January 18, 2009
January 17, 2009
January 16, 2009
January 15, 2009
January 14, 2009
The Tattlesnake – Anti-Mythmaking and Other Conundrums Edition
“Obviously, some of my rhetoric has been a mistake.”
– George W. Bush in what, we hope, is his final press conference.
SOME???
A Few Popular Media Myths Quickly Dispelled:
– There is not, and never has been, any such thing as ‘global free trade.’
– That we have, or have ever had, a ‘free market’ economy. (Another quaint media fiction that has never existed in reality.)
– There is not, and never has been, any such thing as a corporation that ‘cares.’ Corporations care about you to the extent that it facilitates freeing you from your money to buy their product or service; that is their only purpose in ‘caring’ about the customer at all. All else is marketing and public relations.
Laughable Bulls*it: Bush now admits the ‘Mission Accomplished’ banner was a mistake. Hmmm, was that the ‘Mission Accomplished’ banner prepared by the White House, or the one the Rove PR machine claimed was painted by the happy sailors aboard the carrier USS Abraham Lincoln that had nothing to do with the Bush Gang?
Ponderable: ‘In God We Trust’ is an interesting motto to stick on money. Think about it – if you really trusted God, you wouldn’t need money.
To All of the Geniuses on the Left Excoriating Obama: Word up, friends. It’s said Obama is a good poker player and a good poker player doesn’t show his cards until he’s ready. Next time you think to trash him before he’s even officially president, think for a moment: The guy is one of the smartest presidents we’ve ever had, and he put together an organization to get this far, against the odds; maybe he actually knows what he’s doing.
Not a Cheeseburger in Paradise: Burger King is currently featuring something called the ‘Angry Whopper’ spiced up with slices of jalapenos and pepper cheese to burn your tongue. Geez — fast food with emotions? What’s next, the ‘Big Mad Mac’ with bone splinters, White Castle’s ‘Snarly Slider’ with fingernail clippings, or Wendy’s ‘Ass-Kickin’ Mean Stack’ with pieces of real teeth? “Gimme one a them damn nasty burgers and make it snappy, jerk! Grrrrrrrr.”
January 13, 2009
January 12, 2009
January 10, 2009
January 9, 2009
Warning for Americans!
Warning!
This warning isn’t a political message for Americans.
Since Australians drive on the left hand side of the
road, Americans are in danger. They are used to
looking left and stepping into the street.
In Australia, they could be blindsided by traffic
coming from the right, so this warning for American
pedestrians is painted at many intersections in Sydney.
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The Tattlesnake – Presidential Meeting at the White House Edition
On January 7, 2009, the four living US presidents and President-Elect Barack Obama met for lunch at the White House. Details of their private conversation have been kept from the media but, thanks to a Tattler fly on the wall, the details can now be revealed.
Scene: George W. Bush (JUNIOR), his father George H.W. Bush (POPPY), Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama in the Oval Office.
JUNIOR: “Let’s all take a load off an’ get this here thing started.”
[Everyone sits down.]
OBAMA: “First, I’d like to ask you all for your opinions on the crisis in the Gaza –”
JUNIOR: “Whoa, doggies, there, pard’ner. I’m still the president here so I get to do the decidin’ of whut goes first where.”
OBAMA: “Of course, Mr. President. What topic would you like to address first?”
JUNIOR: “Uh, I dunno – hey, since muh Daddy’s here, why don’t we talk about pussy?”
POPPY: “Arrrhhhh, har, har, har, har, arrrhhhh, uuuhhhh.”
OBAMA: “Pussy?”
CARTER: “Oh, my God.”
CLINTON: “Sweet Jesus on a pogo stick.”
JUNIOR: “Yeah, ah think thass a real good topic for conversatin’ over. Hey, Bill, show us whut happened with that Lew-in-sky girl in here.”
POPPY: “Arrrhhhh, har, har, har, har, arrrhhhh, uuuhhhh.”
CLINTON: “George, you know I’m not gonna talk about that.”
OBAMA: “Excuse me, Mr. President, but I asked for this meeting to get your perspectives on some of the pressing issues of our time.”
JUNIOR: “Take th’ stick outta yore butt, Bar-rack! Presidentin’ is easy – all you do is sign yore name where they tell yuh tuh sign it, say whut they tell ya’ tuh say, and pose pretty for th’ pictures. Oh, yeah, an’ yuh gotta main-tain the dignity of the office. Ain’t that right, Daddy?”
POPPY: “Arrrhhhh, har, har, har, har, arrrhhhh, uuuhhhh.”
CLINTON: “That’s what’s known as the ‘Bush Doctrine,’ I believe.”
JUNIOR: “I sleep like a baby ever night ’cause I don’t let things get tuh me by thinkin’ about ‘em too much. Thass the key to successful presidentin’!”
CLINTON: “We aren’t going to accomplish much here. We’ll talk later in private, Barack.”
OBAMA: “I think you’re right, Bill.”
CARTER: “Let’s pose for the photo-op and get the hell out of here.”
OBAMA: “Can we have the photographers in now?”
JUNIOR: “Yuh mean we ain’t gonna talk about pussy?”
POPPY: “Arrrhhhh, har, har, har, har, arrrhhhh, uuuhhhh.”
(Photographers enter; the end.)