August 19, 2013

Madam Jane predicts: Don’t buy any more cars

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , — Jane Stillwater @ 11:19 am

What ever happened to America’s old economic self-reliance? And when, exactly, did my country stop being a democracy? And exactly what can just one single solitary American like me do to save America from corporate plunder? I know! I’ll ask Madam Jane!

So I contacted my favorite fortune teller on her hot new Facebook page.

“I keep hearing all this nasty stuff about what is going on in America today — and it scares me,” I told her. “At this point in time, America is practically a NSA police state, our military has millions of uber-weapons trained on every country in the world including our own, corporate greed rules the day, and government-subsidized oil companies and coal companies and nuclear waste companies will have totally shut down the planet within 50 years.”

“That sounds about right,” replied hash-tag-M-J. “This planet’s 50-year warranty is just about up. You’ve pretty much nailed it.”

“But despite all this,” I continued to whine, “you never, never hear anyone in a real position of power even hint or suggest that a disaster like this might be happening — or that any intelligent solutions to our problems could possibly be found. All these jokers seem to come up with during these last crucial days are plans to eliminate abortions, stand their ground, buy more guns, kill more people, pollute more air and hand over even more perqs to large corporations. That’s just stupid. So what can we do that is smart?”

“Don’t buy any more cars.” Huh? That’s it? That’s all you got?

“If people stopped buying cars, then I wouldn’t have to sit through all those TV car commercials. Just sayin’.”

“Are you trying to tell me,” I said, “that the world’s future will be safe if only I can keep away from automobile showrooms? And if I never buy a new car again, that will that save the planet?”

“Pretty much.”

I just shook my head. But then I thought, hey, why not? Doesn’t sound any more crazier than giving international corporations huge tax breaks that American small businesses can only dream of — or privatizing prisons into slave-labor sweatshops or making it a whole lot harder for us average Americans to vote (or have our votes counted).

Okay. No more car-buying for me.

“And when you — and seven billion single solitary other ordinary folks just like you — finally wake up and demand a stop to the Earth’s destruction, then corporations will be forced to follow,” said Madam Jane sagely.

“But do you predict that they will?”

“Of course they won’t,” might be one prediction that M.J. could give — or else, “Damn straight they will! People aren’t stupid,” might be the other. But which will it be? The lady or the tiger?

PS: My daughter Ashley the baker just invented a buttermilk pancake/bacon cupcake with maple syrup frosting. She calls it “The Breakfast Club”. Don’t even need Madam Jane to predict that it will be a great success

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