January 10, 2009

The Tattlesnake – Presidential Meeting at the White House Edition

On January 7, 2009, the four living US presidents and President-Elect Barack Obama met for lunch at the White House. Details of their private conversation have been kept from the media but, thanks to a Tattler fly on the wall, the details can now be revealed.

Scene: George W. Bush (JUNIOR), his father George H.W. Bush (POPPY), Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama in the Oval Office.

JUNIOR: “Let’s all take a load off an’ get this here thing started.”

[Everyone sits down.]

OBAMA: “First, I’d like to ask you all for your opinions on the crisis in the Gaza –”

JUNIOR: “Whoa, doggies, there, pard’ner. I’m still the president here so I get to do the decidin’ of whut goes first where.”

OBAMA: “Of course, Mr. President. What topic would you like to address first?”

JUNIOR: “Uh, I dunno – hey, since muh Daddy’s here, why don’t we talk about pussy?”

POPPY: “Arrrhhhh, har, har, har, har, arrrhhhh, uuuhhhh.”

OBAMA: “Pussy?”

CARTER: “Oh, my God.”

CLINTON: “Sweet Jesus on a pogo stick.”

JUNIOR: “Yeah, ah think thass a real good topic for conversatin’ over. Hey, Bill, show us whut happened with that Lew-in-sky girl in here.”

POPPY: “Arrrhhhh, har, har, har, har, arrrhhhh, uuuhhhh.”

CLINTON: “George, you know I’m not gonna talk about that.”

OBAMA: “Excuse me, Mr. President, but I asked for this meeting to get your perspectives on some of the pressing issues of our time.”

JUNIOR: “Take th’ stick outta yore butt, Bar-rack! Presidentin’ is easy – all you do is sign yore name where they tell yuh tuh sign it, say whut they tell ya’ tuh say, and pose pretty for th’ pictures. Oh, yeah, an’ yuh gotta main-tain the dignity of the office. Ain’t that right, Daddy?”

POPPY: “Arrrhhhh, har, har, har, har, arrrhhhh, uuuhhhh.”

CLINTON: “That’s what’s known as the ‘Bush Doctrine,’ I believe.”

JUNIOR: “I sleep like a baby ever night ’cause I don’t let things get tuh me by thinkin’ about ‘em too much. Thass the key to successful presidentin’!”

CLINTON: “We aren’t going to accomplish much here. We’ll talk later in private, Barack.”

OBAMA: “I think you’re right, Bill.”

CARTER: “Let’s pose for the photo-op and get the hell out of here.”

OBAMA: “Can we have the photographers in now?”

JUNIOR: “Yuh mean we ain’t gonna talk about pussy?”

POPPY: “Arrrhhhh, har, har, har, har, arrrhhhh, uuuhhhh.”

(Photographers enter; the end.)

November 13, 2008

The Tattlesnake – Obama Meets Junior in the White House Edition

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion — Tags: , , , , , , , — RS Janes @ 8:02 pm

Obama meets with Bush at White House
– MSNBC headline.

That was the headline last Monday, but few details of their private conversation in the Oval Office have leaked out, leaving a vacuum for the Tattlehead to fill with imaginary dialogue.

JUNIOR: “Well, now that we got that photo-op thingy done with, let’s have ourselves a sit down.”

OBAMA: “Good idea, Mr. President. I’d like to discuss the economy…”

JUNIOR: “Whoa! Let me straighten yuh out on two things here right fast: First of all, since you’re gonna be a president, too, it’s okay, you can call me ‘Dubya’ and I’ll call yuh, uhhh… ‘O-Man,’ okay?”

OBAMA: “Uh, sure, that’s fine…Dubya.”

JUNIOR: “Good. Now the second part there about the economy – see, I’m the decider, but I’m not the policymakin’ guy. You gotta talk to Baldy – I mean Treasury Secretary Paulson – or maybe that Ben Bohunk guy over at the Fed about the economic policy and whatnot. I just make the decisions around here.”

OBAMA: “Uh huh, I see, domestic issues aren’t your forte. Well, then, let’s talk about the situation in the Middle East.”

JUNIOR: “Heh, heh, negatory there, O-Man. Now that would be Old Sourpuss’s – I mean Vice President Cheney’s – department or one of the boys over to his office. See, when you’re president they just bring you stuff to sign and you ask ‘em, ‘Is this a good idea?’ and they tell you ‘Yup’ and then you sign it. Believe me, you’ll sleep easy that way, knowin’ you didn’t come up with no failin’ policy like that Iraq disaster – Cheney really screwed the pooch on that one, heh, heh. See, all a this crap’s complicated as hell an’ if you get bogged down in every detail, you won’t have time for nothin’ else.”

OBAMA: “I see. And that would probably apply to every other domestic or foreign policy question I might have as well, right?”

JUNIOR: “Bingo! Ask muh secretary an’ she’ll set yuh up with all the right folks to see if yuh wanta talk about all that borin’ stuff!”

OBAMA: “Well, Dubya, let’s talk about something else — what would you like to talk about?”

JUNIOR: “Well, I just got myself a new video golf game and Laura bought me this here fancy new Risk game. Heh, heh, lookit them little plastic soldiers and airplanes! You play Risk, O-Man?”

OBAMA: “Yes. In college.”

JUNIOR: “Sure is good preparation for the presidency, huh? You wanna play a game?”

OBAMA: “Don’t you think it might look a little unseemly – the president and the president-elect playing Risk in the Oval Office in a time of national economic crisis?”

JUNIOR: “What the hell do I care how it looks – I’m outta here in two months!”

OBAMA: “But, uh, there are only the two of us. How can you play two-man Risk?”

JUNIOR: “Ah, hell, most of the time I play with myself.”

OBAMA: “You mean you play Risk by yourself?”


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