped Roman hecklers felt.

Anyone who joins in Rush’s ridicule of the hungry should keep the anecdote about duped Romans in mind because if they ever fall on hard times, they would be well advised to not expect any sympathy or help from the Excellence in Broadcasting staff and management.

In the book “Seven Pillars of Wisdom,” T. E. Lawrence notes that in a desert caravan, if someone falls behind the pack or got lost, the leader won’t stop or turn around or make any attempt to find the stray. Same rules apply when you throw your lot in with El Rushbo.

For Rush aren’t yachts like food? If you have to ask “How much is it?;” you can’t afford it!

Has any of America’s most prominent clergy chastised the man, who has just taken the “until death do we part” vow for the forth time, for his attitude which would fall short of the old “whatever you do to the least of my brethren” frame of mind urged by Christ? Of course not! They would no more criticize the patron saint of gluttony than they would give teabaggers the “don’t take your gun to town” advice.

Didn’t Ernest Hemingway say something about the pigeons of Paris sustaining him and his wife during the “starving artist” phase of his writing career?

In the book “Paris-Underground,” an American, Etta Shiber, describes life in Paris before and after the USA entered WWII. Ms. Shiber was given passage back to the United States as part of a prisoner exchange in 1943.

At one point, after Ms. Shiber gets out of prison, she asks her landlord about her dogs. On page 382 (Charles Scribner’s Sons hardback), she is told: “I don’t know if you noticed, Madame. There isn’t a dog in Paris any more. When there isn’t even enough to eat for human beings, what can you do about dogs?”

Mrs. Shiber then asks about the possibility her dogs were used as food and is given a vehement denial. The landlady does add: “I tell you, there are people who ate their dogs.” Wouldn’t that passage send Rush into hysterical laughter?

That opens up a whole new aspect for Uncle Rushbo’s brand of sick humor. Will America’s favorite “news man” soon be reminding the Democrats, after their unemployment checks run out, of the oriental wisdom: “Black dog tastes best!”?

(Would Lenny Bruce be proud of Rush Limbaugh’s efforts to revive and carry on the tradition of “sick humor”?)

Does Rush’s Florida seaside mansion have a vomitorium or would that be too decadent even for him? Will Rush hold a “tar balls arrive” fundraiser at his place for the good Republican candidates who apologize to BP? He will laugh off the arrival at his pad of the oil slick, won’t he? Shouldn’t the oil slick’s arrival make him laugh just as much as Jean Valjean’s prison sentence did?

How long will it be before Uncle Rushbo plays the “pile of little arms” speech from “Apocalypse Now” and adds his own laugh track?

Can a Christian minister preach the principles advocated by the Prince of Peace and still expect to get an invitation to the White House at Christmas time? If they are aware of the folk wisdom: “Ya gotta go along to get along!;” they’ll keep their mouths shut.

Speaking of misguided religious principles, this writer expects to do a column about the new book “God and His Demons” and a public appearance in Berkeley later this week by the author of that book.

Somewhere this columnist ran across a quote wherein a rich lady was reminded of the plight of the hungry to which she replied: “Well, why don’t they ring the bell?” She was referring to the servant’s bell which would summon a butler who would be assigned the task of fetching a meal from the kitchen. It’s that easy for the rich. We couldn’t find the source of that quote online. Shouldn’t that quote and the source be available on Jon Winokur’s twitter page?

A boy who is rumored to be the grandson of Eisenhower’s ambassador to India and who, according to unsubstantiated internet scuttlebutt, got his first gig as a disk jockey soon after his family bought a radio station, would just naturally assume that a well stocked refrigerator is as ubiquitous in American homes as is indoor plumbing. Such a lad might sound a bit disingenuous if he touted the philosophy of self reliance. Roger that, dittoheads?

We’ll use an ending quote that has an easier to identify source. In “Oliver Twist,” Charles Dickens wrote the line: “Please, sir, I want some more.” Will Uncle Rushbo add T-shirts with that quote to the page on his website that offers online huckstering? Did he or did he not realize that his line about dumpster diving would inevitably lead to comparisons to the “beat ‘em and starve ‘em” philosophy in “Oliver Twist”?

Now the disk jockey will play “Big Rock Candy Mountain,” Roger Miller’s “Dang Me,” and “Delicious” done by Jim Backus and friend. We gotta go work off a few excess calories. Have an “all you can eat” type week and, if you can, donate some money to web sites that are trying to refute the millionaire misanthrope. Maybe the next time it’s your turn to buy a round of drinks at the country club, you can get a laugh by telling your buddies what you did with the money in lieu of taking your turn.

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