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December 29, 2009

GOP Freaks of 2009

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion,Toon — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , — RS Janes @ 7:13 am

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December 24, 2009

Texas ‘Bizarre Claims’ Couple Deported

‘Bizarre Claims’ Couple Deported

By Walt N. Ponde
The Corpus Christi Sun-Journal
December 24, 2009

SPECIAL TO THE SUN-JOURNAL — The strange tale of illegal immigrants Jose and Maria Natividad has finally come to an end after a federal judge yesterday ordered the couple deported to Mexico.

They were arrested on the streets of Corpus Christi last Tuesday while seeking a place they could stay for free. Because they had no money and were unemployed, police initially charged them with vagrancy and loitering until a Spanish translator – the Natividads speak no English – discovered they were illegally in this country. The case was then turned over to U.S. immigration authorities.

INS agents told federal prosecutors that due to their age difference – Jose is 60 and Maria is 15 – they wanted Jose charged with statutory rape and transporting a minor across national borders for immoral purposes, but federal immigration Judge Ben Dayeau found that their marriage was legal under Mexican law, and ordered the deportation without additional charges filed. The local vagrancy and loitering charges were also dropped.

But that was after Texas Department of Family and Protective Services (DFPS) investigators uncovered what Judge Dayeau called, “the most bizarre claims that have ever been heard in my courtroom.”

Nine-months pregnant Maria Natividad told DFPS social workers that she had never consummated the marriage with her husband, that she was a virgin, and that her pregnancy was the result of divine intervention. As the DFPS report put it, “Mrs. Natividad claims she was impregnated by God and that her unborn son is the Messiah or second coming of Jesus Christ as promised in the New Testament of the Bible.” Interviewed separately, Jose Natividad concurred with his wife’s story.

DFPS spokesman Rod N. Staph told the Sun-Journal that under ordinary circumstances it would have ordered a complete physiological and psychological examination of Mrs. Natividad, but that recent state immigration restrictions prevented that. “She’d be in a hospital right now,” Staph said, “except a new state law prohibits hospitals from treating undocumented immigrants.” Instead, DFPS recommended the couple be deported as quickly as possible.

In Austin, Gov. Rick Perry reacted to the judge’s ruling, telling reporters, “The people of Texas don’t want to pay for another illegal Mexican mother to have her baby here, no matter what kind of crazy tale this woman is telling. If born here, their child will then be an American citizen, and it will make it more likely this couple, who have no useful skills, no money and can’t speak our language, will stay here and We the People will have to pay for them. The tough new immigration laws I signed protect Texas and America from these illegal bloodsucking deadbeats and their welfare babies.”

Texas religious leaders contacted for comment all agreed that Mrs. Natividad’s assertions were improbable at best, with Good Samaritan Baptist Church of Dallas pastor Ballman Gilead summing up their feelings: “This is, frankly, nuts. We know the second coming will happen in the Middle East and it won’t be a child of poor Mexican parents, you can be sure. This Natividad couple are just using this wild story to try and get a free ride from the U.S. taxpayer.”

Mindy Putts, a translator for DFPS, said that as she was helping the Natividads on an INS bus bound for Mexico early Thursday morning, Mrs. Natividad turned to her and said in Spanish, “I would ask God to curse this state of Texas for its lack of Christian decency and hospitality, but I see that He has anticipated my request.”

On her Facebook page, former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin responded to the Natividad controversy by writing, “Controlling our borders is controlling our great American national destiny, and nothing is too important for that goal.”

© 2009 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

December 20, 2009

Lieberman the Great Compromiser

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion — Tags: , , , , , — RS Janes @ 1:58 pm

U.S. Sen. Lieberman Says He Would Have Compromised on Slavery

Cites economic costs of American Civil War

By Woody Nichols
Staff Writer
The London Daily Advocate
December 19, 2009

In an interview with the Hartford Courant newspaper to be published Monday, Sen. Joseph I. Lieberman, the controversial independent from Connecticut who has been criticized by some Americans for delaying health care reform in that country, said that if he had been a member of the U.S. Congress during the era before the American Civil War, he would have voted to compromise with the southern states rather than risk conflict over the issue of slavery.

After stressing his “long record of accomplishment” on civil rights legislation, Sen. Lieberman said, “I know this may be an unpopular opinion, but I believe that the Civil War had a terrible impact on the economy of that time, increasing the national debt and unfairly imposing the government on our profitable textile businesses, and so it was not morally justifiable on that basis. I would have sought a compromise rather than subject our nation to that war.”

The 2000 Democratic Party vice presidential candidate added, “But I would have imposed some regulations on the slaveholders, such as insuring that the slaves were fed and clothed adequately by local standards and that slave families were kept intact when possible. I would have also guaranteed each working slave a half-hour daily lunch break.”

Sen. Lieberman concluded the interview by saying that he thought slavery would have passed away eventually “by natural processes,” although he admitted it might have taken another 50 or 60 years. “But look at the money that would have been saved if there had not been a Civil War,” he summarized.

Asked about U.S. health care reform, Sen. Lieberman offered, “I don’t believe our economy can afford health care for everyone right now without unfairly impacting our profitable insurance companies in a negative way, but someday I’m sure we’ll have a better system, perhaps by 2060 or 2070.”

© 2009 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

December 19, 2009

The Tattlesnake – The Political Good, Bad and Ugly Edition

Good: Your husband has decided to get more involved in
local politics.
Bad: He’s running for congress as a conservative Republican.
Ugly: He’s Karl Rove.

Good: Your wife just got a great-paying job.
Bad: She’s on Fox News.
Ugly: After fifteen years of marriage, you never knew she was a wingnut.

Good: Your 22-year-old daughter just announced she’s marrying the man of her dreams.
Bad: He’s old enough to be her grandfather.
Ugly: He’s Mitch McConnell.

Good: Your 21-year-old son’s new book is about to be published.
Bad: It’s a biography of George W. Bush.
Ugly: He’s started talking like him.

Good: Your wife buys a new hat for her birthday.
Bad: It has teabags hanging off the brim.
Ugly: They’ve all been used.

Good: The recently discovered Bush emails prove conclusively that Bush, Cheney, Rove, et al, committed high crimes while in office.
Bad: Holder’s Justice Department refuses to prosecute them.
Ugly: Obama excuses them by saying, “Anyone could make a mistake.”

Good: You laugh at an Andy Borowitz satire about Glenn Beck ‘editing’ and releasing an ‘abridged’ version of “1984″ wherein Big Brother’s name is replaced by Obama’s.
Bad: Turns out it’s not an Andy Borowitz satire.
Ugly: The MSM quote from the book as if it were George Orwell’s original version.

Good: Your daughter just got a new job.
Bad: She’s working for Bill O’Reilly.
Ugly: She just bought a case of loofahs.

Good: Your son just got a new job.
Bad: He’s working for FreedomWorks.
Ugly: He’s Dick Armey’s ‘butt boy.’

Good: You just got a tenured job at a university.
Bad: You’re teaching ‘Creation Science.’
Ugly: At Messiah College.

Good: The ideas of Tom Paine are being discussed on TV.
Bad: By Glenn Beck on Fox News.
Ugly: Beck has made liberal agnostic Paine into a far-right Christian fanatic just like himself.

Good: Your son has been signed to star in a major motion picture.
Bad: It’s “The Life of Rush Limbaugh.”
Ugly: He was hired due to his strong resemblance to the subject.

Good: You’ve accepted a $50,000 speaking gig.
Bad: At the next CPAC convention.
Ugly: Your topic is “The Incredible Genius of Sarah Palin.”

Good: You’re not feeling well and your friend says he will find you a good doctor.
Bad: You’re flat broke.
Ugly: Your friend is Joe Lieberman.

© 2009 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

December 13, 2009

Astroturfers Fight Creeping Socialism

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December 10, 2009

Palin’s Rejected Paperback Cover?

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion,Toon — Tags: , , , , , , — RS Janes @ 6:19 am

cartoon-palin-paperback

December 8, 2009

The Raucous Baucus Caucus

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November 30, 2009

The Tattlesnake – The Tiger Woods Rumor Theater Edition

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion — Tags: , , , , , , , — RS Janes @ 6:04 pm

“The Tiger’s Fuzzy Tale”

A short one-act play featuring Tiger Woods and his wife Elin Woods.

ELIN WOODS: “So you’re telling me you haven’t talked to that woman in six months!”

TIGER WOODS: “Absolutely, babe, I broke it off completely.”

EW: “You filthy liar! I checked your cell phone and there are three calls to her just today!”

TW: “Ulp!” [Audible gulp] “Look, I’m getting out of here until you’re more rational. I can’t talk to you when you’re crazy like this.”

[Tiger exits room with EW in pursuit. As she leaves, EW grabs a golf club from a bag by the door.]

EW: [Enraged] “Don’t you walk out on me, you lousy bastard!”

TW: “What are you doing with that club?! [EW swings and hits TW's arm with the club.] “OWWWW! What the hell are you doing?!”

EW: “You’re not running out on me, you little creep!”

TW: [Getting into his black Escalade and starting it up] “I’m not running out on you – I’m just going out for a drive until you calm down. Oh, Jesus, my arm is numb – how do you expect me to play golf with a numb arm?!”

[TW quickly drives off. As a parting shot, EW hits the back window of the Escalade with the golf club, shattering the window.]

TW: [Yelling out the driver's side window] “You crazy bitch! Take a chill pill!”

[Moments later there is the sound of a car crashing at the end of the drive. EW runs to where the Escalade has hit a tree.]

EW: “Ha, ha – serves you right you steaming pile of crap!” [Mood changes to concern] “Wait, are you hurt, Tiger?”

TW: “My arm isn’t right where you HIT IT with the GODDAMN GOLF CLUB, but I’m okay otherwise, just a couple of scratches. Shit, just look at my friggin’ car!”

EW: “You’d better go to the hospital. I’ll call 911.”

TW: “Wait, wait! Don’t call yet. You realize if it comes out what we were fighting about you can kiss $20 million in endorsement deals good-bye. We need a good story to tell the cops first.”

EW: [Skeptical] “Yeah, sure, what kind of story could cover your arm and the shattered back window? I want to hear this.”

(more…)

November 15, 2009

Stupak’s Future Dilemma?

cartoon-stupaks-dilemma

November 12, 2009

The Legion of GOP Super Morons

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November 11, 2009

Frank Luntz — The Early Years

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion,Toon — Tags: , , , , , , , , — RS Janes @ 12:46 pm

cartoon-luntz-early-years

November 9, 2009

Republicans Plan Future

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November 4, 2009

KBR Employees Monthly Magazine

Filed under: Commentary,Opinion,Toon — Tags: , , , , , , , — RS Janes @ 12:45 pm

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October 28, 2009

New GOP Rebranding Ad

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October 26, 2009

The GOP on the Skids

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October 25, 2009

The Christopublican Science Agenda: Ignorance is Bliss

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